Can we have an honest conversation about guilt? Everywhere I go, women are wrestling with feeling guilty all.the.time. And I understand. It’s something I struggle with, too.
If you are familiar with the heavy weight of guilt, pull up a chair and lean in. I’ve invited my friend Ginger Hubbard to share with us some powerful truths she’s learning to hold onto – truths that point her back to God’s grace again again again. Truths she writes about in her book, “Guiltless Living.”
For so long in my life, I struggled with trying to be a good Christian.
Inevitably, I would blow it on a daily basis then proceed to beat myself up spiritually and emotionally.
In setting my standards high for being what I perceived the perfect wife and mom, I chose the woman described in Proverbs 31 as my role model. On one particular morning, I remember reading about her and making unfavorable comparisons.
She got up before it was still dark. I had rolled out of bed around 8:30 am.
She was well dressed in fine linen and purple. I was in a baggy, terrycloth robe with my hair pulled up in an orange chip clip.
She held the distaff while grasping the spindle with her fingers (not sure what those things are, but I am certain they contributed to her noble character). I held the dust buster to the crumbs on my bed sheets while grasping the empty bag of Doritos.
She provided good food for her family and was always on top of things. I offered a choice of Burger King or McDonalds and felt the weight of my unaccomplished to-do list crashing down on me.
In comparison, I did not measure up. I felt anxious, defeated and disappointed in myself.
I wanted to be the wife who was always cheerful, never irritable, and only said words that edified, encouraged and built up. I wanted to be the mom who never lost it and only spoke with kindness, wisdom and faithful instruction. But, as hard as I tried, I always wound up blowing it in some way.
I just could not achieve the “good Christian” status I desired.
Through prayer and studying God’s Word, I began to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I would never achieve being the perfect Christian. I learned that the battle of victorious Christian living could not be won by sheer willpower or by teeth-gritting determination, but by tucking myself underneath the full armor of God and trusting that God is not only fighting for me, but He has already won the battle.
In measuring our self-worth in accordance with our own performances, we not only become anxious, but we miss out on experiencing the peace and rest of who we truly are in Christ.
Our worth is not based on what we do or do not do. It is not based on our successes and failures. It is not even based on whether we sin a little or sin a lot.
Our worth is based solely on Christ and the atoning work He has done on our behalf. We are His children, purchased at a price, forgiven and fully redeemed.
Embracing this wonderful truth brings about freedom. It is the freedom to forget about ourselves and lay down our measuring rods of self-worth and ongoing scrutiny. It is the freedom to release the suffocating anxiety our weaknesses cause, and instead take hold of God’s grace given to us through the cross.
Join me today in letting go of performance-based worth and self-imposed expectations. May we purpose to rest in the victory Christ has already won and truly experience the rich and satisfying joy of guiltless living!
ENTER TO WIN {book giveaway}
Because Ginger has struggled so much with the issue of performance-based self-worth, she has a deep compassion for other struggling women. Se can relate and understand the mental, spiritual and physical exhaustion that comes from this way of living. If you are one of these women, Ginger’s deep desire that you will lay down your measuring rod of self-worth and stop beating yourself up so you can take hold of God’s grace and embrace guiltless living! Today, Ginger is giving away 3 copies of her new book, Guiltless Living!
Click “Share Your Thoughts” below this post to leave a comment and ENTER TO WIN.
WOW! What a needed message at God’s perfect timing! This is an issue I have struggled with majorly in the past and still struggle with on a smaller scale today.
WOW… God’s timing is amazing… I NEEDED this today more than ever….. I am in tears, because I know I am nothing without God. But thankfully His Grace touches us all
Guitless Living has my name written all over it! I live with guilt and it takes a toll on me. I am working to give it to God, but I seem to need to be in control.
Even though I’ve known this is true for quite some time, I struggle to not struggle with feelings of guilt.
I’m a guilty soul like many other women, seeking to grow in understanding God’s grace. My perfectionism and performance orientation can cripple me emotionally and physically. I so need God’s help to repent and change!
Living with guilty daily? Well.. I’m, guilty! I long to be barefoot on the beach with a twirly red polka dotted dress today.
I tend to find it hardest to believe I am loved by Jesus just for who I am instead of what I do when people do things that cause my trust to waiver. I feel unloved when my trust is broken and it has been just lately and now my self worth plummets. I also know Jesus loves me, but do I love myself when put in situations that make me doubt I am loved even by my own husband. I hope to stop letting what other people chose to do affect my sense of unconditional love that Jesus gives to us all. At times His love is all I really can count on and I need to transfer my feelings of low self esteem to knowing I am loved just for “whose” I am!!! God Bless.
Powerful reminder that our identity is in Christ. He loves us, even when we drop the proverbial ball… Thanks for your honesty and transparency – for reminding me I’m not alone on this journey
Just yesterday I spent most of the morning in tears as I reviewed over and over the things I wasn’t measuring up to in life – wife, servant leader, teacher, friend, etc….. the list went on and on. As my world became smaller I just clung to the word “Jesus” “You are enough”. That is what I kept repeating…..
His peace and power often elude me due to my own blocked pathways – praying for a breakthrough today. Thank you for the words from the book. I will try to memorize the scripture for today.
Wow! This really hits home! I would love to read this book!!
This is something I can really relate to. I have always felt like I had to perform in order to be accepted. Only by trusting and believing in what Christ has done for me and Who He is can I be free from this.
I desperately needed to hear this today!! My self-worth has disappeared along with my confidence thanks to an abusive marriage and a protracted, devastating divorce process. I need this book.
I am praying for you as my marriage is in trouble as we speak as well. I can’t sleep or eat and I cry a lot so if you are there…I totally get it. I am relying on Jesus love and all I know about His character to hold my hand as I go through what is to come. Divorce sounds so final but when trust has been broken over and over one starts to feel abused and that is not what God wants for us while we are here on earth. I pray your self worth is not connected with the devastation that divorce brings to any and all that have gone through it. I have watched my daughter and my son go through it and they clung to their values and made it through and are closer to God which means closer to happiness as well. God Bless.
exactly what I need right now !!
Boy – Do I need this one!
To learn how to live and be guilt free from trying to Always please and make Everybody happy . I struggle daily with trying So Hard to be the BEST for Everyone!
I’m a sinner saved by Grace. I was a drug addict for more than 20 years, I gave my life and will to the Lord on 7/27/07. Been clean every since. The Lord Jesus Christ is so full of Mercy and forgiveness. Without His love, I would have never been able to forgive myself. He has restored my family and blessed me more than I ever imagined.
I have had a PHD in guilt for as long as I can remember. Never the perfect child, or woman, or wife, or mom, and way off the mark as the perfect Christian. Isn’t is wonderful that we do indeed “tuck ourselves under the full armor of God?” He fights-we are safe and protected. I have had for the last two months, a terrible infection that just doesn’t want to die. I have prayed, cried, and begged God for help-thinking all the time, “It must be my fault.” Truth is-it is not my fault. sick world often gets to us as well. I believe God is healing me. I would love it to be NOW, but I do believe He is healing. Praise Him! Thank You Jesus! Guilt is not an option.
I need to win this book. This lesson is my story.
Why do I forget it’s all about what He did? Comparing myself to Christian role models, living up to those exhausting self imposed standards and choosing to jump into the pit?
Even the prodigal son came back to “work” for his father and when the son returned to the father he did not need to work as a slave but welcomed him HOME into his arms and grace filled him enough to become the father’s son once again. The point of grace and fullness as a heir. Even in that story, our father, shows this earthly father killing the fatted calf for the son and celebrating – he wanted the son to be secure in his love. BEAUTIFUL. The nature of the Dad not the sin of the son was the focus. Even the son that stayed home was urged to think about that it’s not about his actions but that he just plain loves them both. Amazing.
I want to live in that light each day.
Thank you Ginger for sharing your story! I can cert relate! I smiled at the creativity of using an orange chip clip to hold up your hair! I would love to read your book and share it with my small group and my friends! God bless you for being brave enough to share your story!
Thank you for this message. I needed this more than you know today!
Something I think we all struggle with. Thank you!
Wow, sure needed to read this today. I get that guilty living feeling all the time. I do my best but it is never good enough for others and boy do they let you know it. I get up and dressed so I am at least presentable if needed to leave quickly but I have illnesses that people know about but do not know the issues they cause. Some days I can’t leave the bathroom or I do not feel well and just need to go to bed or rest. Extended family is not understanding at all and tell me how irresponsible I am. I am where I need to be when I need to but there are those times I can’t make it no matter what. I am also taking care of an aging parent and it has been none stop doctors appointments, surgery, hospitalizations and I am the only one to take care of her. Again people do not understand the stress and how I react isn’t the same as others. Some can go 24 hours with little difficulty. I can only take so much before I crash. I do put decent meals on the table for dinner unless I am too sick to do so. I guess it’s a long way to say I do what I can do but there are times I cannot do things and I am tired of the “guilt trip” because I cannot always do what everyone wants.
This was so needed.Amen
Thank you for your encouragement!! I grew up being guilty. I had a mother that was never satified with what I did: it was never good enough and as a result was beaten for it!! It has taken many years and being born again that I have overcome some of the guilt!! Your words through God are very poinent to me!! I talk and pray to my Savor to help me with this each and every day!! Thank you that Jesus is enough!!
That sums up How I have Felt for a long time!
Thank you for writing this book. In my past I too have gotten out of bed with pajamas and a hair clip and struggled every day with guilt. Today I have more guilt because I left my husband of 18 years for what I thought was something better. My children have paid the price for that which I never thought they would. My plan didn’t go as I had planned it. But out of all the stress and tears, guilt (I still have today) God redeemed me through it all. I am a Christian for 5 years now.
Oh how I struggle with this. I love the ‘tuck my self under the armour of God’ . Covering my mind with the helmet of salvation never forgetting what Christ did for me. Oh how I want my life to glorify Him! Thank you for writing this book.
No matter how old you get, it still creeps up on you. Just in the last year, I have stopped trying to be a people pleaser and be a God pleaser. Hard to make the transition.
Thank you! I was able to exhale after reading this devotion. Like so many other women I want to measure up to something. After reading this I realize how I have beat myself up in this area. I would love to read your whole book and have it as a guide reference
Knowledge is power and power is freedom to live GUILT FREE! 🙂
Thank you and GOD BLess
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! This really touched me at a time when I’ve struggled so hard to discover my purpose in life at age 55 and shutter at all the things I seem to get wrong or never measure up to (in my eyes!). I’d really love to read your book. Thank you and Praise God for another day to just let go!
This was a timely post!
Thank you for your hopeful and encouraging words.
I too struggle with condemnation when I don’t measure up to my high and sometimes unrealistic expectations.
I am learning slowly, how to give myself grace but it is not an automatic response.
I find myself judging others with my same standards, and I find it hard to give them grace as well,when they don’t measure up..
I am so very tired of this woman.
So thank you again for your words.
So needed this today. With two grown sons and a full time job, guilt has followed me most of my life. Looking forward to reading this book.
As most women I have struggled with feeling that I was not good enough. I believe this was instilled in me as I was growing up. My earthly father would tell us girls we would never amount to anything in life. What a lie straight from the pits of hell. Thankfully my Jesus has changed my way of thinking. Praise His Name! I would like a copy of your book for my new daughter-in- law. She is trying to change everyone around her, perfectionism dosen’t make anyone happy. I tell her that only God can do the work, just trust Him. Pray for this new marriage, it is hard to see my son and his children going through unhappiness.
Saying a prayer
As soon as I read The very 1st sentence, I thought to myself, Ginger Must have been invading my thoughts…I’m 60 yrs old & there hasn’t been a night Since I truly turned my heart over to the Lord @ 16 yrs old , That I haven’t gone to sleep at night broken hearted Because I failed throughout the day to be a “good Christian”….I go to bed Every night guilt ridden, Promising myself, that Tomorrow will be The day, I Finally get it right….To my sobbing self to sleep, I know I blew again another day…HOW do I get over hating myself for being a complete failure?????????????????? tears tears tears tears
I beat myself up all the time over the life I’ve messed up. I can even hold myself accountable for the things I’ve messed up in my husband and kids life. How I long for do overs? I wonder if God did grant do overs if I would have learned from the first time or would I repeat the same errors. I so wish for a way to rid myself of the guilt I have. I’d like to put the blame on my parents for being abusive and never showing my sisters or me any love but then I see women that came from far worse homes and did great raising their families. So the guilt continues. I would love very much to wipe away the guilt and become guiltless. If this book, Guiltless Living does what the title says there will be a lot of happy homes and families. It’s so sad that you’ve lived your life trying to get victory over the mistakes you’ve made only to find that the years have gone by and your still feeling the same way. Best wishes, Sharon
Struggle is all I seem to do. I know GOd is right with me but lately struggle is all I do.
That is all so true
What a relief it is to see that other women struggle with the same thoughts and feelings of inadequacy that I do! I pray that each of us learns to feel as if they are enough in God’s eyes. After all, it is only His opinion that truly matters.
I have struggled with these same thoughts and feelings my whole life. I have never felt that I was enough – not pretty enough, not sweet enough, not smart enough etc. As a wife and mother, I failed everyday. I would do anything I could think of to make the wrongs right again, but it never seemed to work. I was doing everything I could do to be perfect, but I wasn’t able to do it. Having, now, two failed marriages, I find myself in a constant struggle to be the best (again) because I have failed so miserably. I don’t know how to stop feeling guilty about every wrong thing I have ever done and move forward in my life. I would love to find guidance in this so that I can learn to trust God to take care of these issues in my life.
Amen to that! Yes I used to do that and someone said God didn’t need my help. It is so much better being able to be His child and resting in Him.
WOW!!! What an amazing truth! We all as women struggle to ‘keep up’. To be ‘wonder woman’ with many different capes. I have learned to say often”No” I am not putting that cape on today. Or, ‘No” I took that cape off and shred it! We were each individually made for a specific purpose. A specific calling in Christ. I have struggled so much with “to-dos” that were never mine “To-Do”! Comparing myself. Trying to live up to a standard made by man NOT defined by God’s Word! Your words truly inspired to just keep on that path that God has for ME. Not Bobby Sue. Or Granny do right! 🙂
Thank you for your inspiration..I look forward to the entire read…
Still struggling, but God is good. He’s constantly showing me in His word and through writers like Ginger, Renee and others that He is (t)here. I only have to trust Him.
Thank you. I needed to hear that today! Would love to read more.
Really struggling with guilt and feeling unworthy right now so much that I have been questioning every decision. I check it or gather input from others before making even a very small decision which feeds the circular problem. Thanks for the uplifting reminder
Wow! It is awesome to know other women struggle in the same areas of life. Thanks for sharing.
Oh my goodness, guilt… yes please! I put myself through a never ending list of ways I don’t measure up, things I should have done, ways I could be better! He seems too good to be true, but I just need to remind myself of our unbelievable God and of His undeniable grace & mercy!
It seems like this us a 2 step forward, step back for me so many times, but with God’s grace, I’m still going forward!
I struggle with this everyday in all areas of my life!!! Would love to read your book…