This week, I think we’ve all come to realize we’re not the only ones who find it hard to let people know how we’re really doing. As I shared this week in Chapter 2, sometimes I think we tell people we’re fine even when we’re not, because we want to be. Or we hope that by saying we are fine, eventually we will be. Other times we act like we’re fine because others expect us to be. And I love how so many of you admitted you also have days when hormones or grumpy-ness trump all good manners and anyone within ten feet knows you are not fine. In fact, what you really meant in code is that you are Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, and Exhausted! Today, I want to introduce you to my friend, Melanie from Only a Breath. She’s the one who created our really cute Online Study blog button (see my sidebar if you want one)! And, she’s also leading A Confident Heart online study. Today she shares soemthing she wrote on her blog. I love how she challenges us to take off the “I’m Fine” mask and be real with God, each other and especially ourselves about how we’re really doing.
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… She walks the hallway, fighting back tears that threaten to well up again. It’s been a long night, filled with betrayal and disappointment. Her future is uncertain. Back at the office, she tries to maintain normalcy. When eyes met, she is faced with another routine, “How are you?” “I’m fine”, she answers, with a plastic smile that hides her pain. … Across town, a young father shakes hands with the fourth interviewer that month. “Thank you for your time.”he says. On the way home, his wife calls to see if there’ s any hope for the job they’ve been praying for…for so long. They have mouths to feed, children to raise, a car on its last miles… “It will be fine”, he assures her. As he hangs up, he hangs his head in despair. … A young, single mom cuddles her baby on the park bench. She holds her boy close, surrounded by happy couples with smiling children. She never expected to raise her child alone. The pain is sometimes too much to bear. Will she ever feel that she belongs? That she is wanted? Loved? Beautiful? “We will be fine she whispers into his soft ear, surrounded by whisps of fine, brown hair. “I’m fine…” “We’re fine…” “Doing great…” In Chapter 2, Renee invites us to take off the “I’m fine” mask. But she also acknowledges just how scary it is to expose the pain that keeps us up, haunts us like nightmares, and threatens each breath of hope. … but we’re fine. Or are we? Could we take off the mask that we, especially as Christians, live the “fairy tale”? We are certainly blessed, in every circumstance guarded by the Father, but honestly, in the deepest parts, we aren’t fine. I’m not fine. If I took off the “I’m fine” mask, would you think less of me, or would you think I’m … human? We don’t have it all under control, and I can’t help but think that when we act like we do, we basically tell God that we don’t need him. We’ve got this. By pretending we’re “fine” we tell others something must be wrong with them if they are hurting… because we certainly are not hurting. We’re fine. What if we let someone else in? What if we said, “I’m hurting, and the details aren’t important, but would you please pray for me? I would really appreciate that.” Could that help them, in return, reach out to someone else when they are hurting? Do we need to grant one another permission to not be fine? Could we come broken before the Father, and cry out for His mercy and strength? He did promise to never leave us or forsake us. Even when we don’t feel it, could we still cling to His promise and claim it? He knows we’re not fine. Could the trials be the very thing that break the strings holding on our mask, allowing it to fall to the ground so we cling to Him a little tighter? The truth is… We aren’t fine… We are forgiven. We aren’t in control… We are held by the hands that control our very heartbeat. We aren’t invincible… We are made to look to the only One who can heal the broken. As a sisterhood of hearts seeking our confidence in HIM, let’s take off our masks today. At least here with each other. And maybe with just one other person we meet this week. I have a feeling someone needs to see the battle wounds and scars we carry in order for them to stop pretending and seek His help too.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
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Thank you so much Melanie, for reminding me again today that God’s grace is sufficient. Today I need HIS strength to be made perfect in my weakness. For the truth is… I am not fine. Well, yes I am….Frazzled, Irritated, feeling a little Neurotic and totally Exhausted. I’ll share more in the comments. But I don’t want you all worrying about me. Life is just hard sometimes at our house, just like it is at yours. I think it’s important that you know that. Just because I’m in ministry and have written a book doesn’t insulate me from trials. In fact, it almost guarantees them. BUT God’s grace can be my sufficient… if I let it be. Today’s Assignment:
- Finish reading chapter 2 and answer end your of chapter questions.
Connect in Community:
- Please share answers to a few questions of your choice from the end of Chapter 2 in our comments today. Just click “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and do just that. (Remember if you are reading this in an email, click on the title at the top of the post to go back to my website to connect and communicate with our group. This is such a valuable part of this study. My favorite part!!)
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Winners of Last Week’s Give-aways
- Song of Prayer CDs: Deena, Wendy Thrasher, Celia B (Please send your mailing address to [email protected])
- Listening to God gift-pack: peggybythesea (Please send your mailing address to [email protected])
The questions at the end of each chapter are so thought-provoking, yet able be be answered when you search deep down. There are some bible studies I have done where I am not sure what the answers should be or what the author is getting at.
#7 – the answer that just flowed out of my heart was that God’s love for me and acceptance of me is not skin-deep but soul-deep. There is nothing I can hide from Him and nothing I have done that prevents me from receiving His total love and acceptance. It is time for surface issues to fade, since they are a smoke-screen anyway for getting down to life-changing, cleansing business with God.
Oooh! “Soul-deep” — LOVE THIS!
This has been a tough week for me. I have spent a lot of time looking not only at my mask but why I put it on in the first place. I have found taking it off is actually quiet painful when I take a good hard look at myself. Now that it is off, I will tell you a little bit of myself and just maybe it will help someone else along the way.
A while ago I went through a terrible painful time in my marriage. In my mind, I could not understand why in the first place but I wondered what kind of man would leave his wife in another state, all alone, and far from home. You see, part of why this is all so painful is not because of what happened but the way I handled it. This is the time I should have turned to God and trusted Him completely for everything but instead I became angry because of my circumstances. Yes, I had a nice comfortable life and now it was uncomfortable so I became angry, bitter, and resentful but in front of everyone — I wore the “I’m fine Mask.” And there I was wandering in desert going around and around the mountain and not going into the promised land because I was whining about my circumstances. It took a long time for God to break that wall down piece by piece and brick by brick but I still wore the “Mask.”
This Bible study has been such a blessing and sometimes so difficult for me. I have spent some very tearful time with God about the error of my way and the hardness of my heart. The “Mask” is off. I know there will still be struggles with it and times I will want to put it back on but I must remember that His Grace is Sufficient for me and He knows all about my weakness but He is also there to fill that weakness with His strength and that I am to come humbly before my God.
Thank you for sharing this!!! What a beautiful testimony of God’s grace and power of forgiveness! I’m praying for you and hope that you will be able to share your story with many others because it WILL encourage many hearts!
Hugs,
Melanie
I appreciate everyone’s honesty about not being ‘fine’. Often times as I go through life with those around me, everyone always seems to have it together. When I have opened up to people, it was looked at like I was complaining. So, I just don’t say anything anymore and keep to myself. Hard to know who to trust and who cares.
You’re right! It IS hard! I think that’s why this group of wonderful, supportive women is such an answer to prayer for so many! Praying for you! … and even if the whole world turns their backs, God ALWAYS cares! 🙂
Hugs,
Melanie
Just wanted to let you know that I have been following the emails for this study, and it sounds very good. I won’t be able to get the book, however, because I am single and have been unemployed for the past 13 months. If any other members would like to reply to this post & fill me in on the chapters, I would appreciate it.
It’s a great book, Rene has really shared her heart in a special way that is really speaking to me and my situation. You may be able to find it at your local library and if they don’t have it, you may be able to suggest they purchase it. I thought I saw a post at one time that Rene would donate copies of her book to libraries that requested it, but that may have been another Proverbs 31 author. The library is a great resource for those of us on tight budgets. I’m praying for you.
Sue
Amy, if I could, I’d give thousands of copies away!! God laid it on my heart that I was to believe Him for a way to give 1000 copies, but that it wouldn’t just be me giving them. And guess what? HE’s moving. We just got an email from two women who want to donate money to give 3 copies away. So we have one for you! Please email your mailing address to [email protected]
YAY!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
I am not fine. I have health issues that someone my age probably shouldnt, and it’s really difficult to understand for people in my peer group…even my family.
I say I’m fine almost always, because if I even attempt to say Im not doing ok it is met with – well just imagine how much worse it could be, well I expect other people to have these issues – NOT you – youre too “strong” to have to hassle with it or just pray, youll be fine – I actually told someone once that I was not ok and was met with aww ok – and off he hurried to have his lunch (did I mention it was a person from the church I grew up in?). I dont even bother trying to say that Im not fine because no one wants to hear it. They dont know how to deal with it, and theyd rather not be forced to. So my Im fine is a very safe place, at least I dont feel like something from the bottom of somones shoe in attempting to “be real” with people who couldnt care any less if you paid them.
I thank God for the few people, who ask how I am doing and really care to know the answer. I thank God for these people because I know how rare they are, but even with them, I find myself trying count some of my words, because my life is intense and can be emotionally draining. I know this because I have to go through it everyday – if someone else doesnt why should they have to? (this is what I think sometimes). At times, I feel God is the only one who truly understands and who I can tell anything to. Im so thankful that I know who He is. I can not fathom, what I would do without Him.
Here in this comments section is the exception to the life I live. So many people willing to listen, willing to pray. It heartens me that people like you sisters exist. I pray that your willingness to listen without judgement or exasperation reaches into life outside this box. There are so many who would be happy for it. Please continue to bless others.
Lilly, You have a beautiful name and I am praying for you. I believe that God allows things into our lives to prepare us sometimes for someone else — so we will understand where they are at.
Linda
Lilly, your comment reminds me to not only be ‘real’ in what I say, BUT even more importantly, to be the kind of person who really cares how other people are *really* doing. Thank you for this reminder! I love what you said: “I pray that your willingness to listen without judgement or exasperation reaches into life outside this box” I pray my heart will be reminded of this truth… thank you.
Blessings,
Melanie
Thanks so much for giving us a place and the freedom to say what and how we feel. I just told a friend yesterday that the days are so tough lately that the only thing I can hang onto sometimes is the image of Jesus standing beside me with his arm around me. There are some days when our struggles seem to overwhelm us, if we let them. And,it’s so hard not to let them. We worry about our children, our families, our jobs, our friends. Sometimes I wonder if he really thinks I can handle all of it, but he does know better than I do so I have to trust and hang on and remember he is there. Thanks, Renee, for sharing with us and letting us share with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey as well.
Beautiful! I love your image of Jesus standing beside us with His arm around us. I need to remember He is always with us! THank you for your comment!
I am not fine and I would appreciate anyone’s prayers for my family and especially my adult daughter. There is not much harder than having to apply tough love for a child who is having trouble really growing up, being self sufficient & not dependant on alcohol etc… What a conflicting position this puts a mother in! It’s nearly causing me my own breakdown because of the stress it causes all around. This also kept me from attending a new small group I joined because I didn’t want to pretend life is good when I felt like things just couldn’t go more wrong. The worry I have about whether I’m doing the right thing is non stop. Some days I just want off this roller coaster called life. I am leaning into God more now & so glad I found both Renee & Melissa’s online studies to give encouragement & strength. I am hopeful that one day I can relax and know my daughter will be fine.
Elaine: As my children have left the “nest” I have been struggling with what was left undone and would they be okay. Then I learned that my prayers to God for my children needed to change. Now I need to pray prayers of surrender, surrendering my children (God’s children) to him and thanking him for doing his work in their lives.
I’m praying for you and your family, Elaine! As a mom, my heart just breaks for you. We know, though, that nothing is impossible for God! Praying with you for a miracle.
Hugs,
Melanie
Elaine, one of Satan’s tactics is isolation. He did it with me and I fell for it. Try your small group girlfriend and see what happens. Small groups of ladies normally are more transparent than larger groups. I pray the Lord will send us all Christ following girflriends who will love us just the way we are and as LT said in one of her books and I believe it was BMTJAGBSG, the Lord put Holly in her life. We all need us some Hollys! Lord, bring us some Hollys!! In Jesus Name! And I’m not fine either. I’m sick of this season of singleness! One thing that I am writing in my journal is from now on when I ask people how are you doing? I’m going to really listen to what they say and not ask just out of a nicety!
Elaine I pray my words are encouraging to you. Though my husband and I only have one child who is 10 months old I relate to this story because my husband was where your adult daughter was. I never knew him at this stage of his life. I met him a few weeks after he became a Christian but what I do know is the agony his parents went through their entire lives watching their child make poor decisions, doing drugs, putting him into rehab, finally having to draw the line and put him out on his own because what they were doing was enabling him in some ways by providing for him when he wasn’t following the rules God put on their hearts to parent him by. They prayed. They prayed more. Friends of their family prayed for years…..my husbands old friends kept praying. Christian friends he had before he walked away to other friends….they kept praying and in March of 2004 God brought him to his knees and he has never looked back since. There is hope dear friend! Never stop praying for her!
I worry all the time about whether or not I am doing the right thing with marriage, our finances, our parenting, working vs not working, etc…the list is endless. I am realizing more and more especially as God breaks my heart in certain areas of this study that my worry is in fear of what other people think of the choices we made and you know what? It doesn’t matter. People have made hurtful comments to me because our current financial situation means I need to work part time outside of the home. We are working towards me being at home, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t doing what God has asked us to do. I believe with my whole heart that we are. God loves working moms. God loves stay at home moms. God loves moms who breastfeed and also those who feed formula. God loves different parenting styles…..the biggest thing is are we doing what God has asked of us? (Sorry for my soapbox…those are just some of my own battles I am dealing with in our current stage of life)……either way though you don’t need to fear Elaine! Do what God calls you to do and do so confidently! There is no need to fear the disapproval of people. If they are judging you then they are wrong. You need to do what is best for you and your family and ultimately…..God will lead your heart in what to do. Just seek him with all your being!
Thank you for your comment, Bridget. Elaine, I am praying for you.
This online bible study and book has truly been a blessing to me. I want to first say thank you to all of you for your time and your stories. This is my first post and I must admit I still find myself wondering will others judge me. I have been in a serious relationship with whom I know is my soul mate and unfortunately because of my lack of confidence within myself I have been pushing him away. I ask myself as well as him why does he love me. I cry at night because I feel unworthy of his love. This is crazy and difficult to admit to but I know I have come across this bible study at this time for a reason. I am asking if time permits for prayers. I don’t want to hinder God’s blessing because he is a great man. Thank you all.
Natalie:
God knows that you are so worthy of love – both from him and from others. Take baby steps towards trusting God. He is patient.
Your comments spoke directly to my heart. I always thought my husband didn’t *really* love me, but the more I continued through the book/Bible study, I realize that it’s my heart that feels insecure. God has freed me from these lies and will do the same for you! Praying for you!
God loves you very much! I posted this earlier last week, but I feel I need to just in case you didn’t see it. Go to YouTube http://youtu.be/eKyY8zfjBMQ
This is Remind Me Who I Am by Jason Gray.
Hope this helps you.
In Christ Love,
Kimberly Stiver
I am not fine, and thank you for allowing me to say that. I am a hurting unit, trying to find my way with the lord and a church family where I am not having to pretend to be fine. I am very tired of trying to live up to the religious expectations of other people. I am in this study to find the Lords wishes not the expectations of what or who other christians expect me to be. Thank you all, for your allowing a place to be honest and not to feel so alone and outcast.
I”m praying for you tonight Michele as I go to bed. I came back after reading over my notes and praying for tomorrow – just felt the Lord nudging me to check in and pray for the late night friends that drop by and you are one of them. You are not alone. I am so sorry you are hurting. Just keep reaching for His hand and seeking His heart and He will set you free from the feelings of obligations and expectations. You were created to live for an audience of One – I can see He is shaping your heart to dance to the rhythm of a new song He has for you — one of grace where the pressure to perform is gone and you can just be who HE created you to be!
Amen!!! Beautiful. An audience of One… I need to print this out and remember it too. Praying for you, Michele!
I have tried several times with several different people to say “I’m not fine” but cannot bring myself to do it. The only person I would feel comfortable revealing this to is my sister (and I wouldn’t want to burden her with it). The words just won’t come out. I am not even sure why. Unless the person is close and knows me (which amounts to very few), I would not reveal that much about myself. So… I am telling you, my sisters in this study, “I’m not fine.” I am sad and lonely and tired. The words in the readings and the comments in this blog are like a soothing balm to me, knowing that it is okay not to be fine, knowing that there are other women out there who feel the same, knowing God’s love is perfect so that I don’t have to be… Whew… So there… I said it and nothing bad happened (at least not yet).
Yay Coy!! you did it. And maybe all that lonely and sad just might start to fade cause you are not alone anymore. And that tired, well it might get better too cause now you’re not carrying that heavy weight of not being fine with no one knowing about it. I’m proud of you friend. So glad you are my sister in Christ. He’s doing a new thing and you just took the first step of believing and living in the freedom of authentic community.
I unerstand how you feel Coy. I isolated myself and did not feel comfortable talking about how I felt with anyone. Including my mom and sisters. It took my oldest sister who shared her brokeness with me to realize that it was ok to be real. It is a risk you take. My best friend in the whole world did not understand and that hurt more than anything. You are safe here sharing your feelings! Just would encourage you to find a home church with other real women of faith. It is the way that God created us – to relate to others and feel connected within the body of other believers.
Coy, I just love your sweet heart. Love love. When I wrote this post, I almost deleted it for the same reason!!! 🙂 So, don’t feel bad at all! God puts special people in our life, and He has brought you to this group for a special reason. So glad that you trusted Him to open up tonight!
Love and prayers,
Melanie
So proud of you! This study has already been so freeing to me. I pray that God digs down deep in you in this study. That his truth washes over you. That we each would be able to replace the insecurities that satan tries to implant in our hearts with God’s truth and wisdom. He loves you dear friend so much and He has so much more for you. At times it makes me mad that satan steals our joy the way he does. He wants to keep our very best from God by distracting us with things like we are all dealing with right now. Praying for freedom that we would be unstoppable in pursuing God and all he has for us!
Just want to be honest and say “I am not fine tonight.” I got stopped on the way home from work. It was my fault, I lose track of my speed on a certain road that I travel…. Hubby upset with me. I am hurt cause he is upset.
Praying for you Dawn. Grace, grace, grace.I pray God showers you with GRACE and your hubby forgives you too. 🙂 Your mistakes don’t define you. Even if everyone else is mad, Jesus isn’t.
Thanks for the encouragement. Hubby does forgive me.
We all make mistakes, sweet friend, and God loves us no matter what. 🙂 Praying today has been a much better day. Love to you!
Hugs,
Melanie
It has been a busy week for me. I have off and on gotten short periods of time to go through this chapter throughout the week. Each few minutes I spent in it felt like I could barely even scratch the surface. I knew I wasn’t getting as much out of it as God had for me….finally today….of all times, I had a few minutes to spare after pumping at work (I have a baby 🙂 TMI??? Oh well God meets you right where you are right??!! I started writing on a piece of paper and by the time I was done I had arrows pointing all over branching out from different ideas all starting from the first question listed on my page….Why do I have these doubts and insecurities? Under that I listed where some of them stemmed from, pieces of my life that caused the foundations for walls to be started, barriers to be put up. After this I listed..What do I do to get over them? I listed all the things I try to fill my life with to meet the need of my insecurities. All things which of course fall short, and then in their place wrote what I could do to fill myself with God and the good things He has for me which would really fill me up. At the end I felt the most profound sense of peace. Joy. Calm. Reassurance and love for my Savior as I found myself writing the following:
“….just be who he created me to be, and who is that? A woman. A wife. A mother. An employee. A friend. A manager of my home, and above all…his servant, his child with whom he loves and with whom he is well pleased.”
That last part just washed over me as God spoke it to my depths. Tears come to my eyes even know ladies. How hard it is to swallow that truth and actually believe it. He loves me. He is pleased with me. No matter how high of expectations I place on myself. No matter what amount of people pleasing I try to do….He’s loved me the whole time and not just that…he is WELL PLEASED WITH ME!
What an amazing God we serve. What a wonderful chapter! I am so blessed to be sharing in this with each of you!
and above all…his servant, his child with whom he loves and with whom he is well pleased.” I like that!
Wonderful to share this journey with you friend!! I am glad God put those words on my heart….it was exactly what I needed to hear! Glad it was of encouragement to you!
Beautiful – simply beautiful!! HE IS WELL PLEASED WITH YOU PRECIOUS BRIDGET — oh yes HE is!! You are HIS child whom HE loves and cherishes!
Thank you Renee and thank you for being so faithful in responding to so many comments….that is a lot of work on your part and you have a family and a life too! I have to admit part of me wanted to badly to see that you saw me….that you cared about me too even though there are 8500 others….even now my people pleasing and desire to be known cries out. Thank you for speaking his heart through yours. It’s already been such a blessing and we aren’t even close to being done yet!
I am CRYING, Bridget!!! 🙂 I LOVE your honesty and your comment. You spoke directly to my heart tonight! Thank you so much.
… and I was a “office pumper” too!!! HAHAHAHAHA! So don’t feel bad 😉
Hugs sweet friend! Happy to meet you today!
Melanie
Thanks for the encouragement friend! Glad that it wasn’t seen as TMI 🙂 I clicked on your name and it sent me to your blog. So cute…and I think I need to follow you now 🙂 I just really started utilizing my own blog recently….I have had one for awhile but hadn’t used it a whole lot. So I am trying to more now. Good to meet you as well! Praying that each of us is grown beyond belief through this study!
I just love that verse…2 Cor. 12:9…His power is PERFECTED in our weakness! How encouraging that is..when i am weak HE is strong! I don’t have to worry about being imperfect, because I serve a PERFECT God! Thank you for the encouragement! 🙂
I love it too!!! Thank you for your comment!
Hugs,
Melanie 🙂
Oh boy, It’s almost 9:30pm and I need to get to bed soon so I can be rested and ready to bring God’s message to the beautiful women of Athens, GA tomorrow! I wish I could sit here for hours and comment on all of your posts. I would and I would love every minute of it. Maybe I’ll get to do that some more tomorrow. Love ya’ll!!
It’s so funny, I had been trying to read this post before work this morning and my computer kept having issues. Finally, I gave up because I had to leave. Now I know it is because I was supposed to read it tonight instead. I had a really rough day, after a really rough week, at work and I am definitely not fine. Sharing that with others is not my strength. I encourage others and try to give them hope. But tonight, I had no defenses and just couldn’t do it anymore. God has been waiting for me to get real with Him, to talk with Him about what is really going on and to lay it before Him. Knowing He is going to love and cherish me deeply through it helps me to want to be that vulnerable with Him. He wants to go deep and I am now realizing how much I want that too.
Thank you for sharing this Pamela!! Oh what an encouragement to hear how you are going to God and laying it all out before HIm…. and how you feel His love when you are real with Him. I love how you said, “it helps me to want to be that vulnerable with Him. He wants to go deep and I am now realizing how much I want that too.” That just made my heart well up with joy. There is nothing more that our Father wants than for you to know His love and long for Him more and more. He loves you beyond description and HE loves being with you! I’m pretty sure He wanted me to tell you that tonight.
God’s timing is amazing!! THANK YOU for your comment! I can’t tell you how much this mean to me! He loves you and will be faithful to complete this wonderful work He has started in your heart! Praying for you, sweet friend.
Blessings!
Melanie
I learned a lot from this chapter. Question number 4. I find it comforting that god wants to really know me and wants me to come to him with my desires, doubts, disappointments, and dreams because when I am able to surrender my heart and all I am to him he surrounds me with peace that surpasses all understanding and comfort.
Question number five. Back in 2004 i got fired from a job and was living on my own in the woodlands I was away from my family and my boyfriend was getting his master’s degree at shsu in huntsville. I felt so isolated, depressed, in despair, and uncertain. I pushed myself away from others trying to handle things on my own.I surrendered my heart to god and felt peace surrounded me and I heard god say I am here with you.. A third cousin of mine left me some inheritance money to where I was able to pay all my utilities and rent. After some time I wnt to a bible study with a friend and it changed my lwhole outlook on situations I was facing. I really felt god’s presence surround me. I was invited to a church service where the sermon was directly related to things I was facing. God knew what I needed to hear and he led me there for a reason. After that service I started attending the church regularly with my family, joined a youth group and a women’s bible study. It was through this experience that I really began my personal relationship with Christ.
I feel comforted and reassured that Christ is with me in every situation and every moment of the day. I need his assurance and presence most when I am in despair and uncertain of situations in my life.
Question 7. The truths I take away from this chapter are wherever you are, he wants to meet you. He is waiting for you to stop, come up close, and turn your heart to listen to his. He can meet our deepest needs to be accepted and delighted in simply because of who we are. We can offer nothing but our presence, and he will desire us just the same. We are worth his love because he chose to give it to us. We are his.
I loved reading your story tonight, thank you for sharing it Carrie!! Jesus is crazy about you and He has so much for you in the days ahead!! So glad you are in this study with us.
Amazing!!! God is doing a great work in your life, and your story has been such an encouragement to me tonight! I’m so happy you shared it!
Hugs,
Melanie
Here over the past two Sundays that I have gone to church I have been telling everyone that I am fine and wearing that mask., when in fact I am not fine I am scared to death of what lays ahead of me at a treatment center I will be going to very soon. I am scared of what is going to happen and praying that God will give me the confidence to stand up to Satan and fight the batttle that I am facing. I feel like I will be facing the battle alone however, I know that God will be there with me. I know that my Sunday school class and the church will be praying for me as they have over the past several weeks. I am not holding a lot of confidence in myself that I am worthy of God’s love. I too like Sam went to church because my friends were there and even though we heard God’s words it seems like I never really did hear them. I am trying to remember what it was like growing up going to church but being sent so many mixed messages at home about God and church. You see I was brought up with ritual abuse in my background so what is good in God’s eyes was not good in my parents eyes. One never knows what goes on behind closed doors at home and if it is spoken about then you were really in trouble. When the minister came to visit it was for the wrong reasons and I like Sam didn’t really hear God’s words.
Now that I am grown I have to take off the mask and put on a different mask of sorts.. A mask with the question of am I worthy of his word and his love am I worthy of my friends love . What type of mask do I wear from here on out I dont’ even know. Well, I guess this is where I end my story .
Thanks Renee for all that you do for all of us.
Robin, I am so so so heart broken and so very sorry for all that you have been through. I am praying for you and know that God has opened this door for you to go into the treatment center and HE WILL BE WITH YOU. I just want you to know that you are loved, you are cherished, you are precious and valuable to HIM. What was done to you was wrong and it never should have happened. What you experienced was not any part of God’s desire for you. HE loves you and He has brought you to this new place in your life where you can get help and start over again. You are surrounded by the Body of Christ in your church and here in this study. Even though you may not be able to join us online for a little while, you are still part of us. We love you and we’ll be praying for you. Thank you for sharing your story here today. You are going to be okay and you won’t need a new mask – you just get to be you – the you you are about to get to know as you heal and find hope again. Love, your sister in Christ!!1
I want to say thank you for the encouragement I still have one more week here at home until I leave for treatment. Thank you for your prayers.
Love your sister in Christ
Robin
Robin,
I understand perfectly. I too struggled with what I am going through. Through this class and another one I am in at church, I finally realized that God wants us to meet Him where we are. He is always there for us.
He loves you and knows and understands what you are going through. We are also here for you and praying for you.
At the end of your post you said: A mask with the question of am I worthy of his word and his love am I worthy of my friends love . What type of mask do I wear from here on out I dont’ even know. Well, I guess this is where I end my story .
The answer is YES You are worthy of His word and His love. Also, you do not need to wear any mask from here on out. Just know that God wants us to come as we are and be real to Him. He is there with you at this time and always. Know that we are praying for you. Love and blessings to you.
Kimberly thank you for you encouraging words and also the reminder that God just wants us to be who we are without any masks put on. I surely will miss the bible study while I am gone , I still have this week to get through before i leave for my treatment. So, I will probably be posting at least one more time. I plan on taking the book along and reading it and studying it while I am there..
Love to you
Robin
I am so sorry for what you had to go through Robin, I will pray for healing for you during your treatment. Just remember what Romans 8:35-39 says, nothing can ever seperate us from God’s love. God gave up his only Son to die on a cross for you, because he values you.
Thanks Denisethe for the words of encouragement and the scripture to read I think i will write it down and take it with me.
love your sister in christ
Robin
Robin, I am praying earnestly for you! You are surrounded here by women who — across the miles, and maybe “strangers” 🙂 — LOVE and pray for you because we are sisters. Even in the middle of a church, we can miss out on His love.. I know I did. It’s never too late to look to Him and to cling to His promises. He loves you with an everlasting, unfailing love!
love and prayers,
Melanie
Melanie, thank you for you words of kindness. I am starting to realize how lucky I am to have sisters in christ both here and in church. Thank you for all your prayers as well.
Love,your sister in christ
Robin
Question #5:
It was when I fell pregnant with my second son. I was 24 and, again, I wasn’t married. This had happened to me as a 17 year old girl who wasn’t a Christian. But this time I was a Christian. I knew that God did not want me engaging in pre-marital relationships. I knew that He wanted me to separate myself from the relationship that I was in – living with my now husband – and I knew that He would repair the relationship if I would just listen to Him and follow what His word said. I knew all of these things… I tried to act on them… I tried to do what was right… I moved out… I tried to force God on my, at the time ex-boyfriend (but now husband). We fought even more. One day I remember talking to a friend before I went back to get my stuff from his house. I asked her, “What if I slip and we end up pregnant, then what?” And I promised myself I wouldn’t do that. It was exactly what happened. I slipped… and I got pregnant.
I felt ashamed. I wondered how I could have let this happen. My husband and I started on planning to get married and making preparations for our child. When we stepped foot through the doors of Church – the people who knew I wasn’t married – the people who knew me as someone involved in the Church and devoted to God – I was embarrassed. I started thinking I should change Churches because, in this one, I was now a hypocrite. I didn’t tell anyone that this was what was going on inside of me. Instead, I just chose to tell them that it just didn’t feel right anymore. Finally, I repented. I whole heartedly repented to Christ for my mistakes. I asked His forgiveness. I prayed that I would be changed. I was fooled and blinded into thinking that no one else makes mistakes but, really, they do.. even the ones whose mistakes are not apparent. I realized that my mistakes don’t matter to anyone else. Anyone that was going to judge me was going to be held accountable to God and I didn’t need to worry about who said what.
I try to remember each and every day that my worth comes from Christ. Who I am, what I do, where I end up should never be because of something that I do but of something that God has called me to do – or addressing situations the way that God has called me to address them. I feel so blessed, loved, and amazed by what I encounter each and every day. I’d be lying if I said that I was no longer insecure about things – or that I don’t fear the health and well-being of my second child conceived from pre-marital relations – but anytime that these things creep up, I TRY to remember to turn back to God and trust Him again.
I need His presence and assurance.. daily. Moment by moment, really.
Wow! What a testimony you have! Thank you for showing that you try to remember every day your worth comes Christ. Keep trusting in Him!
I agree with Kimberly! What a wonderful testimony of God’s grace, forgiveness, and strength! He has special plans for you, sweet friend. Please keep your eyes focused on Him and I am excited to see where He leads you!
Hugs!
Melanie
I’m fine are words I use ALL the time. I’m not though. For the first time I can’t hide behind the I’m fine line. My step-son’s world is a mess at his Mom’s house. She is getting a divorce because her husband is doing drugs again and has a girlfriend. My middle son wants to quit school because he was suspended for 10 for a mistake he made when he accepted medicine from another student for a headache right at the end of the semester and missed a ton of important things for exams. My oldest son has to make a choice by the 31st regarding where he is going to live because he has chosen…. pot ….to deal with his dad walking away from him 5 years ago and stress and we won’t allow this is our home. My brother is being admitted to a mental hospital for depression, anxiety and a possible schizophrenia diagnosis, within a month of each other we have had to replace/fix two expensive appliances and my husbands business he owns is slow and income is not happening. I want to say I’m fine. I want to cry….which I never do…or sleep and I can’t do those things because I still have two other young children to take care of and keep healthy and happy. Life is rough right now and it makes me so sad.My children are hurting and my husband is hurting and I want to be strong for all of them but it’s getting very hard. I pray and ask God for strength and to take care of these hard times for me. I pray that He knows I trust Him but I’m hurting and feeling completely overwhelmed.
Paige.. My heart aches for you. I pray that God’s presence will come in to each and every aspect of your life that you have mentioned above. That He will bring healing, peace, comfort, solace, strength, shelter, and joy to each and every situation and member of your family. I pray that He will bless you with an overwhelming sense of comfort and that you will KNOW in all that you know that HE IS THERE, right next to you – right next to each and EVERY one of you holding your hands. I ask that any time these moments get difficult and any one of you begin to crumble that God will be more apparent than ever. I pray that you may rest in His strength, peace, and love today and always. In our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ’s name. Amen!
Paige,
Praying for you. May you be surrounded with peace, strength, and comfort.
Paige,
So sorry to read all the struggles you & your family are having. Will keep you all in my prayers God Bless!!
Oh sweet Paige, my heart just breaks for you. I’m praying God will work a miracle in your life and your children’s. He loves you with an everlasting, unfailing love. Please cling to Him! We love you and are lifting you up in prayers!
love and prayers,
Melanie
I used to always think that not being “fine” was a sign of weakness. If I were to truly say how I was feeling I would be looked down upon because I wasn’t able to handle the pressures of being a wife, mom, employee, friend, daughter, sister and all of the other hats that we as women are expected to wear. We are expected to be fine. But reading this chapter and spending quiet time in prayer and in the Word I realize that the one person who matters, God doesn’t expect us to be fine; He expects us to believe and live the words of 2 Corinthians 12:9 . It is so refreshing and creates such a sense of safety to know that I don’t have to be “fine”, I am blessed and highly favored just being me and not trying to be the superwoman who can handle it all, because that woman does not exist. Thank god for his strength, it allows me to be the woman he created, just Tonya I’m not able to do it on my own and that’s great because I don’t want to. I’m not just “fine” I am a woman who is growing closer to God to become the wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, employee and confident hearted woman that I was designed to be. 🙂 God Bless!
2 Corinthians 12:9
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Thank you for your post, Tonya. It really resonated with me!
I have always felt the same way too, Tonya!!! In fact, when I wrote this post, I almost deleted it right away for that very reason! Thank you for your comment!!
Blessings to you!
Melanie
I am an officer in the military and will be retiring this year. With over 30 years of military service transitioning from military to civilian life has shaken my confidence to the core. So much so, that I could feel the darkness of depression creeping up on me, I’m a visual thinker, so I could see the darkness too. The words of doubt, negative self-talk and fear were starting to pop up in my thoughts. Military officers are expected to be “fine” the minute boots hit the ground–my confidence has been in my leadership; boss, commander up to the president. Last Sunday I sought out a few women, I could trust, to tell them “I’m not fine”. They wrapped their arms around me and prayed, one dear friend, a military wife, knew exactly what I was going through and knew just how to pray for me (thank you Holy Spirit). God even put General Colin Powell directly into my path for me to hear his testimony on the difficulty of transitioning from military to civilian life (thank you God, I’m not the only one who feels like this). I knew the “Confident Heart” study was for me. Thank you, Renee and your team of many! The darkness is receding–as I cling to our Lord, he saves me every day from heading down a slippery slope. God is working in me to replace, repair, and restore, my misguided confidence from man to Him! I am blessed because I am known by Him….
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this because it certainly is encouraging! May God continue to bless and love on you as He does all of His precious children.
Wow, I never thought about this! THANK you for opening my eyes! Praying for you, and so thankful for your wonderful friends who are faithfully praying for you.
Also, THANK YOU for your many years of service. Our country, my family, and I appreciate you so very much!!!
Blessings!
Melanie
This gave me the chills–thank you for sharing! And thank you for your service. I’m the wife of a service member and we’re new to this. I’m only starting to see the special needs in the military, and I thank you for testifying to them! I am praying for confidence for you and that you will continue to have confidence in God! God Bless!
So, I came here to the blog post during my lunch hour today and I was reading through some of the comments after………then I scrolled on down to the bottom so I could leave a comment…….and I noticed the time and thought “I really don’t have time for this. I only have 30 minutes left. I will just pray for the others that I read about and I won’t worry about leaving a comment this time.” And I left the blog site, got my notebook to check out our “assignment” for the day and realized I didn’t have anything to do but read here and comment! Boy! I really think that stinkin’ enemy just didn’t want me to leave my comment! So, I’m back and I am going to share my answer to Question #6.
I used to never want to go to any kind of parties or gatherings – church-related or not – because I never felt I was wanted and surely didn’t think anyone would care if I were there or not. God is showing me how special I am to Him and also showing me that a NUMBER of others deal with the same feelings on one level or another. I still struggle sometimes, but I have been making myself attend more and more functions and really “putting myself out there”. I began by volunteering at EWomen Conferences and then, just last July, He REALLY moved me out of my comfort zone and sent me to the She Speaks Conference! I drove all the way from LOWER Alabama to North Carolina right by myself (well, the Lord was with me but no other humans – lol). All I had was a borrowed GPS and the Lord guiding me and I made it! That was a HUGE step for me on SO many levels! I knew absolutely no one that was attending and I have a HORRIBLE sense of direction! Anyone that wants to read my Life Story can find it by clicking on my name. That will take you to my blog and there you can click on the tab that says GOD NEVER WASTES A HURT – MY STORY. He is still working on me and I still struggle but I know He is with me and He will help me get the GODFIDENCE that HE wants me to have. I love Him SO much!
I’m so glad you left your comment and blog! I’m going to head over after reading through the comments here! I am just impressed and amazed that you are following Him in all things! Way to go, sweet friend! I would have been terrified to go by myself, so you are a wonderful example to me!
Blessings,
Melanie
Your comment about avoiding social functions because you felt you were not wanted and no one would care if you were there or not really hit home for me. I feel the same way. I am a major extrovert trapped in a the world alone due to my lack of belief that I have anything to offer to someone else.
I am impressed that you pushed through and volunteer for these events and things. I lack the ? to do that.
I jumped over and read some of your blog and parts of it resonated so much in me. Thank you for your transparency.
This blog and chapter also hit me smack on the nose! I am ALWAYS saying “i’m fine”..when really I am so stressed to the max. I am 24 years old and my husband and I have 3 children. I’ve gone to church off and on all through school (with him) but I never had my heart in it until now. I am saved and am so excited to learn more about my God and His Word. I am still very new at this, but it feels so nice to know that even as a Christian, it’s ok to admit that you are NOT ok. My mother was a drug addict and an alcoholic when I was a kid..I lived with my grandmother most of my life, who I’m so thankful to have! I have forgiven my mother for her ways, as she has been clean for about 5 years now, but deep down it still truly bothers me. Especially the fact that she now has seizures due to the drugs and traumatizing things that have happened to her. I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I only talk to her 1 time every 2 weeks (if that) and that she doesn’t come see her grand kids. I sometimes feel like they are losing out on her, as I did. My father’s wife left him last winter, and they adopted a child together. So now I am always worried about that whole situation. He has no steady work, so he calls worrying about his finances, which makes me worry. He has some health problems which I worry about. My other grandmother and I aren’t that close, and neither are my sister and I, which really gets to me. My uncle (who was drunk) fell down and became paralyzed. My other uncle was killed on his motorcycle. I just feel like I have SO much that is bothering me from when I was a child up until the present time. I pray about it, but I feel like I’m asking too much of God. I feel like I should be thanking him more for what I am blessed with, rather than complaining about my life. Another thing is my mother-in-law and I don’t see eye to eye most of the time, and I’m having a hard time dealing with that. I feel that where she lives the closest to my children, that she should be a grandparent who is always there..(instead of like my mother who physically can’t be, but who I also feel isn’t trying) but she’s not. I’m sorry to have wrote so much, but I guess I felt like I could write this all here and feel comfortable. I hope that at least half of you ladies will pray for me, because to this day, I don’t know how to deal with all of this. It’s hard to make myself feel better and stress-free with all of this when I also have the stresses of everyday life, such as finances, household work, children and all of that. Thank you so much Renee for this study and these blogs. They are such a help.
Amanda, I am praying earnestly for you right now and will continue to do so, sweet friend. I am so touched by your honesty, and sharing of your heart. Just remember that it really is okay to not be okay. You are loved with an “everlasting love” and God sees and hears your needs… if we simply trust Him. I’m trusting Him to work all of these things for His good and to use your life in a mighty way for Him!
love and prayers,
Melanie
Thank you so much Melanie. It only got worse this morning as I got a disturbing phone call from my mother. She is in deep depression and she is almost to the point where she doesn’t care if she’s here or not, which is hurting me because I don’t understand. She has grandbabies to be here for. I am having a very hard time dealing with this and I’m still crying out to the Lord to help me and my mother through this. Thank you so much for your response. I got back on here today hoping to see that someone had written back to me. It helps to hear your encouraging words! Thank you again!
You are not asking God for too much. He wants you to ask Him, This is the same concept I have had to deal with. God welcomes all of us with open arms. Praying for you to have the peace of God.
I struggle with opening up to others because my mom would share “everything,” and I’ve also felt judged when I was completely open and honest. I feel thankful that I have my husband to share with because he isn’t judgmental. I loved the story of Sam and the video that said “to be known is to be loved.” What a powerful statement that is that because God knows us He loves us, period. But my favorite part of this chapter is the title “Because God’s love is perfect, I don’t have to be.” I struggle with striving for perfect and always falling short. Now, I just need to fully get that, but I’m on the right path 🙂 Thank you!
I highlighted that same quote from this chapter too!!! I need to see it every day! 🙂
Hugs,
Melanie
Me, too!
I love being released and being real from that Mask of everything is fine. When most days my life seems like a tornado or pure chaos. Especially when the storms of life shake my foundation and I I loose my focus. Praise God we have a God who does know and loves us right where we are!!!
I think at our next women’s outlet I am going to ask ladies not how you are doing but if they are having a bad day and encourage them to share so as one body we can lift one another up and face reality together.
Would you all mind praying for me? I have made some terrible mistakes in my life that are haunting me, and if anyone found out would turn my life upside down. I am ashamed and am trying to do God’s will, but feel so alone & miserable..
Shirley,
I will pray for you. There is no mistake too big for God to forgive. God loves you and values you and has a wonderful plan for your life. He doesn’t want you to live in despair or discouragement. He wants you to live in hope and to trust in Him. I pray for encouragment, peace, and rest to fill your life right now.
There is nothing we have done or can do which will stop God from loving us or caring about us. Once our sin has been confessed- God remembers it no more. God has forgotten. I pray your strength and peace in the Lord and you will remember your are nver alone for Jesus promised never to leave us or forsake us. Father God I ask you to strengthen Shirley, You know Lord everything she is going through, You know her every thought, You know everything she stands in need of at this moment and in this season of her life, supply her need Lord. Pour our your loving Spirit upon her right now Lord, take her in Your arms and hold her close until your peace reign in her heart and she understands You can handle every mistake. In Jesus Name Amen! Be blessed Shirley
I am praying for you. You do not need to feel alone. God is with you right now. We are here for you.
I am not fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although I wear the mask. My daughter is 30 years old and has a mental illness, I am raising her 6 year old son and she is “MIA” again. Everyone says I need to move on and get over it. It’s the same old story the only thing that ever changes are the dates and charcters in her life. I confess I always believed in God, but I don’t think I believe Him other wise I could handle the pain more easily.
I’m taking the time out to express my sincere gratitude for The Confident Woman bible study and group. It’s really
a good feeling to know you are not alone. I’ve stuggled and denied for so many years about who I am, my identity,
if God loves me, if I’m good enough, people pleasing…and so on and so forth. I look forward to learning, growing,
and transforming as well as fellowshipping with other women in this study group. Even though I may never meet each person
or even one, just to know there are women out there that are striving for the same thing, means alot to me. Thank you and
May God Bless each and every one to be restored and truly Confident Women in Christ.
I like the thought of just answering,” I am not fine and can’t or don’t want to go into the details but can you please pray for me!!
Amen
I like that also…..
I was raised that you don’t ask for help and you definately don’t let people know about any problems or issues in your life. I wonder sometimes if that came from my mother’s parents, as they were ministers and I think that generation of preachers felt they had live by higher standards. Have been blessed for several years with ministers who confess they have problems. A lot of times in the sermon he will mention that he usually preaches to us what God has been working on him. Anyway, I digress – It is hard to open up and allow others into my messes. And the last couple of years with the economy, (I own a real estate company), it has been a struggle to keep my doors open, even working part time in the mornings at a big box store. I don’t want anyone to know how lonely I feel or how I long for acceptance and love. Part of my issues are pride, but also I don’t want to bring people down with my issues. I want to try to be positive – if not all I would do is complain about my problems. I am praying God will give me a friend with whom I can be totally honest with and have them pray with me and for me and I her.
Wow, Kim I was raised the same way. My family was very poor when I was a child. I remember over and over hearing “do not tell anyone about our/your problems. It is none of their business. We will not owe anyone for anything. We will make do and be fine.” Then as an adult when my husband left friends at church avoided me and did not ask how I was doing I guess because they knew I was noy ok. So I put on my mask and learned to be fine. It was so difficult, but after doing that for so long I find it hard to take off the mask even thouh I now have a loving husband and true friends. Sometimes I feel like not that everything is really wonderful I should not have any problems or should not complain. Everyone else is more important.The mask has been on so long that I do not know how to face people without it.
Yeah it is hard – and I know it is going to take an act of God to work in me and believe this study is a step in the right direction. I will pray for you! And to be honest with you, I don’t even know who is under my mask. I’ve been pretending so long, I just don’t know.
I am listening to Air1 on my earbuds as I catch up on my Prov 31 emails, blog and letters from you ladies that I feel I have the heart of…The mask….yes I wear it all the time. This week I had a teenager tell me “you don’t get anymore meltdowns, you have had your quota of meltdowns, you just need to drink another cup of coffee and put on the Face.” I taught her this from my actions. I keep trying to tell them that it isn’t the way to do things, but our Christian community is always putting on the mask.
Tears are streaming down my face as the sun in shining down on me. i will never answer “I am fine’ to another believer when I am asked how are you…I will answer, “I am forgiven”.
Rachel’s blog today and this is almost more than my healing heart can handle. “My life is not what I have been, but what I’ve overcome” is the song that put me over the edge.
Thanks you Lord.
Deena,
Great response. We are forgiven, redeemed, restored, loved and comforted by God. We need to lean on Him and HIs promises through every obstacle we face.
I just found that song on YouTube by Fireflight. Thank you for sharing!
Crystal, I am glad you found it. Fireflight is my favorite group. I feel like they just sing the cry of my heart.
Thanks for all of your support.
The thought I’ve been working on all week comes from this paragraph, “Jesus wants to help you see what is going on in your heart and what you are struggling with that is eroding your security and confidence. The only way we’ll have a confident heart is if we move beyond knowing about God to knowing and relying on Him, to depending on His word with our whole heart, mind, and soul.”
Wow.
I’ve been looking into my heart to see what is really going on there, to identify my struggles. My husband had an affair. Maybe that sentence is enough to identify some of my struggles. I’ve had to learn to trust him again, and even God again. I was not a confident woman before, but the affair pretty much decimated any sense of confidence I had.
I’m learning that God, alone, can be my confidence. Some times I feel like it would be easier to just disappear. Being confident is hard work.
Penny,
I feel your pain. I was so devasted, so ashamed, embarrassed, that I pulled away from all emotional attachements. I’ve become a superficial shell of the person I used to be and I miss me. I quit going to church because I didn’t want to hear people talking about my marraige and I didn’t trust other women. I didn’t feel that I could be honest with anyone.
I’m lost as to how to become open emotionally and really have deeper friendships. I’m struggling to get my relationship back with God as well. I know He has never left me, but I have trouble trusting. My daughter has encouraged me to attend her church and I am, but I haven’t managed to be open with anyone.
I pray together we can find the acceptance we crave from our heavenly father and maybe a few christian sisters
Tresa: God is patient. He is waiting patiently for you. Waiting for you to feel his acceptance and forgiveness. May you recognize the gentle nudges as you return to full confidence in him.
Penny: Yes, it is hard work! I am with you in looking deeper to figure out what is really behind my struggle. Blessings on your self-searching.
So, so much in this chapter that I’m still chewing on. But I really am clinging to this thought this week: “Because God’s love is perfect, I don’t have to be.” I’m praying I will be so confident in HIM that I will not fear taking off the mask of “I’m fine.” Thank you, Renee, for this book and this study here together : )
Hi and I loved your post …I am not fine and I just for ur book and signed up for this online study…
I am so excited to see how God uses this study in my lifew
Two years ago my oldest daughter who is 24 moved out with her 2 year old
Who is now 4 after we found out she is in a relationship
With another female…it has been a rough 2 years to say
The least and this last Sunday she told me via text to prentend she doesn’t
Exist because we don’t treat the lady she is with like she wants us too…of course there are so
Many details to the situation…like u said they aren’t important…but please pray for me and her. Thank you
I am praying for you and your family.
My “I’m Fine” mask gets RIPPED OFF my face when my youngest daughter who has some severe behavior disorders (ADHD, anxiety, and Oppositional Definance Disorder) misbehaves at school or in public. It is so hard to endure “the looks” from other parents who think that you just have a spoiled child and that you are a terrible parent. Sometimes I just wish I could hide behind the “I’m fine” mask.
This book study has been an encouragement to me. Life sometimes gets overwhelming and fine isn’t in the vocabulary to describe it. I shared recently in a blog post of mine of how my days had turned into a dry creekbed with no moisture filled with the debris of problems and situations that were out of my control. It is when we lean on Jesus through the problems, that He can wash away the debris that has piled up in our lives–the discouragement, despair and distress it all brings. He can wash away those things, just as a torrential downpour will remove the debris that has overtaken a small creek in the woods. He gives us grace to continue on.
It is in the storm and trials of life that we can learn the most.
The verse mentioned in Chapter 2, struck me as never before. John 17:3. “This is eternal life, that ye might know…” This relationship with God is of great value. How awesome that He has provided the way for us to have a personal relationship with Him. He knows us and wants us to know Him more.
The timing of this study…and this blog post couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I signed up for this study before I found myself in the midst of “a storm”, but God knew this was right where I needed to be at this time. THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I am such a perfectionist and have gotten so good at the “I’m fine” routine. It’s amazing how it is effecting not only me, but those around me. God is showing me that it’s time, big time, to let go! Everywhere it’s hitting me in the face, “I don’t have to be perfect because HE is!” I will try to post my answers to the study questions later. Just had to share this now after reading Melanie’s words. Beautiful and much needed!
I say “I’m fine” too while in reality I cope with an alcoholic ex-husband (ex for 18+ years but still effects my children), the loss of a son 8 years ago, and my bi-lateral lung transplant now 3 years, 4 months. I can’t change those things that happened but because of them, I am closer to God. My hope, trust and faith in Him give me strength to cope and live with a positive attitude. So, I may hide or mask the details from others since most do not understand until they experience these difficulties themselves; however, I don’t think I’m hiding God’s grace. I do believe others can see how He shines through me and works in my life because of my “I’m fine” attitude and also the fact that the new lungs, by God’s grace, are agreeing with me. When I’m not so fine, God hears it all and sometimes my sister. Then, “I’m fine” again!
I just wanted to say it is well with my soul, because of the love of the Lord, calling those things as thou they were!.
I took off my mask…Tuesday night… I was suppose to be speaking at our Ladies meeting at church…the Lord kept speaking to my heart to give my testimony. “But I don’t have a testimony Lord…not a ‘good’ one like everyone else…what in the world am I suppose to say?” BUT my dear friend, I DO have a testimony! A 6 page testimony to be exact! 🙂 I do have a testimony but I was too afraid to take off my mask and admit it to anyone…that changed Tuesday night…and let me tell you…God has used my testimony time and time again already and it has only been 3 days since I was obedient… I have had several women come to me with a similar story…all it took was my act of obedience! So please…my sweet sisters in Christ, lets take off our masks and let God heal our hearts!
Oh Tasha!!!!!! I am so glad you shared this. What a powerful testimony to our obedience and our willingness to be real. All of God’s girls need to know we are not alone and that others have been through what we’ve been through so we can encourage on another. I’m so glad you shared your God-story – all 6 pages of it!! Praise HIM – He is so worthy!!
Tasha,
So glad to hear you took off your mask to share your personal testimony with others. That took courage and I know brought change to your life and others.
Amen!
On Nov. 10th, 2009, I became a widow at the age of 57. It wasn’t until the last 2 months of my husband’s life that my mask began to come away from my face. On the morning he went to heaven, it was totally ripped off for the first time in my life. Four months later I had lost not only my husband but both parents. By this time not only was my mask off, but I was “flat on the floor on my face”.
That’s when I knew that I couldn’t do this grief journey alone and got help from a Christian psychologist who helped me take the lid off my Pandora’s box and begin to take out all of those things that I had hidden inside under the guise of “I’m fine”. I have found that it’s very freeing now to pretend anymore nor try to be perfect. It’s tremendously healing to let all of my pretensions go as I am trying to find a new identity.
Leslie, I just want you to know that I have just lifted you up to our Father. He will hold you and give you peace. You have come to the right place to ask for prayer! Can you even imagine the sound of 8500+ daughters of the King lifting their voices and hearts for one of our sisters? It must be one of the most beautiful sounds!
When I see someone and ask How are you? And they reply “very well thank you” I know they are.
But when they reply ” i’m fine” I ask ” talk to me, and if they want to I listen, if they choose not to
I pray for them. Most of the time I feel like we are so wrapped up in self that I have to remind myself
to stop and really listen and pray and with this hurting person.
Thank you Renee for this study and all of you who are willing to share and listen. I’m praying for all.
I have not been fine for four and a half years. My husband and mother both died on the same day. My mother in the morning and my husband in the afternoon. My husband was only 70 but I take comfort in the fact that both Mom and Bob had very strong faith and they knew when there work was done they would go home. After their death my oldest daughter’s drinking has gotten worse and she has tried to commit suicide twice I have no known where she is living or what she is doing for the last two months but yesterday I got a call from her that she was checking herself into an in patient therapy treatment center for 30 days and I pray this will be the beginning of her receovery.
I too feel that people really don’t want to hear you are not fine so I too pick one or two friends to share with that I know will understand. Many times I have cried out “Where are you God!” but I know deep down he is there and I just have to be still and listen because I know he is in control!
wow, i’m praying for you! <3
I’ll remember you & your daughter in my prayers Sandy.
I am not fine and hurting and breaking inside . I always say am fine and smile and try to get through the day. All I really want to do it cry but I wont. I just want to be loved and not feel alone anymore. I want a family for my boys again. Am the mom at the park holding her youngest son seeing all the happy couples and wanting that so bad. But am saying to him we will be fine I have you two and we will be fine. I want to take off my fine mask but am scared to will I be hurt again. Fear that I will be left alone again once the mask is gone. I have always felt that am not worth staying around for everyone always leaves. I dont know if I can take the fine mask off. I know I need to but am scared to..
Jamie
Jesus will hold your hand and be there for you.
Your’e perfect love has the power to cast out my fear…I didn’t realize just how much fear has held me
back. The Lord keeps showing me daily little fears i have and the grip they have on me.
I am going forward in his love and with him to overcome these. Thank you Jesus!
I just want to thank God so much for directing me to Renee’s website. I’m not sure how I even got there but when I saw the book I knew I had to have it and do this study. It had me written all over it. What I didn’t know was how many women stuggle with the same issues. I thought I was the only one who put on the mask. It feels so good knowing I’m not alone. These women who have posted so many stories have uplifted me, encouraged me, and given me hope. My head seemed to know what to do, but I had troubles letting go for far too long. I think I am finally on a path of healing. It’s time to surrender ALL! Renee I will definitely be lifting you up to the Lord this weekend while you are away. You have been such a blessing to me and so many others. Also praying for your family, and the women you will be ministering to. God Bless You for all you do!
“I’m fine” is my automatic answer when somebody asks how I am. Nine months ago my brother who has been my rock all my life passed away. He suffered terribly the last year of his life and I was his caretaker. I feel the loss today just as much as the day he died. My 39 year old son is in a downward spiral and all I can do is pray for him. My brother was the one I talked to because he had always been there for me. People don’t want to keep hearing about all of your troubles, so it’s easier to just say “I’m fine”. I don’t know how to open up to others without feeling like I’m whining. I pray that all of us who are hurting learn new tools from Renee’s study. Thank you, Renee, for this online study and thank all of you for your posts. We really are not alone and that’s a comfort in itself.
Hi Debbie….My heart hurts for you as you grieve the loss of your brother. Please try to find a good grief support group in your area. A really good one is the bible-based GriefShare program. Take a look at their website at http://www.griefshare.org. Hopefully you’ll find one in your area. May God bless you as you continue to seek Him.
Thank you, Greta, for the website. I have found some helpful things on there. I’m in a rural area, so there are no meetings close by.
I am praying for you too. I hope you will find a support group also that will help you. I know one that is called For the Love of Christi. However, I am not sure if it just for the Austin, TX area or not. Maybe if you contact them, they can give you some location near you. Hope this helps you. Blessings, Kimberly Stiver
It is always so amazing how God works. God had been dealing with me about this very subject after reading a book on Authentic Christianity. So I wrote a devotional to some ladies about putting off our masks and being authentic and real in our Christian lives. Here is an excerpt from that devotional:
” We, as women, wear many different “hats”…wife, mother, grandmother, daughter as well as pastor’s wives, missionaries, choir member, Sunday school teacher, etc. Unfortunately, sometimes we wear a “mask” along with the “hat”. The “hats” we wear define our many roles as women but it should never define who we are on the inside. Have you ever sang a solo, taught a class or spoke to a ladies’ group and knew that your heart wasn’t right with God at that moment? But many times, we go ahead and put on our “I’m ok” mask and complete the task. (I have to say I am sure I at some point have done that every thing.) Wearing our “masks” allows us to hide the hurt, anxiety, fear, etc so no one will know…we think…but God does. He sees inside…(I Sam. 16:7) Being authentic and real in our daily lives…starts in our homes. Our families should be the first to see us living real and authentic lives…without a mask!”
My desire is to live a true and authentic life and testimony before others. I want this…I really want my children and grandchildren to view me as real and not fake!!! The old adage “your life may be the only Bible that someone will ever read is so true!”
I am not fine. My husband is a teacher and will probably get RIFed for next school year. Our son has special needs, so working outside of the home is not an option for me. I am currently entrenched in a battle with the school to provide services to help my son with his disabilities. I could really use some prayers.
Pam, my prayers are with you and your family. It is hard going through battles all around you. I hope you do not feel isolted, but surrounded with love and hope. I wish I had the nack for giving friends just the right verse for the moment, but I will give it a try “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28. Love, Valerie ([email protected])
Praying for you and your family and the battles surrounding you. Love you.
I’m earnestly praying for your family, Pam. I pray God will provide a way, make it very clear and surround you with His unfailing love. Love to you, sweet friend.
Hugs,
Melanie