Today I want you to meet my brave and beautiful friend Lelia Chealey who shares her story of emptiness and how God redeemed her brokenness.
Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart
Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.
Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.
When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.
Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.
By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.
I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob. Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”
Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.
Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.
Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one. I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.
Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.
These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.
Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.
I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:
So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.
{Here are mine}
When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.
It’s been ten years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.
I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.
You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!
***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!
Let’s Connect: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or as you read Chapter 3 this week? {REMEMBER: you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.}
Under this post, click “share your thoughts” and do just that. Also, feel free to share some answers to your end of chapter 3 questions. I treasure this space that connects our hearts! {Love you guys so much!}
Thanks for sharing your life with all of us. You are very brave! Thanks for the skit. It was very moving! I hope everyone has a BLESSED weekend!!
Wow! Where to begin? Thank you for sharing your story. Thank You God for allowing me to know I am not the only one.
Short version: I am a divorced woman because of my affair when I believed the lies that I deserved happiness and that my husband was too busy with work to make me happy. I found this lying poison called happiness in the arms of a co worker who I had to lie to so that he would sleep with me. He was attracted but knew I was married and did not want to do that to my husband, or so he said. This went unnoticed for about 1 month partly because I was purposely careless and was numb. I didn’t care if anyone knew and wanted to do what I wanted. The other part? I had been so deeply wounded by my husband before marriage and after being married that I wanted him to hurt too. There was no baby but after admitting by screaming at my husband and nearly killing him because he would not give me my phone and had been physical with me, I jumped into an almost 8 year relationship with this man. I didn’t lose my children but they lost their mom emotionally for most of that time as I was severely depressed and felt trapped.
Before all of that, between my first two children and way before marriage, I had four abortions. Not consecutively but 3 were with the same man… my husband before marriage.
The enemy lied to me continuously saying that once I told my story I would be judged. I believed it wholeheartedly and stayed in that prison for most of my twenties and half my thirties. After all of that, being in a church for 7 years as not knowing what all the celebration was about or feeling like I belonged, I surrendered my life to Christ in 2009 and came to terms that this same man, the one I committed adultery with was not who I was to be with. I still struggle with believing that Jesus could loves sinner, a super sinner like me but I know He does.
Again, thank you for sharing. I gives me hope to know I am not the only one who has been in this struggle. While my ex husband and I did not reconcile ad he has made it his life’s purpose to see me suffer, I know I am forgiven and I pray that he gives his life to God.
Lelia
Thank you so much for your transparency, your courage is truly amazing! Your testimony is the vessel that Chirst is using to help other couples, and woman open up in this area that is so sensitive.
I pray that all of us who have had the priviledge of reading your story, will use take this opportunity to re-evaluate their hearts before Christ.
I thank God for the courage and honesty of Lelia. God wants us to be real, he desires truth in the inward parts. I am single and found myself attracted to someone half my age. I was in emotional turmoil as I know this was wrong and the person is not a Christian. I am not professing that I am an angel but our encounter came out of a business transaction that I had to do at his place of work. I had no intention of seeking a friend or getting involved with anyone. But my dear friend was interested and continued to pursue me. At first I thought it was a joke, but I got used to the calls and Iooked forward them and his kind words, even though I knew this was wrong and would not work. I eventually cut ties, still long to hear those kind words and desperately want to be friends even though I know it is not worth it. But that is how I want to fill my emptiness. I continually cry out God for is help and I am not quite over but I am not hurting as much.
Thanks for sharing your heart and enable me to share mine.
Lelia, your words bring hope to my life. One that was very similar to yours . Thankfully god has redeemed marriage and we are together and closer to god then ever before . Even though we have a long road ahead , I know gods plans for our future are perfect and great . I am learning to let Him be the one to fill my empty spaces . Thank you
Thank you Lelia for sharing your story and allowing all of us to enter into the promises God continues to place in our hearts concerning our insecurities and the “skeletons in our closets”. It is so helpful to know others powerful stories of how the Lord has impacted their decisions and brought peace into the brokeness of their lives. All of the stories shared in the group have brought my attention from my imperfect self to the perfection of our Father. Thanks girls:)
I too had an abortion it has been 30 years. I was saved when I was 8, but I gott from under the wiill of God I medt my husband two years later and we married three years after that and when we were married 15 years we had our daughter she is a joy. I stiil think back at the child I had aborted and wonder howthey would have gotten along since at the time of my daughter’s birth my other child would’ve been 20. She doesn’t know.
Back then there was little talk and I felt pressured into having it done. I know God has forgiven me. It has taken along time for me to forgive myself and accept God’s forgiveness, but know that I have I feel the peace He meant for me to have.
Well. My hiding place is not a marital issue. It is a business issue. Being beat down by the economy and circumstances we can’t control. But you can’t tell anyone how hard it is, because if you do, it shakes their confidence in you, too. We have a great reputation for service and integrity, but the area we are in is disintegrating around us… Relocation isn’t an option, so here we are… I understand the idea of turning it over to God…I struggle with what that truly looks like. We still have to figure out how to untangle it all. I know the road ahead will be hard and has the potential to be ugly, too. We believed we have been where God wanted us. Now we have to sort it all out and I don’t even know where to begin. In and above all I desire to honor God in all our choices… The choices just aren’t that great. Thanks for a safe place to vent.
Lelia thank-you so much for sharing your story! It breaks and uplifts my heart because I am fixing to get on my knees and do the same thing! My Daddy liked to call me “wild” in my twenties and I was. Your testimony has moved Me to my knees for forgiveness. Thank-you!!!
I just want to say you are also The Truth. A lot of people are being fake and hiding who they realy are. And in order for us to move forward in life we cannot lean on our own understanding but in all our ways we need to acknowledge the One who died on the cross just for us and He will direct our path and make our path straight. I know someone who is living a fowl life, dating several men right in front of her children and using men for money. All I can do is pray for this person because she doesnt have a true relationship with God. Its pretty sad. But I just related to your story because I too was looking to a guy to fill my emptiness. One day I also cried out to God because I was so sick and tired of feeling alone when i wasnt with this guy. I said Lord I am so sorry for putting this one person way before you. I knew God was mad at me, but He just said Draw near to me and I will draw near to you. And ever since I cannot put the Bible down , I cant go one day without the Almighty One. he has been so good to me. I love the quote when you said If I lose everything I will still have You and be okay. That quote right there shot threw me like electricity. I believe that was the Holy Spirit. if more women confessed and turn toward Jesus, then they would find the security that they need. I have found security in Jesus and I lean on Him for MY LIFE. Continue to pray for me because I have never been married but I long to be. But I will definitely wait on the Lord because every good and perfect gift is from Him.
Thank you so much, Lelia, for being willing to share your story in order to encourage others. May God continue to bless your ministry.
Thank you Lelia for your openness and honesty. How refreshing and encouraging you have been, and a blessing as I read through your story.
Thank you so much leila for your honesty and openness. The pain of adultry has hit my marriage too. My husband of almost 7 years has had affairs with 9 different women in the past 5 years. All of which was confesed to me a few monthas ago. He had been a drug addict alcoholic and womanizer since a very young age and was saved and born again back in 04. We got married and had a wonderful marriage for the first year or so. Then we moved and both of us fell away from the Lord. The drinking came back but I had no idea about the women or drugs. Everything fell apart last september. Since then my husband has completly surrendered to Jesus again. He has mived into a men’s discipleship ministry for a while and God is restoring our marriage.
It is hard and the pain is still there at times but this time away has allowed us both time to seek the Lord and grow closer to Him.
I used to wish none of this happened but in order for us to be where we are today God had to completwly break us. I am grateful for that.
Leila, thank you so much for opening up your heart and sharing your story. Your courage and straight forward honesty is inspiring. It shows how God can find you in your deepest wilderness and perform His greatest works. I have made terrible decisions in the past and up until I got gut-wrenching honest with God, the guilt was too much to bear. I never experienced an affair but I hurt people and was ashamed. Everyone forgave me but I had to forgive myself. That was the most difficult thing to do but once I did, God worked miracles through the mess and destruction I had caused. I feel very blessed to have read your story and am so thankful for your willingness to share. Much love to you and your family. You are a blessing and I hope many others can be touched by your story of faith and God’s grace in the way I have.
I am so moved by your story, Leila, for, with just a few exceptions, it could be my own….that IS the root of the problem – though I did exactly what I was supposed to throughout most of my growning up years, due to the divorce of my parents when I was very young, I always FELT broken and empty, and have always had the tendency to cling to things to “fill me up” that I shouldn’t. I ended up pregnant at 19 by my controlling boyfriend of three years. Fortunately, we worked it out, and have been married almost 25 years now, but I recognize what initially drew me to him – This same thing that pushed me to another’s arms. Though that relationship was discovered by my husband and ended before it become physical, the hurt for him was just as deep.
I admire your courage to talk about this – this is the first time I’ve spoken of this to ANYONE in a decade…..thanks for the opportunity to open up.
In Christian Love,
Sherri
Thank you, dear Leila, for sharing your heart and your pain. It took a lot of courage to do the things you did! I’m so proud of you! Praise be to our God that He not only forgives, He redeems! He brought something beautiful out of your ashes! How exciting that so MANY other women will receive healing through God’s love as they process their own past mistakes and failures. Your story will inspire them to take that first step. Thank you for sharing and for being an example to us all!
Lelia, I commend you for your courage to put yourself out there for us. I loved your testimony and its’ proof that His word is the only word! When He tells us He will use our struggles for His good it is true!!! You have given us strength to know, that even though we have made our mistakes and we feel that there is no coming back from our sins, we can! Thank you so much for your story!! I admire you and again, your testimony will live with me forever because my God is GREAT ALWAYS!!!!
Lelia, thank you for being real. I am struggling with telling my spouse the real truth about the sins I have committed. Your story gives me hope and courage.
Lelia, thank you for sharing your story. This past year I, too, was unfaithful to my husband with a married man. I, too, was in church, involved in church, involved with the youth, involved with my kids. How could we do this! And, I met him at church. We are both devastated by our actions. We have both asked for forgiveness from God, but not our spouses. We are both scared to do that. Afraid of the consequences. Afraid of the humiliation.
I’m not sure what God will ask of me in the future. But I know, because of your testimony, that I can handle it. I know God can restore anything or anyone. That’s what keeps me going.
Angie,
He will not allow you to live in humiliation. We’re our own worst critic. God has placed it in your heart to stop what you were doing and made you realize both of your mistakes… He will use this the same way He used Lelias situation, for His purpose to make you and your family stronger. I will keep you in my prayers and soon that burden will be completly lifted and He will take up for Himself and your spouse will be by your side throughout this journey telling you “We’re going to be alright”… I declare this for you and your family’s life in the name of Jesus.. Amen!!
Wow thank you Lelia for being so real. You’ve encouraged me to get closer to being able to do the same, again. (Hurt really takes a lot out of you.)
I’m amazed. Truly I don’t know what God is doing or how He’s going to turn things around for this place my husband and I are in, but I’m waiting. There are no definitive stories concerning him that I’m aware of but many wonders that would naturally point in the wrong direction based on attitudes and behaviors. I cannot imagine what you felt upon your husband’s confession (beyond your description), and all on top of feeling hurt based on your own confessions. This is amazingly – God’s orchestration of events! So glad He’s caused all of these things to work together for good AND you’re back on track!
Also ch. 3 is continuing to help me RECEIVE God’s love and develop a relationship beyond what I’ve known.
Thank you Ilesia!
“hurt really takes a lot out of you”…amen! But what is taken out of you by hurt can be replaced with beauty that only a Savior can provide.
Keep seeking Him and applying “A Confident Heart” to your life. You’ll be shocked at what God will do in your life! 🙂
Hugs,
Lelia
New creatures in Christ through the power of His resurrection! Thank you for sharing.
Hi Ladies
Something I have learned in doing Lysa Turkust book, what happen when women say YES to God..that our mess is our message for somone else…our test are the testimomies to share what the Lord has done…And it all is HISstory….we may not like to share our past stuff, but we are here to share one anothers happy times and difficult times…
We are here to love and hold up one another in these times, whether good or bad…
Blessings
Thank you, Lelia, for your testimony to the power of redemption in Christ Jesus. It is never less than amazing what “living in Christ Jesus” “living through Christ Jesus” will cause as we surrender our choices, our wills to His resurrection life. We are, indeed, new creatures in Christ’s resurrection and your sharing here has allowed me to know that this new freedom in Him, this new knowledge of the need to surrender my will fully to Him will bring me to a full understanding of the eternal life than I can live now.
Thank you, Lelia, for sharing and for opening the door for us to bring into the light all the things Satan would desire to keep in the dark! Yours is a beautiful testimony of the awesome power of Gods redemption and love! Keep telling God’s story, so others may also be set free! Many, many blessings to you, dear sister!
Lelia, thank you so much for sharing your story (and Renee, thank you for allowing her to)! I am very moved by how God has used your mistakes to bring you to places of helping others. I love your when-then statement:
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
I am going to use it as a catalyst to come up with something similar for my own statement, since I struggle with the same thing.
Blessings to you both.
I’m so happy when I read/hear about marriages God heals…thanks to all of you who have shared your stories.
I think sometimes I have Jesus in my right hand, and my relationship in my left. I want both to love me…I guess I still want control. I have experienced the peace, the joy given by God through Jesus – I know no human love can – or should be asked to try – come close to God’s love. Seems I want human love, too, though. Praying, seeking, knowing God will lead me through this as well.
Thank you Lelia for sharing your testimony. I’m so glad that you and your family were able to remain together in the wake of everything that happend.
I’m so grateful for this study and even more grateful for the lesson this week. I know that I need to stop filling my life with material things and turning to others, expecting them to satisfy me. I know that I also need to stop turning to food when I am stressed and start turning to God for comfort.
Thank you so much Lelia for sharing your story. As Christian women, we sometimes think that it is better to hide our past from others. After all, who could identify with me or love me if they knew what I had done previously? Thank you for showing us that God can use our imperfections, our moments of doubt, our sinful pasts, to His glory. He can use each of us to minister to others–the question is–will we let Him? I am so glad you have allowed Him to use your past to draw others to Him. You are living out Joshua 1:9–“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Lelia!!! I never tire of hearing your story of redemption! xoxo
Renee, I’m finallyyyyy here!!
I am now reading ACH for the 3rd time… I hear Renee asking me, “What’s God showing you about His words?” I can say with all honesty that I.am.enough.
God loves me for just being me and I can see my shortcomings as He does, proof that I need Him. I’ve been seeing all my imperfections as ways I’ve failed Him. He’s spent LOTS of time showing me that it’s ok. I’m ok. He loves me when I’m spending time with Him but He loves me all the same when I’m running around with my hair on fire, which is most of the time!! lol
He loves us, Ya’ll, He loves us!!!
Thank you, Renee. Again, for letting God use you to change my life. xoxo
Lelia,
Thank you for your raw honesty, it helped me understand better what Chapter 3 is really about. Prior to last Fall, I led an empty life – I had been in multiple “relationships”, was sexually promiscuous as a young adult, had an unplanned and aborted pregnancy in my mid twenties (which I did to keep the boyfriend at the time), married and divorced an abusive man who gave me a beautiful daughter, led another promiscuous life, and eventually met an incredibly patient and kind man who engaged in an online affair after 8 years of trying to get my attention as a very distracted wife. I was trying to fill my life with things, people, and work. I never gave a second thought to God’s role in my life, and how He could fill my empty places. I thought it was too late for my marriage last year, but my husband and I worked out our issues together with a Christian counselor and the help of amazing Christian couples who had thrived after coping with marriage challenges. I grew up in a catholic school, and catholic church and never understood a relationship with Jesus was even possible until I attended a different church in my 30s. Surviving, and now thriving, through difficult circumstances and leaning on Jesus in my times of challenges has made an amazing difference in my life. I am much better and keeping my focus – God, family, work. As a result I am becoming more confident and have been able to cope with the daily stressors faced as an adult.
Hi every one I have changed my email address this is the new one. Renee how do I change it for your blog. Please help I don’t want to miss anything
In Christ Love
Thank you Leila and Renee. I have loved the Lord for many years, but have always felt empty. Since I was a little girl all I have ever wanted was to grow up and get married. I do not want to grow old alone, I want to share my life with someone. I have even been angry with God for not sending me that special someone. My heart aches for something to fill that void of not haveing a husband. People have often said maybe I am gifted with singleness. That just made me angry what do they know, they are married. What I am trying to say is that this study has me thinking and praying differantly. Chapter 3 has been a difficult chapter for me, and I may have to read it over and over til I get it.
Hi Shannon! Thanks for posting. I can definitely relate. God hasn’t released me from chapters 2 or 3 yet. He’s not letting me move forward until I get it. I can recite it to you, but I need to get it deep down in my heart. I am a believer in the Lord, but I have struggled for many years with being satisfied. There’s only One that can fill our deepest place. I need to trust him to fill those areas I feel so empty.
After finishing chapter 3 & answering the questions, the Lord made me realize I was trying to fill my cup with works/words to impress ppl, just to make me feel better about myself, instead of doing this for His glory, I wanted the attention directed at me, please forgive me for this Lord, and help me to live for Your glory & Your will for my life, thanks for giving me this insite, but I do need pray cause I know this is going to be a very hard thing for me to do beings most of what I was doing was for my own gratification, am so sorry Lord.
Wow. Powerful testimony. I must admit that I would be scared to death to share my past with others, and I have one. I know God knows my past, and I have gone to Him over and over again. I am forgiven because of Christ. Sometimes I feel though that I act like I dont’ have a past or don’t want others to know because then they will judge me. And, we all know, many, many Christians judge as well as non-Christians. So I keep those things between me and God. He has allowed me to move forward.
what I love about your testimony is the honesty, the humility, the forgiveness! I cried as I read because we have been forgiven. God still loves us! Thank you for being brave to share! I know it helped me, and I know it will help others.
Patricia
That is such a touching story. My husband and I have been through something similar, only he didn’t have the affair, I did. Telling him was the hardest thing in the world for me to do, but I knew it had to be done. It took some time, but he fnally forgave me and we have worked very hard on our marriage. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better than it used to be.
Thank you Lelia for sharing, it gives me so much encourgement to keep going on. Each day I feel God is speaking to me, confirming He is a forgiving God.
Lelia, thank you for sharing your story. I am so grateful when I see the authenticity of another believer. Sometimes I think, like our book has already pointed out, we are more often than not behind a mask that says, “I am just alright. And everything in my life is squeaky clean and bright.” When I was young I was a drinking, cussing, smoking, hell raiser of a woman from a home of alcoholism and abuse. I didn’t need anyone or anything besides a drink, a cigarette, a joint and a man. My life too was a train wreck. Jesus brought me to Him in a Damascus experience of His saving grace and truth. Then he brought me into relationship with a woman who became my mentor, teacher, friend and mom for 35 years. I was 26 and she was 65. I write about it in a book to be published this fall called, “Dolores, Like the River.” I have prayed over every word and asked God to bless a project that shows His Glory when he reaches down, covers, redeems and refuses to let go of the lost, frightened and broken. Then with His help, He calls us to lift up others by sharing ourselves and our truth in Him. Like the little drummer boy, we bring our gifts, ourselves and our hearts before Him and say, “This is all I am God. This is all I have. Praise you Lord for ALL that you ARE. Use me for your great purposes.” Blessings dear ones. Blessings in His love.
Wow!! Thank you for sharing…. this is me minus the abortion. Last May I found out that the roommate we had living with us was who my husband was with. I had also had an affair with one of my best guy friend. We decided that we wanted to work on things and stay together since we have three children and we do love eachother. The next few months were rough. I went to pot to take away the pain and numb me cause feeling anything made me feel like I was going to break. The situation we were living in we couldnt afford the house without her so from May to September I got to live and see her on a daily basis. One of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Then in September she moved out and I finally starting to feel peaceful.
My marriage was never the same and our sex life has suffered as well. It is still not the same and has not been restored. He is not saved at the moment and thinks that adding people into our marriage is a good idea and I will admit that I have been tempted with the idea of getting that from another man. Just admitting that makes me want to cry cause it goes against everything I believe…. please pray for me ladies I want to go to God with my needs which I dont even know how to do yet. But I also want to rely on my husband to be my one and only….
What an amazing God we have –he forgives us completely and continues to bless us beyond our expectations. I too betrayed my husband and my two precious sons, fell into several depressive episodes, thought my only way out was hurting myself and ending it all. But deep within my soul His light was shining, even through all the pain and heartache and dispair. God wasn’t giving up on me. My sons wouldn’t give up and reminded me that no matter what, I was their mom and they loved me. My husband was devastated, but held fast to our marriage vows to love me “for better or worse and in sickness and in health”. I thank God because I was “worse and indeed sick”. I can’t dwell on my past and the ugliness, but I can rejoice because during all of it God’s light was still shining in that darkness … and the darkness did not overcome it. (Reference John 1:5)
This really touched my heart. Thank you.
Firstly, thank you Lelia for reminding us that even in our darkest, bleakest, and broken hours all we need to do is surrender. You are a woman of great courage. “If you’ve ever doubted God’s personal pursuit of you, let this truth sink in, my friend: wherever you are, He wants to meet you there. He is waiting for you to stop, come up close, and turn your heart to listen to His. You don’t have to pretend things are fine when they aren’t. He knows what is going on in your thoughts. Nothing could keep Him from wanting to be with you”. I realize this quote is from Chapter 2, but it’s been on my mind since I read the email this morning. The last 4 or 5 years haven’t been easy for me, I’ve walked some dark corridors, and often felt I was doing it alone. This past autumn I felt as though I was at my lowest…although I was sure the worst days were behind me. I could not shake the emptiness, the heaviness, and the hopelessness I was feeling. Then one day God spoke to my heart in a way I hadn’t experienced in years, if ever. I was on my morning commute (over a rural highway – no buildings, just trees) and the leaves appeared to have changed colour overnight. The beauty of the richness and depth of the colours overwhelmed me. It was just as though I could hear Jesus say , “I painted this masterpiece just for you…I hope you like it”. I weeped. I had read books about our Lord being the pursuer of my heart, but had never felt it the way I did that day. Even now as I type this I feel as though my heart could explode. He did that…just for me. Incredible.
Norma,
I love this and I love how tender-hearted our Chief Shepherd is. He tends our souls like no other. Continue to allow Him to have His way with you. He’s got His best for you.
Hugs,
Lelia
It is a beautiful story and it takes a lot of courage to tell a story like that. It takes a lot of courage to relay what you have been through and that the Lord is with you and taking care of you and your marriage. Praise the Lord and God Bless you.
Leila, Thank you for your story. So many of us think we are the only ones who have done crazy things to fill the love voids in our lives. I too had the pain of an abortion taken away by God’s unconditional love. He is amazing. He just keeps coming after us! May God bless you and your marriage as you seek Him and allow Him to go to the deep places in your heart that only He knows about. He is faithful!
Very courageous to share.
Lelia-what courage that took for you to “tell all”. I too, have dark secrets only God knows though. I’ve confessed these things to only Him because of fear of human condemnation. Your honesty about getting caught up in satans lies even as a Christian took so much courage to share. I guess I have hoped that God has forgiven me over the years. I need to stop questioning His forgiveness, and know that He has. Thank you Lelia for your honesty, courage, and hope you’ve shared. It’s an awesome example also of how God can help us forgive each other even when we do such imperfect things. That is an area where I struggle…..the fear that I won’t be loved if I’m not perfect. I’ve been shown and told so many times I’m not worth loving if I have something wrong, and I’ve believed that by men and women in my life. Let me share that this is a continuing process of wrapping my mind around what God tells me my worth is in Him, to living that in daily life. Thank you God for loving us all even though we make very imperfect choices. That’s UNCONDITIONAL love:)
Leila,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My story is so similar – I related so much. A number of years ago I hung my sins on a life size cross at our church in Illinois. It was such a relief and I felt better than I had ever felt in my adult life. I have come a really long way from that time in Illinois – actually lived in 3 other states since then and got married. My problem to this day is sharing my story with strangers. I am ok sharing if they have a similar story – but not good sharing otherwise. It has helped me a lot to see your story in writing and the great response you have received. I guess my fear is that someone will judge me for my decision. I just need to remember it is not their place to judge me anymore than I should judge myself. I need to leave the judging to our Heavenly Father. Thank you again!
Hey Sue,
Thank you for sharing this. It’s important to focus on God’s greatness and redemption because that is what our story is really about. I’m very vague in what I share. This is just a glimpse of my sinful choices, I’d make you run away from me if I gave too much detail. 🙂
Keep focused on Christ, read and re-read Renee’s book (that helps me A LOT) and always wait on God’s timing of when you to share. He’ll blow you away with His response to your obedient heart.
Blessings,
Lelia
What a power testimony of true love and grace. It is humbling the read of so many, including myself, that struggle with the loneliness and emptiness in our hearts, How in our need to fill it, we seek or hide, until we meet Christ at that “well” and accept his living water. I have read this story and taught this lesson but through this study and stories it has came off the pages and into my heart. God Bless you. Learning to “Come to the well”!
Thank you Lelia, and thanks to all of the other sisters sharing their stories today. I think one of the biggest blessings in all of this for me is that when i am walking in the depths of despair and feeling as if i am all alone and the only person to ever feel this depth of aloneness that others have walked this walk before me and been able to pull themselves back from the loneliness with the grace, mercy, and love of our heavenly father. It fills me with such hope knowing that even during my darkest times, i am not alone.
Let me tell you a part of my story. I was in a relationship with an alcohol addidted men for almost two years. One day he brought home a story from the uneven tree. These story touched my very deepley. Because I tought I was an unenven tree. I admired all the straight trees around me and wanted so badly to be one of them. But in these story GOD told you that he loves me for who I am. I had a kind of day dream that day. Jesus spoke to me. He said … I never left you alone, I was always by your side.
So I dicided to go to church again. Jesus is still with us, every step on our way.
Leila, thank you for sharing your story. It’s takes a strong woman of courage and confidence to share something so personal. It’s amazing how Jesus can turn something that seems like the end of the world and awful and turn it into something beautiful. Sometimes he has to take us to places that are not as pretty for us to give our testimony to show others of his love, faithfulness, and forgiveness. Once again, thank you for your story and may God continue to bless you and your marriage.