Would you have considered yourself a confident teen?
Oh, how I wish I could “yes.”
Confidence. It’s what I needed most and had the least.
Sometimes I wish I could rewind the clock and tell my 14-year old self what she needed to know to have lasting confidence. Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I had known…”?
I do. Oh, how I’d love to sit down with my teenage-self and chat. First I’d give her a big hug because she needed one. I’d tell her that all those things that feel like the framework that holds her world together – they don’t.
The boyfriends and friends whose acceptance she craves. The grades and gossip she worries about. The parties and popularity.
I’d tell her Truths that would equip her to make better choices. And God’s promises that would empower her to live life differently. To live a life worthy of who she is a one of His girls.
When I think about people who knew my 14-year old self, I’m pretty sure a few would be surprised that I’d say I wasn’t confident back then. The reality is, I struggled with self-doubt, discouragement and insecurity from the time I was a little girl. But I wasn’t about to let anyone know it.
I believed the lie so many believe – the one that convinced me that my value was determined by my status and my stuff, my personality, appearance, performance and possessions.
I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t feel like my life really mattered. But I wanted it to. So I looked around and tried to be what I thought others wanted, needed or expected me to be. And it was exhausting.
How about you? Were you a confident teenager? Or do you sometimes wish you could turn back time and talk to your teenage self, too?
Well, we can’t go back. But, today I want to share how we can can live forward by speaking truth and confidence into the lives of those who are there, in those teenage years, right now.
My friend, P31 teammate, speaker and now author, Lynn Cowell, has written a book for teenage girls and their mom’s, called His Revolutionary Love. Infused with truth to help young girls find lasting confidence and security, Lynn shares how they can know without a doubt that they are loved – empowering them to make wise choices and live life without regrets.
Today, I’ve asked Lynn to share a little about her passion and her book with us:
Confidence is a major factor in young people when it comes to the paths they choose. Those craving acceptance, approval and affirmation to an unhealthy degree find themselves trapped. Caught between what they know is right and what they believe will win friends, they struggle like a fish beached on the sand. They are uncomfortable, miserable even, but they don’t know how to navigate themselves back to what they were made for.
Thanks to some amazing women in my life, I discovered confidence in the unconditional love of Jesus as a teen. Revealing to me some passages in God’s word I had never seen before, it was as though I was slipped hidden love notes from Jesus. The truth that Jesus was wild for me (Psalm 45:11), that He saw no flaw in me (Song of Songs 4:7) and that He actually enjoyed me (Zephaniah 3:17) transformed the way I saw myself.
Do you want your daughters, nieces and granddaughters to be filled with a confidence that is true and can stand the pressure of this world? “Girl power” just doesn’t hold up.
Lasting confidence only comes from one source: knowing who they are. Only a foundation built on unconditional
love will endure. Do you see a girl struggling with low self-image? Can you read in her eyes, “Won’t someone love me the way I am?”
She needs to know when Jesus looks at her, He is not disappointed in her. She needs to know that love from a guy, be it a dad or a boyfriend, can never fill the love gap in our hearts…but He can.Maybe you’ve thought about investing in a young girl, but you don’t know how.
On my website I’m offering a free leadership guide for my book “His Revolutionary Love”, a study for girls ages 13 – 17. Filled with practical how-to’s and thought provoking questions, this guide provides every step. What young woman can you begin to pour truth into? Ask Jesus to give you one; just one girl that you can make a difference in; one girl that you can begin to change the world through. Here is an easy way that you can impact one girl.
To celebrate the release of His Revolutionary Love, we are launching a book blast! From May 2nd – 4th, for every book that is purchased on Amazon or Proverbs 31 Ministries, a second book will be given to a girl who might not otherwise have the opportunity to own HRL.
Some of our partner recipients include: Children’s HopeChest, a ministry preventing and rescuing girls from sex trafficking and Sunshine Gospel Ministries, a ministry which works with teen girls in the Chicago projects.Will you join me? Let’s start a love revolution, friends; a radical movement to spread the truth of True love!
What is one thing you would tell your 14-year old self or a teenage girl growing up today about God’s Love?
Lynn and I would love to know. And she’s going to give one of you a signed copy of “His Revolutionary Love,”. To enter to win, simply click on the word “comments” right below Renee’s name and type in the white box and share with us.
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I would tell my 14-year-old self that she is beautiful, no matter what the outside looks like. I would also tell her about the One who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what her peers said. My teen years were rough, especially since I struggled with the weight gain that came with puberty, so feeling beautiful was at the bottom of the list. How I wish I'd known then what I know now, more than 20 years later.
I would tell 14 year old me dont worry… all of this pain, fear anxiety and turmoil will be worth it. Keep you head up. In the end Jesus will meet you in that dark place you will come to. When you think there is no purpose at 23 yrs old keep holding strong, and when you have that urge to pray, even though you never have and dont know how, just do it. Gods love will heal the hurt even though it seems impossible, and if if I could get rid of it I wouldn't, because it is that dark place that you will come to that He will reveal himself to you in. Your blessings will overflow and you will be in awe of what pawer he has once you let him in.. but in truth I wouldnt go back and tell her. Despite the sexual abuse, the sin she will commit, the hurt she will feel.. because it will all lead her to be the blessed woman I am today. Married to my best friend who also treasures God and with the two most beautiful children I could ever hope for. I wouldnt change the awful childhood I had for I knwo that it will help give my children something so much better. The gift of Faith, the promise of Hope and everlasting Love…
That even in the darkest of times..you are never alone. There is not a pain or fear that you feel that our great Lord isnt enduring right along side of you. He isnt just watching from a far but feeling every pain every hurt that we endure. He has an unfailing love that will never leave you or forsake you. Close your eyes and call to Him. His word says HE is as close as the mention of HIS name!Have faith my child this will only make you stronger!!
Wow, I remember being 14 and that was 33 yrs ago! I would tell myself that it's not about how good or bad your parents are, or what the other kids think or say, because with everything that she(I) is about to face in the next 33 years it's all about "Her choices". God has her in the palm of his hand and He will always be there when she calls, screams, cry's and yes even smiles and laughs out loud! Just take a moment, breathe and think long and hard about the choices.
Be yourself because everyone else is taken and God wants you to be you and no one else!
At age 14, I was pregnant with my first child. By 16, my second, and 19 my third. I would tell my self that God's love is what matters. That He loves me unconditionally, not for what I can do. No one in this world can do the same, love you unconditionally, with no boundaries. He has loved me even with my flaws, and outlandish past. I am so thankful for such a wonderful Savior!!!
I would tell myself that my self-worth does not depend on others. I would tell myself that the attention from the opposite sex should not be the whole of my existence. I would tell myself that I am perfect because I was created by The One who makes all things perfect. And I would tell myself that I'm not fat!
I would simply say that God's love is not conditional upon me, how "good or bad" I am, in fact, it have nothing to do with us. He love for us is simply because He. Is. Love. Period.
I would tell myself that God made me with my emotions, and they are not something to hide or fear. They are to be allowed to surface, yet not control. They are to be used for bringing Glory to God, and that is something that has to be learned, just like allowing God to invade every other area of life. God is emotional, and I was created in His image.
Amen, Dori. I was going to write the exact same thing – BE YOURSELF. You are beautiful as you are instead of when you all dress alike, look alike and lose your identity by trying to be the perfect person that really doesn't exist. Have fun, be smart about the big decisions in life, and remember that your Holy Father loves you.
– Kris
(I was a youth leader for 5 years, and I so wish this book had been there for me to lead the girls on a few years ago.)
Prayerfully considering going back into ministry with our high school girls for a season just so I can do this book study with them.
I'd tell myself
1. This too shall pass…the awful teen years end sometime
2. The friendships and boyfriends that I think matter so much? I won't talk to them in 5 years. Completely lose contact. So quit investing so much time in them
3. Start making a habit of going to the gym for ME!
4. Parents and siblings? They'll always be there, when those above mentioned friends are gone. So invest in those relationships.
5. God's love is always enough.
The first thing I'd do jus as Renee said would be to give myself a great big ole hug. And then is wipe my tears because I'm sure they'd be streaming down. The first thing is tell myself is that I love her and God loves her even more. Is tell her that God's live can fulfil all my hopes and dreams and every desire I've ever had. That God's love is far greater than any love I thought I was giving or receiving by giving my body and soul to a man. I'd tell me that my mind body and spirit is far to valuable to be giving it away to anyone. Is tell myself that in order for anyone else to respect me I first have to respect myself. I'd tell me that the wounds and scars I have from not having a relationship with my mother, or my father not being there for me as a child or being molested by my step brother, would all heal in time if I just give it over to God and let Him heal the hurts. (Tears are streaming now as i write this). I'd tell me that no matter our relationship, that my mom does love me and she's not perfect she's still human. I'd tell me that I can do and be anything I want. That I'm a beautiful young lady and eventually I will have 2 beautiful children of my own whom I will have to tell them some of these same things. I'd end by telling me that no greater love could a man could have for me then to sacrifice His entire life, be persecuted, and crucified on a cross just for me. Only a love that Christ can exemplify. That the live my Heavenly Father has for me goes far beyond the live I craved from my father as a young girl. Thereafter so much is tell myself, bit since I can't, I'll have to make sure I tell ky daughter so maybe she wont have to go through a lot of what I did because of what I lacked emotionally.
This blog really touched my heart because I was a young girl who was forced to grow up very fast being raised in a house with 5 older siblings. I dealt with so much death, trauma, and tragedy in ny life as a young girl. More than I should have had to but I realized later on in life, that I went through everything I went through then, to be able to tell girls, women, whomever God puts in ky path to tell my story to and maybe save at least one girls' life.
I thank you so much Renee Swope for your ministry.
Lack of confidence is not only a woman's issue, although I know your blog is designed for women. Try growing up being called Duke the Puke! If it wasn't for the life changing grace of Jesus I received at 16, I don't know where I would be!
Keep up the good work in encouraging the ladies to be the women of God they are called to be!
Pastor Duke
I would tell her that she is loved for real, that God can be trusted, and that she is worth it.
Oh, how I can relate! I would tell my 14-year old self, you are loved, you are valued and you can do some things right, you are good enough, and God has a special plan for your life.
I would tell myself that I am not only loved but am lovable! I am a person who God has deemed worthy of His love and that that is enough. I would tell myself that loving me is important and learning to love me the way God loves me, with value and respect. I would also tell myself that confidence is not an overnight achievement. I mean, I don't have confidence every day even as a 40 yr old who has accomplished quite a lot. But I would tell myself that confidence in God and in His ability to equip me for what He has called me to do is better than self confidence any day.
I would tell myself that there is One that loves me… all of me. No matter what I look like or act like or what I can do or can't… HE LOVES me!
I haven't gotten far into HRL yet, but I LOVE it!!
I love that Dori. I'd copy you and tell myself the same thing!!
I would tell her (and me!) to BE YOURSELF – don't try to conform to your friend's attitudes and actions. Listen to your heart and ask God for direction everyday!!