Today I want you to meet my brave and beautiful friend Lelia Chealey who shares her story of emptiness and how God redeemed her brokenness.
Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart
Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.
Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.
When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.
Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.
By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.
I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob. Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”
Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.
Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.
Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one. I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.
Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.
These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.
Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.
I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:
So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.
{Here are mine}
When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.
It’s been ten years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.
I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.
You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!
***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!
Let’s Connect: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or as you read Chapter 3 this week? {REMEMBER: you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.}
Under this post, click “share your thoughts” and do just that. Also, feel free to share some answers to your end of chapter 3 questions. I treasure this space that connects our hearts! {Love you guys so much!}
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Lelia,
Thank you so much for sharing with us – I share many of the same things in my past. As you did I tried to fill a very big void in my life with many other “things and people,” all of the time the Holy Spirit was trying to call me to Him. It is amazing when we have that moment of release … and go to Him with a truly repentant heart that he takes the mess we have created and uses it for his glory! The challenge then becomes not letting Satan use it to continually accuse us every time we make a mistake! It requires daily communication with Him and reminding myself who I am in Christ! Thanks again!
Amen Tammy!!! 🙂
Lelia, You touched my heart with your story! May I share some of mine with you and the other ladies here? I was abused by countless men starting with my stepfather at the age of six. I became someone like Sam, feeling like a piece of trash, used and thrown away. I became pregnant at the age of 16, let a wonderful couple have my beautiful son, only being able to hold him for a few precious moments. The father of my child wanted nothing to do with him (I’m ashamed to say I don’t even remember his name, it was 37 years ago). I think of my son often and pray he has a good life. Went through a bad marriage, but God blessed me with 3 beautiful sons. We divorced and 2 years later God really steps into my life…I left my babies with a babysitter one night and went out with some friends (I never did this, but God had His hand in this outing). I was introduced to a nice looking man standing at the bar ( yes, God is everywhere .). To make a long, incredible story short, we married 3 yrs later. This man God put in my life in none but the best. He loves me for who I am and is the best father to my sons (our sons). We have a beautiful daughter who is our sunshine!! Why did my life start out so bad? I don’t know, but I know God was there and brought me through it. Will I ever meet my first beloved son? Only God knows. We serve God with all our hearts and are so thankful for His love, mercy and great wisdom. Thank you again Lelia for sharing and encouraging me to share my story, one that only God and my husband knew about up until this point. God bless you all!!
Debbie you are so awesome! If you don’t meet your first child on this side of heaven we can all pray that you will meet in heaven! Isn’t it amazing that when we stop trying to do what we want/think is best for us and let God give us his absolute best for us … it is far beyond anything we can imagine? I was married and divorced as well – if there is such a thing as a knight in shining armor my 2nd husband is it! He is everything I could have asked for and more. Thank you for sharing!!
Debbie, Thank you for sharing your story! God is the Great Redeemer of a broken life & your story is a beautiful example of that! Thank you for taking the first step to sharing your story with others. I know God is going to work in the lives of others through the way He has worked in your life.
Debbie,
I’m so glad you chose to give your son life! Blessings to you as you share of God’s greatness!
I am weeping as I read your story Leila. Thank you for sharing. Though my story is not exactly the same,there are parts of your story i can identify with. I have searched for men to fill empty places in my heart. Most recently I was involved with a man whom I gave my heart and my body to, knowing it was wrong..knowing that this man could never fill the empty places in my life. Discovering he was involved with multiple women,and then hearing him tell me that one of these other women was the one he truly loved, the one he had given his heart to was devastating. Renee’s book and study came along at just the right time for me (Isn’t God cool like that?) I’ve been on my knees before Him confessing to placing others ahead of Him, looking to this man and other things to make me feel worthwhile,but then being devastated when I found out that the life I had created in my mind was a huge lie. God is healing my very wounded heart and putting me back together. I am so thankful we have a God who loves us unconditionally. Though I never get married again,I will be content, I am God’s perfect creation and He is truly all I need!
WOW Story..May Almighty God bless you Lelia for this story and for the courage. You are blessed.
Wow, Lelia. Thank you so much. What a humbling story. My story is not exactly like yours, but I understand some of the pain you went through. God loves us so much that he is willing to let us walk away. Then He patiently waits for us to come back, and rejoices over us when we do. Unconditional love. Amazing!
Oh Holly!! You are so loved by God!!! Even though you can’t see him he is there. God knows everything about you, good and bad and loves you so much anyway. Always remember you were special enough for him to send his Son to die for you. Take time to be alone with him in Bible study and prayer and he will speak to you and make himself known to you. Don’t let others define who you are. You are special, you are a child of the King!!!!
Thank you Leila for sharing your story and for sharing God’s love with all of us.
Thank you Lelia for sharing with us! So many times we look at others and their “issues” and rate them from bad to worse. Or compare ourselves to them thinking, “at least I’m not that bad”. Truth be it known, God loves us ALL the SAME!!!! We are all the same to Him!
All of us have problems, needs and desires. None of us are anything without God! HOWEVER, with God we are children of the King! Praise The Lord. I, too struggle with the shame of a past and that is exactly what satan wants me to do. Through the last couple of weeks, and with the help of this study, I’m finding that my worth is only in Christ’s redeeming blood!
I want to thank Renee, Lelia, and all of you beautiful women who take time to comment. You will never know how much you are helping me! Thanking God also for His love to me and how He is taking me to a better understanding of what His love truly is!!!! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!!!!
That’s so awesome Rebecca! Continue to allow God to work within you! 🙂 Thank you for your encouraging words sister!
Leila,
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your pain with us. That took real courage and I am so grateful to you for opening the pain of your life to those of us in this Bible study- for trusting us enough to become vulnerable. I’m truly in awe right now.
Thank you also for opening our eyes to the fact we can be born into a Christian family, raised in the church, taught in the church, yet might not have a relationship with God. Through everything you wrote, this is the paragraph that spoke to me:
-These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.-
I thank God for working within your lives and within your marriage but most importantly, within your hearts Leila.
Blessings~
Cindy
Thank you Lelia for your honesty and for sharing. Being able to share your life journeys takes such bravery and courage. To see how Jesus has used you and your husband is such a blessing. I’m sure the pain and emptiness can only be filled by our God. May God bless even more than u can ever imagine..
thank you for sharing your story.
Every story is different, but everyone of us has some void
or some heart ache that needs healing.
I need to go to that place, and cry out to our Lord Jesus
to turn my thoughts to Him and not to my emptiness, which
I so often do.
Thanks again. Bless you.
Redeeming love! Will we embrace that our Father wants to take the wreck & redeem it for our good & His glory? My heart aches for the pain Lelia went through, along with countless others, but rejoice that we have a heavenly Father just waiting for us to run to Him and make a message from our mess! Thank you for sharing the gift of hope!
Hi Leila, I have never heard a conversion like yours before, you’re wonderful. God bless you for sharing this with us.
I love you.
God is so good, thank you Nancy! 🙂
Leila your transparency is a blessing to myself and others. Thank you for sharing and lifting you and your family up in prayer as your journey continues. I praise him today for our journeys. I have looked back over my life and identified things GOD let me have just to show me HE KNOWS WHAT HE HAS IN STORE FOR ME… As my personal relationship with JESUS has developed and grown – I decided NO DECISION would be without GODS direction. I have been single for many years and sought out the LOVE/PHYSICAL relationship to fill voids…these relationships were of the flesh and not of GOD and they filled me with nothing but heartache, disappointment and EMPTINESS… My “boyfriend” is now JESUS. I hope this statement does not sound weird but I go to him now to fill my cup. Is my life perfect – NO – do I still have moments of heartache, emptiness… yes – I pray everyday for discernment…To make sure I am hearing GODS voice not mine or my flesh… Again thank you for sharing…
Thank you for saying your boyfriend is Jesus it sounds touching…true He can only fill the emptiness we have
Bonita…LOVE it!! The boyfriend, the no compromise attitude you have…NO DECISION would be made without God’s direction. Love love love it!! Keep seeking Him, you’re helping others, like me! 🙂
The story was awesome. Thanks to Holly and Ruth for being so honest. Remember you are not alone in anything. From being a new Christian to being hurt by the Love of your life But GOD IS IN CONTROL.
Lord Please touch everyone who has posted and will post today with your love and understanding. Please Lord gives us a word or scripture today that touches us and reassures us that your are right here with us as we go thru thes trails. Lord you tell us your word will not return void so Father give each of us a word. In Jesus Name AMEN
Thank you Leila for sharing your story. It must have taken a lot of courage to trust in Him and to bare your soul. You are blessed and I am encouraged as I struggle too. You are a shining example. Thank you.
Thank you so much! He makes it worth trusting Him that’s for sure! 🙂
Sweet Lelia, I have never heard your entire story before. Thank you for sharing so honestly. You have THE most beautiful and tender heart and now I know why. The Lord has met you in the deepest of broken places and healed your heart. There is no greater way to meet and experience the love, grace and mercy of God!! I pray that many, many women are encouraged and inspired today to go before the Lord and before their husbands and seek forgiveness, freedom and healing.
Love you,
Wendy
Wendy!!!
Amen!!! I can’t imagine where I’d be without His love, grace and mercy!
Love you too my sister! You’re such an encouragement to me, thank you so much!
Love you,
Lelia
What a story of finding forgiveness…..Your story and the impact on your life is encouraging. Your willingness to open up and be vulnerable is so refreshing and shows us how God can be that portion we need. Thank you for sharing your life’s encounters on how to turn emptiness into worship and seeking of the Lord.
LeAnne,
Thank you so much! Love what you said, “how to turn emptiness into worship and seeking of the Lord”…wow! Never thought of it like that! Thank you for your encouragement! xo
Thank you for sharing with us today. I received the news of a spouses unfaithfulness. I was stunned and ticked off as well. Unfortunately I did not find out until after he had been killed in an accident. Jesus is the only reason I made it through.
Oh Chris, I’m so sorry, but thankful you know Jesus and allowed Him to help you through such a devastating time.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an overcomer! God bless you and your family.
Thank you Sandy! Blessings to you and yours as well!