“We can trust God’s plans as we realize that His story is being written into ours. His power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses – our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.” – Chapter 4
Chapter 4 takes a lot of courage. And I’m so proud of you for being here and not giving up, for wanting all He has for you. I know your Heavenly Father is so proud of you too, for your pursuit and your willingness to walk with Him one step at a time. Remember Christ died to forgive our sins but also to heal our souls so that we can live in Him – with HOPE again!
Don’t give up friend, no matter what! Stay close to Jesus. Stay connected here. We’re in this together. HE is so worthy!! And you? You are so worth it!!
Here’s this week’s messages. Please don’t miss it. I want to be able to share with you face to face this. You were on my mind and in my prayers when I filmed this teaching several weeks ago. Please click the arrow below to watch.
Message Notes: You can download video “Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here. I encourage you to watch it once and just let God speak to your heart. Then if you want to, watch it a second time and follow along with the message notes which include parts of the message, verses and blanks to fill in. 🙂
I know the timelines I encourage you to do are scary for many. I really do understand. And it takes time. I wish I had shared that more clearly in the book. Today I’m praying for God to give you courage and perseverance to press through any fear that would keep you from starting it. Fear is Satan’s way of keeping us from the freedom God wants in our lives. You don’t have to do a timeline if you don’t want to or if God doesn’t lead you to. The reason I encourage one is because it’s valuable for us to identify memories and emotions caused in the past that play a role in how you see ourselves and others, and how we handle life and relationships today.
In her comments under this post, May shared how she’s been taking it a little at a time and how answering the questions at the end of the chapter has helped her start her timeline.
Connecting in Community: Let’s share with each other what God showed you through our video message? Also, if you feel comfortable, please share some of your answers to questions at end of Chapter 4.
Click “share your thoughts” right below this post and do just that. I’ll be here reading and praying and commenting as time allows. Let’s take a minute today to pray for or encourage someone else as time allows. This chapter is one where it sure is good to know we have friends here to pray and walk beside us, isn’t it? LOVE you guys!!!
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I am here praying for you all. I hope to get the book soon…just been a tight couple of months. But the tax refund is o other the way! I am so blessed by the devotions and sharing…y’all are amazing. I will hope to be playing catchup soon! God bless you all.
What a timely blessing this study has been for me. Before beginning this study, I had already been on a journey of looking at my own timeline with the help of a counselor. I’m still going through the proc ess of dealing with the hurts of the past and seeing where I’ve brought them into my present. Renee, I’m in such a similar place currently with my husband and I’m praying daily that I will stop bringing my past into our marriage and let God heal that past so I can see what He’s doing for my future. For the last few months, I was beginning to wonder if it was all worth it because so many things in our relationship have not been right. I’ve been basically a single mom for the last four years and I’ve been wondering how much longer I can do life like this. With this study and the help of a counselor, I’m working through a huge process of dealing with my past and learning to let go of that, give it to God and allow Him to heal that hurt so that I can move on to the future He has prepared for me. I highlighted many things in this chapter this week. So many things really hit home with me. The last one I have is “God’s love is not only perfect and unfailing, it redeems and restores. His truth cuts to the core of our struggles, bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past, and hope for our future!” What an amazing God we serve. I’ve struggled with bringing Him my pain because I felt selfish and ungrateful for all the other things in my life that are such blessings. I didn’t want to be complaining about my problems when I do recognize so much He has blessed me with. But I see that He WANTS me to talk to Him in this way and by doing this, it allows me to be the one to let go of what’s bothering me and give it to Him to handle. What a difficult time I have had facing some of the truths about my past and how I’ve brought it into my present. The process has been so hard and yet so freeing at the same time. I finally had a small glimpse of hope in my marriage relationship that maybe things could actually be better. It will still be a process of changing how we relate to each other because we have been in the same cycle for 21 years. So, the changes are difficult, but I’m trusting God to redefine my future in this marriage, not through the filter of the past and pain, but through the power of His life-changing promises.
Praying for you and your family Renee, as you face what seems like the devil attacking your family in sickness and injury. Thank you so much for your encouraging video this week. I came across this study on facebook and it signed up for it and I feel it was God leading me to a study for just what I am currently going through. I relate to your story as well as so many others I have read on this blog. I pray for each and everyone doing this study that God will open our hearts to His healing so we can have the future He wants for us. God bless you all as you walk your journey with God and with all of us here.
Hello Renee,
God bless you for the great work you are doing. As I listen to the video, I could relate to it although it was outling my husband, he too, was involved in a broken home at an early age. I thank you for sharing. I will take this and process it and seek the face of my Father and lean on Him for the strength as the Holy Spirit moves in my husband to heal all brokeness. I will pray for strength to wait as the Holy Spirit do what I can not. Thank you much. God’s blessing!
Hi Renee and ladies,
Wow, this chapter is powerful. The video message brings the message of hope to life by being transparent and honest. Aster is prescious! I have not started my time line. I have so much to process. I am afraid that if I get into my childhood and then move through my series of bad choices I will get behind on the study. I will need an entire day alone with God to work through my past unmet expectations, hurts, and my unforgiveness. I have stuffed all the emotions that go along with hurt and disappointment down and tried to ignore them, but they leak into my life. I will claim God’s promises of hope and work through the timeline a little at a time so I can continue this study.
I so know what you mean Valerie and am praying for you and all of the women who are here. It is difficult to process childhoods, and being that I don’t remember much about mine I tend to focus on the things I did because of the rejection and feelings of being unloved. I also tried to make everything nice which is what I have done most of my adult life. Fix others, God’s job, but try and I don’t have to address myself. That was how I lived. I searched for love in all the wrong places and faces, my regrets are many, but I know now that Jesus was with me through it all, and by His grace I am forgiven and being made whole. He is healing my heart, not always in ways we would like, but He is with me…Thank you ladies for being with me also in Spirit!
My pain is in the past as well as on going……24 years of marriage to a man who is not at all what he claimed to be prior to marriage in terms of basic character. Years of broken promises and ongoing emotional abuse and neglect are taking a toll. Functionally I am a single parent, and work to hard to stay strong for my kids, one in high school and one in college. A friend recently pointed out that in trying to be strong I have spend 2 decades “stuffing” my emotions. I don’t even know how to pour my heart out to God…..when I try I feel like I’m complaining, being selfish, or ungrateful that He gave me salvation, the biggest gift. God is sovereign and He chose this path for me. I know He loves me, but most of the time I feel like an empty shell of a woman.
Kathy,
My heart goes out to you. You are not being selfish at all. God cares for you as a Father and will listen to anything you have to say. He will bring you peace and comfort. I don’t think He chose a path of pain, neglect, or abuse. Seek Him always, He is there for you with open arms. I am praying for you.
Kathy –
You and I are walking in similar shoes. I, too, have been married 24 years…and I wish I could say my husband is my best friend, but at this point I wonder if I really even know him anymore. He has chosen in recent years to fill his life with other pursuits, worship other “gods,” and keep his feelings/emotions hidden. I have felt “ditched” and neglected and at the bottom of his priority list. I have functioned as a single parent for most of my years as a mother because of him either being unavailable or because of his own childhood wounds that cause him to avoid difficult decisions, tasks and responsibilities involved with parenting. I know the only person I can change is me, but sometimes it’s a lonely place. I know your struggle of feeling like you have to “be strong” for everyone around you. Our marriage has had ups and downs for several years, and it almost ended 2 years ago, when my husband said he wanted a divorce and walked out on us for 6 weeks, because he didn’t want to deal with our issues and was tired of the conflict (which he wouldn’t work with me to resolve). I was crushed that he would not fight for me, or for our marriage. Thankfully, God preserved us, and we are back together, and I know my husband regrets things he said and did, but it is more difficult for me to trust and believe his words, since doubt now has a foothold. I am so grateful that my God will never lie to me, mislead me, be unavailable for me, withdraw from me, neglect me, or reject me….I realize that is what I’ve wanted from my husband all these years, and it is something he can never provide. I’m learning to be grateful for my imperfect marriage, because if my husband was all I needed and wanted him to be, I would probably never have gone deeper in my relationship with God and desired him to be my closest companion. It has been good for me to rediscover my sense of “self,” rather than just pouring myself into everyone else and ignoring my own needs and issues. God is giving me compassion for my husband, where once there was only anger and resentment. I know that down deep my husband wants what I want, which is unconditional love and respect, and I need to be patient and let my husband work through his own wounds. It is definitely a process for me get to know Jesus well enough where he becomes my everything, and everyone else and everything else is just an extra “gift.” I do believe that as we’re obedient to our God, faithful to our vows, and finding our worth and identity in Christ, rather than in the things we do, or in being Mrs. XX, that God will work all things together for our good. I can’t make my partner stay, or make him do the right things, but I can pray for him and believe in him, even when I’m disillusioned with him. So, I’m praying for you today, Kathy….and praying that our 25th anniversaries will bring reassurance of God’s unfailing love, and bring new beginnings in our marriages. Here is an article I came across recently that gave me some new perspective on marriage. I hope you (and anyone else out there struggling in your marriage), will find it helpful:
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/27749-you-never-marry-the-right-person
I just want to say thanks to all of you sisters out there, for “being there” and reminding me that we’re not alone in our struggles, and for giving me a safe place to share without compromising my family’s privacy.
Thank you for sharing you are not alone aqny of you I too have struggled in my marriage in much the same ways you all do. So thanks for the encouraging words. I can see at times my husband does try. we have been married for 18 years now, and i know that God is not through working with us so there is still hope. God Bless and prayers are with you.
Kathy & Lisa:
I feel your pain and you are not alone. Two years ago I went to a Divorce Care group at my church which helped me crawl out of the place I was hiding and brought me closer to God. After 18 years of marriage and several different counselors I finally asked my husband to leave. I was tired of his put-downs and our relationship was not healthy for the kids. Through the Divorce group I found forgiveness for my spouse, he still tries to find ways to hurt me. We are not divorced(long story) and he does do things with our son so I see him often. He finds ways to try to “control” me and push my buttons, I have learned to block that out and turn it over to God in prayer.
This study has been great to give us a place to “get it out in the open” and realize we are not alone in our struggles – we have God and each other.
Praying for you Kathy. I am in a similiar position. I have been married for 22 years. Our relationship has been rocky. I also have stuffed many emotions throught my husbands drug addiction, pornography and bankruptcy. God used those things to help me see that I was putting my security and confidence in my husband and not in God. It is still rough. Stuffing my emotions has also led me to depression and now panic attacks. My 19 year old daughter is suffering with social anxiety. She does not have her license or a job. There is no money for counseling and we have no insurance. My husband is getting phone calls all the time from bill collectors. He refuses to tell me how much money he owes. He does not communicate about anything that goes on in our life. Most of the time I feel so alone. Many days I just want to leave. Praying for a miracle!
Hi sweet Renee and beautiful Confident sisters!
I want you to know that time constraints with my job and family have kept me from commenting as often as I’d like but you are prayed for each and every day. I want to offer encouragement to you as you seek strength to dive into the pain of the past. I am now reading ACH for the third time and am just now confidently feeling healing is just around the corner! For many months, I just chose to believe that I could confidently address my own weaknesses…today I am doing that through counseling and I marvel at how God uses Renee’s own story to give me hope.
Keep running toward the goal, sisters. Healing is near. God can use all of you, even your pain and shame for His glory.
Exchanging ashes for beauty,
Lisa
Lisa, thank you for praying for all of us and for sharing your story. Reading the book for the third time shows that you are actively seeking and searching for spiritual answers and God’sdirect healing. I am proud of you 🙂
At our Sabbath women’s study tonight, we talked about our timelines. Some of us were afraid to share ours because our past did not seem as painful as those persons with addiction, divorce, death, etc. We worked hard as a group to validate each person’s experience and accept each person where they are on this journey.
Rebecca: That was great that you made sure to validate everyone’s experience. I know in some groups I have been in the “drama” of some of the stories takes over and others are left out and that is not what God intends to happen.
Thanks for your message Renee. I think the hardest part for me right now is allowing the emotions/memories to come up so God can heal them and set me free. I know they’re there. I can feel that “something” needs to be healed and I want to face it. But it’s just not coming up. Thank you for praying.
Right now, I’m very frustrated. I’m sad, tired of trying…can’t get anything right…so much in me that’s messed up, i don’t know where to start. Can’t find the joy and happiness in my life I once had…emotions are out of whack…trying to hold on with everything I’ve got…everything.
Christina, I don’t know what all you’re going through, but as I read your post I couldn’t help but think of David’s prayer in Psalm 51. Certainly at that time that David wrote that, he may have been feeling many of the things you mentioned. I am praying that God will “create in you a new heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within you….and restore to the joy of your salvation.” Don’t give up! Bring all those frustrations and emotions to God…he wants you to share them with him. In recent years, I have found great comfort in knowing there isn’t any emotion I can experience that Jesus didn’t experience….we can’t shock him or tell him anything that will cause him to turn away. He was God, and without sin, but he was also 100% human and was NOT without emotion. He experienced anger, fear, pain, betrayal, temptation, abandonment, etc. I pray you’ll let him be the one to hold you together. Praying for good rest and good health for you this week, and for God to take care of the rest!
And Renee – praying for protection and healing for you and your family as well. Ever since this study began you’ve faced one difficulty after another, and we know ol’ Satan hates that TRUTH is being spoken through you. I’m so glad to see you’re standing strong and staying positive….many of us would have crumbled with even one of the setbacks you’ve had recently….I admire your steadfastness! I know your strength is found in the Lord, and that shows. Blessings on you this week!
I have to correct my post because it is bugging me! What was I thinking speaking of Jesus in past tense! 🙂 I said Jesus “was” God….but we know Jesus IS God!! Thank you, Jesus, for coming to earth, and walking among us, so you can now identify with everything we will experience in this life.
“I will be found by you….and bring you back from captivity” I love this verse and on page 81 of the book I love your explaination that we can find him again and again…. “The one who can lead us to freedom from the captivity of our doubts and insecurities.” My struggle often comes from myself trying find my own way out of the insecurities and then living with the guilt of being unsuccessful. Praise God he never gives up on us and he is always there waiting to be found so that he can show his love to us. I believe he is leading each of us back to those areas in our lives so that he can reveal himself in a greater way than he ever has to us. Yes the timelines are difficult and I too am afraid to go back and face some things but God is there waiting right along side all those pains and his perfect love can and will erase the pain and he will lead us out of captivity! I would like to share something that I believe the Lord called to my rememberance that I never knew was in my heart. I have a sister who is 5 years younger than me. We are different as night and day. I tend to have angry feelings toward her and I have never really been able to determine why. I love her but there are times that I just do not like her ways. Shortly after my sister was born my parents divorced. This week as I was praying over everything we have read in chapter 4 I felt the Lord take me back to that time and I realized that after 35 years I have harbored resentments toward her and felt as if she was part of the reason my parents divorced…… in reality she was not and I know that but as a child I did not. I have God to forgive me and I praised him for showing me this. I am plannning on going to her and asking for her forgivness. Please pray for God’s perfect timing and more importantly for both of us to be healed. .Oh just typing this has brought such peace to me…Thank you Renee God is definitely doing a marvelous work! I am so thankful for this study and exicted about what the Lord is doing and is going to continue to do. I encourage everyone to ask God to take you by the hand and led you back where he would have you to go….. remember he will lead you out of anything that has held you captive…….. never to face the fear of your past again. I am aksing him….Let’s do this together!
Stacy, I pray your sister will receive your forgiveness and the two of you will be fully reconciled and have the relationship you were meant to have. I thank God for the peace He’s given you in revealing to you the source of your hurt that was the divorce and not your sister.
Stacy, Your story brings a heartfelt prayer for you and your sister. God has healing you already.
Renee,
I am staring the timeline right in the face. What a brilliant idea but it scares the daylights out of me. Even though I feel like I have dealt with the things from my past, I fear what I may have buried just to survive. This will take a lot of prayer and most likely a lot of tears but I am ready and I am willing.
Anna- God will be there waiting on you and he will wipe away those tears as they wash you clean and free! I will be praying for you and I ask that you pray for me! We are going to do this through the grace and the wonderful mercies of our Lord!
A big “thank you” to everyone who has been sharing here. You are all so transparent and caring towards one another, and it has been a blessing to me. Many thanks!
This is my first post but I have been trying to catch up and still a chapter behind. I haven’t read this one yet but I have thought of doing a timeline this past year to make some sense into the past. Many people say don’t think of the past but there are times when we do without asking to, it just is a trigger. In fact, with PTSD, many people have a hard time not thinking of the past when triggers come and that could be daily depending on the situation. I hear about so many marriages should be saved and clinging on to save them but I do think there are those that are not equally yoked and in making a choice to divorce we are making a choice to be free from things we cannot control. Maybe I”m wrong, but one of the things of churches is that divorce is shunned yet we do have knowledge of what to do when people are hurting us. Sometimes we can follow but we can’t make others see the light. And in fact, in my past marriages (2) it would have been a dangerous thing to stay married.
I do believe though that the future will be brighter if equally yoked with a Christian man. My own dad did the best he could but as all of us had issues that caused heartbreak. Forgiving him was the best thing I ever did.
My timeline seems to repeat alot of losses so it is something to be a bit sad but I plan to do it. I don’t want to repeat the past again.
Cling to the truths we are learning and the Lord will lead you to a much brighter tomorrow. I know this is true because I started life in a bad situation and then made many bad choices, but I am beginning to see that life can be so much happier. Praying for you Jennifer!
His love is simply amazing!!! I cannot believe how much this study is helping with my doubt and pain from my past. I look forward to reading the chapters, just to see what He will reveal to me. Renee, thank you for being an amazing tool of His love, your desire to help women is such a gift that He has blessed you with.
I feel like every single word in this book is written just for me. It is amazing. I find myself highlighting paragraohs at a time not just sentences.
I feel the same way Andi!
Renee, thank you for the videos. I havent posted as much lately but I am reading, journaling, answering questions and have been working through my timeline. It’s amazing what God will reveal to you.
Hi friends, let’s pray for each other and just commit to pray for our timelines. Start jotting down a a few things and maybe we can work on this together next week. Not sure how but if I can get rid of this bronchitis I’m open to talking through it and walking through it by sharing mine with you. Just need to see if my new meds start to work. I speak out of town tomorrow night and then have a rest and retreat weekend with some friends – so looking forward to that. 🙂 Praying and loving your hearts for Him and each other. You bless me!!!
I enjoyed the video, I have been processing the pain of my past for some time now, and for all my sisters who are afraid, it is scary, but remember that Jesus is there with you and realizing how He feels about us makes all the difference in the world. It is so joyous to have Him heal you. The joy is amazing. I know i’m not completely there either, I love how Renee said it is a process. I know the Lord is not finished with me yet, but will continue to do the good work in me. Thanks so much Renee. Praying for everyone here to not be afraid to let Jesus heal us all!
Blessings
One of my favorite verses of scripture is Jeremiah 29:11. I’ll admit though that I wanted to shout AMEN when I kept reading to hear “then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity”!!! That deserves an AMEN!
I never fully got this passage until now. I always emphasized verse 11 but there’s really good stuff that follows!
I have to admit that I haven’t done the timeline yet and I’m nervous to do so. It scares me to really process mistakes I’ve made and scars I’ve been left with. I’ve talked to God about them and have confessed them to Him but I still carry alot of guilt and shame.
It’s going to take time but I’m ready to follow God out of the captivity that keeping me from being all that God wants me to be.
Praise God for you Renee….thank you for your courage, your vision and for leading us on this journey.
I understand this too!!! Jer 29:11 has been my life verse for 20 years adn i never thought about the verses after until this past December when i was going through one of the most difficult times of my life. I read on searching for “there has to be more than this” and then claimed that i would be found by god and brought out of captivity. He didn’t bring me where I thought I was going, but He brought me to an even better place, out of captivity from myself!!! Thank you all ladies for being here and I thank God for using you Renee, As always he knew His perfect timing was going to bring me to this study for such a time as this!!!
Amen to Jeremiah 29:11! I am seeing it also…..through this study I am learning I am the one who is responsible for my captivity and when I seek God He is there to set me free. It is when I don’t constantly seek Him the devil tries to intervene. It is really obvious to me now how I need and want God to fill me up completely, every minute of every day….. above anything else in this world.
One quote from chapter 4 that spoke to where I am right now is “When we let Jesus pour His healing power into our lives, His love flows into our pain and cleanses the wounds from our past. As we come to know God and fully rely on His love for us, we stop allowing the past to determine our future.” The video and chapter are what I need to hear. I’ve just recently realized that until I work though the hurt and disappointment of many years, and I will not have peace. It is hard, and sometimes I feel like giving up, but It helps to know that I don’t have to work through it alone, and the image of His love flowing into my pain is keeping me going.
I so know what you are feeling Jennifer! It is so hard, but as we press on, for me, knowing there are the Jennifer’s and the others who feel the same helps me get through it….Thank you my sister…Peggy
I love that idea of pouring into our pain. It is that hurt empty place that waits for healing that is getting filled with Jesus.