Would you have considered yourself a confident teen?
Oh, how I wish I could “yes.”
Confidence. It’s what I needed most and had the least.
Sometimes I wish I could rewind the clock and tell my 14-year old self what she needed to know to have lasting confidence. Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I had known…”?
I do. Oh, how I’d love to sit down with my teenage-self and chat. First I’d give her a big hug because she needed one. I’d tell her that all those things that feel like the framework that holds her world together – they don’t.
The boyfriends and friends whose acceptance she craves. The grades and gossip she worries about. The parties and popularity.
I’d tell her Truths that would equip her to make better choices. And God’s promises that would empower her to live life differently. To live a life worthy of who she is a one of His girls.
When I think about people who knew my 14-year old self, I’m pretty sure a few would be surprised that I’d say I wasn’t confident back then. The reality is, I struggled with self-doubt, discouragement and insecurity from the time I was a little girl. But I wasn’t about to let anyone know it.
I believed the lie so many believe – the one that convinced me that my value was determined by my status and my stuff, my personality, appearance, performance and possessions.
I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t feel like my life really mattered. But I wanted it to. So I looked around and tried to be what I thought others wanted, needed or expected me to be. And it was exhausting.
How about you? Were you a confident teenager? Or do you sometimes wish you could turn back time and talk to your teenage self, too?
Well, we can’t go back. But, today I want to share how we can can live forward by speaking truth and confidence into the lives of those who are there, in those teenage years, right now.
My friend, P31 teammate, speaker and now author, Lynn Cowell, has written a book for teenage girls and their mom’s, called His Revolutionary Love. Infused with truth to help young girls find lasting confidence and security, Lynn shares how they can know without a doubt that they are loved – empowering them to make wise choices and live life without regrets.
Today, I’ve asked Lynn to share a little about her passion and her book with us:
Confidence is a major factor in young people when it comes to the paths they choose. Those craving acceptance, approval and affirmation to an unhealthy degree find themselves trapped. Caught between what they know is right and what they believe will win friends, they struggle like a fish beached on the sand. They are uncomfortable, miserable even, but they don’t know how to navigate themselves back to what they were made for.
Thanks to some amazing women in my life, I discovered confidence in the unconditional love of Jesus as a teen. Revealing to me some passages in God’s word I had never seen before, it was as though I was slipped hidden love notes from Jesus. The truth that Jesus was wild for me (Psalm 45:11), that He saw no flaw in me (Song of Songs 4:7) and that He actually enjoyed me (Zephaniah 3:17) transformed the way I saw myself.
Do you want your daughters, nieces and granddaughters to be filled with a confidence that is true and can stand the pressure of this world? “Girl power” just doesn’t hold up.
Lasting confidence only comes from one source: knowing who they are. Only a foundation built on unconditional
love will endure. Do you see a girl struggling with low self-image? Can you read in her eyes, “Won’t someone love me the way I am?”
She needs to know when Jesus looks at her, He is not disappointed in her. She needs to know that love from a guy, be it a dad or a boyfriend, can never fill the love gap in our hearts…but He can.Maybe you’ve thought about investing in a young girl, but you don’t know how.
On my website I’m offering a free leadership guide for my book “His Revolutionary Love”, a study for girls ages 13 – 17. Filled with practical how-to’s and thought provoking questions, this guide provides every step. What young woman can you begin to pour truth into? Ask Jesus to give you one; just one girl that you can make a difference in; one girl that you can begin to change the world through. Here is an easy way that you can impact one girl.
To celebrate the release of His Revolutionary Love, we are launching a book blast! From May 2nd – 4th, for every book that is purchased on Amazon or Proverbs 31 Ministries, a second book will be given to a girl who might not otherwise have the opportunity to own HRL.
Some of our partner recipients include: Children’s HopeChest, a ministry preventing and rescuing girls from sex trafficking and Sunshine Gospel Ministries, a ministry which works with teen girls in the Chicago projects.Will you join me? Let’s start a love revolution, friends; a radical movement to spread the truth of True love!
What is one thing you would tell your 14-year old self or a teenage girl growing up today about God’s Love?
Lynn and I would love to know. And she’s going to give one of you a signed copy of “His Revolutionary Love,”. To enter to win, simply click on the word “comments” right below Renee’s name and type in the white box and share with us.
I would tell her to listen to what the truth of God's Word tells her over what the world wants to tell her. That she is defined by not who she is, but WHOSE she is!!!
I would give my teenage self a huge hug! I would tell her how beautiful she is on the outside and the inside. That she has so much to offer to others. I would tell her that her heavenly daddy thinks she is wonderful, loves her unconditionally, and that he gave her to her parents as a blessing and she is precious. I would tell her that it is not her fault for the abuse she receives from her earthly father, not to believe the comments he throws at her, beause they are not true. Believe what your heavenly daddy tells you, he will never leave you, and will never stop loving you no matter what. You will not find the love you crave from your earthly father in the boys you date, but from your heavenly daddy. Do not take to heart the mean comments from others, they are also hurting and that is usually what prompts the comments. Always remember your heavenly daddy loves you and nothing will ever change that, he walks beside you, delights in you, will never harm you and only wants the best for you. You are his child, and you are precious to him!
Wish I had the words to tell my daughter these thongs in a way that would be like a light going off in her brain. Hard to watch your children go thru things in life sometimes. With the loss of her father at 13, seems to make her self worth seem smaller. She is a beautiful, kind soul who deserves the best God offers us in this life. Wish she would reach out and believe these things bout herself. Only God can fill voids in our hearts. We are who God says we are! Not who the world says we are!!
That His love covers all.
Blessings,
Kendra
http://www.abusywomanslife.com
I would let her know that she doesn't need to worry over all the little things (even though they didn't seem so little at the time.) I'd remind her that she is loved and to listen for God's direction in her life. Thanks for sharing this post, Renee.
I would let her know that she doesn't need to worry over all the little things (even though they didn't seem so little at the time.) I'd remind her that she is loved and to listen for God's direction in her life. Thanks for sharing this post, Renee.
God's love is ENOUGH. Only God's unconditional, powerful, gracious love can fully satisfy us.
I would tell myself to hold on to who you are and what you believe in not matter what you see or hear. That feeling you always have deep down inside is always right. Always go to GOD in prayer and trust and seek him first in everything you do. He love you even with ever scar, scratch what every it maybe. Because he created you to be just who you are.
Rest in God's love, peace, and his best for your life. He loves you the best and wouldn't change a thing about you♥ [email protected]
I'd tell myself that it is ok to be who I am and I am worth something simply, only because Jesus loves me. Also, to not waste time trying to prove I'm worth something. My worth is from Jesus!
Don't go along with anything you know is against your values.
Who cares what anyone thinks if you're a square?
As a woman who has worked as an image consultant for over 25 years and who God has moved to working with teen girls, I would say and do say, "I love you! You are worthy, beautiful and powerful." God has opened a door for me to mentor a group of middle school girls which has been a blessing for them and even me! Who knew?! Last week I was asked to work with and have lunch with the girls who are having life difficulties because no one else can reach them. Who knew?! I thought I was destined to mentor and encourage women only and now God has taken my dream of being a mother and is using it to mother someone else's daughters. How mighty and amazing!
Monica
I'd tell her it's not as bad as she thinks, and she is going to be okay. And that she is lovable, and is loved by GOD …. the ONE who created her in HIS image. And that she needs only listen to and follow HIS voice. And I'd also tell her that it is okay not to have it all together …. because GOD does, and HE is the ONE in control.
Thank you for this post. I was that insecure young lady and wore that mask well into my adult years …. until God figured I'd been hiding there long enough 🙂
I would tell my 14 year old self to study the gospels to see just how much God loves me by knowing what Christ sacrificed on my behalf. In that I should have my identity, trust and value.
I would tell her that true happiness only comes from God, and that it is not a bad thing to feel like you don't really fit in with anyone. I never felt like I truly clicked with any one person like I wanted to until I met my husband. I'd also tell her that it's okay not to be perfect and live according to plan…God usually has other ideas anyways 🙂
I would tell myself that you don't have to be "perfect" and that my Father, God loves me just for who I am not for what I have done.
I would tell myself Jeremiah 29:11 over and over and over again and that despite having an alcoholic father HE was going to do a complete Romans 8:28 in our family one day.
Dad stopped drinking years ago, received Jesus two years ago and was baptized this past Resurrection Sunday!
If I were to talk to my 14 year old self, I am not sure what I would say. I was a shy pastor's daughter that made friends with the not so popular crowd and never did anything "bad." I guess I could tell myself to "Be yourself" and not worry about what the other people think.
I would tell myself so many things, but one of the first that comes to mind is – "don't worry about what everyone else thinks and no matter how hard you try you can't please everyone!!" Looking forward to sharing this book with my girls (4 and 6) someday, but for now am planning to share it as a graduation gift for some gals I used to coach!! Thanks for sharing, Jill
I would tell myself that I am a Jesus girl. Truly loved, truly cherished, a princess in the kingdom of the Messiah Jesus. Oh, how I wish I would have know that then. It would have saved me so many years of looking at myself with regret.
Bless you
Oh my goodness! God has not only given me one girl, but five! This book is just what I need to teach them. These girls in my life are 12, but girls aren't waiting until they are 14; it's happening now! They tell me things they won't tell their moms so we have discussions about what Jesus would do or how Jesus would feel about different situations. Two of the five are from Christian home, but one of those homes is dysfunctional. The girls are all looking for love, sadly in all the wrong places. (Even my granddaughter who lives in a wonderfully loving home, so go figure!) They either turn to boys or their peers, usually receiving jealous, hurtful comments from peers. I tell them that Jesus thinks they are special just the way they are, but it seems they only care how the world views them. This book may be the answer to reach them before it's too late. Maybe it's time to start a weekly Bible study here in my home using this book as a guide! Would love to have a signed copy from which to teach! Carolyn
I would say…"the only love and acceptance that comes with no strings attached is the love of God!…There are no expectations, no limitations…just unconditional love. All the stuff doesn't matter and that God knows your heart, it matters not what others think. Live your life for an audience of One!" These are the words I find myself speaking to my four girls 🙂
I would tell her that, although it feels as if no one loves you and you sometimes feel as if you can do no right, Jesus loves you unconditionally. There is no record being kept of all your wrong doings that will somehow hurt those you love. If you ask God for forgiveness, he loves you and wll never hold those things against you. Jesus loves all of you, no matter what you look like, or how many friends you have or more importantly, how many boyfriends you have! With God;s love all her hope and dreams can be fulfilled!
I wish I could say everything that you guys are saying– but I am still trying to figure it out myself. I have had a lot of disappointments throughout life and I still don't know how God is supposed to fit.
I find I tell myself everyday through my beautiful 12 yr old daughter what I was never told.
I love you, God loves you for exactly who you are. God made you perfect in his eyes and mine. This chapter in your life when you feel that nothing goes your way and no matter what you do, you feel it isn't enough. Remember this is simply a chapter to the story of your life. With God and you as the authors the possibilities are endless. And when you feel alone remember to hear your heart for God is there. Touch your arms for he is huging you always because you ARE his princess.
Friends,
I have so enjoyed reading your comments. The truly wonderful thing is that although we can't go back and talk to ourselves, we can pour into the life of a teen girl who is within our grasp.
I so hope you will choose to do just that! I would love to come alongside you as you do. Every Wednesday I write on my website at http://www.LynnCowell.com on how we can invest in the teens in our lives. I hope you will come by!
If I could go back in time I would tell my 14 year old self that I am fearfully & wonderfully made & that God loves me more than I could ever imagine.
Rachael, look into God's future for your life. He created you for a plan and a purpose that no one else in this world could do. You keep looking for God in guys that you date and friendships that you have. Love and respect yourself enough to know that no man will ever fill the gap that God can. I know you've been through literal hell on earth, but those experiences the enemy tried to destroy you with are the very ones God will use in your life to reach out to other women that have been through a similar circumstance. And most of all, one day you'll discover just how much your Daddy loves you. I know you've heard that all your life, but one day, God will show you His love and you'll never, ever be the same. You are an amazing woman and don't let anyone tell you that you're not worth anything again. You are a value, a jewel, something so precious in the eyes of your Daddy, who has been with you every moment of pain in your life, holding you, crying with you. Just don't forget that your life has meaning and purpose. You are His forever!
I would tell my young 14 year old christian self to stay grounded. Don't waste valuable time on potential failures that won't let you mature in your faith. Potential bad choices and failures can be prevented if you are mature enough to trust in your Lord. Do not store all your treasures on earth. If you set boundaries and stay faithful you will have more treasures in Heaven.
Stay strong. Do not conform to the ways of the world – they lead to a path of distruction and hurt. Cling to Christ, where you will find true satisfaction, love and joy. Everything else is a fascade.
I would tell my 14-year-old self that she is beautiful, no matter what the outside looks like. I would also tell her about the One who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what her peers said. My teen years were rough, especially since I struggled with the weight gain that came with puberty, so feeling beautiful was at the bottom of the list. How I wish I'd known then what I know now, more than 20 years later.
I would tell 14 year old me dont worry… all of this pain, fear anxiety and turmoil will be worth it. Keep you head up. In the end Jesus will meet you in that dark place you will come to. When you think there is no purpose at 23 yrs old keep holding strong, and when you have that urge to pray, even though you never have and dont know how, just do it. Gods love will heal the hurt even though it seems impossible, and if if I could get rid of it I wouldn't, because it is that dark place that you will come to that He will reveal himself to you in. Your blessings will overflow and you will be in awe of what pawer he has once you let him in.. but in truth I wouldnt go back and tell her. Despite the sexual abuse, the sin she will commit, the hurt she will feel.. because it will all lead her to be the blessed woman I am today. Married to my best friend who also treasures God and with the two most beautiful children I could ever hope for. I wouldnt change the awful childhood I had for I knwo that it will help give my children something so much better. The gift of Faith, the promise of Hope and everlasting Love…
That even in the darkest of times..you are never alone. There is not a pain or fear that you feel that our great Lord isnt enduring right along side of you. He isnt just watching from a far but feeling every pain every hurt that we endure. He has an unfailing love that will never leave you or forsake you. Close your eyes and call to Him. His word says HE is as close as the mention of HIS name!Have faith my child this will only make you stronger!!
Wow, I remember being 14 and that was 33 yrs ago! I would tell myself that it's not about how good or bad your parents are, or what the other kids think or say, because with everything that she(I) is about to face in the next 33 years it's all about "Her choices". God has her in the palm of his hand and He will always be there when she calls, screams, cry's and yes even smiles and laughs out loud! Just take a moment, breathe and think long and hard about the choices.
Be yourself because everyone else is taken and God wants you to be you and no one else!
At age 14, I was pregnant with my first child. By 16, my second, and 19 my third. I would tell my self that God's love is what matters. That He loves me unconditionally, not for what I can do. No one in this world can do the same, love you unconditionally, with no boundaries. He has loved me even with my flaws, and outlandish past. I am so thankful for such a wonderful Savior!!!
I would tell myself that my self-worth does not depend on others. I would tell myself that the attention from the opposite sex should not be the whole of my existence. I would tell myself that I am perfect because I was created by The One who makes all things perfect. And I would tell myself that I'm not fat!
I would simply say that God's love is not conditional upon me, how "good or bad" I am, in fact, it have nothing to do with us. He love for us is simply because He. Is. Love. Period.
I would tell myself that God made me with my emotions, and they are not something to hide or fear. They are to be allowed to surface, yet not control. They are to be used for bringing Glory to God, and that is something that has to be learned, just like allowing God to invade every other area of life. God is emotional, and I was created in His image.
Amen, Dori. I was going to write the exact same thing – BE YOURSELF. You are beautiful as you are instead of when you all dress alike, look alike and lose your identity by trying to be the perfect person that really doesn't exist. Have fun, be smart about the big decisions in life, and remember that your Holy Father loves you.
– Kris
(I was a youth leader for 5 years, and I so wish this book had been there for me to lead the girls on a few years ago.)
Prayerfully considering going back into ministry with our high school girls for a season just so I can do this book study with them.
I'd tell myself
1. This too shall pass…the awful teen years end sometime
2. The friendships and boyfriends that I think matter so much? I won't talk to them in 5 years. Completely lose contact. So quit investing so much time in them
3. Start making a habit of going to the gym for ME!
4. Parents and siblings? They'll always be there, when those above mentioned friends are gone. So invest in those relationships.
5. God's love is always enough.
The first thing I'd do jus as Renee said would be to give myself a great big ole hug. And then is wipe my tears because I'm sure they'd be streaming down. The first thing is tell myself is that I love her and God loves her even more. Is tell her that God's live can fulfil all my hopes and dreams and every desire I've ever had. That God's love is far greater than any love I thought I was giving or receiving by giving my body and soul to a man. I'd tell me that my mind body and spirit is far to valuable to be giving it away to anyone. Is tell myself that in order for anyone else to respect me I first have to respect myself. I'd tell me that the wounds and scars I have from not having a relationship with my mother, or my father not being there for me as a child or being molested by my step brother, would all heal in time if I just give it over to God and let Him heal the hurts. (Tears are streaming now as i write this). I'd tell me that no matter our relationship, that my mom does love me and she's not perfect she's still human. I'd tell me that I can do and be anything I want. That I'm a beautiful young lady and eventually I will have 2 beautiful children of my own whom I will have to tell them some of these same things. I'd end by telling me that no greater love could a man could have for me then to sacrifice His entire life, be persecuted, and crucified on a cross just for me. Only a love that Christ can exemplify. That the live my Heavenly Father has for me goes far beyond the live I craved from my father as a young girl. Thereafter so much is tell myself, bit since I can't, I'll have to make sure I tell ky daughter so maybe she wont have to go through a lot of what I did because of what I lacked emotionally.
This blog really touched my heart because I was a young girl who was forced to grow up very fast being raised in a house with 5 older siblings. I dealt with so much death, trauma, and tragedy in ny life as a young girl. More than I should have had to but I realized later on in life, that I went through everything I went through then, to be able to tell girls, women, whomever God puts in ky path to tell my story to and maybe save at least one girls' life.
I thank you so much Renee Swope for your ministry.
Lack of confidence is not only a woman's issue, although I know your blog is designed for women. Try growing up being called Duke the Puke! If it wasn't for the life changing grace of Jesus I received at 16, I don't know where I would be!
Keep up the good work in encouraging the ladies to be the women of God they are called to be!
Pastor Duke
I would tell her that she is loved for real, that God can be trusted, and that she is worth it.
Oh, how I can relate! I would tell my 14-year old self, you are loved, you are valued and you can do some things right, you are good enough, and God has a special plan for your life.
I would tell myself that I am not only loved but am lovable! I am a person who God has deemed worthy of His love and that that is enough. I would tell myself that loving me is important and learning to love me the way God loves me, with value and respect. I would also tell myself that confidence is not an overnight achievement. I mean, I don't have confidence every day even as a 40 yr old who has accomplished quite a lot. But I would tell myself that confidence in God and in His ability to equip me for what He has called me to do is better than self confidence any day.
I would tell myself that there is One that loves me… all of me. No matter what I look like or act like or what I can do or can't… HE LOVES me!
I haven't gotten far into HRL yet, but I LOVE it!!
I love that Dori. I'd copy you and tell myself the same thing!!
I would tell her (and me!) to BE YOURSELF – don't try to conform to your friend's attitudes and actions. Listen to your heart and ask God for direction everyday!!