Today I want you to meet my brave and beautiful friend Lelia Chealey who shares her story of emptiness and how God redeemed her brokenness.
Italicized sentences are from Chapter 3 of A Confident Heart
Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.
Although I stood before family and friends professing my love and faithfulness to my husband, three years later I found myself trying to fill my emptiness in the arms of another man.
When the closed door of a previous relationship opened I ran through it. On Wednesday I was serving on our church’s youth team and by Saturday I was in between the sheets of a bed in a cheap hotel. The result of my affair led to a pregnancy I knew was from the other man since my husband had undergone a vasectomy.
Driving out of an abortion clinic and heading home to my unsuspecting husband, I wondered how I’d gotten to this place. Here I was a Christian wife and mom who had compromised my beliefs in more ways than one. Looking to fill my void with anything but Jesus, I walked further and further away from the One I needed most.
By being honest about her life and the lies she believed, she could start turning toward the Truth. She could bring the thirst of her heart to Him. Only then would she find confidence in the power of His love and start living in the security of His promises.
I ended my affair soon after the reality of my abortion set in. It shook my Jesus-loving heart to the core. One morning, after everyone was out of the house, I turned on some worship music, got down on my knees and began to sob. Raising my hands toward heaven, I told God, “If I lose everything – my marriage, my kids, my friends, my reputation, but I still have YOU, I’ll be okay.”
Admitting all the lies I had told and believed, I got gut-honest with God that day. And in that place of truth, I was set free and could then turn toward Jesus and away from my life of sin. Like Renee wrote, I could bring the thirst of my heart to Him. That’s what I did — I brought my parched soul to the only One capable of filling me and changing my mess of a life.
Three years later, I felt God leading me to tell my husband about my affair and abortion. We’d attended two marriage conferences during the in-between years and I couldn’t keep my secret any longer. Deep pain was evident on his face and in his tears. My heart broke once again over my affair as I listened to my husband process my choices.
Still in shock, he told me that while I was having my affair he too had been involved in one. I sat there stunned, silent and ticked off at God. How had He not prepared me for this moment of my husband’s truth? I felt instant emptiness, but this time I made the choice to bow my heart before Jesus and ask Him to help me.
Jesus came to give us more than salvation. He wants us to experience complete satisfaction in Him.
These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.
Sitting there with my husband trying to process his unfaithfulness, God let me know He is the only One that could take my empty, broken heart and fill it with His unconditional love and confidence that I had sought in all the wrong places.
I love what Renee asked us this week, and how she encouraged us to write our own “when-then” statements:
So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing in other things and the worth we are seeking in other people and shift our reliance to Him instead.
{Here are mine}
When I start to feel like my marriage is not giving me what I deserve then I will turn to God and ask Him to be my portion.
When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
Lasting security comes when we bring the empty well of our hearts to Jesus and ask Him to fill and fulfill us with the security of His unfailing love.
It’s been ten years since the day of my and my husband’s confessions. Our marriage is far from perfect, but with God’s help we have walked through the process of forgiveness and restoration. My husband and I serve at a marriage conference every spring and God has used our mistakes to help other couples realize He is much bigger than any circumstance we face. He has also taken the shame and regret of my abortion and used it for His glory by calling me to be part of an abortion ministry, “Surrendering the Secret,” where I now serve as a leader.
I have no idea what your story it, but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for nothing. Jesus is worth seeking and giving Him a chance to fill up all the empty places of your life. If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.
You need to know that God wants you. There is no sin too heavy to stay nailed to the beams of the cross. You are the reason He trekked His way to Calvary and you are worth every step He took!
***
Thank you Lelia, for the courage and risk it takes tell your story – so raw, so real yet so full of His redemption. I see and love Jesus in you!
Let’s Connect: Will you take a minute to thank Lelia, and let us both know what has risen to the surface of your heart as you read her story or as you read Chapter 3 this week? {REMEMBER: you are reading this via email, click here to visit my website and connect in community.}
Under this post, click “share your thoughts” and do just that. Also, feel free to share some answers to your end of chapter 3 questions. I treasure this space that connects our hearts! {Love you guys so much!}
Lelia,
Thank you for sharing your story. I love how God shows us that He is the Great Redeemer by redeeming the broken places in the lives of both you & your husband. Thank you for following God & helping others who are going through similar difficult times.
This brought me to tears….. When I feel tempted to return to a life of emptiness and rely on my old patterns of comfort and fulfillment then I will praise God for what He has brought me from and remind myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice of the cross.
I was doubting choices I’ve made recently. Looking at the flesh and wanting the easy way out instead of going the direction God has for me. When you make wrong choices and turn away from God after a while it’s hard to turn the right way again. Just this morning, as i was looking back (I’d probably a pillar of salt by now) I said to God…. please show me. Please show me that what I’m doing is what You want me to do. That what I turned away from wasn’t You. Because the enemy lies and makes the ugly look pretty and the bad look good. So all morning I’ve been remembering the bad parts of my old life. Thank you Lord! I know it was an answer to prayer. And then I read this! God is awesome! Thank you Leila! Thank you for being real! So many times ‘Christians’ testimonies are so ‘prettied up’ that they aren’t helpful to me. You were real and it was exactly what I needed to hear! I love, love, love your reaction to your husband’s confession. I was right there with you…. to hear you say you were ‘ticked off’ was refreshing. To surrender your will to God and then get ‘blind sided’ when you don’t get what you expect is not easy. But then to hear you say that your reaction after that was different and you turned to God is perfect!
I’m rambling now. But I am so overwhelmed by God’s timing! I read most of chapter 3 during the week but didn’t read last night and so I haven’t finished it yet. I almost didn’t even open up today’s email b/c I wanted to read more first. Ha! It was God’s perfect timing that I read this this morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Oh Nicole, I love how God will use things to get our attention! His timing is so amazing. I loved what you wrote, ” the enemy lies and makes the ugly look pretty and the bad look good.” SO true!! As we grow closer to Christ we become more aware of what is from God and what is not.
Keep drawing closer to Him sweet friend! 🙂
Thank you Lelia, for sharing your story. I believe that when we can truly be real with God, that is when we open our hearts for Him to begin the real healing.
When I read the question: “What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?” Wow, so many crazy things. What popped into my mind was the first love of my life. I was 16 years old, and he was turning 19. He wanted to break up with me, because “he was too old for me….” I remember crying, and begging him to give me another chance. That I would be the girl he wanted, I would change me whole life, if he would just keep me….I completely humiliated myself, and he did give me another chance. But of course, you can’t change yourself into someone else, and you can’t change another persons heart. We stayed together for about a year after that, he didn’t respect me, he wasn’t attracted to me, and he definately didn’t love me. I don’t think he even liked me at that point.
After this experience, I sunk deeper and deeper into depression and despair. Feeling worthless, figuring noone would ever respect me, or love me…least of all me. I have had three marriages, two of which ended in divorce….figured Jesus didn’t want used goods either. I didn’t figure that He could want or change a woman like me….but then I learned about Sam. I relate to her on so many levels. I remember the day I got saved, I was so filled with joy, and excited….I just had to tell everyone what Jesus had done for me!!! And He still does for me! I strive to be a woman that God can use. I pray that my story will reach others, and that they can understand how much Jesus loves us….how he can take our crushed defeated hearts, and make them strong and new! I deserve to be loved! And Jesus is worthy to be loved back!
Wow! WOW! WOW! I see myself in so many of the comments I have read. Broken relationships, On my third marriage and not a happy one at that. Searching for answers, asking myself why me God, fear of never being fulfilled, and I could go on and on. I know that God is all I need, but the past haunts me every day and the future is ugly. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t want to run away. But at least I see hope knowing that I am not alone. Maybe one day soon I will be able to let it all go and have my jar filled with living water.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Thank God you are free I thank you for your honest and heart felt sharing.
Wow!!!! Awesome story and I thank God for you being so open and real, so women around the world can begin to heal. This week there has been such a joy in my spirit through reading the book, video, and the posts. Being open and honest before God is truly the starting point for us all. He already knows what we are struggling with and knows the end of the story but we allow the enemy to hold us captive in our circumstances instead of emptying out the trash, so God call fill us with His fresh, living water. My sisters in Christ, my prayer for us as we continue on this journey is we take off our masks and be open and honest with God, so He can mold us on the pottery’s wheel back into His creation. We all have a story that we can share to help someone around us. Ladies I challenge us to be sensitive to those around us today and as we are lead of the Holy Spirit, show love today. Know that as we give it will be given back to us. Be blessed and remember God loves us unconditional!!!!!!
Love this Patricia!!! 🙂
Wow! I am inspired and humbled. Jesus is us the hope of glory!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing I cried a lot,reading your story because I had an abortion with my dad baby your story
made me realize that God loves me no matter what I have done
Yes Doris, God does love you. As is. I hope that if you haven’t experienced healing in this area that you will pursue that for yourself because you deserve it. Surrendering the Secret at http://www.surrenderingthesecret.com is the tool God gave me to heal. When you heal in this area of your life, it is amazing.
Also, finish and APPLY what you learn in Renee’s book, “A Confident Heart”. This is a book that you just keep reading. I have read this book more than once because the message God gave Renee through it is so important. Applying is the key though. 🙂
Big hugs from Nebraska!
I am struggling with a long distance relationship. One of the reasons that I joined this group is to learn to have a confident heart. Every time I think of living in fear rather than living in faith a verse or a story like yours comes up. It is like a test of my faithfulness to God and to this gentle man. It is those little whispers that in the past I would have ignored waiting for a bigger sign that keep chipping away at my insecurities. I applaud that you and your husband work through the difficult times as it seems that in today’s world it is so much easier to just give up, thanx for your strength and faith.
Lelia, I want to thank you for your story. I’ve been thru some things a lot like this and am now filled with God’s mercy. I only hope that I can, like you share my story someday with others and lead them from this place. I have never shared my story, only with God. Thank you for your bravery thru Christ Jesus our Lord. My Love, Dawn
Lelia,
Thank you so much for sharing with us – I share many of the same things in my past. As you did I tried to fill a very big void in my life with many other “things and people,” all of the time the Holy Spirit was trying to call me to Him. It is amazing when we have that moment of release … and go to Him with a truly repentant heart that he takes the mess we have created and uses it for his glory! The challenge then becomes not letting Satan use it to continually accuse us every time we make a mistake! It requires daily communication with Him and reminding myself who I am in Christ! Thanks again!
Amen Tammy!!! 🙂
Lelia, You touched my heart with your story! May I share some of mine with you and the other ladies here? I was abused by countless men starting with my stepfather at the age of six. I became someone like Sam, feeling like a piece of trash, used and thrown away. I became pregnant at the age of 16, let a wonderful couple have my beautiful son, only being able to hold him for a few precious moments. The father of my child wanted nothing to do with him (I’m ashamed to say I don’t even remember his name, it was 37 years ago). I think of my son often and pray he has a good life. Went through a bad marriage, but God blessed me with 3 beautiful sons. We divorced and 2 years later God really steps into my life…I left my babies with a babysitter one night and went out with some friends (I never did this, but God had His hand in this outing). I was introduced to a nice looking man standing at the bar ( yes, God is everywhere .). To make a long, incredible story short, we married 3 yrs later. This man God put in my life in none but the best. He loves me for who I am and is the best father to my sons (our sons). We have a beautiful daughter who is our sunshine!! Why did my life start out so bad? I don’t know, but I know God was there and brought me through it. Will I ever meet my first beloved son? Only God knows. We serve God with all our hearts and are so thankful for His love, mercy and great wisdom. Thank you again Lelia for sharing and encouraging me to share my story, one that only God and my husband knew about up until this point. God bless you all!!
Debbie you are so awesome! If you don’t meet your first child on this side of heaven we can all pray that you will meet in heaven! Isn’t it amazing that when we stop trying to do what we want/think is best for us and let God give us his absolute best for us … it is far beyond anything we can imagine? I was married and divorced as well – if there is such a thing as a knight in shining armor my 2nd husband is it! He is everything I could have asked for and more. Thank you for sharing!!
Debbie, Thank you for sharing your story! God is the Great Redeemer of a broken life & your story is a beautiful example of that! Thank you for taking the first step to sharing your story with others. I know God is going to work in the lives of others through the way He has worked in your life.
Debbie,
I’m so glad you chose to give your son life! Blessings to you as you share of God’s greatness!
I am weeping as I read your story Leila. Thank you for sharing. Though my story is not exactly the same,there are parts of your story i can identify with. I have searched for men to fill empty places in my heart. Most recently I was involved with a man whom I gave my heart and my body to, knowing it was wrong..knowing that this man could never fill the empty places in my life. Discovering he was involved with multiple women,and then hearing him tell me that one of these other women was the one he truly loved, the one he had given his heart to was devastating. Renee’s book and study came along at just the right time for me (Isn’t God cool like that?) I’ve been on my knees before Him confessing to placing others ahead of Him, looking to this man and other things to make me feel worthwhile,but then being devastated when I found out that the life I had created in my mind was a huge lie. God is healing my very wounded heart and putting me back together. I am so thankful we have a God who loves us unconditionally. Though I never get married again,I will be content, I am God’s perfect creation and He is truly all I need!
WOW Story..May Almighty God bless you Lelia for this story and for the courage. You are blessed.
Wow, Lelia. Thank you so much. What a humbling story. My story is not exactly like yours, but I understand some of the pain you went through. God loves us so much that he is willing to let us walk away. Then He patiently waits for us to come back, and rejoices over us when we do. Unconditional love. Amazing!
Oh Holly!! You are so loved by God!!! Even though you can’t see him he is there. God knows everything about you, good and bad and loves you so much anyway. Always remember you were special enough for him to send his Son to die for you. Take time to be alone with him in Bible study and prayer and he will speak to you and make himself known to you. Don’t let others define who you are. You are special, you are a child of the King!!!!
Thank you Leila for sharing your story and for sharing God’s love with all of us.
Thank you Lelia for sharing with us! So many times we look at others and their “issues” and rate them from bad to worse. Or compare ourselves to them thinking, “at least I’m not that bad”. Truth be it known, God loves us ALL the SAME!!!! We are all the same to Him!
All of us have problems, needs and desires. None of us are anything without God! HOWEVER, with God we are children of the King! Praise The Lord. I, too struggle with the shame of a past and that is exactly what satan wants me to do. Through the last couple of weeks, and with the help of this study, I’m finding that my worth is only in Christ’s redeeming blood!
I want to thank Renee, Lelia, and all of you beautiful women who take time to comment. You will never know how much you are helping me! Thanking God also for His love to me and how He is taking me to a better understanding of what His love truly is!!!! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!!!!
That’s so awesome Rebecca! Continue to allow God to work within you! 🙂 Thank you for your encouraging words sister!
Leila,
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your pain with us. That took real courage and I am so grateful to you for opening the pain of your life to those of us in this Bible study- for trusting us enough to become vulnerable. I’m truly in awe right now.
Thank you also for opening our eyes to the fact we can be born into a Christian family, raised in the church, taught in the church, yet might not have a relationship with God. Through everything you wrote, this is the paragraph that spoke to me:
-These words from chapter 3 resonate deeply with my soul. Although, I had attended Christian school from kindergarten though graduation in 1988; went to church on Sundays and returned on Wednesdays and knew countless Bible stories by heart, what I lacked was a relationship with my King.-
I thank God for working within your lives and within your marriage but most importantly, within your hearts Leila.
Blessings~
Cindy
Thank you Lelia for your honesty and for sharing. Being able to share your life journeys takes such bravery and courage. To see how Jesus has used you and your husband is such a blessing. I’m sure the pain and emptiness can only be filled by our God. May God bless even more than u can ever imagine..
thank you for sharing your story.
Every story is different, but everyone of us has some void
or some heart ache that needs healing.
I need to go to that place, and cry out to our Lord Jesus
to turn my thoughts to Him and not to my emptiness, which
I so often do.
Thanks again. Bless you.
Redeeming love! Will we embrace that our Father wants to take the wreck & redeem it for our good & His glory? My heart aches for the pain Lelia went through, along with countless others, but rejoice that we have a heavenly Father just waiting for us to run to Him and make a message from our mess! Thank you for sharing the gift of hope!
Hi Leila, I have never heard a conversion like yours before, you’re wonderful. God bless you for sharing this with us.
I love you.
God is so good, thank you Nancy! 🙂
Leila your transparency is a blessing to myself and others. Thank you for sharing and lifting you and your family up in prayer as your journey continues. I praise him today for our journeys. I have looked back over my life and identified things GOD let me have just to show me HE KNOWS WHAT HE HAS IN STORE FOR ME… As my personal relationship with JESUS has developed and grown – I decided NO DECISION would be without GODS direction. I have been single for many years and sought out the LOVE/PHYSICAL relationship to fill voids…these relationships were of the flesh and not of GOD and they filled me with nothing but heartache, disappointment and EMPTINESS… My “boyfriend” is now JESUS. I hope this statement does not sound weird but I go to him now to fill my cup. Is my life perfect – NO – do I still have moments of heartache, emptiness… yes – I pray everyday for discernment…To make sure I am hearing GODS voice not mine or my flesh… Again thank you for sharing…
Thank you for saying your boyfriend is Jesus it sounds touching…true He can only fill the emptiness we have
Bonita…LOVE it!! The boyfriend, the no compromise attitude you have…NO DECISION would be made without God’s direction. Love love love it!! Keep seeking Him, you’re helping others, like me! 🙂
The story was awesome. Thanks to Holly and Ruth for being so honest. Remember you are not alone in anything. From being a new Christian to being hurt by the Love of your life But GOD IS IN CONTROL.
Lord Please touch everyone who has posted and will post today with your love and understanding. Please Lord gives us a word or scripture today that touches us and reassures us that your are right here with us as we go thru thes trails. Lord you tell us your word will not return void so Father give each of us a word. In Jesus Name AMEN
Thank you Leila for sharing your story. It must have taken a lot of courage to trust in Him and to bare your soul. You are blessed and I am encouraged as I struggle too. You are a shining example. Thank you.
Thank you so much! He makes it worth trusting Him that’s for sure! 🙂
Sweet Lelia, I have never heard your entire story before. Thank you for sharing so honestly. You have THE most beautiful and tender heart and now I know why. The Lord has met you in the deepest of broken places and healed your heart. There is no greater way to meet and experience the love, grace and mercy of God!! I pray that many, many women are encouraged and inspired today to go before the Lord and before their husbands and seek forgiveness, freedom and healing.
Love you,
Wendy
Wendy!!!
Amen!!! I can’t imagine where I’d be without His love, grace and mercy!
Love you too my sister! You’re such an encouragement to me, thank you so much!
Love you,
Lelia
What a story of finding forgiveness…..Your story and the impact on your life is encouraging. Your willingness to open up and be vulnerable is so refreshing and shows us how God can be that portion we need. Thank you for sharing your life’s encounters on how to turn emptiness into worship and seeking of the Lord.
LeAnne,
Thank you so much! Love what you said, “how to turn emptiness into worship and seeking of the Lord”…wow! Never thought of it like that! Thank you for your encouragement! xo
Thank you for sharing with us today. I received the news of a spouses unfaithfulness. I was stunned and ticked off as well. Unfortunately I did not find out until after he had been killed in an accident. Jesus is the only reason I made it through.
Oh Chris, I’m so sorry, but thankful you know Jesus and allowed Him to help you through such a devastating time.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an overcomer! God bless you and your family.
Thank you Sandy! Blessings to you and yours as well!
Thank you Leila for sharing your story! It encourages me. God showed me this week that I fill my well with people pleasing. I like to please people with everything I do. And fill my well with their thankfulness. But the thing is, after years of doing so, it is not working anymore. I am emotionally exhausted. And need to soak myself in Him. It’s the only way to get completely satisfied.
Grace,
I love that you recognize that your people pleasing efforts are not working! I love what Renee says in chapter 3: “By recognizing and replacing our emptiness with the fullness of God’s promises, we drink the gift of living water. We acknowledge our need, which allows Him to pour His truth into the well of our hearts.”
Love that because we don’t think of trying to please people as filling an emptiness we ourselves have. Excited for you as you give up and as you said soak yourself in Him!!
“Jesus came to give us more than salvation…” amen! He came that we might have life, and life more abundantly, and furthermore, HE CAME HERE! As I worshiped with my sis. the other day, she reminded me that while Jesus ever-lives to intercede for us, thank God He also showed His love by coming here to give us an abundant life. His redeeming blood has already paid for it!
Thank you for sharing your story. Most of the time we are ashamed to do so. The Lord loves so much. Be blessed
Thank you Veronique…blessings to you!
Thank you Leila for sharing your story. It blesses me to see how Our God came through for you and rescued your heart with tenderness. How He redeemed you and used you to minister to women like myself. I am very encouraged by your testimony of His faithfulness. I have struggled with the emptyness of being single and not feeling worthy of a man’s love. I am learning from testimonies like yours and Renee’s that I can go to Him to fill my empty spaces. I am allowing Him to fill my heart and replace lies with Truth. I am So happy to begin to understand that God thinks I am worthy and He loves me! I am resting in His love and allowing him to bind up my broken heart and to have confidence in Him! Thank you so much for your courage. It has blessed me so much! God bless you.
Maria,
Yes! You are so worthy! I love your honesty. I hope you’re reading Renee’s book and if not, get your hands on it! She speaks so much of this in chapter 3 and throughout the whole book. Bless you as you trust Him with all areas and allow Him to be the One that sweeps you off your feet with His unconditional, endless, passionate love for you.
Thank you so much for having the outrage to share your story. Many lives will be touched by your testimony . God has a way of being glorified through someone’s troubles. Praising Him for your restoration!!!!
Valerie…Amen! He is a mighty healer, redeemer and grace giver and I need Him more than anyone and anything! Praising Him with you! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. What an encouraging testimony of forgiveness & love.
Thank you, Vickie! xo
Thank you so much Lelia for sharing your story. I too have a story that hurts me deeply and know that God brought me to this bible study for a reason. I lost my dad at the age of 23 months and have spent a lifetime trying to fill that void with people/things that have only left me feeling empty. I am recently divorced and lost many friends in the divorce. I have spent MANY lonely days/nights crying & wondering where God was taking me. I think this study is a wonderful start to my new life – it’s time to heal this void before moving on. God Bless you & Renee for being able to openly share!
Dianna,
I’m so sorry for all of your loss. I love that you said, “it’s time to heal this void before moving on”. Such wisdom!! Allow God to take you on a wild journey with Him. He will never leave you or forsake you…take Him at His Word! Excited for you and the life of a woman with A Confident Heart in her King! 🙂
Hugs,
Lelia
Lelia, I’m thanking God right now for your vulnerability and strength and love and the true interest you have in our lives – to share such deeply tender life experiences. Thank you for allowing us into your heart and life. I’m still working on sharing my ‘insides’ – longstanding insecurity. Hurting alone on the inside is never easy. May you be blessed beyond measure in the place you now stand allowing God to use your story for our healing. Thank you also, Shelley and Holly and others for ‘teaching others of us’ about opening up, confronting insecurities by sharing your life experiences.
Correction: “Shelly.”
Group hug to Ruth right now … for you, Ruth, but also because we all need it too. Thankful for you ladies!
Tammy,
“hurting alone on the inside is never easy”…you’re never alone my friend. Easy to hear, hard to believe, but true when we allow God to interrupt evey area of our lives, exposed or hidden. He’s such a mighty healer. Thank you for your encouragement!
Lelia
Thank you for sharing…God is so good to call us Worthy of all he had to do for us to be free…last night at my ladies group we went to the enemies camp and we held hands and stomped our feet and sang claiming our stuff back….so powerful and his presence was so near….
The journey of Jesus is So powerful in and for our lives….as I started to read your story, The Lord said , daughters gathering…..this is what we’re doing here…gathering together and sharing the goodness of the Lord together in the midst of our stuff…whether it be the beginning, middle, or out come….but he says We his daughters are Worthy…..no one can or ever will Love us like this….
Blessings!
AMEN Patty! Thanks for sharing this encouragement with all of us! Bless you sister!
Thank you Lydia! I realize that my emptiness over the last few years has caused me to seek the wrong thing to fill it. I thank you for this story. I surrender my selfish desires and my fill my life with Jesus.
Bless you
Jenna,
Yes girlfriend, allow God to fill all of your emptiness! Renee has some great teaching videos on this blog about that very thing. He is the only One capable of filling us up. Keep surrendering…it’s a daily “must”! 🙂
Thank you very much for sharing Lelia;
It’s the Holy Spirit who dwells within you who worked through you to share your story with us. Thank You Holy Spirit! You reminded me through your story of Romans 8:28 which says “all things work together for the good of them who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” I’m grateful that you listened to God’s petition to lay everything at His feet because He cares. Thank you for the reminder that no matter how bad things may seem its my contrite & broken heart and spirit, laced with my total honesty and obedience to God that He will use to restore, redeem and fill me – us. May the Lord continue to be your anchor as you share through obedience what He’s laid on your heart.
Thank you Renee for being such an awesome woman of God as well. You inspire me to stay rooted and grounded in my faith in spite of what I feel and see. To God be all the glory for His Word and those inspired to continue to share it laced with personal experiences that we can relate to. I bless You, Lord for every woman in this bible study and pray that as your Word says, iron sharpeneth iron; that we will strength each other by trusting You and sharing that which you’ve brought us through.
Julie,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words from me and also on behalf of Renee who is flying today to the midwest to minister to to women this weekend.
Our redeemed lives are living proof of a God so much greater than our enemy! Trusting God over the lies of the enemy is beyond worth it! 🙂
God’s love is amazing. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m glad that the we can read as women that the enemy will be defeated. I am at a place now where I have become completely naked before the Lord because I have come to realize that it is the only way I can be set free and begin to receive healing. I am so thankful for this study because it has opened my eyes even more, but most importantly it has opened my heaet to receive God’s unfailing love . Just from reading the testimony today that is proof that God has unfailing love for all of us.Wow I am in awe of how awesome God is. Love each and everyone of you ladies keep trusting our Lord and Savior!!
Twana, YES YES YES!! You got it! Receive His unfailing love like Renee and I have both done! He is a transforming, redeeming God that doesn’t need us, but wants us and is crazy about us! So excited for you! 🙂 Big hugs and love from Nebraska!
Thank you Lelia! Your story let me see yet another example that God is all we need ! ! I was married for 20 years, when I divorced my ex because of alcoholism and multiple DUI arrests. I got tired of trying to hold things together ….. Our children would hide in there rooms when he was around ….We all walked on egg shells. I felt embarrassed and ashamed because I was not enough for my husband…..I tried what I thought was everything. I met a man 1 year after the divorce…soon found out he was married….but I loved the attention he gave me…..a year later we slept together …..I took what ever he gave me tid bits of his time because I felt that was all I was worth…….I no longer engage in a relationship with this man….but the guilt is there….I am working on my relationship with God, but need support as some days I could really use a hug!
Ruth,
I hope you are reading Renee’s book along with God’s Word! 🙂 God has used “A Confident Heart” to change my life. I’ve learned how to “boss my soul around” as Renee teaches us in it. One thing in chapter 3 she said that hit me is “Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will constantly turn to other lovers and never be satisfied.”
God is the only One who is capable of being our All.
Oh, sister, give Him your guilt and see what He does with it…it will be beautiful! 🙂
Thank you.
I agree, it’s hard to deal w it’s guilt and discouragement, but you are on the right track so don’t give up. Hs strength is sufficient! It’s not easy to realize that we are not enough for our husbands, but then again, we are all created to only find fulfillment in God. I pray that you’ll seek Him out today for a heavenly hug. God bless!
Thanks you Lelia for having the courage to share your story. I know how hard it can be to be so honest in front of people so I thank you for being so open. I still have a hard time believing that the Lord forgives me or even actually notices me. I grew up in a negative household and still to this day I long for approving or encourage words from my mom and sister. If I cant even get them to notice anything good about me or actually like me, then how am I to believe God actually likes me? It is hard when I cant not see or feel the Lord. I feel, see, and hear my mothers criticism everyday so that is easier to believe. If the people here on earth can not give me what I need how do I get what I need from someone who I can not sit face to face with, or feel? I have a hard time separating God from how I am treated here on earth. I figure if the people here who are suppose to love me cant then how can someone .i cant even hear or see love me? Or I tend to think these people are right about me so why would .god waste his time on me? And if he does really love me then why does every person he send into myself act the same towards me? Im like a doormat. I am used to make others feels good about themselves and I am always last and/or forgotten about. It gets tough. Especially when I have been begging and crying for years for change, for help, for something! God knows what I long for, what I need, but I never get it, so I then think I am being ignored by God or used as a joke. And to top it off now my father has ALS and it is moving fast and I am having a hard time dealing with it and I cant go to my mom or sister about it. My father has his faults yes, but he is the only one in my family that would at least encourage me or praise me. He would call me out of the blue and say I am doing a good job or keep doing what I was doing. And now God is going to take the one person in my family that actually likes me? Whats up with that?! And it cant be so I get closer to my mother cause she is a long story and there is no way she would ever want me close and if she did, it would never be real. I am used to the worse. I am used to being last. I dont know how to fill up my voids with God? I have at times thought of having an affair to fill the voids of what i am not getting from my husband but no one even looks at me so that void is never gonna get filled. My whole life has been like this and I am tired of it. Im tired of being alone or overlooked. I feel i do so much, so much for everyone and now that I am christian and learning about God, etc and reading all these books, I find myself learning that I need to honor my husband even if he doesnt deserve it, or to keep my mouth shut, etc. to me it is telling me to keep being a doormat. I get confused? I feel like I am being punished even if the books tell me I am not being. I have a hard time thinking God loves me or sees me. This world is huge full of people and if Im invisible to the few people around me how can I believe I am visible to God? Or even worth his time? There is so much I want out of this life and I have never gotten it and I am crippled by fears and worry. Fears that I will always be alone, taken advantage of, or my dreams never coming true. Fear I will die before I get to do and see certain things. Fear of being a crappy parent and what my kids are going to grow up like. Fear my husband doesnt really love me and is lying to me. How do you let go and give all that to .god? How do you forget your past? How do you give all that to .god? How do you hear him? I am new at all this. I was raised Catholic but recently became a christian a few months ago. I never knew about having a relationship with God. i was just always told what not to do and how I would go to hell for this or that and that God is always watching. I was raised in fear you could say, so .i never felt good enough for anyone, let alone God! I just feel like I am doing everything wrong and fear I will never get it right or understand things. Im just so lost and have been most of my life. Thank you though for your story. It really touched my heart.
Holly I noticed you. I see you. Please remember no matter how hard it is or gets God Loves You and I am your sister in Christ. Somtimes the only sisters we have are the sisters in Christ. Please keep praying for your marriage and your children and remember God answers prayer.
A prayer for you dear Holly,
Father in Heaven – Almighty God – You Lord know my dear sister Holly. You- Father, took Your time and great personal details into creating Holly. Father, we read in Your Holy Word that You chose Holly before the creation of this world and You Father, set her apart, Father, You selected Holly as Your own. (Ephesians 1:4) Help that to soak into Holly’s heart and mind.
Lord, as I read Holly’s post, I remembered Your love and O how much You love Holly. I can’t be there for her but I know that YOU can. “Shower” Holly today with Your abundant, unending lavishing love. Remind her that it’s not about what others think or do, it’s not about what she does, looks like, or says it’s all about YOU – Jesus. Give Holly a new thought of how You love Holly as if she were Your only child! How Holly has Your full attention and You, Lord God – never take your loving eyes off of her.
Father God, take away Holly’s fears and the lies that Satan is throwing at her, in Jesus Name. “Flood” Holly with Your peace. As the scripture says; fears has to do with torment. We claim victory in Holly’s life in JESUS Name. For it’s in JESUS Name – we pray – AMEN
Father God I stand with Karen for Holly! Please shower her with Your peace and love. Let her know that You see her and love her! In Jesus’ mighty name – Amen
Dear Holly,
God loves you because He has given you the courage to pour out your heart to us. We see you and acknowledge you. As Tina says ‘keep praying and remember God answers prayers’, maybe one at a time. Lean on Him and remember Jeremiah 32:17 – I pray that verse again and again.
“O Sovereign Lord, You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm,
NOTHING is too hard for You”.
O Lord, you know Holly. You knew her before she was born as you knit her together in her mother’s womb. May she feel your loving arms wrapped tight around her. My she feel your presence & know that you have loved her with an unfailing love. Lord give her the security in knowing that you know the deepest parts of her and love her unconditionally. Help her to look to you and focus on your Cross. Lord place in her life Godly women who will be an encouragement to her. Give her the strength to face her father’s diagnosis with ALS. Lord give them special moments together, ones where she can see your hand and where they can be an encouragement to each other. In your Name I Pray, Amen.
Holly I SEE you , I HEAR your cries for help and your anguish I love you….God.
Holly, I’ve walked where you are. God sees you, he hears you precious one . He has you in the palm of his hand. Remember He sings over you, He speaks good words over you, he loves you with unfailing , unconditional love. Only God can love with that kind of love. Listen I’ve been where you are …that pit is my pit maybe we were neighbors? My family did the same thing to me. I read the story of Joseph in Genesis 42 and I was struck by the fact that after Joseph’s brothers threw him in the pit they refused to hear his cries of anguish and sat down and had lunch. Maybe your family doesn’t hear your cries or worse even care, perhaps they laugh at you like mine. Holly, God hears, he sees, he knows the hairs on your head, he keeps a bottle full of your tears. He hears he knows intimately your pain, your desires. He wants you to be utterly convinced that He loves you. Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand Holly and says to you do not fear, I WILL HELP YOU. Forget the things of the past and call on me…God.
There are several books that have helped me deal with my family situation. Mine was so bad at one time I contemplated taking my own life…I was just in so much pain, physical and mental, and felt utterly worthless and failure… and everyone in my family hated me for my weakness and Satan used them to try to destroy me. Telling me I should “just get over” the things that repeatedly happen to me, or devaluing the things that had happened. At one point they were trying to interpret reality for me…” It didn’t happen that way, you just mis read everything as usual.” Funny thing is when I woke up I realized that they weren’t even around so How did they know. They were just as happy to hand me the shovel to dig my pit and then told me I deserved to be in it. These are all LIES. There is a battle for you soul and it’s very real. What has helped me..Pour out your heart to him and surrender it all. I stood in the shower one morning and wailed out to God that I was done with it all, I was a mess making a bigger mess of everything around me. He could have everything, my life, my family my future, my health. My burden was soo heavy. No, there wasn’t a moment where he quickly lifted it from me, but he wooed me and I am now convinced that he loves me. I found I was carrying a burden not meant to be carried…unforgiveness. I could handle with His help the burden of my diminshing health, but the burden of unforgiveness was going to quite literally be my undoing. There are several books I started reading to help me see my families dynamic and how I was fitting into that dynamic. Taking responsibility for what is mine in that mess of relationships and not for what isn’t. You are not a door mat nor was that ever God’s plan. God wants every captive free. He wants you free and full and totally satisfied in Him. I read Townsend and Clouds book, “the Mom Factor” it really opened my eyes to what was going on. They have others you may find helpful as well as “Boundaries when to say YES and when to say NO to take control of your life” . The other book I used is “Get out of that Pit” by Beth Moore and Neil T. Anderson’s ” The steps to freedom in Christ” . I feel such an urgency and love for you. Remember that Satan is the enemy, he’s out to devour you, but you are God’s and he can’t have you. Satan wants you convinced that he has you and that God is not good… buts thats all he can do is CONVINCE us. God has used his powerful mouth, the one that spoke the world into being and breathed life into man…. to call YOU by name Holly and speak blessing over you and about you. Yes, God is talking about you…He’s crazy in love with you. I will be praying for you for God to remove the obstacles in your path, for God to show himself in the mighty way you need Him to. For you to dwell on Gods faithfulness and goodness in your life. Keep a journal of the things God has done for you in the past and think about those things and you will become convinced of his love for you. Above all seek Him day and night with all your heart, soul and mind. Saturate yourself in his word. Hugs……more Hugs…..your battle buddy.
Sweet Holly,
The one thing that popped out to me above anything else is what you wrote here: ” God knows what I long for, what I need”.
There is so much truth packed into that sentence because as your Creator, He is the ONLY ONE that knows all your needs and He is the ONLY ONE Who is capable of filling any emptiness in your life. I’m living proof of that.
Anytime you are having thoughts that doubt Who God is, please know that Satan, who is called the father of lies in the Bible is messing with you. He does NOT want you to have a relationship with your Savior and will do his best to steal your joy, kill your hopes and destroy any good God has for you.
One of my favorite chapters in Renee’s book is when she teaches us about “Turning toward the Truth” in chapter 5. She teaches us how to turn to God instead of the shadow of doubt. She says here: “Turning leads to transforming, as we allow our thoughts to be made new, and transforming leads to believing as God’s thoughts become our Truth.”
Stick with God Holly and eventually your thoughts, heart and mind will be renewed and transformed. He has much for you! Don’t give up!
Leila, how did you post your photo? Thanks.
I have ask the same question before. can any one tell us.In Christ Love
Holly My Dear Sister~N~Christ,
As I was reading your story I started crying. You are not alone sweet sister, I have been in the exact same place, I know your pain, frustration, your fear, anxiety, and worries. The unconditional love you have been longing for from your mom and sister, the longing for them to love you for you. I too know how it feels to only have your dad to lift you up and understand you. Through all my pain and struggles this has been the biggest challenge for me and I ask myself “If I’m not good enough for my mother, why would I be good enough for God” sometimes the best thing we can do is just pray for them, let God deal with their problems, move forward and stay focused on him and his glorious words of grace. Sister even though we may not feel is presence he is working in you, to move closer to him. He wants a relationship with you. As you look back on resent events a few months ago you became a Christian, don’t you see this is him working in you!! He wants to have that relationship with you.
I am praying for you sweet sister, keep your chin up cause you are a strong women, even in the weakest moments.
Sending you Hugs
Thank you so much Lelia for sharing your story. My husband and I separated about 20 years ago. It ended up being one of the best blessings we could have asked for. I was saved and when God brought him home he and both our children were saved. Sometimes He takes away so we only look to HIM.
Holly my heart goes out to you. My prayer is that you are in a Bible believing Church and that there will be a godly women who can mentor you and help you see how much God loves you and has given HIS all for you. I have a low self estem myself and its hard to build myself back up when I feel knocked down but God is helping me to see that I do not need to look to others or compare others its about me and God and my own journey. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” This verse has gotten me through many hard times.
Love and prayers to you.
Holly, you are not alone and you matter mightly to your Creator. This verse came to mind while I was reading your post – “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
Lord, please wrap Holly up in your loving arms and help her to feel the love and comfort of knowing that You are there to hold her up, especially when others in her life don’t or won’t.
Hi Holly, my heart breaks for you. I deal with getting “confused” a lot. I read so many books, watch so many different preachers, think of all the “things” I can do to really solidify that relationship with God. It’s so complicated and confusing. Well recently, I heard a preacher address this very issue and he said that many of us ask what is that next step once we give our heart to Jesus. His answer was simple…”fall in love with Jesus”. Spend time worshipping Him, getting to know Him (through scripture) spend time with Him through prayer and quiet time. I think back to when I was suffering from post pardom depression and I was at the bottom of the pit. Nothing helped, not my husband, not my family, not counseling, not medication. All those things were very important to have to deal with my depression but I still wasn’t full, joyful, loving, living, or satisfied. I needed more. I opened my bible and started reading through psalms until I found one that fully articulated how I felt and what I wanted God to do in me. I prayed that psalm daily, many times a day, until it no longer applied. There was no self help book that could do that, only God. Once I started to feel a little life grow in my heart, I dove into Christian music. I just let go and let the lyrics of those songs take over. For so long, I couldn’t even put into words my unhappiness or what I wanted or needed. So my prayers felt empty, but I think it goes back to “praying Gods promises”. Using the very words from the bible, pray according to His will, and God will take care of you, He will heal you, He will provide for you. I didn’t even pray specifically to my particular problems or struggles, but once I found scripture and worship music that conveyed what I felt, I could finally start breathing again. I seriously felt the breath of life being breathed into my heart and soul. You don’t have to dwell on all the struggles you are facing. God knows your heart, he knows your pain, he knows your hopes and dreams, and He has good plans for you, plans to give you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Start with falling in love with Jesus, because He is in love with you. God will guide your steps, He will make your paths straight. Praying for you Holly.
Just to follow up, I didn’t mean not to do this or other bible studies. This bible study is so thick and full of scripture and Gods truth, you cant help but grow from it. I was referring to the millions of self help, quick fix books. 🙂 God, please bless each of us involved in Renee’s bible study. May your truth and love speak to our hearts and make us a new creation in You.
Thanks Leia for your testimony.
How painful that we as women need to put our heart soul and body through so much stuff and shame for nothing. The world needs Jesus and thank god he is love and forgiveness.
Holly please everyday, every minute say I’m worthy of God’s love. Even if you don’t believe it, say it. Say it until it becomes a garment that you but on first thing in the day. You are worthy in my eyes sister. May the lord uplift you with his right hand. You are a bless woman because you bless others with your love. Remember that is Jesus commandment to his disciples. And you are doing that without you knowing it. Do for and your rewards will be evident soon enough. Hang in there. Xoxo.
Holly,
You are the daughter of the Almighty… that emptiness only He can fill. I know you long for the acceptance of you mom and sister. Just know you have sisters here in Christ that will pray for you and will accept you for the WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL woman you are!! Pray for God to soften their hearts and see their neglect towards you… Remember you are STRONG through Jesus. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and had a very hard time thinking I was worth loving… looking for love in all the wrong places because I didn’t know He could fill me with the satisfaction I need… Let me tell you from experience HE CAN!!!! He can and will fufill your EVERY need. Keep looking for Him and He will be found. Give your heart to Him and you will be surprized, you have found what you have been looking ALL your life.!! Love you Holly.
Grace and peace Holly.
I happened to stroll down the page, and your words almost made me cry.
I felt so strong to write you, I know about negative words they can be very hurtful. I didn’t experiences negative words from my family, but from many others. I wasn’t as pretty as other girls in school, and I had big buck teeth. Being picked on was a every day occurs. I too was raised in Catholic church .I felt close to God because he was only person who knew what I was going through. I used to day dream a lot it was my safe haven. I would go to church, and put holy water on my fore head and teeth.ask God to fit them and for wisdom. Why wisdom because I didn’t think I was smart enough. If we are being honest sometimes I still think I’m not smart enough. I don’t think you are on this site for nothing. I don’t think you accidentally part of this bible studies.God has you, and you are not alone. I sometimes feel that I let God hands go,but I know that he holds on to mind. I know God is also holdings on to yours as well. I believe change starts within. You need to tell yourself that you are beautiful, and write all positive words and practices saying them. You need step listening to negative words from your family. Say to yourself that those words don’t defined me. I note stop listening to those words, and find words that made me feel good. I’m still working on somethings, but I think the day we stop asking God for his love and help we are not alive. You are not alone we are your family, if you need someone to listen I’m here. Never give up on God, because he will never give up on you. Change starts within. I’m not going to say we are perfect, there is only one holds that title. I’m not going say I have someone issues also, but with this book confidence heart & God I know I will get three. You see God already has a hand in it. So continue to read book, bible, trust me you will find God’s love. He often speaks in a wisper. I pray that God will keep you, and fulfilled you with is spirit. This prayer I pray in Jesus name Amen.
Dear Holly…I am you also…I recently experienced a restored and redeemed marriage…it was not easy, however my only choice was surrendering to God. He is the Mighty Counselor Healer. Reading your post this scripture came to mind…as I have so many saved from my valley
Ephesians 3:16 I’m asking God to give you a gift from the wealth of his glory. I pray that he would give you inner strength and power through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will live in you through faith. I also pray that love may be the ground into which you sink your roots and on which you have your foundation. 18 This way, with all of God’s people you will be able to understand how wide, long, high, and deep his love is. 19 You will know Christ’s love, which goes far beyond any knowledge. I am praying this so that you may be completely filled with God.
I also experienced a lot of healing around this song…it spoke to me in reminding me how worthy he thought I was…I listened to it a dozen times in one day at times!
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zHk95UnsE
Lord we ask You to send the Holy Spirit to Holly…let Your truths settle deep in her heart. She is deeply loved, completely forgiven & fully pleasing to You…she is totally accepted and a new creation, complete in Christ. Lord protect Holly’s young spiritual heart from the lies of the enemy. We come togther in Christian sisterhood as Your beloved children to lift up our sister Holly for You to lavish Your sweet love on. Thank You for already meeting her where she is at and we have confidence in Your healing over her heart. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen!
Jennyp1973
Search for Significance ! Deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, a new creation, complete in Christ ! It’s all true. Though the world shouts its lies, God whispers truth. Amen !
NancyClaire…love that book. I had a wise Christian therapist who led me thru that book and it changed my life!
Yes! Search for Significance is a wonderful book!
So helpful for those of us (Holly, there are many!) who have felt insignificant in life for a long time. God’s peace, my sister.
In a perfect world I would believe all that this song says. I don’t see any thing in me worth loving. Especially since I can’t even get my pastor to meet with me and help me understand what part of a huge misunderstanding between me and another member of my church, I was responsible for. If a pastor cant make time for someone who, admittedly, faild at staying out of an emitonal affair yet is working with you women and some others in my church to be free of the attaraction to porn and no longer wants to justify engaging in blatant sin, why should I fell lovable?
Stephanie, I so agree with what you shared with our dear sister. Many times we look to others to fill those empty spaces, as Renee mentions in her book. NO ONE can do that, only our complete confidence in the Lord’s ability. We must delve into his word, pray His word and listen. Prayer changes things. I have been the type that when I an frazzled the first thing I want to do is call someone and vent, now I am learning the first person I need to call is the LORD. Have a blessed day.
Thanks for sharing that Connie. The reminder about calling the LORD first is SO essential. It helps us gain perspective and control of our emotions.
Holly, just remember that time takes time and that it is about
Progress not perfection. Just keep your heart open and God will fill it in
His perfect timing. I know for me that he seldom gives me all the answers at once
He knows I may not be ready for it. So through it all I am building a relationship with him
That is what it is all about. A relationship. You will get there. I promise you.
Holly,
The tears started flowing as I read your words and felt your pain–for I, too, was where you are. Let me tell you there is healing and God will heal you. He will put people in your life that help encourage you and sustain you, and little by little the transformation happens–“glory to glory”.There is joy, love, and peace beyond imagining on the other side. Don’t give up! Stay in church, listen to Christian music, read books, recite and memorize out loud Bible verses such as the ones the other women have given you. God’s Word will renew your mind and replace the negative patterns. There are good books–Joyce Meyer has great ones–Battlefield of the Mind was one that helped me. Your identity is not what you were taught–you are God’s child and worthy of so much more. A crown of splendor in God’s hand–. It is hard work, but your past does not define you or your future. You must forgive those that hurt you and just say it until one day, you will realize that you actually mean it. When it seems too much, take all these words that all of us have written and encourage yourself. All of us touch and agree that God will provide the way out of no way–when it seems hopeless, just remember–if God is for us, who can prevail against us? No devil from hell, no person on this planet. Nothing.
Holly, I have a friend that struggles with the negativity in her biological family. She has a difficult time seeing her worth and with relationships. She sought Godly council and had some of her emotional needs met by healthy relationships outside the family. She still desires relationship from her family that is healthy but is coming to realize that some are incapable or unwilling to give it. We can not control others but we can find safe people to love. There are several books by Cloud and Townsend that can help you with this. Boundaries and Safe People are just two titles that are helpful. As Joyce Meyer says, hurting people hurt people. There negativity is a reflection of them, not you. Find positive and loving people to connect with. I pray God’s guidance for you. My heart goes out to you. You are worth so much in God’s eyes. Who knows, as you choose to grow you may influence others in your life to follow that example. Attraction not promotion:)
Holly,
I also grow up in a household filled with negativity, and at time those critical words creep up. However, I have sured my bible and I have made a conscience effort to fill those words with God’s words. One of the things I do is keep index cards in my purse and I have memories scriptures that fill me with God’s love. It was really difficult but I had to make the decision to remove some people I loved out of my life until I became stronger in the Lord.
I have a model “exposure limit” I learned this from my husband. Once this start to get to a place were the criticalness is coming out. I leave and pray for my father. Over the years I have gained a tremendous amount of compassion for him and pray that God will deliver him from his in demons…
Joyce Meyers a book called “The Secret Power of Speaking” Remember that God loves you and you have been reconciled. Pray for guidance and wisdom – but don’t let you family, husband or anyone else hold you hostage to their words. Remember they are projecting – not reflecting…. I pray that the Lord will deliver you from you and give you the wisdom, power and courage to stand firm in your security with HIM>
Lelia,
Thank you so much for your honesty. I too have been in similar shoes. While reading Chapter two, I discovered that I WAS the Woman at the Well, I am Sam. It’s been almost 10 years ago but my life was a mess. I was the Good girl going to church, attending Youth Group, Singing on stage and loved by a lot of people. Then, I grew up to attend church, lead youth group and sing on stage. All the while wrapped up in the good girl package, I let my self worth be defined by men. First in high school, then collage, then through three marriages. In between husband one and two, I had an affair with the Youth Minister at my church. Although he was a predator and sought out many woman in that church, I wanted his attention and “Love.” Almost 15 years later, I cry over that shameful affair. Shame defined me in everything I did. It’s when I realized that Christ nailed that promiscuity, affair, broken covenants and shame to the cross for me that I began to let go. The fact that my slate is now clean, by his Glorious Grace, I live free!! I now have a beautiful life with a loving Christian husband and two beautiful little girls. I’ve been blessed beyond measure and now I am free to tell my story and help people to heal. Thank you again for your story..
Shelly, I love all that He has done in your life which outshines anything the enemy tried to do. Continue to let God have His way in and through you because He has lots more in store for you, sister! 🙂
Thank you Leilia for sharing your story with us. I think in some way or another we can relate. It helped me to see that no matter what, God is really there for me. Without Him we make not so wise decisions. We have all done that!
God used Chapter 3 to speak to my heart. I also have used a plethora of activities, business to fill me and of course, it didn’t in the end. The past year I have been more selective in my activities, and now I see that God did that to slow me down and reflect on Him. The good Lord does work in mysterious ways! Many days I must just tell myself to “be still” and listen to His soft voice. It is there. It is there for all of us.
God bless!
Lynette…”be still and listen to His soft voice.” I love that & such wisdom! And what you would have missed out on this last year had you not been obedient. Awesome example to all of us…thank you!
Thank you Leila for your honesty and openness – it’s so encouraging hearing real stories of real Christian women who still have struggles but find their hope in Christ. More than that – God can still use us and our experiences of brokenness – he never gives up on us! Praise him!
Jo-Anne…Amen! We all have a usable story, we just have to say yes to our Storyteller! 🙂
God bless you Lelia for sharing your story, I was so blessed by it. What a powerful statement you said “but please believe this woman who almost lost everything for NOTHING.” We think that the grass is always greener on the other side, but there are always weeds there too. satan wants us to believe that our everything is NOTHING so we search for those things to fill us other than God and God alone. But He forgives us and goes on loving us no matter how many mistakes we make. Thank you again for being so vulnerable and sharing your story!! God bless you!
Janet, I love what you said, “Satan wants us to believe that our everything is NOTHING!” So good!! If you didn’t watch the video on Renee’s last post, take the time to do so, it is amazing! 🙂
Lelia, I did watch the video, I loved it. This study has been so powerful with so many powerful messages. I am so blessed to be a part of it and glad that the Lord lead me to it!! I had never heard of online Bible studies until Feb. They are awesome!! I am hooked for life!!! 🙂 Thanks again Lelia for your heart to help others who have gone through issues like yours. You are a blessing!!! 🙂 ♥
Janet,
That is wonderful! Renee has an amazing community of online women. You all are so encouraging to each other. 🙂
Thank you SO much Lelia, for being so open and real- for sharing a story which has touched me so profoundly, (you just can’t imagine!) and I know will touch so many others too…
I am taking away the mind boggling, but heart comforting thought… : “There is NO sin too heavy to STAY nailed to the cross…” What an incredible reminder… one I have written down and will carry with me through the day.
Thank you again for allowing the Lord to work through you! Richest blessings!
Thank you Patti! I agree, it is so mind boggling, but worth receiving the truth of it! Be blessed my friend! 🙂
Lelia I have gone though something like this and I’m still in the process of believing God can forgive me for everything I have done in my past before I gave my self to him. ( November 14th 2012) this helps me to believe he has and will forgive me my past. God Bless you for sharing. Thank you. In Christ Love
Ps love you site. Will be trying to keep up with it also.
Angela,
For years I struggled with self-sabotage, meaning every time I was close to believing that I was worthy and usable by God, I would remind myself of the pits I had dwelled in by choice. Last summer Renee spoke some deep truth into my life and the combination of her spoken words and going through her book more than once has helped me to stop getting in God’s way. Later in the book, “A Confident Heart”, Renee will teach you how to “boss my soul around”. So instead of a pity party, I have a praise party. Instead of feeding myself with negative thoughts, I chew on His Word.
Keep reading Renee’s book and applying what you learn. Don’t just read this book and put it away to start on another one, read it again. Application has been very key for me because Satan wants to keep us in the seat of shame and not let us forget where we came from. But when we believe God’s truth over the devils’ lies, God is able to use our past for His glory. Renee and I both are living proof that it doesn’t matter how low we’ve chosen to go, the cross was a gift to us and when we accept the sacrifice Jesus made for ALL of our sins, freedom awaits us.
Not to long ago, my pastor said, “The ground at the foot of the cross is even.” No matter where you’ve been Angela or what you’ve done, when you ask for God’s forgiveness, you will be granted it and lavished with His love.
Hugs from Nebraska!
This post hit me so profoundly and so close to home. When I was 19 years old I had an abortion, the man I was dating was not wanting a child, I was young and my family wanted me to have an abortion. I have not been able to forgive myself completely for that decision. Now married to someone else 20 years later, I found myself at a point in our marriage of feeling unloved and unwanted by my husband and a door became opened to the man I had dated when I had the abortion and I had an affair. My husband did find out about the affair and was able to forgive me, but does not know of the extent of the affair. I struggle with the courage and strength to reveal the truth as I am afraid of what I will lose. I also struggle with forgiving myself and wondering if God will forgive me, even though I know he loves me and he will, and obviously I know that Jesus died for my sins, but I put such a human emotion on it and can’t imagine how I can be forgiven. Your words are words of inspiration and are a great reminder to me of how great his love is.
Jennifer,
I can’t wait until you get to the point of accepting God’s forgiveness. When you do, it’s amazing and offers such freedom. Living in shame, secrecy and guilt is right where Satan wants you to stay because you are frozen in regret and convinced you’re not only unforgivable by God, but unusable. The only offer I advice I can give is to get in and stay in His Word. Open the Bible and not only read it, memorize it and seek Him. When you seek Him, you will be found when you do it with your all. OH sweet sister, freedom awaits you, and believe that you deserve it.
Hugs from Nebraska,
Lelia
OH WOW! I have never before read anything like this–that is real life! Your strength is inspiring! “If He can look at an unfaithful wife and compromising mom in Nebraska and see beauty instead of ugly then anyone is within reach of being embraced by His amazing grace.” Amazing! And it is proof that He uses the devil’s disasters for His good! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Thank you, Lelia, for sharing your story. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! This brings back to my memory the Lifehouse Everything skit. If you ladies have a chance, youtube that skit or find it here: I’ve been redeemed and am saying so! God Delivered Me From…: http://adjustedsails.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/god-delivered-me-from/
Thank you! I’ll check it out. 🙂
I love this skit. The youth group at our church has done it a few times and it always brings tears to my eyes. Very powerful vision of how we can choose to turn to Jesus and His love when we are tempted.
Thank you for the link! The skit is so visually powerful and moving! I had tears in my eyes as she was crawling and reaching out to Jesus, and when He was fighting off her oppressors to rescue her and wrap His arms around her.
Lelia, thank you for sharing your story.
Thank-you soooo much Lelia for your words of truth and light. This video from dKnight ~ POWERFUL ~ I’m a mess on the floor ~ such a visual of the grace, mercy LOVE of our Savior. The end ~ He puts on HIS robe of righteousness!!! Oh praise HIM ~ PRAISE HIM!!! <3
Hi dKnight Tweets That was a great play it goes along with Lelia’s story about God Forgiving Grace. Thank you for sharing this. In Christ love
I watched the video God-Deliver-Me-From. Thank you for sharing it is a powerful video. It brought me to tears. We have all felt this way one time or another, some may be feeling this way right now. Nothing is too much for our God.
I loved the video. Thank you for sharing, and yes, it is by His grace that we live.
Amazing you tube video. Thanks for sharing!
Wow thank you so much for posting the video, that is so powerful!
Thank you for sharing the skit it was powerful….
Thank you so much for sharing this video. I had seen it done at a local church but didn’t get the Power of it like this video does!!! Want to share it myself now. And thank you Lelia for your testimony. I truly see more and more how only by coming to Father naked and unashamed and allowing Him to lance every spiritual boil that we have in us do we ever get completely healed and set free. I am so thankful He put this study in my path. It has just been amazing to me what all Father has been doing in just the 2 weeks since I started it. Father bless ALL my sisters
Thank you Melinda! Amen He will use them for His glory!
Thank you for sharing your story Lelia. By testifying to our brokenness it gives others permission to do the same, It makes us realize that everyone has a story, not just us and by letting the light shine up it, we can truly be healed. God is in the business of redemption…we just need to let him.
Thank you Lelia for sharing your story. You are an inspiration. God is working in this study.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is amazing how you sharing your darkest of times can minister to others. I was having a difficult discussion this morning with my husband, and your words spoke to me. I have to know that my family will not be able to be filled up by me alone. They have to find that they can only feel happiness and satisfied through a relationship with God. I also have to realize that I will not find my security knowing that everyone is happy with me. It can be exhausting trying to please the world. Blessings and Grace upon you. You have a beautiful heart. I am so thankful you found your way, and I hope no matter what choices I make in life, I will also find my way back to the One who loves us Unconditionally! AMEN!!!!
Julie,
I love that you realize that you have limitations because only God is able to fulfill the needs we all have. If you can order Renee’s talk called “Rest Assured”, I strongly encourage you to do so. You can order it off of the P31 shop. I’ve heard her speak on this twice and each time God used her to speak His truth into my heart. It goes along with what you’re saying.
Thank you for your encouraging words. So glad you are part of Renee’s amazing community of “A Confident Heart” women!
Lelia thank you for sharing your story. I am so happy that we can go to God for comfort in our time of need. I wish to one day be able to be as open as you are and share my story openly with others. I am praying that God will give me the boldness that I am seeking.
Me, too, Bernadette…in the Lord’s timing and the Lord’s way…could just be sharing your story in parts/pieces…and to individuals instead of an audience, so to speak. May God bless as you seek to be led and used of Him.
Bernadette,
I agree with Cherri, in God’s timing. When I first thought I was supposed to confess to my husband, God clearly shut the door on that. I confessed to other trusted believers and a counselor, but had to go through some growing with God before He gave me the thumbs up to confess to my husband and ask for his forgiveness.
Also, with sharing my (our) story publicly, God did that in pieces too. For the longest time I never shared of my husbands infidelity, but when he saw the powerful healing things God was doing with my story, he encouraged me and gave me his blessing to share his too. God has done amazing things with it, but we never give too much detail because we want to stay focused on Him.
Also, going through Renee’s book, “A Confident Heart” a few times (reading it again right now), was a serious life-changing experience for me and gave me a confident heart to share of His greatness because my confidence is placed on God, not myself.
I know God loves your wiling heart and that never goes unnoticed by our King!
“We can trust God’s plans as we realize that His story is being written in ours.” ~Renee Swope, chapter 4 of “A Confident Heart”.
Thank You sooo much Lelia and dKnigTweet for not only sharing your story(Lelia) but for the beautiful skit. Both brought forth different perspective of how trials and tribulations leave you away from the only true man that Loves unconditionally, without asking anything in return. Lelia, your story made me reflect on my life, and how I felt unloved, unwanted, ugly (inside/out) worthless when my ex-husband left me for another woman (how he referred her as the perfect woman). Through my journey of feeling not only disgusted but unworthy I was angry with not only the world but with God (cause I thought I was doing everything according to him yet divorced) until God showed me through my divorce that it was time to stop putting him aside and running away from his arms and let Him fix me (what I tought I needed fixing). I remarried, and yet I sometimes feel that I am still fighting the unloved/unwanted, it seemed that I once again am giving everything and not receiving anything in return. (I yet haven’t found my confident heart) Chapter 3 not only with your story and the skit, made me reflect on how God is showing me that no matter what I go through in life, marriage, work, etc…My priority is God and placing everything in his hands. Like the skit God will fight all my battles, worries, disgrace and Love me for me. Like in chapter 3 “Only God’s unfailing love will _fill___ and fulfill_ those deep longings and empty places in my heart. In fact, until God’s love is “_enough_” nothing else will be.” My heart and I Thank you for sharing your beautiful story
Thank you for sharing your story. I have been divorced 4 years and felt the way you felt when it first happened. I was left for a younger women who he said was perfect ? I am blessed by everyone sharing and I realize t look for comfort in other things.
Thank you for sharing your story, it is inspiring. Many times, we know God forgives us but we have a hard time forgiving ourselves. Chapter 3 really hit home with me when it talks about unconditional love. I always struggled with this due to the fact that both of my parents were addicted to drugs. I was bounced back and forth as a kid. FElt like i wasn’t important enough to anybody, carried those feelings all thru my adult life
A big thank you to Lelia for sharing her story. We all have something under the rocks of our lives which we should give to THE Rock of our life in order to be totally free. God bless you Lelia, your husband and your 3 girls for the courage you have shown us all.
Thank you Lelia I understand your pain. It is so hard to put our hearts and worry and feeling of failure out for the whole world to see. Your story helps people relate and feel better about knowing for sure we are loved. We are worth something. We are not alone. Though I can’t share now I hope you know how important your testimony of Gods love is to all of us.
Genia
Thank you Genia! I appreciate your words of encouragement.