She said God wanted to heal my past hurts and use my pain to comfort others with the same hope He’d give me. But I didn’t want anyone to know about the pain of my past. I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it. I was ashamed of it and wanted it to go away.
There were obviously things I needed to deal with, but I was afraid I’d fall apart or slip back into a depression if I let it all surface. I also feared people would feel sorry for me or judge me.
What about you? Where has your heart been and what you have been through? Are there things you’ve done or things done to you that have left you feeling hopeless?
Although we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t move forward with God until we do.
Left unresolved, the pain from yesterday will keep us from having confident hope for tomorrow. Yet, with Jesus, we can find the fullness of Healing — the restoration of Hope. But it’s not something we can hurry through. It’s a journey. Here is part of the process God used in my life (that I share in Chapter 4). I’m praying it will help be the same for you:
- First, ask God to show you the broken places in your past you have carried into your future.
- Then, make a time line of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories.
- Next, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others.
One of the first places God showed me that needed healing and hope was my marriage. Sadly, after about seven years, I started feeling a lot of anger and developing a critical spirit towards my husband. As I went through this process, the Holy Spirit showed me that years of disappointment as a child who in a broken home with a broken heart had led to loss. I had never grieved the happily-ever-after I longed for but didn’t have. My broken dreams had become bitter expectations and I basically wanted expected my husband to make up for all my dad had never been as a father to me, or as a husband to my mom.
Bound and determined to create my own version of a happily-ever-after, I became critical and controlling in my marriage. I had anger and fear festering in my heart which led to unrealistic expectations that erupted in the form of critical words toward JJ, telling him how to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be. You see I thought he could provide the security and shelter for the little-girl-heart that was still crushed inside my adult body. And in doing so, put my broken dreams back together.
God showed me that wasn’t the answer. Instead, I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment, disappointment, and hurt. I also needed to confess the sin of my unrealistic expectations and let go of what I thought was my right to a “happily-ever-after.”
And I needed to find my security and hope in God alone by letting Him be the Father I longed for. I needed to grieve some of the things I wanted that I would never have. I also needed to invite God into those hurting places so He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from captivity to my fear that I would never have a happy ending.
- Once you’ve written your timeline and asked the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others, invite God to enter into those memories.
- Give yourself time to grieve your losses. Ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. It’s the Living Word and the written word that has the power to heal and change us.
- As God shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from captivity that has held you until now.
- Find promises to claim, to memorize and to pray out loud over your heart. Cry if you need. And take time to heal so you can find hope again.
Sweet friend, I know this isn’t easy but I know it’s true and worth what it takes. God’s power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses—our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.
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Is there one area of your life that you can see pain from the past needs to be processed with Jesus in this way? Click on “Share Your Thoughts” below and do just that. I love hearing from you and praying for you.
Also, your little note will also be a way for me to enter you to win a copy of my new book, A Confident Heart and the conference call series that is part of Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart.
PS. Have you joined Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart yet? It just got started and there is plenty of room for you!! Share your thoughts below to enter to win, and then go here to find out more.
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This is definitely a different direction for my life, yet at the same time I need this desperately. The brokenness inside my heart is overflowing with pain and doubts and ones that only God can heal. I am scared and nervous at the same time for what I am about to face from my past. I believe that God will not let go of me as I step into this journey.
I feel like I am one big broken mess and no one has wanted me really, not men anyways from my earthly father all the way down. Not wanted a relationship with me even is what I mean. Oh I can be a freind or mostly I have been used and abused, but to know love, real love: I have not felt that. I thought I might have found love and acceptance for me right where I am and then that drifted away and wasn’t the reality of it.
I Know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me but I don’t * feel* it all that much or often. It’s not a belief in me yet.
It’s very difficult for me to feel like I matter when all I have felt since I was just tiny was that I didn’t matter, that my words didn’t matter, how I felt didn’t matter….all in all that i’m not worthwhile and I don’t matter. Logically I know this isn’t true but to believe it in my heart of hearts; I just don’t feel that way. Most things point to show me I don’t matter that much. So I go out of my way to try to make a difference no matter how small, so someone else feels loved, wanted and important.
I want to heal all the hurts but I really don’t know how. It robs me every day in my opinion of LIFE and LIVING. In some ways I’m doing better but I have so much work to do and don’t know where to start.
I am hoping this is where I need to start to make a dent in that healing process. 🙂
Wow! This post has given me a lot to think about. I might have to read it a couple more times before I can articulate my thoughts. Thanks for sharing it.
I can relate to you talking about a disappointing childhood. Even though I had wonderful grandparents that took very good care of me, my mom had me at age 16 and really wasn’t around much and my father wasnt in the picture at all, so I still have hurt from that. I have forgiven yet the hurt is still there and I can always ask myself what if. I am surrending this over to God and not letting any of that have control over my life. I do have your back and I am following the bible study that Melisa is giving and it has been wonderful to do so. I have not purchased the conference calls but I pray God’s blessings on that and all that are participating in this study.
Renee,
I am so grateful for you sharing your thoughts, experiences, and wisdom. I can absolutely relate to a somewhat disappointing childhood, my parents divorced when I was 5, and we lived 3,000 miles apart. At times, I think I am healed, but when I read your first line about asking God if there are places in your heart/life that you are broken…I wept…
I ordered your book, “A Confident Heart,” but have not received it…should be here any day now. I will be behind on the Bible study, but very well worth it!
Thank you for all that you!
Have a wonderful day!
God Bless you!
Goodness! It’s as if God was speaking right through you to me with this blog post. It’s been a few days ago since it was posted, but God’s timing is always perfect. I have been “in the pit” all day and decided to catch up on all the blogs I subscribe to. I read yours 1st since I am leading a group studying your book, “A Confident Heart.” Thank you so much for your God-driven honesty. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for writing this book. Have a blessed day!
Thank you so much for sharing Renee. I feel that in my life I have always had to do everything on my own. Essentially, I felt like the black sheep and nothing was ever good enough. I HAD to get straight As. I HAD to sing the solo. I HAD to ride my bike those 7 miles everyday. While some of these goals are actually positive, my obsession with success essentially led to abusive relationship to abusive relationship to abusive relationship. My confidence was gone. I couldn’t talk to my parents because negativity was never discussed. I finally realized that I was obsessed with helping others or “fixing” my boyfriends. Essentially, I was a positive force but it finally took a toll on me emotionally, psychologically and physically. It led to avoidance, doubt, fear, self-medication and hiding my true self from the world. Even though I had confidence since I was a little girl and felt that if I worked hard enough, I could do anything. This didn’t pan out so well after having to hide the physical and emotional scars. I was embarrassed and my confidence was ripped away. Because if all of these guys say I’m “stupid”, then maybe I am. Thankfully, I am beginning to heal and I have rededicated myself to the Lord. I have made the choice to “make God my hope and confidence”. Without Him, I am nothing.
Thank you so much for yesterday…. we did not get to pray together, but I felt your prayers! I slept in the arms of my Heavenly Husband last night …..very soundly I might add! 🙂 I am assured that all will be fine just need to keep my eyes on the Lord!
Thank you. I’m an expert in covering up my hurt with rationalizing my experiences, not always in good ways. Asking Jesus to do that for me is a WAY better idea!
I just wanted to say thank you for your words, they have really touched me!
Your words hit home. I had a fairy tale childhood but made a very poor choice in my first husband. He was verbally abusive and tore my confidence to shreds in the 15 years we were married. I have your book and am in Melissa’s online study. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story with us. I look forward to the freedom that only God can provide. You have given me the tools to get started. Thank you again.
Hmm, I have been wondering why it is so important to bring up the past. It seems to me maybe the past just needs to be the past…What you have said brought a feeling in my heart that I have not had in a long time. I think it was a feeling of maybe, sadness and tears. I don’t know because I have numbed myself from being hurt. It seems easier to build a wall around your heart than letting it get broken over and over and over again. You open yourself up only to be let down or disappointed. I really need to get my eyes off of others and onto God. Reading my own post it is just disturbing..I carry hurt from moving and moving moving, relocating because of my husbands job. He was well don’t want to go there(.but it was never his fault)..we have now been in this place for five years and I have a beautiful home, beautiful yard, precious children, okay church, husband that loves me but I just feel blahhh. It would appear on the outside that I had it all..but I don’t. I want to be healed from these stupid memories, anger from disappointment and frustration that continually surfaces on a daily basis. I started the journal of stuff now let’s see what happens.
Dear Renee,
I don’t have the book yet but I know I am in the right place for what the Lord has already been doing in my life by travelling this journey through joining the study Melissa will share through your book. I so appreciate this post.
Love you,
Marla
Depression and painful childhood experiences still plaque me today. I had a therapist ask me why I didn’t believe God’s promises were meant for me? I didn’t understand how I could believe God’s promises but not provlaim them for myself but that’s what I was doing! I do not feel worthy of anything. I have a healthy fa,ily, a husband who loves me, all the creature comforts of the world and the love of Christ in my heart and yet I am joyless. It’s crazy which further exacerbates my feelings of worthlessness.This study is just what I need and I am prayerful that I will finish it with a confident heart!
It is an exciting journey to learn your identity in Christ. It will trasform you from the inside out. It is something only the Spirit of God can do. How lovely are the feet of them who bring good news. God bless your time with the Holy Spirit, Renee, Melissa and all those who have joined in.
Marla
Bonjour Sara, moi aussi je suis une petite Sara (portuguaise), qui a un petit blog dans un petit pays à côté de la France. J’admire enormément ton blog..il est tellement beau. Je suis enchanté. Merci pour tout tes bons coonSils.xsxoeara
I support the Idaho stop law. It is sort of already written into WI law. “except that would not be applicable to bicyclists,” allows for an Idaho stop. If one were to ever get a ticket and was able to fight it, we could get it changed through legal precedent. The issue is that motorists feel that bicyclists are scofflaws so having this approach doesn’t help the image.Derek ParrEau Claire Bicycle/Pedestrian Advisory Commission
My husband had an affair in 2005.. It killed me, my walk with god was very casual and I became depressed and went on medication.
My 2nd daughter was born on Feb 18th and on Feb 21th (still in the hospital due to vaginal bleeding and 2 major surgeries) the OW (Other women) emailed me that my husband of 9 years had a 3 1/2 years affair w/ her. He was very remorse with a repentant heart for 7 weeks (since he was home on medical leave of absence to care for me, our 8 years old and our newborn). Once he went back to work, he was conformed to the wordy environment and continued the affair. he NEVER stopped the affair. Because of his shame and guilt, he takes it out on me w/ rage, cursing, anger, etc.. he has NO empathy, or compassion to my hurt feelings.
I have been praying that he god would convict his heart and see the pain he has caused me and how he’s destroying this beautiful family.
I am living day by day in darkness. It’s been 7 months, god has given me peace and I live on this saying:
“HAPPINESS COMES FROM ME AND GOD.
I AM NOT RESPONDS FOR SOMEONE’S BAD DECISION / BEHAVIOR.”
i read a lot of devotions, bible studies, focus on my girls, etc. to keep my mind busy.
I came across Renee’s blogged and I like it a lot. I read it quit often because I know I am not the only one going thru what I am going thru.
Only my close friends know about my husband’s addictions to ladies, temptation, his weakness, porno, affairs, etc.. you name it, he has it.
So sometimes we think we have it bad, there are others who have it worse. So I count my blessings that my daughters are healthy, he hasn’t left this marriage (god knows why NOT??? with his selfishness and emotional abuse to me), he claims he working on it etc…
But ultimately it’s OURSELF that makes us happy NOT him, not material things, not our kids BUT ourself and god! If we are happy, we can be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend etc..
Renee, Thank you for your transparent, open, honesty…I remember during the Beth Moore Bible Study, “Believing God,” one of our assignments was to do a timeline of our life in 10 year segments, asking God to reveal to us all the spiritual mile markers in our lives…broken places…hurts…and joyful times…to help us see that God had been there all along…His grace is sufficient. During this Bible study, I discovered a very helpful tool for a “Timeline Template” through Microsoft. It’s free, and it’s very easy to use, the text boxes expand to whatever size you need, and the arrows on the boxes can be moved to any location on the timeline. I have copied the link for this “Timeline Template” ….it really helped me to get my thoughts on paper, and God has used it to heal me in so many ways 🙂 Here’s the link…
http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/timeline-TC001016265.aspx
Wow, that is a great resource, thank you so much for sharing it Beth. Blessings!
Renee
I have been doing this since May, in a less retrogressive way. I had a massive stroke in Sept 24, 1986, almost exactly half my life ago. It changed my entire life, personality, marriage, EVERYTHING. My husband is a good ole preachers kid and out of love and responsibility he remained dutifully at my side. My parents stayed with me to nurse me to health so he could work. I tried to become the woman I used to be, but that was not what God wanted of me….very long story short…at 50 years old I feel God is calling me to be a grief counselor or geriatric counselor or some thing like that….After the stroke He gifted me with the gift of Compassion. Wonderful, Marvelous gift! But at times it is overwhelming and my family feels they are taking a back seat, this is cause for many conflicts. I have so many irons in the fire, my family tends to cut my confidence, while others and OUR Lord build me up. My daddy was my biggest cheerleader, as it were. When I was learning to walk again after the stroke, I was still legally blind from the stroke, drooling and couldn’t swallow food without choaking…I can remember my daddy saying, “My Suzy will get better! If you put that girl in a concrete pasture with a concrete wall 50 feet high…she will find grass to eat OR she will get out, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!” I can see that wonderful smile too! Anyway, in April I was ready to leave my husband, then the tornado hit Tuscaloosa, AL. I am a Disaster Relief Chaplain, and volunteer in almost all other areas too. I was deployed to Tuscaloosa and lodged with a lady from the Texas Baptist Men who had been through a divorce. She told me to ask God to reveal to me the way HE sees me. Low and Behold! HE DID THAT VERY WEEK! It has been an amazing turn around for me! He comes to us in the most unique of circumstances and situation! Thank you so much for your book! I am loving it….Have you considered using it for teens? I am a youth sponsor and we really have some frail, angry and confused youth. Some are AMAZING and filled with the SPRIT with parents who bring them with them to church. But most come without parents. Our youth leader is the age of my son and he needs help, I thought if I could do this, it would be great! Love you Renee…IICorn 1:3-4 you live it!
Hey Renee, I feel a lot of what you’re saying. I too have been earnestly seeking God to transform my heart. I want it all now because I feel like I’ve been on this journay for so long but I know everything works best in God’s timing not Eve’s. I look forward to your study and how God is going to speak to me through it. God bless you for sharing it with us.
For the past number of years I have heard often from others around me that God must have some pretty big plans for me with everything He’s brought me through. Thank you for sharing your heart here as it was a reminder to me of what God has in store. My hope has been renewed through your sharing of God. Thanks for being a light for me today that has redirected me where God wants me.
Thank you for this. It’s helpful to be given specific steps in how to deal with pain in our lives. I still have your book on my list to purchase and read.:)