Today I want you to meet my brave and beautiful friend Lelia Chealey who shares her story of emptiness and how God redeemed her brokenness.
Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart
Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.
Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.
When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.
Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.
By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.
I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob. Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”
Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.
Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.
Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one. I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.
Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.
These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.
Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.
I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:
So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.
{Here are mine}
When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.
It’s been ten years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.
I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.
You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!
***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!
Let’s Connect: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or as you read Chapter 3 this week? {REMEMBER: you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.}
Under this post, click “share your thoughts” and do just that. Also, feel free to share some answers to your end of chapter 3 questions. I treasure this space that connects our hearts! {Love you guys so much!}
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This is what loving each other does. It reminds us of the love Jesus had for us when he was nailed to the cross for all of our sins. No sin is worse than another. He died so that we could be free from the shame and guilt. Does it mean we keep sinning? No, of course not. However, it means we are to forgive others and ourselves for the many wrongs we have committed against God and others:-) He will always love us no matter what, but we must be honest with him instead of putting up a false sense of relationship with the very one who set us free. Thanks for sharing your heart and being completely honest….
Lelia, thank you SO much for sharing your story. I LOVE this Proverbs 31 ministry that shows transparency and validates our pain and releases us to be the women God created us to be!
I, too, carried the secret of abortion for many years until I found healing in Jesus through a loving support group of other women. Many might be shocked to know that statistics reveal that probably close to a third of us (yes, Christian women, too) share the painful secret of abortion. And as this fact slowly emerges, many seek the forgiveness and healing that is available to all. I have ministered in this area for many years and can recommend several resources: “Forgiven & Set Free”, “Surrendering the Secret”, “A Solitary Sorrow” are just a few.
Please, if you are hurting, seek the help that is available…come out of that “dark cave of guilt and shame” and allow Jesus to set you free!
Wow! What a beautiful story of forgiveness & restoration. Thank you Lella for reminding me of the sovereignty of God & no matter how far away we go, He doesn’t let us out of His site.
Wow! I read everyone’s posts so far….and I pray that you all see a blessing today!
My life is not at all like any one else’s. I feel many times in my marriage of 36 years that my husband and I are not on the same page, man…sometimes we are not even in the same book. But we have our differences, we voice our opinions, sometimes too loudly, but at the end of it, we are still together. I still have this huge void in my heart and I still need to learn the lesson of letting Him in and letting Him guide, and letting Him fill that void. It seems much easier for me after reading Leila’s story. Thank you Leila and thank everyone for opening up to all of us! Blessings to all….
Thank you so much for sharing so others can see how God’s love can heal the worst of things. My husband and I are attending a marriage conference, next week, because I found porn on his phone. He wont go to counseling so that and prayer are my best efforts. I have been trying to reach him for months, praying, studying, but feeling he was gone. He is a Christian, but has gone thru some changes I don’t care for. He seems distant from God as well. I hope and pray he hasn’t had an affair, like my dad, his dad, and most of my close friend’s husbands have. I felt relief reading your words. Even if he has done this horrible thing to our marriage, or worse, God can bring us thru it and work it for good.
Leila, thank you for letting God’s Grace shine through in all your weakness. I would love to know more about ‘Surrendering the Secret’ ministry as that part resonated with my life so much. Is there a website or literature about this ministry? Again, thank you for the blessing of your testimony.
Cass
Thank you Cass!
Yes, http://www.surrenderingthesecret.com
A very powerful ministry for post-abort women.
Please keep in touch sweet sister! I want to know where God takes you!
Blessings,
Lelia
Thank you Lelia, for sharing your story chapter hit home with me, I know that only Gods love can satisfy, but I wish it would settle in my heart, and take root, right now just feels like head knowledge, I say to myself I know God loves me, he has proved over and over to me his faithfulness, and commitment to me, yet I flip flop around with my feeling, he loves me he loves me not he loves me he loves me not. Does anyone else have feelings like that, or is it just me. I know this is a big forum but I wonder if someone could respond to my post. So I dont feel so alone.
Patricia,
I like how you are aware that your feeling can be deceptive…as a man thinks so he is ..keep remembering how good God has been to you… is being to you now today. His finger prints are all over your life. You are held by the great I am. The disciplining our minds is hard but the results are that when we do our feelings WILL change. We all struggle in our thoughts and feelings…we are human after all and still breathing air.. I’m encouraged and reminded that both Jeremiah and David took their memories and framed them in God’s faithfulness, his love, and their Hope in Him. Praising God and disciplining our minds to think on the fruits of the spirit…what so ever is good….etc. is an act of will and not feelings. So feeling are usually and indicator of how we are thinking., notice how easily our feeling can betray us. Be encouraged they will change as you continue to seek God and may his truth sink deep into your soul.. I pray God will show you in a real way today of his unfailing love for you…Lord wrap your arms around this dear one, take her close onto your lap and lavish your love on her. Help her to feel loved by you and may the truth of your love sink deep into her heart. Remember Satan wants you to feel alone and isolated..it’s one of his devices. Hugs and more hugs….beloved one.
You are not alone, Patricia. You are daughter of The King, a princess. Don’t forget that. I “ditto” “W’s” reply too and agree with her prayer over you. Thank you, W, for words that also encourage me. We’re all ‘sisters’ here, Patricia. You have sisters who feel all the same feelings you deal with. Hugs. Be blessed today. T
Thank you Lelia for sharing your story! I was truly inspired , you know God is the true example of unconditional love. He can use any circumstance and being to display this love as well. I thank you for the reminder, when there is an empty place whether it be marriage, finance, relationships,careers and/or etc., God is the only satisfaction and best of all fulfillment to and for that emptiness. “Draw me near to the cross”,these words meditate in my head and heart as I close this comment to you. Thank you again and God bless!
WOW! Thank you for your honesty and testimony. This has spoken to my heart and I praise you for your faithfulness out of this.
I was blessed by the fact that when we feel empty, things and people are incapable of filling that emptiness. We MUST turn to the well of living water, the true source of sustaining happiness and joy, our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. My marriage of 17 years (together for 20 years) has ended. My husband married less than a month after we divorced. Our two sons (ages 21 and 15) have definitely been affected. But through it all the Lord has been my rock and I have had tremendous support from many Godly praying saints.
Lelia,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart! I, too, had an affair and it was the most miserable time of my life. God, in His grace, also restored our marriage and I am SO thankful But I continue to struggle with insecurities concerning my worth as a woman. The only thing that mattered (from my perspective) to those around me was what I looked like. I do not consider myself beautiful by any means, but it was always important to have perfect hair, be thin, etc., etc. Therefore, attention from men is what fills my heart. I now work in a restaurant and it is very hard. I am the oldest woman and work with men my age and boys who could be my sons. The temptation to be physically beautiful to them is intense. Just got my hair cut yesterday and am thinking it is too short and I will be ugly – how shallow is that!!!??? I have prayed that God would fill my empty heart, but can’t seem to hold on to that. Anyway, I’m ramblng. Just felt like I had to get some of this out in the open. I am so glad for this study beause it i helping me get honest with myself and God. Thank you, Renee.
Lelia,
Thank you for sharing your story. I love how God shows us that He is the Great Redeemer by redeeming the broken places in the lives of both you & your husband. Thank you for following God & helping others who are going through similar difficult times.
This brought me to tears….. When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
I was doubting choices I’ve made recently. Looking at the flesh and wanting the easy way out instead of going the direction God has for me. When you make wrong choices and turn away from God after a while it’s hard to turn the right way again. Just this morning, as i was looking back (I’d probably a pillar of salt by now) I said to God…. please show me. Please show me that what I’m doing is what You want me to do. That what I turned away from wasn’t You. Because the enemy lies and makes the ugly look pretty and the bad look good. So all morning I’ve been remembering the bad parts of my old life. Thank you Lord! I know it was an answer to prayer. And then I read this! God is awesome! Thank you Leila! Thank you for being real! So many times ‘Christians’ testimonies are so ‘prettied up’ that they aren’t helpful to me. You were real and it was exactly what I needed to hear! I love, love, love your reaction to your husband’s confession. I was right there with you…. to hear you say you were ‘ticked off’ was refreshing. To surrender your will to God and then get ‘blind sided’ when you don’t get what you expect is not easy. But then to hear you say that your reaction after that was different and you turned to God is perfect!
I’m rambling now. But I am so overwhelmed by God’s timing! I read most of chapter 3 during the week but didn’t read last night and so I haven’t finished it yet. I almost didn’t even open up today’s email b/c I wanted to read more first. Ha! It was God’s perfect timing that I read this this morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Oh Nicole, I love how God will use things to get our attention! His timing is so amazing. I loved what you wrote, ” the enemy lies and makes the ugly look pretty and the bad look good.” SO true!! As we grow closer to Christ we become more aware of what is from God and what is not.
Keep drawing closer to Him sweet friend! 🙂
Thank you Lelia, for sharing your story. I believe that when we can truly be real with God, that is when we open our hearts for Him to begin the real healing.
When I read the question: “What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?” Wow, so many crazy things. What popped into my mind was the first love of my life. I was 16 years old, and he was turning 19. He wanted to break up with me, because “he was too old for me….” I remember crying, and begging him to give me another chance. That I would be the girl he wanted, I would change me whole life, if he would just keep me….I completely humiliated myself, and he did give me another chance. But of course, you can’t change yourself into someone else, and you can’t change another persons heart. We stayed together for about a year after that, he didn’t respect me, he wasn’t attracted to me, and he definately didn’t love me. I don’t think he even liked me at that point.
After this experience, I sunk deeper and deeper into depression and despair. Feeling worthless, figuring noone would ever respect me, or love me…least of all me. I have had three marriages, two of which ended in divorce….figured Jesus didn’t want used goods either. I didn’t figure that He could want or change a woman like me….but then I learned about Sam. I relate to her on so many levels. I remember the day I got saved, I was so filled with joy, and excited….I just had to tell everyone what Jesus had done for me!!! And He still does for me! I strive to be a woman that God can use. I pray that my story will reach others, and that they can understand how much Jesus loves us….how he can take our crushed defeated hearts, and make them strong and new! I deserve to be loved! And Jesus is worthy to be loved back!
Wow! WOW! WOW! I see myself in so many of the comments I have read. Broken relationships, On my third marriage and not a happy one at that. Searching for answers, asking myself why me God, fear of never being fulfilled, and I could go on and on. I know that God is all I need, but the past haunts me every day and the future is ugly. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t want to run away. But at least I see hope knowing that I am not alone. Maybe one day soon I will be able to let it all go and have my jar filled with living water.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Thank God you are free I thank you for your honest and heart felt sharing.
Wow!!!! Awesome story and I thank God for you being so open and real, so women around the world can begin to heal. This week there has been such a joy in my spirit through reading the book, video, and the posts. Being open and honest before God is truly the starting point for us all. He already knows what we are struggling with and knows the end of the story but we allow the enemy to hold us captive in our circumstances instead of emptying out the trash, so God call fill us with His fresh, living water. My sisters in Christ, my prayer for us as we continue on this journey is we take off our masks and be open and honest with God, so He can mold us on the pottery’s wheel back into His creation. We all have a story that we can share to help someone around us. Ladies I challenge us to be sensitive to those around us today and as we are lead of the Holy Spirit, show love today. Know that as we give it will be given back to us. Be blessed and remember God loves us unconditional!!!!!!
Love this Patricia!!! 🙂
Wow! I am inspired and humbled. Jesus is us the hope of glory!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing I cried a lot,reading your story because I had an abortion with my dad baby your story
made me realize that God loves me no matter what I have done
Yes Doris, God does love you. As is. I hope that if you haven’t experienced healing in this area that you will pursue that for yourself because you deserve it. Surrendering the Secret at http://www.surrenderingthesecret.com is the tool God gave me to heal. When you heal in this area of your life, it is amazing.
Also, finish and APPLY what you learn in Renee’s book, “A Confident Heart”. This is a book that you just keep reading. I have read this book more than once because the message God gave Renee through it is so important. Applying is the key though. 🙂
Big hugs from Nebraska!
I am struggling with a long distance relationship. One of the reasons that I joined this group is to learn to have a confident heart. Every time I think of living in fear rather than living in faith a verse or a story like yours comes up. It is like a test of my faithfulness to God and to this gentle man. It is those little whispers that in the past I would have ignored waiting for a bigger sign that keep chipping away at my insecurities. I applaud that you and your husband work through the difficult times as it seems that in today’s world it is so much easier to just give up, thanx for your strength and faith.
Lelia, I want to thank you for your story. I’ve been thru some things a lot like this and am now filled with God’s mercy. I only hope that I can, like you share my story someday with others and lead them from this place. I have never shared my story, only with God. Thank you for your bravery thru Christ Jesus our Lord. My Love, Dawn