Can we have an honest conversation about guilt? Everywhere I go, women are wrestling with feeling guilty all.the.time. And I understand. It’s something I struggle with, too.
If you are familiar with the heavy weight of guilt, pull up a chair and lean in. I’ve invited my friend Ginger Hubbard to share with us some powerful truths she’s learning to hold onto – truths that point her back to God’s grace again again again. Truths she writes about in her book, “Guiltless Living.”
For so long in my life, I struggled with trying to be a good Christian.
Inevitably, I would blow it on a daily basis then proceed to beat myself up spiritually and emotionally.
In setting my standards high for being what I perceived the perfect wife and mom, I chose the woman described in Proverbs 31 as my role model. On one particular morning, I remember reading about her and making unfavorable comparisons.
She got up before it was still dark. I had rolled out of bed around 8:30 am.
She was well dressed in fine linen and purple. I was in a baggy, terrycloth robe with my hair pulled up in an orange chip clip.
She held the distaff while grasping the spindle with her fingers (not sure what those things are, but I am certain they contributed to her noble character). I held the dust buster to the crumbs on my bed sheets while grasping the empty bag of Doritos.
She provided good food for her family and was always on top of things. I offered a choice of Burger King or McDonalds and felt the weight of my unaccomplished to-do list crashing down on me.
In comparison, I did not measure up. I felt anxious, defeated and disappointed in myself.
I wanted to be the wife who was always cheerful, never irritable, and only said words that edified, encouraged and built up. I wanted to be the mom who never lost it and only spoke with kindness, wisdom and faithful instruction. But, as hard as I tried, I always wound up blowing it in some way.
I just could not achieve the “good Christian” status I desired.
Through prayer and studying God’s Word, I began to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I would never achieve being the perfect Christian. I learned that the battle of victorious Christian living could not be won by sheer willpower or by teeth-gritting determination, but by tucking myself underneath the full armor of God and trusting that God is not only fighting for me, but He has already won the battle.
In measuring our self-worth in accordance with our own performances, we not only become anxious, but we miss out on experiencing the peace and rest of who we truly are in Christ.
Our worth is not based on what we do or do not do. It is not based on our successes and failures. It is not even based on whether we sin a little or sin a lot.
Our worth is based solely on Christ and the atoning work He has done on our behalf. We are His children, purchased at a price, forgiven and fully redeemed.
Embracing this wonderful truth brings about freedom. It is the freedom to forget about ourselves and lay down our measuring rods of self-worth and ongoing scrutiny. It is the freedom to release the suffocating anxiety our weaknesses cause, and instead take hold of God’s grace given to us through the cross.
Join me today in letting go of performance-based worth and self-imposed expectations. May we purpose to rest in the victory Christ has already won and truly experience the rich and satisfying joy of guiltless living!
ENTER TO WIN {book giveaway}
Because Ginger has struggled so much with the issue of performance-based self-worth, she has a deep compassion for other struggling women. Se can relate and understand the mental, spiritual and physical exhaustion that comes from this way of living. If you are one of these women, Ginger’s deep desire that you will lay down your measuring rod of self-worth and stop beating yourself up so you can take hold of God’s grace and embrace guiltless living! Today, Ginger is giving away 3 copies of her new book, Guiltless Living!
Click “Share Your Thoughts” below this post to leave a comment and ENTER TO WIN.
Thank you for this message. These are truths we all need to be reminded of regularly. My oldest left for college in August and a void ow exists in our home. I am desperately trying to keep things business as usual in her absence but fall short. I am very busy at work and missing my child. I suffer daily with not measuring up. Thank you for this.
Thanks so much for the message that my worth is not in what I look like or what I do, but in God alone. I am facing early retirement due to financial reconstruction of the company I work for, and I am now struggling with the old questions “Who am I?” “What good am I, now that I am not working?” Identity crisis at age 60!! But God is faithful, and He sends frequent reminders that my value and worth are in Him alone. Thanks for being one of those reminders!
Encouraging truth!
It can be so hard to let go of guilt but through the power of God’s grace and love, it is possible!
wonderful–thank you Barb
I feel beaten down by too many persons around me in life and I really feel poorly about myself when treated like that so often. At the same time guilt if i stay back from these people.
I thought it was just me ! Trying harder doesn’t work. Love to read your book.
I really need to hear this message and claim it for myself.
Thank you for a timely perspective. So many of us trying to measure up.
I think our world has become very performance-driven, but underneath it all perhaps we just really need to see God’s Word in a tangible, applied sense. We need what is real, true, and lovely. I needed to read this today. Thank you.
Thank you Renee & Ginger. I was reading my own story. I’ve been working through Celebrate Recovery to deal with it & am always looking for ways to stay focused on who Jesus says I am. I will definately be looking for this title. Thanks again.
I struggle with this on a daily basis. Some days I feel like I can overcome it, but most days I just don’t seem to know how.
All I can say is thank you
I so needed this! I feel like Paul in the Bible, I do the things I don’t want too, and don’t do the things I want to do….I love God with all my heart and never want to dissappoint him, but I feel like I fall short daily. I want him tobe my ENOUGH, yet I find myself constantly struggling to win others approval and love!
I so struggle with this
I am so glad I read this tonight. I just got home from work and feeling so guilty that I didn’t get more done. One problem after another, I felt like I was taking one step forward and 3 steps backwards. Talk about “guilt”, the “should have’s, could have’s, I wish…, why did I do that, oh no look at the time, how many times do I have to do this over”… those kind of self-talk words came out. My confidence shrinking. Then I read this and was sweetly reminded about “my worth”. Breath of fresh air. Guilt does have a way to “eat me alive” at times.
Thank you for sharing this with us!!!
Thanks to a wonderful friend (a Godly woman), I began reading my bible again. For four years now, I start (almost) every morning reading His word. While I sometimes revert to old habits/thought patterns in times of stress, I realize I am a work in progress and don’t stay/wallow there too long. I am so blessed to my friend, Bev, for igniting this passion within me.
You described me! Just add divorce to the list…..I’ve failed my family, my kids, myself and most of all Christ. Talk about performance based….I have always been defined by my kids and now when they aren’t with me I don’t know who I am. I never imagined being a statistic. I struggle with the guilt daily…..
Thank you so much. I just read this after having a conversation with God. I think my relationship with God is performanced based, I feel like I am this bad child that I am struggling with thinking I am this horrible person that he does not answer my prayers and when he does i dont like the response ir lack of response.
Thank God I can trust him to show me how I can live in his footsteps without guilt and He will make me a woman after his heart,
I though you were literally talking about me!! I fail on a daily basis, and I can truly identify myself with every word you shared.
Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to feel this way!!
Dear Renee, As I read through the excerpt from ‘Guiltless Living’ tears filled my eyes rolling down and my heart was breaking because it was as if I was reading about me and seeing me in a mirror. I have lived a life of guilt so much, for so long and in so many occassions including very recently. I have not really had a pleasant relationship with my husband and this has been on for most of our marriage. I have always been in prayers for things to improve, I have had to beg for forgivenesss for what I do not understand and dont know how I was wrong in it but in the interest of peace have to beg , yet he never agrees to let go. He is a man who says very little or nothing to me, never interested in making a conversation with me but says so much to and others see him as a story teller. He always likes to make me feel I am guilty and in many occassions I try to apologise even when he is the one to do so. For this and many more reasons I find myself being too careful to do it right and all the time end up with a mistake which keeps me continiously feeling guilty and ever trying to do the right. i notice that I carefully do everything right for so many months but one day i do the wrong as i am an imperfect being, the man who never commended any of the right things i did, holds on to that wrong one and tells me how he does not think I am ready to have a the realtionship I have been asking for otherwise i could not have behaved in a certain way. He never comments on all the good i have been doing for a long time. Someone has decided to keep me feeling guilty but I accept the His word that I am guiltless. I am very happy to be reminded by your excerpt about God’s love for me and i pray that grace of God will always remind me that I am guiltless. Thank you and God bless alwaz.
Thanks for sharing this today!
This is great! For me, to relieve myself of guilt, I have to constantly fix my eyes on Jesus, stay in His Word, and believe His promises for me as His daughter. There is no other real substitute for me but God. Every day, all day. 🙂
Bless you Renee!
We women need to hear these words OFTEN. Most of us feel the need to be all, do all. We compare ourselves to our moms and grandmas (anyway, I do), and think we don’t measure up to all they did. But this is such a DIFFERENT world we live in today! And, regardless of how we “do,” we know and must remember that we are loved more than we can possibly fathom! Thank you for the reminder!
I would love to read this book i struggle with this on a daily basis
I KNOW in my heart that Jesus loves me and that my children love me. The guilt comes in because I don’t think I did right by them. My son is high school graduste, has 2 jobs, his own car and is saving for his own apartment. My daughter is a junior in high school, will be a licensed hair stylist and half way to her associates degree when she graduates from high school. I know I must’ve done something right along the way but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I just didn’t do enough. Today’s post helped but I’m not my grandmother’s and that’s my problem.
Thank You, Jesus, that You don’t compare us to anyone – you’ve designed us all in unique ways and we can ‘learn’ to walk in that, accepting that who we are is enough. I’d love to read the book then share with friends. Thanks so much!
Letting go of the guilt would open up a world of greater reward. Taking a the step to go forth and give it your best knowing that the choice you make provides blessings and not baggage. This book sounds like it provides each us the chance to make that change.
Are you speaking directly to me today? Guilt has been a constant in my life, but a couple of weeks ago a blast from my (not so fabulous) past has come back into my life. The guilt has really taken hold of my heart again. I’m working through it, but forgiving myself is difficult. Top that with my desire to be that “perfect” wife and mother and friend…and it’s been a guilt fest in my heart lately. Would love to read this book, even if I don’t win the giveaway.
Guilt and self worth are such a struggle for me. Daily I have this issue. I would love to read this book!
We all feel guilt at some point or another, but we need to realize, we’re not perfect. That Perfection is held by only One, Him. Would love to read the book!
As a recovering perfectionist, the message in this book sounds like just the right thing to refer to regularly to help stay on the freedom path!
Thank you so much, Renee and Ginger. I really needed to hear this today. I need to hand in my “measuring stick” to Jesus. I so easily load myself with guilt, the unrealistic kind…
It sounds like this book could help a lot of people! I especially like the humor thrown in there!
Thanks for the devotional. So many of us worry about our worth. I can just imagine Our Father is shaking His head and thinking if only my children will look up to Me and know how precious and valuable they are.
Very timely.
Much needed message, thank you!
My children always tell me I am to hard on myself, and I should STOP taking the guilt trips that I put myself onto.
Thank you.
Jesus has taken all GUILT AWAY by His Shedding of his Blood, oh his Precious Blood!
Genuinely, reading this was a much needed, HUGE, warm hug from God this morning! I’ve been battling ‘old’ negative thought patterns & hence ‘feeling’s of inadequacy, overwhelming discouragment & self rejection lately…again….. I really believed I had shed this ugly former acquaintance, many years ago…I was mistaken…It has found my address, knocked on my door, relentlessly pursued me – like a telemarketer or junk mail…:( and finally, caught up with me, proceeding MANY a bad day…and I have swallowed the coolaid!:( My thoughts, attitudes and self talk, have been poisoned with the ‘tyrannical expectations’ of others and more importantly my own inept ‘ruler’ of the ‘god of self’….my measurements have been all off! I don’t measure up! ‘They’ don’t measure up! NOone is measuring up!! The plum line is crooked, warped, ridiculously – ‘un-true’…My inner self came tumbling DOWN! The ‘good works’ – the ‘try harder’s’ – the ‘haven’t I done enough’s?!! – to the ‘that’s it, I quit!! – ‘I can’t do this anymore’ – ‘I give up’s’….’my’ self erected ‘proving’ – of ‘my’ worth’…. finally, came crumbling down around ‘me’, leaving me in the wake of despair and ruin….It could not stand on ‘this’ foundation, erected on such an ‘un-stable’, un-safe, un-worthy frame……’my-self’….and me and my ego-me and ‘my’ self made kindgdom…me and my bloodied, limp, ruined….’self-worth’… their walls came tumbling…..like domino’s ….crashing down….on ‘me’!!! As I sat, lifeless….drinking my coffee, like a zombie, trying to awake from this self inflicted disaster within….mythodically, I opened my email, mindlessly attempting to distract my inner self….and my eyes were drawn to … ‘Renee Swoope’ – ‘You were made for…’ That’s all I saw…that’s all I needed to see! To see hope! To see help! To ‘see’!!:) As I began reading the post and the excerpts from Ginger Hubbard’s book – ‘You were made for GUILTLESS living’!!:) The -trying, the comparison’s, the crooked measuring stick, the hopelessness of it all…..they all led Ginger – as they have me – right were I always belonged in the FIRST place!…They and Ginger’s relatable reminder’s…..’they’ ALL led ‘me’…..TO THE CROSS!!!:) TO THE FEET OF JESUS!!!:) TO RESCUE!!:) TO HOPE!!!:) and then I looked over and saw one of my (many:) favorite verses Renee had posted….’May The God of HOPE, fill you with all Joy and Peace – as you Trust In HIM….so that, (I)-‘may’ , overflow with HOPE, by The Power of The HOLY Spirit…” Ro. 15:13 Thank you Renee, and Ginger, for your ministries – your words – your reminders – your ‘lamps that have lightened ‘my’ darkness’….your support and your encouragements to ‘me’ – today – ‘this’ day….that The Lord knew..:) that ‘I’ would desperately need them, and you, and Him!!! Thank you sweet sisters, for leading me back to where I always belonged….JESUS!!!:) The Sweetest of All….the Lover of ‘my’ soul!:)
stand on ‘this’ foundation, erected on such an ‘un-stable’, un-safe, un-worthy frame……’my-self’….and me and my ego-me and ‘my’ self made kindgdom…me and my bloodied, limp, ruined….’self-worth’… their walls came tumbling…..like domino’s ….crashing down….on ‘me’!!! As I sat, lifeless….drinking my coffee, like a zombie, trying to awake from this self inflicted disaster within….mythodically, I opened my email, mindlessly attempting to distract my inner self….and my eyes were drawn to … ‘Renee Swoope’ – ‘You were made for…’ That’s all I saw…that’s all I needed to see! To see hope! To see help! To ‘see’!!:) As I began reading the post and the excerpts from Ginger Hubbard’s book – ‘You were made for GUILTLESS living’!!:) The -trying, the comparison’s, the crooked measuring stick, the hopelessness of it all…..they all led Ginger – as they have me – right were I always belonged in the FIRST place!…They and Ginger’s relatable reminder’s…..’they’ ALL led ‘me’…..TO THE CROSS!!!:) TO THE FEET OF JESUS!!!:) TO RESCUE!!:) TO HOPE!!!:) and then I looked over and saw one of my (many:) favorite verses Renee had posted….’May The God of HOPE, fill you with all Joy and Peace – as you Trust In HIM….so that, (I)-‘may’ , overflow with HOPE, by The Power of The HOLY Spirit…” Ro. 15:13 Thank you Renee, and Ginger, for your ministries – your words – your reminders – your ‘lamps that have lightened ‘my’ darkness’….your support and your encouragements to ‘me’ – today – ‘this’ day….that The Lord knew..:) that ‘I’ would desperately need them, and you, and Him!!! Thank you sweet sisters, for leading me back to where I always belonged….JESUS!!!:) The Sweetest of All…The Lover of ”my’ soul!!:)
Self worth! Man the struggle is real. All my life trying to measure up to standards I set, as well as others. I’m growing in the knowledge that He is my worth. He is my sufficiency and where He resides, there is no lack!
I struggle with that everyday. Would love to win a copy. Thank you for sharing.
I have been really struggling with this the past few days, this came to me at such a good time. I am going to read this book! Thank you
I was in high school when the fear surfaced. What if God doesn’t have marriage in His plan for me? I don’t know why or where that came from. I have a beautiful picture of marriage modeled for me in so many ways, but I was scared it wouldn’t be that way for me. I made many choices out of fear and today at 38 I still, more than ever want to be married and have a family. I could in a second tell someone else of God’s grace and love and incredible plan, but my struggle now more than ever is feeling forgotten and unloved. Did my choices cause this? I know they didn’t but it is so hard to understand. God created marriage and family, and it is so beautiful. I still have hope but it is a daily choice.
Wow! I am an old maid, childless and I share in the self-inflicted guilt. Thank you for reminding me of my Lord’s forgiveness. He wants me to do my best, but He doesn’t expect perfection. We are blessed!
Oh the weight of that guilt!!! How wonderful to let it lift and put it in God’s hands. Thank you!
Wow does this hit home. I am so much better about guilt than I used to be, but to say I’ve overcome it would be far from truth. I feel like I am always letting someone down. Not to mention God! Sometimes I feel like he saved me not because he loves me, but because he feels obligated or sorry for me. See I still have a quite a ways to go!
Thanks for the encouragement! I can’t wait to read this book!
I needed this…I have struggled for years as a people pleaser, trying to do/be enough. I’m trying to let the feelings of guilt go… I can’t do it all! I would love to have this book.
Is this struggle more pronounced in the Christian community, I wonder? Do our non-Christian friends struggle with this heavy burden. Thanks for starting the conversation!
I’m convicted today, especially, to make a special effort to lighten the load of expectation I put on my sisters in Christ.