Today I want you to meet my brave and beautiful friend Lelia Chealey who shares her story of emptiness and how God redeemed her brokenness.
Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart
Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.
Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.
When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.
Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.
By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.
I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob. Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”
Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.
Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.
Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one. I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.
Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.
These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.
Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.
I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:
So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.
{Here are mine}
When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.
It’s been ten years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.
I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.
You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!
***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!
Let’s Connect: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or as you read Chapter 3 this week? {REMEMBER: you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.}
Under this post, click “share your thoughts” and do just that. Also, feel free to share some answers to your end of chapter 3 questions. I treasure this space that connects our hearts! {Love you guys so much!}
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Lelia: Thank you, for being so open to share your story. I know that just by reading some of the post, that your opening up has helped others that have gone through the same thing.
Even though I have not gone through what you and your husband have, we can still take your response to God in other situations and see Him work through us as well.
Thank you for being such a strong woman. The LORD, is great!!!
Have a blessed day.
Lelia,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are very brave and honest and amazing. I read your story and saw nothing but beauty because you are able to inspire others through your honesty. I understand the shame and regret caused by actions that are performed out of perceived desperation. I, too, have been through the highs and lows of unfaithfulness in a marriage (ended one and almost the other). My first husband was the one who was unfaithful physically, but I was guilty of unfaithfulness in my mind and heart. My second marriage started the mirror the first and I learned of it in a very hurtful way, but God has used it to not only begin the path of restoration to me, but to my husband as well. We are still working toward building trust back, and it has been some ups and a lot of downs but we are still together and trying to get past the hurt to the glory side of our mess. I had to work through the pains of abortion from my past and didn’t realize how much bondage it had created. I was ashamed and miserable and tried to find my worth and value through men as well. Just call me Sam. This very week, God showed me through this study that every word Renee had written was talking about me. It was comforting to know I was not the only one out there hurting this way and that there is hope. I have never known life without God in it, which made all my poor choices all the more poor to me. I never knew Him daily in a relationship way and I never saw the reason to until recently. How I had been living with my eyes covered by the true enemy!! I never wanted to engage in spiritual warfare because I absolutely hate conflict. But, I was listening to lies. Thank you so much for speaking out and letting God use you to reach women who are hurting, silently. Your courage is remarkable and your story is encouraging. God bless you and your husband and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story. I also have had an affair. I ended up leaving my abusive husband, and now am married to the man that I had the affair with. I know people say this could never work. I am glad to say that my husband and I have given our life to Christ, and through Christ all things are possible 🙂
Thank you Leila, for your willingness to share so honestly. I spent a few years as the good girl and hiding my needs and flaws from everyone. Then I wondered by no one would offer to help me or pray for me. Well they wouldn’t do that for someone who appeared to be perfect! God knew and saw my imperfections and He led me to slowly change. A few months ago, He led me to confess to my old friends that I had been pretending to be perfect. I was terrified of what they might think! But I did it and God was there, and they were extremely warm and understanding. Praise God! Confessing and coming honestly before God needs to be a daily practice for me.
Lelia Oh thank you for the real uncensored testimony you have been blessed to share, it truly brought me to tears. I have thought of my roller coaster testimony from my first marriage beginning with drugs until that night in October when I asked God to take away the what I knew was wrong and He did. Then Him blessing me with a Beautiful baby boy all the while my gut telling me my husband is cheating and finally he told me he had been. I left with our son in hopes that things would change they never did and three months past and I knew that it would never be any different. So I moved on from the ability to being a stay at home mom to a full time working mom. I met my second husband and thought this is it I have found a good Godly man only to find out it wasn’t true it lead to deceit and a violent end to a marriage and a 7week pregnancy this was rough i started blaming myself for making the wrong decision and learning so much in the mean time. So I am now to the future, current, and everyday I confess I wouldn’t have gotten here had it not been for the Unfailing Love of my Lord and Saviour!!! this book has just give me the push I needed to COMPLETELY let the Lord fill me I had still been looking and through all that I have been through only He had been there even when I wasn’t letting Him fully he was still there. I am now excited to see the works He will complete as I wholly surrender to letting him fill me instead of look in all the wrong places. To Him be the Glory!!! Thank you again Lelia for the Real True Testiment of God you have shared, it truly has blessed me.
I should clarify the second marriage ended due to an abusive one time incident causing me to miscarry, this is why i starting blaming myself.
It’s amazing how God works! Thank-you Leila for your honesty and courage. My husband had an affair and in my brokenness I sought the arms of another- it was a terrible experience that still haunts me. I know my Father forgives me, but I don’t know how to forgive myself. How do you get to that place? I’ve spent many nights crying on my knees and yet still carry it like a thorn in my heart. I want to release it. My husband and I are still together and he knows everything. We’re in a good place in our marriage. I just am so tired of the shadows of our past.
I’m so sorry that you are still feeling guilty. In order to fully forgive yourself, you have to fully accept God’s forgiveness, and that He has thrown your sin into an ocean and put up a ‘no fishing’ sign. Then, seek and receive forgiveness from your husband. It sounds as though he has, so let the Spirit work in your heart so that you fully receive forgiveness and freedom. You’re in my prayers!
Thank you for the “no fishing” sign visual, very powerful 🙂
Agree…love the ‘no fishing’ visual! Thank you!
Leila- thank you for sharing your story today. It helps people like me too who are still dealing with guilt and shame of past sin which is why I choose only to use the first initial of my name and nothing else. I grew up in church and like you, was there any chance I could get. I felt called to go into the mission field which was my plan after graduation. My home life looked good on the outside but it was anything but on the inside. Raised by a very unpredictable and sometmes abusive father, I never felt what I did was good enough for him. I strived to please him but never could. He constantly compared me with my sister which caused constant conflict between us. He was at times physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. As I got older and continued to feel as if I wasnt worthy in my dad’s eyes, I began to seek acceptance and love in the eyes of men. I was so “thirsty” for someone to just love me and tell me I was beautiful. I gave myself away to many and in the end had my heart broken many times. At 19, I found myself pregnant by a young man who was engaged to be married to another woman. Scared and in shock, my reaction was to take care of it immediately. I was going to have an abortion. My father was so disappointed and my mother feared what our family would think. She knew I was scared. She stood beside my decision and walked through my abortion with me. The year was 1992. Later than year, my mother became ill from a simple illness. Due to some complications and her not seeking a doctor sooner, she died two months later. Not knowing how to grieve or being allowed to grieve, my father and I fought constantly. I will never forget the day he told me that since I took the life of my child, God had taken my mom; therefore this was my fault. This still hurts today as I hear those words. I cant help but think what if?? At that time when this happened, I felt such shame and guilt especially to God therefore I ran away from home and from Him. I continued to fill my emptiness in others. This week’s chapter has spoken to my heart in so many ways and then to read your story today. God has truly made beauty from your ashes. Thank you for surrendering your secret. My abortion continues to hinder me from my relationships and different roles in my life. Thank you for sharing how God can love someone like me and still want to pour love into them even after such a terrible mistake. I am still getting to that point. I am so afraid of what others will think and people have such harsh criticisms when it comes to abortion. I tell my children all the time to be careful not to judge. I have done so many bible studies but still never able to overcome my emptiness. Chapter 3 this week has encouraged me to change my way of thinking. I still strive for the approval of others and base my identity on that. I am striving each day to ask God to fill the well in my heart. To be my satisfaction. I desire so much to come through this study as a different person; not ashamed. I pray that one day I too can be as transparent as you. I pray that I will have the confidence to be honest wtih others and not so afraid of rejection. As I read these stories today, I know that I am not alone which is encouraging as well. This is a huge step for me to write this down. Thank you again and Thank you Renee for this wonderful study!
K, I was so moved by your story, I too had an abortion at 18, for years it was thrown back in my face by my family. I’m so grateful for Gods grace , mercy and comfort. It’s so encouraging to know we are not alone, I’ll be praying for all of us to be completely changed by the time we are done with this study!!
Leila!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It truly blessed my soul. I too struggled with looking for what was missing in all the wrong faces as Renee put it on her video yesterday. After a failed marriage and another failed relationship, God brought me my husband and two years later my salvation. One of my first tests was that of being tempted to run to the arms of a very close friend, I thank God every day how he stopped it from going further, because there is no earthly explanation for it. We’ve been married now almost 12yrs and God is still doing a mighty work on our marriage, but I’m so looking forward to how much better it will be after this study!!
K, I’m so proud of you for taking that huge step to share. You have the ‘approval’ of a loving Heavenly Father. You are a most loved and adored daughter of The King. Live in that knowledge, remembering that our sins, poor decisions of our past, remain nailed to (disposed of even) the cross Jesus himself carried, hung and poured out himself on – for EACH of us. Thank YOU Lord. We praise You right now in this room where we all gather, feeling (knowing) we’re in our most safe place with you. Hugs, K. T
Thank you Leila for your transparency and openness. I’ve found myself earning the same things, but reading ch. 3 has pushed me to turn from my husband as being the one to solve my problems or fill voids, but to look to Christ to fill me. Especially with all that’s going on in life, wanting to have a baby, wanting a new job, wanting to move into my career, there’s so much change I want to see, but I have to first let Him change me.
Thank you Leila. Thank you for reminding me that God is more than big enough. You are a truly wonderful woman. Thank you for your courage to share your story.
Thank you Leila for sharing your story. What a testimony of God’s forgiveness and unconditional love. I am so glad God is using your life to help others who are going through the same thing.
Leila,
Thank you so much for sharing. Your story hit very close to home. I am that same “good Christian girl” that allowed myself to be tempted into the arms of another man. I wasn’t married anymore, but he was in a relationship. I’m still struggling with how far I’ve fallen and what it’s going to take for God to forgive me. Your story helps me realize that I’m the limiting factor here, not God. He is there waiting for me, all I have to do is turn into His arms and accept His love and forgiveness.
Thank you so much for sharing so openly and honestly. I know I will be reading and re-reading your devotional.
God Bless – Wendy
Wendy,
Yes!! you have to accept His forgiveness to be able to forgive yourself and move past your own failures. Satan loves when we choose to sit in the seat of shame. As far as “what it’s going to take for God to forgive” you…it takes you getting before Him and asking.
I don’t know if I’ve ever read or heard a story that rings the blatant song louder of “the truth will set you free.” Thank you so much for this vulnerable honesty. It really is the confident courage we all need to have in Christ. His redeeming power amazes me again through your testimony. Wonderful.
Loved this Robyn because it is proof to me that you clearly saw all that God has done in our lives versus the sins we chose. Love Him and love talking and writing about His greatness!
Blessings to you!
Leila,
The courage and confidence in Christ to share such an intimate trial with us was a blessing and inspiration to me. I’m sure that we can all agree that your testimony contains the many facets of the way Christ can fill our hearts and lives as well. This book is blowing my old self away. I’m honored to be on this journey with you. Thank you for sharing, may God continue to increase your territory of his message of hope in your life. Blessings and hugs!
Briget,
I love how God is using “A Confident Heart” to change your life! Happened to me also! Little advice…when you finish it, start it again. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t read it multiple times and our lives are not the same. God is good!!
Thank you for your sweet encouragement.
Hugs from Nebraska!
Thanks Laila
For helping to point me in the right direction. I am still working on the total surrender to Jesus. I am not there yet but i am not where I use to be.
Again many thanks for your story.
What a story of finding forgiveness…..Your story and the impact on your life is encouraging. Your willingness to open up and be vulnerable is so refreshing and shows us how God can be that portion we need. Thank you for sharing your life’s encounters on how to turn emptiness into worship and seeking of the Lord.
Thank you so much for your heartwarming story and sharing it with your sisters in Christ. I grew up in a household with a criticizing mother and an absent father. I married a wonderful man, but, after seven years of marriage, made the same mistake you did and had several affairs. He eventually found out, and our marriage got stronger in the end, but to this day, I ask God for forgiveness every single day. I think the lack of a father made me look for approval from other men. I know that God has forgiven me, but still feel the guilt from this mistake which happened 15 years ago. Your story touched my heart in such a personal way! Bless you for sharing with us
The world just got smaller 🙂 I attended Lelias conference last month… what a beautiful woman and such a beautiful story of Jesus and His heart for us. I so appreciated hearing the truth of this story and reading it here in the context of the book and satisfaction… it got me to thinking of the places I am searching to fill that ache. The choices I have made and still make sometimes that dont fill my empty spots. The Spirit truly is the only one that can reach each and every one… I know that and yet I still look to the things around me to do it. Thanks for sharing you story Lelia… I pray many more are moved by it.
Wow.. Amazing honesty and love. While I cannot identify with the story, I know what heart emptiness us. God richly bless you!
Thank you Leila for your story. I was in a similiar situation in the past, although myself not married. I was looking to men to fill my emptyiness. I was involved with a married man, got pregnant and my son is now 7 years old and his Dad has nothing to do with us and accuses me of ruining his life. During my pregnancy I went and saw a Christian counselor as I wasn’t sure what to do and from that moment really developed a relationship with Jesus. I too had grown up in a Christian household, gone to church but really was lacking that relationship with Jesus. It took a while to forgive myself for the mistakes I had made but I did eventually. I have really struggled in my life being involved with the wrong type of men and now have been with my boyfriend of 3 years and he is wonderful, like no one I have ever been with before. He is a man of God, loves me and my son for who we are and is aware of my past. God truly does bring us through any situation and work it for good.
I so much appreciate the honesty from all of you, thank you for sharing and being so open about your lives.
Thank you for sharing!! What raw emotion! It brings a deep ache into my heart as I started reading, and the joy and gladness that replaced it at the end is amazing!