This week, I think we’ve all come to realize we’re not the only ones who find it hard to let people know how we’re really doing. As I shared this week in Chapter 2, sometimes I think we tell people we’re fine even when we’re not, because we want to be. Or we hope that by saying we are fine, eventually we will be. Other times we act like we’re fine because others expect us to be. And I love how so many of you admitted you also have days when hormones or grumpy-ness trump all good manners and anyone within ten feet knows you are not fine. In fact, what you really meant in code is that you are Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, and Exhausted! Today, I want to introduce you to my friend, Melanie from Only a Breath. She’s the one who created our really cute Online Study blog button (see my sidebar if you want one)! And, she’s also leading A Confident Heart online study. Today she shares soemthing she wrote on her blog. I love how she challenges us to take off the “I’m Fine” mask and be real with God, each other and especially ourselves about how we’re really doing.
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… She walks the hallway, fighting back tears that threaten to well up again. It’s been a long night, filled with betrayal and disappointment. Her future is uncertain. Back at the office, she tries to maintain normalcy. When eyes met, she is faced with another routine, “How are you?” “I’m fine”, she answers, with a plastic smile that hides her pain. … Across town, a young father shakes hands with the fourth interviewer that month. “Thank you for your time.”he says. On the way home, his wife calls to see if there’ s any hope for the job they’ve been praying for…for so long. They have mouths to feed, children to raise, a car on its last miles… “It will be fine”, he assures her. As he hangs up, he hangs his head in despair. … A young, single mom cuddles her baby on the park bench. She holds her boy close, surrounded by happy couples with smiling children. She never expected to raise her child alone. The pain is sometimes too much to bear. Will she ever feel that she belongs? That she is wanted? Loved? Beautiful? “We will be fine she whispers into his soft ear, surrounded by whisps of fine, brown hair. “I’m fine…” “We’re fine…” “Doing great…” In Chapter 2, Renee invites us to take off the “I’m fine” mask. But she also acknowledges just how scary it is to expose the pain that keeps us up, haunts us like nightmares, and threatens each breath of hope. … but we’re fine. Or are we? Could we take off the mask that we, especially as Christians, live the “fairy tale”? We are certainly blessed, in every circumstance guarded by the Father, but honestly, in the deepest parts, we aren’t fine. I’m not fine. If I took off the “I’m fine” mask, would you think less of me, or would you think I’m … human? We don’t have it all under control, and I can’t help but think that when we act like we do, we basically tell God that we don’t need him. We’ve got this. By pretending we’re “fine” we tell others something must be wrong with them if they are hurting… because we certainly are not hurting. We’re fine. What if we let someone else in? What if we said, “I’m hurting, and the details aren’t important, but would you please pray for me? I would really appreciate that.” Could that help them, in return, reach out to someone else when they are hurting? Do we need to grant one another permission to not be fine? Could we come broken before the Father, and cry out for His mercy and strength? He did promise to never leave us or forsake us. Even when we don’t feel it, could we still cling to His promise and claim it? He knows we’re not fine. Could the trials be the very thing that break the strings holding on our mask, allowing it to fall to the ground so we cling to Him a little tighter? The truth is… We aren’t fine… We are forgiven. We aren’t in control… We are held by the hands that control our very heartbeat. We aren’t invincible… We are made to look to the only One who can heal the broken. As a sisterhood of hearts seeking our confidence in HIM, let’s take off our masks today. At least here with each other. And maybe with just one other person we meet this week. I have a feeling someone needs to see the battle wounds and scars we carry in order for them to stop pretending and seek His help too.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
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Thank you so much Melanie, for reminding me again today that God’s grace is sufficient. Today I need HIS strength to be made perfect in my weakness. For the truth is… I am not fine. Well, yes I am….Frazzled, Irritated, feeling a little Neurotic and totally Exhausted. I’ll share more in the comments. But I don’t want you all worrying about me. Life is just hard sometimes at our house, just like it is at yours. I think it’s important that you know that. Just because I’m in ministry and have written a book doesn’t insulate me from trials. In fact, it almost guarantees them. BUT God’s grace can be my sufficient… if I let it be. Today’s Assignment:
- Finish reading chapter 2 and answer end your of chapter questions.
Connect in Community:
- Please share answers to a few questions of your choice from the end of Chapter 2 in our comments today. Just click “Share Your Thoughts” below this post, and do just that. (Remember if you are reading this in an email, click on the title at the top of the post to go back to my website to connect and communicate with our group. This is such a valuable part of this study. My favorite part!!)
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Winners of Last Week’s Give-aways
- Song of Prayer CDs: Deena, Wendy Thrasher, Celia B (Please send your mailing address to [email protected])
- Listening to God gift-pack: peggybythesea (Please send your mailing address to [email protected])
I remember reading this, seems like forever ago. I loved it then and I love it even more now! Thank you Melanie for your beautiful words and heart for God and thank you Renee for sharing her post here! I know it will bless so many women!
<3 Heather
Thank you, Heather!!! I can’t tell you how much your comment means to me!
love and hugs,
Melanie 🙂
Rene are you a quilter?? I have been noticing the quilt blocks next to all the comments – what a nice touch!
Hi Sue, 🙂 No Im not a quilter. I wish I had that kind of patience!! But my mom is and it’s an amazing art isn’t it. The quilt blocks are part of WordPress, my website hosting program. There is also a way for us to get our photos there so we can see each other. I’ll look that up and share it next week.
I haven’t had a chance to read all of the comments here, I will this weekend for sure, but I can’t be the only one who has found over years that people don’t really want to know how I am. I don’t know if over the years I’ve shared too much info, or if my pain has been too raw for people to want to see. I’ve learned to be an “I’m fine” girl to all but a very few who really want to know. The best One to share the truth of my pain at being “still single” at 56, the hurt and disappointment of a fractured extended family that is scattered and not close, and all the many trials of a life lived alone has been Jesus. Learning that He wants to hear and heal all my pain at being different from the world has been the best medicine this side of heaven. I know for sure that this world is not my home and long with a deep and true longing for heaven. Come LORD Jesus!
Unfortunately, I think it is very common to be ‘real’ with people and feel rejected. It’s a good reminder to my heart to be the type of friend who *really* wants to know how things are…. No matter what anyone else says, it’s most important to remove the mask with God because he knows our mess anyway! 🙂 That’s one of my biggest struggles… I’m praying for you and was so touched by your honesty. Thank you for your comment!
Blessings,
Melanie
When our son told us that he was an atheist it caused me to distance myself from God, and to a degree from other people as well. In fact, I told God then how angry I was at Him for allowing it to happen. In just this short while of doing this study and committing to praying for our son’s soul every day I am realizing that what God really desires from me is for me to take this burden to Him…to tell Him how I feel and let Him know I am depending on Him. I need His assurance and presence most when I give in or am tempted to dwell on the negative outcome of the situation…our son going to hell.
The part about the Samaritan woman’s story in John 4 that speaks to me most is how Jesus looked at her…I can only imagine, full in the face, and that what she saw was not condemnation but PURE love! I grew up in a somewhat critical home and just to know that when He looks at me without condemning me just comforts me so much.
Dianna….I will pray pray pray for your son. We can pray him into the arms of Jesus. There is time! Jesus will always continue to draw those who have fallen away!!Love you.
Cheryl,
Thank you for praying with me about our son’s soul. Your words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for caring.
Dianna, your comment is SO beautiful, and I am so thankful for you sharing your story. I am praying for your family, and especially for your son, that he will come to know Christ. Please don’t give up! Love and prayers to you, sweet friend!
Blessings,
Melanie
Thank you, Melanie, for the encouragement. Our son and his family are to be here with us the middle of next month…they live in Maine and we live in WV…for a week. I am so excited to have time to love on all of them, but especially our son that he might know that he is treasured by God…It is kind of ironical really…we had two children…both raised in the same Christian home with the same Christian values. One ended up on the mission field and the other an atheist. Grateful for God’s promises and that one day our son’s dark heart will be filled with the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I am praying for your son and you and your family. In Proverbs (I am not sure where) Teach a child the way he shall go and when he is old he will not part from it. Know that he will come back to God, just trust in God that he will. I pray this for my almost 20 year old son who has backed away from God. Please know that we are here for you and praying for you.
Thank you, Kimberly, for sharing the Scripture and the fact that you are also praying for your son the same verse. I will be praying in earnest for your son as well. Your encouragement means a great deal to me.
Thank you for praying for my son.
I just think back one of the truths God shows us, we are to help one another. After all we are our brothers (and sisters) keepers.
God is amazing! Really, He has brought all these woman together to look to each other on the journey to fully trusting Him. We are not alone! Everyone wears the “I’m fine” mask at one time. Having someone to hold us accountable keeps us in His grip. Life can get lonely and I thank Renee for giving so many woman a chance to realize that it’s okay. In chapter two, I highlighted “wherever you are, He wants to meet you there. He is waiting for you to stop, come up close, and turn your heart to His”. Walking away with knowing this keeps me confident. Ephesians 4:15 ‘Instead speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ’. That is my confidence verse, my sword. I pray for all you ladies and for Renee for bringing us together. Have a most blessed day.
Yes!!! I have been thinking the same thing! I am so thankful for all of these wonderful ladies, brought together by Renee’s powerful book. God is at work here!
Blessings,
Melanie
Chapter 2 really spoke to me especially the part about being FINE. My kids can tell when I am not being sincere when I say I am fine, they can read the sarcasm in it. I just need to work on not being afraid to let others in and let them know I am not fine. I need to let go of the fear of not being accepted for who I am dispite who I am (sinful, unable to keep it all together, having imperfect children, etc).
Renee, that you for writing this book. It is making a difference in my life!
Yikes… this is a good reminder to my heart. Our children KNOW the ‘real’ person behind the mask… I pray that person is transparent and an example of trust in God. Thank you for your comment!
Blessings,
Melanie
I feel like there is really no one I can share my real feelings with. If I share them with my mom, she always has reasons why these problems are a result of the choices my husband and I make about our lives…things like we have too many kids (we are soon expecting out 6th), my kids would behave differently if they were in school and exposed to peer pressure (we homeschool our kids), and just about everything else. Since this has been the way she has chosen to react, I stopped talking to my mom about anything other than surface issues for the past couple of years. I don’t really have anyone to go to about those things that get us down and frustrate us anymore. I have friends, but not really any close friends, and they are all busy, homeschooling moms like me. In terms of my husband, I don’t feel able to be honest with him because I feel like I have to keep it all together for him since he is dealing with his own issues with work and other things.
I am encouraged though to find someone I can share my feelings with and find a sense of relief in being given permission to really be honest about my feelings with God first. I think because of the way I feel I have to keep it inside and from those around me, I have felt as though I needed to keep it from Him, too. Perhaps also because I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the many great things in my life.
Thanks Renee for the encouragement to be honest before God, and even here, too.
Jennifer, Yes you do have a full plate but that is how God has your life for you. If He did not want you to have the life you have, you wouldn’t!! When each of us has a right relationship with God, He will bless us with His will. We must abide in Him all the time. He is our refuge, our hope. If we take care of our own relationship with Him, He will take care of the other relationships we have with our families. Follow His will for you and He tend to everyone else. I love how you are homeschooling your children. It sounds to me like your life is very exciting. Just looking for God’s miracles each day is exciting. Love you and keep up the good work!!
No matter what anyone else thinks, it is most important that we take off the mask before God. He knows what we are feeling anyway 🙂 Another comment said “God is not afraid of my mess”, and I LOVE that! If we can be honest before Him and strip off the mask, that’s really the most important thing… Praying for you, sweet friend!
Hugs,
Melanie
The lesson I will walk away with so I will love in the security of God’s approval and acceptance is “to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.” Not fearing the outcome of letting down my walls of insecurities and being who I truly am all of the time, will only improve my relationship with God. I need to remember to do this daily and pray for His guidance.
So true, Shelley! I need to remember this too… Hugs, Melanie
Question 6 touched me most. Retreading John 4 showed me the part where Sam began to ask questions. Where should we worship? It made me think of all the questions I had as a new Christian and still have today. And Jesus answers her. Just as He will me as long as I ask. He will answer perfectly and in a way that will help me to fully understand Him more. How awesome is it to know that we serve a king that we can approach with any question? With anything at all really? How humbling and reassuring and just plain AWESOME. Too often I feel that my questions are insignificant or silly, but He is always there, listening, even hoping that we’ll come to Him and ask. He wants us to come to Him, boldly, with confidence in Him. All confidence in Him.
YES! Beautiful comment!
I loved this chapter! I struggle with hiding behind the “fine” mask. Thankfully, I have some really good friends who walked with me through some very difficult times. During those days of bitter grief and sorrow, they would sometimes stop me and say, “No, really how are you?”. I have learned to do the same with people whom I know are struggling in trials. It is easy to just throw out the “fine”.
#3 I often feel I am alone in my doubt and insecurity. I see others who seem so self-assured and together; bold, confident. People who have done no wrong.
One of my favorite parts of scripture in this chapter “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6)
I need to remember to be the kind of friend that says “No, really how are you?” You are blessed with some wonderful friends! 🙂
Blessings,
Melanie
I am grateful that Christ died on the cross for everyone of us, but I love how Renee stated it on page 43.
“He (Jesus) won’t leave a notice on our front door, but He did leave Himself as a love letter nailed to the cross of Calvary, declaring the depth of His perfect love.” I love the image that language leaves me! Thank you!
Amen! Beautiful!
It is kind of funny to me reading chapter two and discussing the I’M Fine phrase…I want to share what God prompted me to write November 12, 2011 on my blog Grace and Love;
A RAY of HOPE!
Holding onto the HOPE from God, sometimes is the only thing that can get us through the day, the moment, the minute, or the hour! I share this picture with you as it was shared with me on face book to give you a reminder to “put your HOPE in GOD”.~Psalm 42:5 NIV
We all have bad days if we are honest with ourselves, we are not always the upbeat people that we portray ourselves to be at church “HEllO how are you” oh we are “FINE” how are you…why do we do this to ourselves…when there are times we are crying inside for some relief, we are having a massive anxiety attack because we are waiting on test results, we hide behind the word FINE or OK…Let me encourage you to start hiding behind HOPE…HOPE in the one true friend that will never judge you no matter what you say, the one constant that is waiting to hear your most desperate plea, the FATHER that will never leave you nor forsake you…Next time you are ready to say FINE (and you are really NOT) try saying HOPEFUL…
HOPE~ a four letter word that can bring peace to the heart…..The FATHER is there for YOU all you have to do is pray….HE will never have a busy signal, HE will never have customer service answer the phone for HIM…HE is always WANTING to HEAR from HIS CHILDREN…
HOPE~ my HOPE for you is that you have been encouraged, comforted, or your day is a little brighter because you stopped by LOVE & GRACE today!
I am waiting, I am expecting LORD open the FLOODGATES of HEAVEN you know my most inward wants, desires and needs and I am waiting in the HOPE of YOU LORD!
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT~
~The next time you ask someone “How are you?” Do you have the time to listen they just might need someone to talk to? We are so busy in our lives and take for granted the moments of LIFE that often get missed that we could have been a blessing to someone. ~
Just wanted to share!! God is doing amazing things in me, with this study, with learning how to love myself correctly, not expecting myself to be perfect (all of time) Learning that some hurst still need to heal and that is ok because it is a process.
Thank you, Renee!!
I want to try that! “I am hopeful!” Great idea!
Thanks!
Thank you for sharing! Great idea!
Wow what an amazing response. Thank you for sharing. HOPE is alive with Jesus and we just have to stay focused on HIm and Trust in HIm no matter what circumstances we may be dealing with.
What great truths. Thanks for sharing.
Love this…..How are you? I am hopeful!! Awesome. Thanks for sharing this.
I LOVE THIS!!!! Thank you for sharing!!!
Hugs,
Melanie
I am going to do that too. Thanks for the idea to sit down and really listen to someone. I know someone in particular at dialysis I need to share with that God is there for him.
It felt really good to talk with this man today. We talked about our feelings, and shared with each other how God was healing us from being on dialysis. All I can say WOW he has a testimony and I loved to hear it. He has come a long way and he praises God every step of the way!
Funny how I used to just make small talk with him and not really tell him what God has done in my life, and now I am inspired and realize I need to do more for God while I am there.
When he left he told me that he was glad that I talked to him today about God. It helped him to tell me his story.
I love your post MarisZ and I will have to try what you suggest—“HOPE” thank you for sharing it with all of us GOD BLESS
This is great! “I’m hopeful.” It is sure to elicit more than just the standard moving on in the conversation.
I like that! Thank you for sharing this with us!
I am SO guilty of saying “fine and whatever” to mask my emotions and how I am truly feeling so that people don’t pity me or make me feel worse. I need to stop caring what other people think and I need to let my emotions out. I am NOT fine- I am up to my eyeballs with depression and stress, I am not fine! It feels good to get that out and I am going to be making it a habit to let it all out at the proper time and stop saying “whatever and fine”.
Jeana — I’m praying for you, sweet friend! It’s okay to just not be okay. 🙂 In fact, in my darkest moments is when God has shined His love in the strongest way! Praying for you and trust God for a miracle!
love and prayers,
Melanie
No, I am not fine. I am raising my teen girls alone. I never expected to be doing this alone. Their father is by no means a “daddy”. His contribution is only the small child support we receive. I just now realized that I am still angry that after 22 yrs together he could desert us. Or maybe it’s anger at him not helping with the current situatuion. Our 13 yr old is refusing to go to school. I pulled her out of public and put her in a private school before thanksgiving. Now she is literally making herself sick over going to school. I wish I could retire from teaching and just be a mom and homeschool her the rest of the year, but I can’t afford to financially.. I wish I could retire even if her schooling wasn’t an issue. We consolidated schools this year, and it is just more than I can deal with. i am not used to students who are such behavior problems…and so advanced in age for 5th grade. This is all just more than I handle.
I have been through the same situation. I am a single mom and a teacher. I did not get support, just a lot of heartache from my ex. I raised/am raising 3 children alone. They are now 25, 24, and 15. It was and is tough, but I have put my trust in God. At one time, I was having a difficult time because I had to travel about 45 minutes to my work which made it difficult when I needed to be home quickly for my children and I prayed God would help me. After 6 years, He opened a door for me to transfer to a school 7 miles from my home. This was awesome. What I am saying is trust God, reach out to Him and hold His Hand, He will walk you through this “valley”. I will be praying for you Jody. You can email me with prayer requests and I will pray for you. [email protected]
Jody, my heart just breaks for you. I am so so sorry to hear of all you’re facing. I’m joining our sister Nina in praying earnestly for you. Please don’t lose hope. If I can do ANYthing, please feel free to email me ANY time. I’m praying for your children and trusting God to work a miracle. Love to you!
Hugs,
Melanie
Thank you so much for today’s post… and for your book. I have struggled with “being fine” for a long time. It is really kind-of odd that it is something of a pet peeve of mine when someone tells me that they’re fine and I know that they can’t possibly be. All of a sudden I am seeing that I have been doing that exact same thing for probably all of my life!! I feel like I have been trying to rid my friends of their splinter with a plank in my own eye. Thank you for helping me see more clearly.
I have always been the strong one, the one with her head on straight, the one with the perfect life, the one everyone else turns to for help and counseling. I guess I have never felt like I have been permitted to not be fine. I have thought for a long time that this is not a big deal… I can be fine to everyone and not fine at night when I am alone and everyone else is in bed. My walls are starting to crack and I am scared and , quite honestly, somewhat relieved. Thank you for helping me to see that being human and imperfect is not only acceptable but a place that we are called to by our loving heavenly Father.
I can SO relate to your comment. I also like to pride myself on having things “all together” for everyone else, but there comes a time that we all have to strip off the mask…. especially in front of God. Beautiful comment — thank you!
Blessings,
Melanie
Thanks so much for sharing these words about “I’m fine.” They’ve been my words most of my life, even when I’ve been too sick to get out of bed and too anxious to know what to do with myself. A good friend even gave me a bookmark with a cat lying on its back, all four legs splayed, bearing the caption, “I’m fine. Really.” In the last couple of years I’ve started becoming more honest. But it’s a hard battle! I publish the blog posts which are daringly honest about my struggles and how God speaks into them, and then all too often I wrestle with having been so honest. Thanks for the reminder that our honesty opens us up to God, and also creates space for others to know it’s okay for them to be honest about their struggles too. May I share these thoughts from my “past life” (before chronic illness) when I was a doctor delivering babies? I’ve found it so helpful to be reminded that God is not afraid of my mess. . . it’s only me that prefers to hide behind “I’m fine.” http://hearingtheheartbeat.wordpress.com/2011/01/25/when-you’re-ashamed-of-the-mess/
Carolyn, thank you for sharing your website! I can relate so much!
LOVE this quote: “God is not afraid of my mess” LOVE love. Thank you for sharing your website! I’m heading over there to “meet” you! 🙂
Hugs,
Melanie
I am slow! I just now realized that Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, Exhausted = FINE!
LOL.
Took me a little bit too….. and I though my blond was just “highlights” 😉 HA!!
Hugs,
Melanie
I’m going to confess that I have to get caught up this weekend. We had a power outage for several days, and things got really crazy. So I have a lot to catch up on. I finally got a chance to connect here!
Hi Ruth, we’re glad you are here! No pressure. Just read, highlight the points that resonate with you and take your time to answer the questions. Each chapter is a layer so please take time for chpt 1 and 2. Hugs and blessings!!
Praying everything calms down for you, Ruth! I know you’ll be so blessed by this book! Praying for you!
Hugs,
Melanie
Renee,
We may never meet but you wrote this book for me, for where I am at in my life and where I want to be. I am not fine and I don’t have it together. More times than not, I feel like a failure. I prayed for so long tonight and realized that I feel this way because I am believing the lies of the devil and not the promises of God. I am thanking God for you tonight. This is exactly what I needed. God bless.
-Laura
I feel 100% the same Laura! Thank you so much Renee. As I said in a past post, God had you write this book so that I would hear him speaking to me. God bless you! 🙂
YES! In fact, I told Renee it was like she read my private journals!!! 🙂 God certainly has a message to send to “His girls” and I’m praying for many receptive heart (including mine) to hear it. Praying for you!
Blessings,
Melanie
It was so nice to open my e-mail today and read what Melanie wrote about saying “I’m Fine”. I definitely was not “fine” today and I really needed it. I need to finish reading chapter two and go through the questions. I really appreciate Renee’s ministry to women. I really need prayer to get through the next month. Life has brought challenges I didn’t think I would encounter so I am struggling to get through each and every day. I don’t feel comfortable sharing my “challenges” at this point but I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. Right now I’m just trying to soak in Renee’s message through her book.
Thank you so much for your comment! I just can’t tell you how much that means to me! Praying for you tonight and trusting God to provide strength and peace in your heart.
Blessings,
Melanie
I can relate to the “I’m fine” mask. One Sunday in church one of my dear friends came up to me and asked how I was doing. As usual I said “I’m fine”. She then looked me straight in the eye and said, “Are you sure?” To be honest I was not fine, but I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear all the troubles I have been having. As I have grown in my faith I have come to find that if I don’t tell them how I really feel, I take that person’s opportunity to say, “No, I don’t want to hear it” away. Besides shouldn’t we be able to be honest with each other? I would also agree with another post that talked about pride. Am I being prideful by not telling someone the truth regarding my circumstances? After thinking about this I would say yes. I don’t want anyone to fix my curcumstances, I just want someone to listen and stand beside me in prayer. So, here it goes. This is as good a time as any to be honest. Maybe it will be freeing.
My husband and I have not been able to meet our morgage payment for 2 months. I have a feeling that things are beginning to turn around for us as he has been getting more work recently in his Construction business, but it may be too late. I would ask for prayer that God continue to bless his business and that our mortgage lender would be understanding in these circumstances.
I have seen so many miracles within the past two months. I just never thought a miracle could happen to me. I know this is not God’s truth. I ask for prayer regarding this as well. Blessings to all!
Thanks Renee for the enlightenment. God has truely blessed you!
Wendy, I think by you sharing your troubles is a very brave thing to do. Kudos to you. Not many people can a. come to terms with a struggle and b. tell anyone. I am praying for your husbands business as well as continued strength for you and your husband as you step into uncertainty.
Shelley
Hi Wendy — I appreciate your honesty SO much and can relate to what you are saying. I am praying with the other ladies that God will provide for your family financially and work out all of the details with your mortgage. You are loved and valuable to Him, and He cares about every detail of your life. Trusting Him with you for a miracle!
Hugs,
Melanie
Sam’s story inspired me also. I always grew up feeling like God was there pointing his finger at me whenever I failed like my dad did. That he was keeping score and I was on the failing side, but after reading Sam’s story I was so encouraged and saw Jesus in a different light. He loves me no matter what I have done, he is waiting there to comfort me, guide me and offer me hope for better if I will let him and trust in his words, his promises.
Like many others, I play the fine game too. I don’t really think that people really want to know how I am doing, they are just asking because that is the nicety that we are suppose to do. I don’t know how to tell others how I am doing because I don’t want them to think that I am a failure or that they won’t want to know me if they knew that I was insecure and not in control as much as I let them think I am in.
You are certainly not alone, MIssy. I think so many of us feel this same way. I’m praying that God will use this wonderful book to encourage your heart and bring you closer to Him.
Blessings,
Melanie
I am in the middle of a difficult situation in my marriage. I find myself wearing the I’m fine mask and wondering why! I have used this opportunity to open up to a few close girlfriends and let them know that I’m not fine right now. It just brings tears to my eyes to listen to them pray over me and what a relief to be able to be real about what is going on in my life right now. I’m on a very hard journey, but one that I know I’m on for a reason. God will provide wisdom and peace as I search for the next step to take. This study is helping me to place my trust in God and let Him build confidence in me that when He is enough, the rest will follow whatever that may be for His glory. Thank you for this forum to begin to be real and get rid of the I’m fine mask. I hope to continue to be able to do this more. Especially right now when things are NOT fine.
Michelle, my heart breaks for you. Please remember that God specializes in miracles when there seems to be no hope! Never lose hope, sweet friend! I admire your faith, and sometimes it’s okay to just not be okay.
Love & prayers,
Melanie
question 4 asked about our comfort level with a relationship so deep with God. Honestly I really really want to be comfortable with it, but I think it scares me a bit because I might hear things I don’t really think I want to hear at that moment. But maybe I’m wrong? Who knows?
I can definitely understand that. I don’t think you’re wrong at all. God longs to make our hearts more like His, so even if it’s scary, let’s go for it! You aren’t alone, and all of these wonderful ladies are praying right along with you! I can’t wait to read the comments at the end of this study!!! 🙂 I’m trusting Him for many miracles!
“THE MASK”, Over several years I have tried to be open and be real with people. Sometimes it’s hard when you have some type of leadership role in a bible study setting or the other one that I really struggle with is my own family who are not christians and they ask how are you and you really can’t be real with them because they can’t handle it. You see, I have a mental illness and my family (blood) can’t handle it, understand it or wants to. So, they really don’t want to hear how I am doing. My close christian friends I can share with and for the most part I can be honest-they don’t always understand my inner war but they listen. Then there are those who don’t know what to do when you are honest and share how you are feeling. This has caused me great disstress. I try to take the mask off but sometimes I feel I have to keep it on for my own protection. I want to be real and authentic as a christian but at what cost. This has caused great insecurity for me especailly right now having gone through a rough year of my mom passing and my sister causing much drama that has seperate us for now.
In chapter 2 the thing that has stood out for me right now comes out of the prayer of -Praying God’s Promises. This is my cry right now and I know God hears me. “When I feel insecure, insignificant, or unloved, remind me of Your perfect love that has the power to cast out fear.” People might not beable to handle me taking my mask off but I know my Heavenly Father does and that is something I need to hang onto and trust and believe. I want to be real, authentic and most of all I want to KNOW my Heavenly Father so that I don’t have to worry what other people think or say about me. This is so hard for me because I am a people pleaser. I hope this all makes since. This book is hitting the core of my insecurities and that is a good thing though it is very painful right now. I just want to belong.
Your comment is an important reminder to me that I not only need to take of MY “I’m Fine” mask, but also respond with love and encouragement when someone else shares their struggles with me. I’m so sorry to hear of the problems you are facing with your family. Praying for you! He loves you with an unfailing love.
Blessings,
Melanie
I’ve worn the “I’m fine” mask for years now. I went through a divorce a couple of years ago and I would just sit in my office with tears in my eyes, wondering how I was going to raise a teenager and toddler alone. I somehow always managed to put on a smile and seem strong to those around me, the entire time feeling like I was being torn apart. I would even tell myself and God I was fine, I was strong and I could do this. Now when I feel weak I cry out to God and tell Him I’m not strong, I’m broken and battered by the storms and I need Him. I’ve finally realized that God knows my weaknesses, pain, sorrows and desires. I’m not alone, I can take my mask off and reach out to God, he’s always there with open arms and assures me of His love and promises for me.
Oh, sweet friend, He is doing a good work in you right now! I am so excited to see how He moves in your life! My experiences in the pit of despair actually brought me closer to God than I could ever imagine. I encourage you to call out to Him and trust Him. I’m praying earnestly for you! If there is anything I can do, please feel free to email me!
Love to you,
Melanie
This chapter, heck this whole study, is so what I need right now in my life. My life is so far from fine right now. Issues with my children, my husband, our marriage – everything seems so completely skewed right now. I do have friends that I tell the actual story to. Thank GOD for my friends that really hear me when I say fine and they say “yeah right, let’s try that again… And this time leave out the fine” God has so blessed me and my life but I need to work on accepting it. Accepting his love, accepting his grace and mercy instead of punishing myself and tormenting myself with my expectations of everyone else BUT God. He is the one that matters. His love and his grace and his mercy – which are everlasting. That is where my focus should be. Thank you everyone for writing and sharing this study and your feelings. It is so unbelievably calming and comforting to know I’m not alone in my feelings.
Exactly!!! Yes, I could not have said it better! I also want to encourage you, Michelle, to not give up. NEVER give up hope. My marriage at one point hit the lowest low I could imagine, but God picked up the pieces and to my amazement, mended it to be stronger than before! He has worked in the most obvious and amazing ways in my life when I was at “rock bottom”. I’m praying for you!!!
Love and prayers,
Melanie
The quote that really pierced me is on page 41. ” Jesus is the only One who can meet our deepest needs to be accepted and delighted in simply because of who we are. We can offer nothing but our presence, and He will desire us just the same.” It goes along with my answer to Q4. I am comforted by the fact that God is a loving God who cares about the real me, even if I am Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, and Exhausted. Can I add at least one word to the FINE. EMOTIONAL = hormone issues!!
HA!!!! YES to the hormone issue!!! 🙂 Great point!
Hugs,
Melanie
I have to say that I signed up for this study but I was not able to get the book.
I’m still getting the emails, and so needed to hear this blog post today. I am living under the mask of “I’m fine” almost constantly right now. I’ve really been struggling emotionally, dealing with feelings of being unwanted and fear of being who God has made me and called me to be. This is something I’ve struggled off and on with for awhile. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for being open and encouraging us to drop our masks and be real with each other. This is truly a blessing and I’m so thankful God led me to your blog tonight.
Thank you for your comment! I just can’t tell you how much it means to me. I’m praying for you, Brooke, and please continue to trust Him! God’s got great plans for you, sweet friend!
Hugs,
Melanie
Yes…Gods grace is sufficient and as Renee states…if I let it be! Why do we struggle with this? I am a leader and a “fixer” by nature, while this can be a good quality it can also be a hinderance in my walk with God. Instead of turning things over to him and allowing him to handle or even asking for others to help I tend to play “the I am fine game” all the while living in turmoil! We play that game much like Sam did…avoiding others because we are afraid they will notice a weakness in us or avoiding the real answer to others questions about us. Why…insecuirty and and a lack of confidence. Praise God for this study as we learn our confidence will never be in ourselves but in the perfect love of Jesus Christ. A love that cast out all fears! I pray that each of us will respond to his perfect love and in this game of life be able to honestly and comfortably be ourselves….opening the door not just to be ministered to but realizing an open door is welcoming others to come in……others that may feel as if they have no where else to go! Yes, his grace is sufficient and all we have to do is accept it! May we continue to come to the true realization of this as we study together! Amen and blessings to all!
This is a great point! I tend to be a “type A” first-born, “leader” type too and so many times, I pride myself on having things “all together”. God can only use our lives, though, if we surrender control to Him alone…. and I am praying that He will help me to do this. Thank you for your comment!
Blessings,
Melanie
I have always been one to say “I’m fine” because I didn’t think other women were dealing with the same feelings I’ve had. After reading the posts I realize that there are alot of us out here that are Not Fine and have hidden it from our families, our friends, and especially our God. This chapter has taught me that God wants me to share my feelings with Him. He wants to meet me where I am Right Now! What a wonderful concept to grasp…just like the woman at the well he will meet me too! I pray for all the women that are studying this wonderful book together.
ME TOO!!! In fact, when I heard Renee was writing a book about struggles with insecurity, I thought I heard it incorrectly! That is part of the lie I think so many of us (ME) buy into — we think we are the only ones who feel this way… but you’re NOT alone, sweet friend. So thankful for this wonderful group of ladies!
Blessings,
Melanie
I try to hide behind “Fine” when the truth is that at times my life seems to be full of mountains to scale. Thankfully our heavenly Father either moves our mountains or helps us over them. Each time I go to see my orthopedic surgeon they give a card with a scripture on it or a thought about God. The ones I have gotten the last several appointments have been the same the quote — “I believe that what God has placed in me is superior to the mountains that stand in my way” Author unknown. God cares so much about us regardless of the size of our mountains or the size of our trials and he already knows we are Frazzeled, weary, sad, defeated, or any other word. But even when we are all of those things we are also known and loved very much by him. Praise God that he takes us as we are.
Beautiful!!! YES! … and what a wonderful surgeon you have that shares such encouragement with his/her patients! Thank you so much for your comment!
Blessings,
Melanie
I am really getting a lot from reading this book and all the encouragement Renee has to offer us! When it comes to taking off my mask, it is wonderful to know that God loves us and excepts us for who we are! After all,, He created each and every one of us, in His image, to live and to love, and to care about others and when we encourage each other, we in fact are truly blessed from it! Renee, you are truly a blessing and an inspiration to us all!
So true! Sometimes I just don’t understand why I try to hide my true feelings from God — He alreadys KNOWS them! 🙂 I’m so thankful for His patience with me!
So many times have people asked, how are you, some just in casual passing… and I say I’m fine, very seldom do I say I’m not fine. It is like a habit, they ask and automatically the answer is I’m fine, how are you? This was a great chapter. It is so nice to know that with God, well we know he knows exactly how we are doing and he is always there to listen and encourage us through his word. He loves us even when we are not fine that is where I am learning to turn. I do also have to learn it is ok to tell people not doing so good today or it’s been a rough day… I am going through a divorce, my husband moves out this Saturday, it makes me sad but I know that I have tried to make this work for years and I truly believe that God does forgive and I do believe that he has a plan for me I just have to keep looking forward and not back. And keep him and his word front and center.
Debbie, I am praying earnestly for you tonight. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I pray God will wrap His arms of love around you in a very real way. Lots of love to you!
I am praying for you sweetie. I to went through a divorce, not one but two! Keep your faith, stay away from those that will try to sway you from your faith. Trust and pray for His help. Wait and listen for He will make you lie beside still waters. It’s a restful place to be if you will allow yourself to heal during this time.
Chapter 2 really hit home for me. I hide inside myself, put a smile on the outside. God kows my inside. In fact, my body rebels the tension and stress I hide. God finally convinced me to take a rest and admit my inadequacies – ‘My favorite saying is ‘he put me on the couch’. That rest opened my eyes to the lies I was convincing myself. God revealed himself to me that I must face the facts to get better.
The mask is a great symbol. we all tend to wear them. I have sincce responded to some that ask how I am, ‘I’m not fine’. Some stop and ask why, others ignore.
Praying for you, sweet friend! He has began a good work in you and will be faithful to complete it! 🙂
Hugs,
Melanie
I’m FINE…I am grateful to know that I’m not the only one with a mask on. I sometimes feel guilty if I am talking to a friend to let her know otherwise because she is going through also. I don’t want to dump on her so I take it God. But It’s nice sometimes to have a human being to vent to. I am grateful for my prayer partner who intercedes on my behalf. I pray that I can stop looking for someone to feel sorry for me and come to my rescue. But I will lean on my Daddy first instead of last.
SO true to lean on God first… I don’t know WHY I seem to do that last. God is so patient with me. 🙂
I always just say “fine” because I feel that people get tired of hearing that I am not fine. I struggle so much with liking myself. I never have and I feel like a failure 90% of the time. I compare myself to others all of the time and feel that I never measure up. I have been this way most of my life and want so much to break these chains. I have a wonderful “fine” mask. The only person that knows that mask is my husband and he just doesn’t get the struggles a woman goes through. It is good to hear that so many other people struggle as well. I keep thinking that maybe when I figure out what God’s purpose is for me I might for actually be “fine” God Bless all of you.
I struggle in the area of comparing myself to others as well. Then I try to remind myself that everyone is different and we all have strengths in different places. Sometimes it helps, most of the time it doesn’t. Today I came across a magazine of Famous people red carpet mistakes. Although I really didn’t have the money, I bought it to remind me that everyone makes mistakes. Including movie stars who have a team of people to get them ready. Just remember God made you exactly the way you are. He loves you exactly the way you are.
Therese, I SO appreciate your honesty! I am the QUEEN of comparing myself to others!! 🙂 Please stay with the book because Renee actually addresses this very issue, and the encouragement in this book has been a HUGE help with freeing myself from the “comparison trap”. You are not alone, sweet friend!!!
Hugs,
Melanie
I love all the honesty coming in the posts. I have actually recently been asking God to heal and release me from a critical spirit. I realized that I was critical of others, myself and many situations. I judged others and myself against them. It was a huge mess. As I have been forgiving myself and others and when I have a negative thought or impulse, I give it to God and ask Him to help clean up my thoughts, I am finding much peace. Criticalness can come on us without our knowing and make a mess out of our thoughts and lives. It really becomes part of us and we judge ourselves and criticize ourselves making us not fine at all. It is very freeing to give the criticalness away. Love you all!! Cheryl
I loved this chapter. It helped me to see God in a different way. I now see him as my faithful friend that I can talk to and not feel ashamed about feelings I might be having. Work has been difficult for me for quite some time now, not quite sure why but i just don`t seem to fit in anymore. I pray that God will show me what`s in my heart and heal me so I can once again feel passionate about what I do. Thank-you for showing me how to truthful when I really just want to say I am fine.
Kathy,
I will be praying for you! I am in the same situation as you are, at work. I have been trying to find my “true” purpose in my life in order to serve God to the best of my abilities. I feel that I have had many failures and keep trying to figure it out and I still feel lost!
Praying for you, Kathy! God has plans for you, sweet friend, and I pray He will reveal them in a clear way to you soon! Hang in there!
with love,
Melanie
I’ve always thought of God as a Fatherly, authoritative but loving figure. He has always been beside me even though I may ignore him sometimes. I grew up in the day of the Majestic Bible Movies “Ten Commandments” etc. In one of them God is shown with long flowing white hair and is angry. I never want to displease God–As I never wanted to displease my earthly dad. I’ve always felt comfortable and yet know I could incur his wrath if I disobeyed–I also know he will forgive me if I ask.
In question # 4, Yes, Jesus has created a safe place for me to be completely open and honest about my feelings, etc. It is very comforting to me to know that He knows me entirely and still loves me. A hard concept for us to fully understand sometimes, but I know that he cares for me and strengthens me when I am ready and ask to be able to change, to be fulfilled, etc. It is what gave me strength to follow through with this Bible study. Thank you Renee for being their to lead us.
I LOVE this part of your comment: “I also know he will forgive me if I ask”. Beautiful!!!
My “I’m fine” mask is in the process of crumbling. Brand new job for the first time and panicking about being perfect enough. Some days I can’t even hold it together in front of my class of third graders. I definitely know what that blog post meant when it talked of walking down the hallway fighting back tears and feelings of terror and sadness. I just got married and graduated college, and I’m dealing with more changes in my life than my heart can handle. I’d appreciate prayers if anyone thinks about it, because I’m definitely NOT fine right now.
Brrttney just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. I have taught for 4 years and it feels like I’m just getting the hang of it. Breath…relax…the first year is always the hardest. You’ll see year after year it starts to feel a little bit easier. Always use your resources. If you have a mentor teacher dont be afraid to ask for her help. If you dont have one ask a teacher you feel comfortable with if they can help you out…give you advice. Perfect…we will never get there…do what you know…your best…and youll see that your best is going to get better every year. And remember His promise We can do ALL things through Him who gives us strenght. You are in my prayers.
Brittany, I hope you find some peace for yourself and God’s confidence in what you are doing. Not being a teacher but having children in school, it just seems like caring about the kids is the most important thing. You obviously care about what you are doing or you wouldn’t be so upset about it. Sounds like you want to do the best in your teaching job, your new marriage, etc. Take a breath and definitely relax. Keep it simple, simple lesson plans, simple marriage time for you and your husband, just simple…the rest will fall into place.
Prayed for you.
Brittany,
During these many changes in your life I pray that you find peace, comfort, and rest in God’s arms. Remember because God is perfect, we don’t have to be. Take each day one day at a time and know that God is walking with you and directing your paths.
I’m praying for you, Brittany! Third graders? Wow! What an opportunity you have to shine the light of God’s love to them!!! 🙂 That’s fantastic. I’m praying for His strength for you. Just remember that you don’t have to be perfect! In fact, knowing how this apprehension/nervous/new feeling feels…. will probably make you even better with these kids! You will be able to identify with these precious little ones who come in scared, new, and nervous. Praying God will wrap His arms of love and strength around you to shine for Him!
Hugs,
Melanie
I think we not only use pride to hide behind the mask but I often feel the person asking “How are you doing” doesn’t really want to know. It has become a passing nicety. What if we did actual answer “No, and since you asked….” how would they respond? Whether we give specifics or just asked for prayer. I’m with the rest of you. I definitely wear my mask, especially when around the ‘church’ crowd, when that’s the crowd that I should be opening up to and asking for prayers.
Twila I so understand about the mask around the “church” crowd. I wonder like you would they really care? This study has helped me tremendously. I’m learning more each day to depend on Him first because His grace is enough for me.
i can so relate to so many of the comments
I have tried at times to tell others about my struggles when im not fine. I thought it was a safe place to share. Boy can i clear a room in nothing flat. I am surrounded by so many people that don’t want to know if you are not fine. Guess i just need one confident but ive spent my life searching for that person with no success yet I keep praying
God bless you all
Yes ladies. So many times I’ve come in to the exact situation. Some women just don’t know what to do with the truthfulness of “I’m feeling really down because…….” or they just give the regular answer “Just pray about it.” Of course I’m praying about it all ready. I think there may be an issue of their own sufferings and their pride doesn’t allow them to share and realize that we should both be praising God for our challenges because of what they produce. Hard enough to do as we go through our valleys and say “but you don’t realize the pain I suffer.” There could be many things we do different to climb out of our rut. I think Dalene has it right, the person needs to be someone you know and have developed a relationship with. It’s hard to fined but there are some church people who will be sensitive but they are rare, yes even in a church community.
This is a terrific point!!!! In fact, at church is where I am most likely to wear the “Everything is just perfect in my life” mask! 🙂 Wow, this is an eye-opener. Thank you for your comments. This is a reminder to me to be open to share my struggles with someone else BUT ALSO have an open attitude when I ask how another person’s day is going. If they share their struggles, I pray that I will have an open, loving heart and encourage them any time they take off the “I’m Fine” mask.
Thank you so much for this.
Blessings,
Melanie
It’s so easy to say “I’m fine” to others question of “How are you?” I just laughed thinking about how “fine” has a new meaning to us women in this study…frazzled (or I like to say frustrated), irritated, neurotic, exhausted. I’ll be honest, I do have that handful that I truly trust and don’t have to “hold back” when discussing how I am, what’s going on in my world, etc. But…is it bad that I don’t feel comfortable to share everything with just anybody? (I definitely liked how Melanie said something about showing our wounds and scars so others know they don’t have to hide and will seek Him, too.) How do I get over the “trust issue” I have here? Or what about “it’s none of their business how I am really doing” attitude? Anybody else every feel this way? My husband and I have a rule that you can’t answer any questions with “I’m fine” or “Good” or “I’m okay”…because what do those responses really mean? I was just thinking to myself, what if that was a rule I had with others too. Hmmm… Feel like I’m just rambling on.
I LOVE YOU, LADIES! I’M THOROUGHLY ENJOYING THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER! I’M PRAYING FOR US!!!!
Kristin,
Your post gave me a good chuckle…….because you are not alone. I say to myself all the time, do people REALLY want to hear how I’m doing?????? I always tell myself ‘No.’ Once I can build that trust, then MAYBE I’ll let them in, but usually I’m the last person to open up because I don’t want them to think ‘bad’ of me.
I can relate to that Shannon. Everyone wants to tell me their problems, which i don’t mind listening to, but they don’t ever ask me how I am doing. I guess everyone just assumes I AM FINE….and sometimes I am not fine at all. But God is always there when I need to cry and let out my problems….and He gives me peace…He is our always friend and wonderful Father.
I often tell people that “I’m upright and able to take nourishment”……
That cracked me up Beth! I might try that one next time someone asks. I wonder what kind of looks I’ll get. Smiles.
Kristin,
I feel exactly this way and would also like to hear how others move past the trust issue of really opening up. I have a hard time with this b/c I fall into the attitude that its none of their business. Mostly b/c I hear them talking about other people and their lives and pass their opinions on it. I have had to deal with a lot of hurt in my life, the loss of a love, the loss of my father..and I have been really hurt with being talked about. So when you are hurting and then get hurt on top of that, you just don’t want to talk or open up anymore. How do you move into trusting and sharing?
GREAT POINT! I love this! I can SO relate to the trust issue. I think, first, we have to be honest with God. He knows we’re not “fine” so we need to just come out and say it. 🙂 It won’t make Him love us less… after all, He already knows we’re not fine. With others, I think God leads us to know whether to open up and trust… and perhaps there is a certain circle of friends that we can open up to. For example, I wouldn’t necessarily just pour my heart out to the cashier at the grocery store 😉 but I would call my sister and admit to being just crummy. I’m praying you have that circle of friends, and if you don’t — please email me! I am more than happy to pray with you and be okay when you’re not okay. 🙂
Love and hugs,
Melanie
I agree Melanie!! Our first “always safe to not be fine” place is with Jesus. I’ve found that He sometimes allows me to be in a place where there is no one else to listen or lean on because He wants me to come to Him. And He knows if I have enough humans I can go to, I might resort to what is most comfortable. It takes more faith and trust and listening to His heart when I go to Him but He’s just what I need. And even when it’s not fine, and I just pour it out on Him, things seem to look differently. And although my circumstances don’t change – in His presence I am changed.
Then when I do or don’t have someone else to talk to, it’s not as big a deal either way, because I’ve gone to Him first for what I need most – whether it’s comfort, strength, calm for my concerns, assurance in my fears or just someone to let me vent.
So thankful we have a place to share and just be real with one another – what a gift this is!
This is a gift that I need!
This a gift we all need. I have a TRUST issue. I had to learn like Renee said that Jesus had to be enough for me. I had to go to Him first and He never let me down. I overheard my Christian Sisters talking about my circumstances that I had shared with one person and I almost let it destroy me. I haven’t been able to take off my masks with them yet but I loved how Melanie wrote “I’m hurting, the details aren’t important but woud you pray for me?” God is showing me the people in my life that I can trust, I’m depending on Him. I love how He is placing new people in my life everyday. I’m so thankful for this study.
I can defintely relate to the “I’m fine. My husband’s teases me because no matter what situation came up I always answered with I’m fine, or everything is fine. Thanks for chapter 2 – it is a real eye opener. I was answering question one and when I think back to my childhood about God, I think that he was unapproachable. I grew up in a Christian home, but the gift of salvation was never shared at the church. It was only when I went to a Young Life retreat when I was 17 that I was really introduced to Jesus and I asked him into my heart. I knew then that he loved me. It has been a long road since I was 17 and I turned by back on God for many,many years. I know now that God has always been approachable and he never left me and he welcomed me back with open arms.
What a beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing this! I can definitely relate to the “unapproachable” God… for many years, I felt the same way. I had a “don’t make Him angry” type attitude without ever realizing His love for me. You make some great points — thank you! 🙂
Blessings,
Melanie
I certainly wear the “I’m fine” mask and I know that its got more to do with my Pride – I don’t want anyone to think I need help or am weak, needy, I need to get rid of my pride and bow down to the Lord.
Janet,
I can really relate to how Pride gets in the way and how this can make others think you can handle anything and don’t need support. I DO Need Support, but I’m learning that I need to lean on God, not others!
Growing up I knew about God (Was raised Catholic, but we only went to church on Easter and sometimes Christmas), but did know Know Him and didn’t even know that I could or needed to have a relationship with Him. As of 2004, I’ve slowly started letting God into my life and within the past year have started working on my relationship with him by first purchasing a Bible and now really reading it often.
No more of the Why Me…..but really diving into his Word when in pain. God Bless!!
Oh, girl… you are preaching to the choir! I am right there with you! When I wrote this, I had the same panic “What if people know I’m not okay?!?!?!” thoughts…. Pride can get in the way of our healing as well as others we could help! I have to keep reminding myself of this too! 🙂
Hugs,
Melanie
A big AMEN to Shannon and Melanie pride can be full of destruction and we need to be aware of it at all time and lean on GOD, not our selves and others.
I am wearing out my “I’m fine!” mask. I don’t like to let people know about my struggles; I don’t want to share the pain. I do talk to God in prayer and ask for guidance. I’m not sure that I am hearing any response.
When you say you pray, but are not sure you hear a response, I think you should know this: Sometimes, he uses others to bring you His response. He speaks through others, but it is a risk to open up. I know, because I have been hurt when I have opened up in the past. It is only through God’s grace that I am beginning to open up again. He has sent people into my life that are worthy of that trust.
Thank you R.J. for the reminder to listen for God in other people. I intend to share with someone this week who has shared a lot with me but has not seen much beyond my mask. I appreciate your encouragement.
I have struggled the last few months waiting on God’s answer to my prayers but worried that I won’t hear his message. A few mornings ago, I picked up my bible and asked that I’d open it to the message I most needed to hear that day. I opened my bible to Psalm 27 and verse 14 caught my attention…’Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord’. Sometimes our answers don’t come as quickly as we’d like but that doesn’t mean he’s not listening!
Can’t begin to tell you how hard it is to be part of this study right now, as “Fine” is a huge mask for me. I’m anything but fine right now as my father’s health is in jeopardy and they don’t know how to help him right now and he’s a long way away. I haven’t seen him in over 3 years and the thought that he might be fighting for his life hurts. We’ve reconciled our relationship but I long to see him again. I’m not “fine” and when I read the challenge today the tears just started to flow.
Over the years, I’ve lost a lot of “friends” when I’m no longer fine. Life has been a string of growth challenges that never seem to come to an end. Thanks for sharing so openly. I knew when I first picked up the book as that voice tried to tell me “you’re not good enough for this” that this study was something I needed to push through to become more of what God has intended for me. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Prov 3:5-6
penny S.
I am praying for your father that God would be by his side as he struggles with his health and that you experience the comfort of the Father today. may God give you the grace for this moment in time, Blessings Kelley
Being fine can be extremely difficult at time, especially when loved ones are very sick. Always remember He is there to see you thru the bad time, and will walk with you thru the good times too. I am praying for you and your father. Just remember….God is good….all the time.
Penny, That scripture has been one I constantly repeat over and over. The KEY word for me TRUST, Something I so hard try to believe. Especially since my whole childhood was shattered by people I should have been able to trust. Hang onto that scripture He will lead us on this journey as we LEAN on HIM we don’t always understand the why but we do understand the WHO we are to lean on and He will not fail us.
Penny the Proverbs verse you have has become one of my anchor verses, in all times on this journey thanks for sharing. I too am picking this book up without being “told to or assigned from church or a organized Bible Study(yet) at our church. It is amazing though as fine turns into “well thank-you” you can choose how deep you want to go into the well with that person or to even draw from it.
Penny, I just can’t tell you how much your comment spoke to my heart. I wish we could just talk over coffee and hug and pray and believe Him together. You are not alone, sweet friend. God has you here, with this wonderful, supportive group of women at this specific time for a specific reason. We are lifting you up in prayer and believing God for the work He has already started in your life. Please don’t listen to the lies of discouragement, because we know those aren’t from God. He has only wonderful things to say about YOU — how much He loves you, how valuable you are, the beautiful plans He has for you… Let’s cling to those together!
Blessings!
Melanie
I was in tears reading this chapter. I imagined Sam at the well, startled to hear someone talking, then to look up to see He was speaking to her! I can just imagine her shock that a Jewish man was was speaking to her, asking for some of her water and wanting to talk. I’ve been under the invisibility shield myself. When my husband and I got married, we moved away from my family. He had family and friends, but I didn’t know anyone. I felt as though I didn’t matter. Unfortunately, well meaning family confirmed it. I was alone in a strange town with no friends or family. Hubs worked all day then refused to go out when he came home. I was isolated. Worst of all, its a small town with no activities or clubs to join. 10 years later, I’m a member of a wonderful church who is as close as family. We have 2 beautiful daughters and I’m regularly involved in something. But those dark days still hang over my head. I pray that God shines His light to get rid of the darkness.
As a child, I saw God as an invisible person who was always with me but giving me a “You-better-behave” look.
I’m estactic about reading how God sees me now, but find it hard to believe that he thinks so much of me. I’ve failed Him so many times. How could He possibly love me as much as the Bible says He does?
Shannon, I hope you relieve yourself of some of your burden, you do deserve that you know. This world does not promise us ideal circumstances but we do have an ideal God who delivers us from darkness all the time. It’s a gift that we need to accept, because he gives it freely and lovingly. Be happy with where you are now, I hope you find peace.
I just love your comment! God DOES shine His light to get rid of the darkness, doesn’t He? Love this! Praying you will always know His strength, peace, and unfailing love He has for you! 🙂
Blessings,
Melanie
I haven’t been “Fine” in so long, I can’t remember what it’s like to be that way. What an encouraging post from Melanie. I never thought to offer out that I wasn’t fine, that the details weren’t important, and ask for prayer. What a gift I have been missing out on.
I can relate to the comment about it has been so long since I have been fine I forgot what it felt like. Also that its ok to say the details aren’t important just please pray for me. Our family has been under siege for 4years. Tumultuous difficultys just keep rearing their ugly head. I feel like people are tired of my problems and must think there is something wrong with me for having so many disasters. Thanks for being there ladies. 🙂
It truly IS a gift! (And I’ve been missing out on it for far too long too!) Praying we will be okay with not being okay sometimes 🙂
Blessings,
Melanie
this has been a chapter of relief for me also. Knowing I do not have to be perfect because HIS LOVE is perfect is a freeing idea.!!! I am known completely and HE still comes to talk to me. He is NOT pushing me away when my emotions are upside down or I am trying to make everyone happy> HALLELUJAH! I can sit right there and know HE is going to help me transform my thinking with the truth. Great week!!
I totally feel the same way as you. I am so young, yet I have not felt fine in years. I hope this chapter will help me get the nerve to tell people that “no, in fact I need help and prayer.” That short sentence may be my life saver.
Please pray for me! I am having such a hard time at work! My boss harasses me and my co-workers make fun of me! Torment, laugh, and then look for mistakes so they can tell him what I do wrong! EVERY day for 3 years now! Please ask God to give me strength and help me! So tired of this and the crying at night! I cry out but he does not answer my cries for help! I got called in his office again today! I need encouragement and his grace! Thanks for your kindness! I am hoping 2 or more will lift this request in prayer for me!
Leslie, I pray that you feel peace at this job and the courage to find another one. No one has to suffer abuse like that for a paycheck!! Be strong, but get the heck out of there!
Amen, I was thinking the same thing Janet but I wasn’t sure if I should say it.
Leslie, I am praying God will give you wisdom, an open door and the courage to walk through it. You are a child of HIS and He would not want you to continue to be treated this way. If you in an abusive relationship those people are not surrendered to Him and He only works in the lives of those who are surrendered to Him. They are probably not going to change but you can – by getting out of the situation.
YOU were made for more than this!!! Praying praying praying!!
AMEN!!!
Yes, you were made for more than this, Leslie! Reminds of that song! Prayers!
Wow! We are certainly made for more than this! I loved Renee your statement….If you are in an abusive relationship those people are not surrendered to Him and He only works in the lives of those who are surrendered to Him. God is good!
Hi Leslie. I have been in the same situation that you are now experiencing it is not nice at all. Sleepless nights, tears etc. I prayed and asked God for deliverance from it. God did deliver me and he will deliver you. Ask him for strength to look for another job. Staying in a working environment like that is not good for you I am praying for you. When I read this my heart cried out as I remembered a couple of years of ago this was me. I am praying for you my sister be encouraged, God is able.
Leslie, I’m praying for you to have strength through this time and that another door opens with the perfect job opportunity. And that you have the courage to take that opportunity..
Leslie…Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “pans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”…You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart…”and will bring you back from captivity”. My prayer is to support you asking of the LORD for direction, steps towards his plans for you. Focus on listening for his word, for you are his blessed daughter, the Holy Spirit will guide you. In Jesus name. Amen
Praying for you right now, Leslie. Praying that God lets you know that He is indeed hearing your cries and loves you.
Leslie, I am so sorry you are going through this for the sake of your job. Boy, those people hurting you must really be hurting themselves to be so careless with their words and actions. Stay strong, realize your worth and stand up for yourself with God’s graces supporting you. You must be a very strong person. Pray for them, they need it, but shame on them also for acting so poorly.
Stay strong let it go turn it over to the lord and he wil take the burden away and make you whole again trust me i know
There are laws against harrassment in the workplace and the bullying that you receive from your co-workers is completely unacceptable! This situation is affecting you emotionally and physically. For your health & well being, I too believe that you need to take care of yourself and move on. I am praying for strength, courage and hope for you. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Cyber-hugs are coming your way!
Keeping you in prayer as God directs your steps. Praying that He keeps you safe and comforted during this difficult time.
my prayers to you Leslie. No one should have to work under those circumstances. What is happening to you is bullying in the workplace and it is not right. I pray that you can let it go to the Lord for he is the only one to bring justice to this. Stay Strong my E-friend. Christ will comfort and carry you!
I am praying for you, Leslie. I am praying that you have the confidence to step out and follow God’s leading. No one should stay in an abusive relationship. God will show you a better way. (((Hugs to you!)))
Leslie, I have lifted you up in prayer. I pray that God will show you favor in your place of work. may you find strength and encouragement the sisterhood of these posts. Please remain steadfast in the Lord for in due time HE will deliver you from this environment.
I’m praying too, Leslie…I have worked in a Christian environment for so long I have forgotten how difficult it is in the “worldly” workplace. I am so sorry and I pray God will give you the strength to do what you need to do. God is not the author of this kind of treatment…It sounds like a tough decision but for your physical well-being and mental health, you many need to find another job. Your co-workers are probably picking on you to avoid any harrassment coming their way…self-preservation, so to speak. Please keep us posted on your decisions…blessings to you today!
Leslie, my heart just breaks for you. It is a shame that adults can be as cruel as junior high-aged kids! I just want you to know that we are praying earnestly for you. God hears your prayers, sweet friend. Praying that He will make His path for your life very clear so you will not have to be subject to this abuse. Please keep us posted!
Love and prayers,
Melanie
Leslie, keep your faith strong, keep up your prayers as we will for you. Make sure you are still and listening to what God is saying to you. Some times I am no still enough so I don’t think God is speaking to me. I had God really speak to me the other day and it was awesome to know it was Him speaking:) During your time of trouble with these co-workers continue to look for something else that will satisfy your money need to have to work in this world. Keep praying, Leslie and listen.
Leslie,
My prayers are with you during this difficult time. I cannot believe that people can be so hurtful and insensitive towards others. I pray that God will surround you and embrace you in His Arms and that you will find rest and peace. Continue to look up and believe that God will meet you where you are and will guide and direct you to a better work environment. God is in control and will see you through this.
Leslie,
I pray for you this morning to be strong and remember that God does not give you more than you can handle at one time. This trial you are going through is making you a stronger woman. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13 Trust in the Lord, he will never leave you or forsake you!
Leslie, I am praying for you this morning. My heart aches for you. You are going through a lot, but you have come to the best place! God will make a way of escape. Trust Him who is able to do the impossible. May your day today be filled with His confidence and May you know that He loved you and knew you before you were born. Praying for a special job for you too. Love and Prayers,
I would suggest you go to a temporary employment agency and as soon as they find you some temp jobs (which can be very quick), you quit your current job. I don’t know your financial situation and if you are able to do that but at least you can do some temp jobs and have some income and leave that horrible place. That way you can also look for another permanent job while you do some temp jobs. Plus sometimes temp jobs turn into permanent jobs. That’s happened for me. Have courage Leslie! God is w/ you, he goes before you showing you the way and he protects your whole being w/ his sacred blood. “If God is with me, then who can be against me.”! I don’t remember where that is in the bible, sorry.
I stayed in a job like that despite having to drive to work with a bucket on the seat next to me in case I got sick… and ended up with a lifelong health issue. Get OUT, and do it now! The Lord will open doors for you. Trust Him… He is Jehovah Jireh, our provider and He WILL meet your needs!
Amen!!
Leslie, I have lifted you up in pray and will continue to. I pray that you will find a new job, and I also prayed for your co-workers. Praying that God will sustain you and give you the strength you need each day.
I recently felt this way by my boss, although he always said “i consider you a friend, and I’m just joking when I say these things.” I never took it as just joking, and my other co-workers had their clicks and if you weren’t in them, well watch out. I was there for over a year and was NOT happy. After having my 3rd and last baby, I had a few meltdowns and I cried to God. I was taking out my stress from work on my family, which I didn’t want to do. After praying about the situation for a while, I got done my job. Things kept getting worse there, and I think that was God telling me that it was never going to get better for me there, and that I belong at home with my babies. I know exactly how you feel, and you do NOT have to put up with that. I will be praying for you! Keep strong.
Leslie….I am praying for you. I too have been in your situation at work. Things have gotten better for me. I go in, do my job, and do it well and leave. I tried to ignore those that were harrassing me but it is hard. God has blessed me by allowing me to move departments. It has helped. I will pray for you daily. Stay strong and keep looking for other doors to open. Love you.
Leslie I pray God will strengthen you and will guide your steps into a new place of employment. In all circumstances He is with us. Keep your focus on Him and know He worketh all things out for good for those who love Him. Bless you
Leslie I am praying for you. You have many sisters that are lifting you up in prayer also. Maybe this study will give you the confidence to move out of that situation and trust God to work out everything for you based on His word. (The Lord is my strength and my shield my heart trusted in Him and I am Helped. Psalms 28:7) Be encouraged Leslie.
Leslie:
I just paused and prayed specially for you that Gods’s power may be demonstrated through your weakness.. Hold on !He hears your prayers and will provide the strength that you need as He is bringing you through,
God bless you!
My daughter, Karie, lives over 2 hours away and we are doing this together. Thank you to those who prayed for her this week!!! Sincerely, thank you.
Leslie,
I once was in a great job that had some very difficult interpersonal issues with co-workers and boss. God spoke clearly to me that He was my Deliverer……..to the point that I felt He said, “You don’t have to do anything, just stand there and see what I will do.” Wow, over time I was AMAZED at His deliverence! It was not quick but when it came I was overwhelmingly amazed. It is much later now and I am still amazed. I still have the scripture verse in my purse that really spoke to me when God placed a new opportunity in my path. Roman 8:12-14 in The Message version, “So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent . There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s spirit becons. There are things to do and places to go.” I applied for the job and they told me they wanted someone with more experience. Then someone said they wanted me to come in and talk to them. They said, “Let me take your resume to the person who would be your boss, she’s the best boss I’ve ever had. Immediately I was called in for a few interviews. The opportunities I have had here have been amazing. The professional people I get to work with are amazing. The way God uses me and gives me opportunities in the areas He has gifted me in is amazing! I am praying for you, Leslie, as I hit “post.” May you experience God as your DELIVERER!
Leslie, i hae been where you are. I was talked about …called goody twoshoes…all sorts of childish things. But u know…i would sing to Him softly…lifting praises to Him all day. It got to where i didn’t care about the ones causing this pain. All i knew was that God loved me for putting Him above the problems.
I know you will stand firm and not waver. I am prayin for you sweetie. I know God has a plan for you and you will endure!!!!!!!!! God bless you <3
I spent many years as a director for a major company; the grief I experienced with the pressures of many changes with senior management and supposedly colleagues left me a mess. I held on because of the money and title. I learned however my integrity and standards were being jeopardized. i was afraid to show my faith, afraid to stand up with my faith, and afraid to stand up for myself. I also was made fun of for being too soft, too sensitive, too everything. Once the company went down I found so much peace even though I have all the illnesses that come with poison companies. Please look elsewhere so that you can find peace in another environment.
I pray that you will find another job. You do not need that harassment! You need a job that values you as you are.
I read Chapter 2 and spent time with God – with great reward. God has made it very clear that I need to abide like never before to be able to accomplish what He calls me to do. It was amazing to see how He responds to my “being still and knowing…”
Then I read Renee’s post. Immediately after a heavy conversation with my child who is hurting. The blog post nails it. “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
I need this grace. My child needs this grace. In the midst of our tears-God is good.
He is good ALL the time! You (and your child) are in my prayers.
I’m praying for you and your child. Being a mom can be so hard, especially when our children are hurting. God is good. You are not alone. He is with you!!! And we are here for you!!
I’m praying for you and your child, Karen. Being a Mom is a hard job, but it’s also the best job I’ve ever had. I don’t know how people without faith can make it through the rough times. It must be awful!! Prayer is such a necessary part of a Mom’s life, both in times of trouble and in times of joy! My children are now adults and when they are hurting it’s still hard. I thank God for his encouragement and his reminders of how important it is to share my hurts and hard times with him. I don’t wear a mask with God, but have done so with others. I ‘ve tried being honest at times, but not everyone wants to hear that you aren’t fine. I’ve found that when you take off your mask and share with others that you aren’t fine, you have to do so without expectations of the other person’s response. If they’re not supportive or encouraging for whatever the reason, you may walk away with hurt feelings or embarrassment and feel even worse. For me, I find that I can’t tell every person that asks me how I am, that I’m not fine, so I’m selective about who I share with and keep my expectations in check.
What a blessing his promises are and his grace is indeed sufficient!
Sweet friend, I am praying for you today. As a mom, I know how our hearts can hurt for our children. A mother’s love has an impact on a child like no one else, and I am praying for your child.
Thank you so much for your comment — a beautiful reminder to my heart to *abide* in His Word.
Many hugs,
Melanie
I have very young children who haven’t experienced true hurt yet. Yes they have scraped their knees and feel that they are truly hurting :), but I can’t imagine the feeling that you must be feeling, while trying to hold it all together to everyone else (even though we shouldn’t have to). I will be praying for you and your child. When you are feeling really down in the dumps, pray. I find that when I am feeling down, when I pray to God my feelings, I feel so much better afterwards. <3
Karen,
I like your last sentence. It is so true….even through our tears, God is good. I am currently in an adventure, where I find myself constantly in tears praising our Father who loves us and wants more than anything for us to bring it ALL to Him!
Thanks, Mom…..I couldn’t have the perspective I have without you. Thanks, everyone else, for praying. The last day has been filled with profound peace and a new perspective. I couldn’t explain or define it….until now. I was living in God’s sufficient grace and floating on the prayers of all of you. Thanks, again, for being faithful to him always. 🙂
Dear Friend, as I read your post my heart is breaking. Though I may not know the situation, God does and He is in control with a plan. Know that He alone is your strength. His grace IS Sufficient and it is enough even though in our minds we do not always see this when our feelings are in the way of that view. Trust Him and not your feelings. He never changes but they do. Guard your heart, it is the wellspring of life. Place on your armor each morning and know that God is protecting you. You only need be open to Him and His amazing love that meets us right where we are.
Karen and Karie, I am praying for you both.
Thank you for such encouraging words. I know in the back of my mind that I am not the only person ever to wear the “im fine mask”, but there are so many times in my life that I feel that if I dont have this mask on people will look down on me….or worse. Chapter 2 has been such a eye opening chapter I can only imagine what the rest of the book has in store.
Thank you Renee for the book and this online study.
You are SO right! It IS scary to take off the “I’m Fine” mask! In fact, when I first wrote this post, I almost deleted it right after I published it because I was scared of what people might think… God can use us in our weakness though, and I can’t help but think He wants us to come to the place where we fully admit our need of Him. Praying for you, sweet friend. Hang in there!
Thank you for your encouraging, liberating words. As I read this and Chapter 2 I have gradually been delivered from pretending, perfection and performance . You cant be healed and freed if you cant/dont admit that its there. Thank you and Renee for being part of another level of freedom and healong
Yes it is but it is being real!!!
Is this the Kathy Sturgis that lived in Ft Lauderdale and knew my sister, Linda S?