She said God wanted to heal my past hurts and use my pain to comfort others with the same hope He’d give me. But I didn’t want anyone to know about the pain of my past. I didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it. I was ashamed of it and wanted it to go away.
There were obviously things I needed to deal with, but I was afraid I’d fall apart or slip back into a depression if I let it all surface. I also feared people would feel sorry for me or judge me.
What about you? Where has your heart been and what you have been through? Are there things you’ve done or things done to you that have left you feeling hopeless?
Although we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t move forward with God until we do.
Left unresolved, the pain from yesterday will keep us from having confident hope for tomorrow. Yet, with Jesus, we can find the fullness of Healing — the restoration of Hope. But it’s not something we can hurry through. It’s a journey. Here is part of the process God used in my life (that I share in Chapter 4). I’m praying it will help be the same for you:
- First, ask God to show you the broken places in your past you have carried into your future.
- Then, make a time line of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories.
- Next, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others.
One of the first places God showed me that needed healing and hope was my marriage. Sadly, after about seven years, I started feeling a lot of anger and developing a critical spirit towards my husband. As I went through this process, the Holy Spirit showed me that years of disappointment as a child who in a broken home with a broken heart had led to loss. I had never grieved the happily-ever-after I longed for but didn’t have. My broken dreams had become bitter expectations and I basically wanted expected my husband to make up for all my dad had never been as a father to me, or as a husband to my mom.
Bound and determined to create my own version of a happily-ever-after, I became critical and controlling in my marriage. I had anger and fear festering in my heart which led to unrealistic expectations that erupted in the form of critical words toward JJ, telling him how to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be. You see I thought he could provide the security and shelter for the little-girl-heart that was still crushed inside my adult body. And in doing so, put my broken dreams back together.
God showed me that wasn’t the answer. Instead, I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment, disappointment, and hurt. I also needed to confess the sin of my unrealistic expectations and let go of what I thought was my right to a “happily-ever-after.”
And I needed to find my security and hope in God alone by letting Him be the Father I longed for. I needed to grieve some of the things I wanted that I would never have. I also needed to invite God into those hurting places so He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from captivity to my fear that I would never have a happy ending.
- Once you’ve written your timeline and asked the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those experiences and relationships have caused, how far from God they took you, and how they hurt you and others, invite God to enter into those memories.
- Give yourself time to grieve your losses. Ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. It’s the Living Word and the written word that has the power to heal and change us.
- As God shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from captivity that has held you until now.
- Find promises to claim, to memorize and to pray out loud over your heart. Cry if you need. And take time to heal so you can find hope again.
Sweet friend, I know this isn’t easy but I know it’s true and worth what it takes. God’s power is perfected in the broken places we consider to be our greatest weaknesses—our most vulnerable emotions we don’t want anyone to know about. In those hiding places, God calls us out of captivity. When we’re willing to let Him, He brings hope for our future despite the pain of our past.
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Is there one area of your life that you can see pain from the past needs to be processed with Jesus in this way? Click on “Share Your Thoughts” below and do just that. I love hearing from you and praying for you.
Also, your little note will also be a way for me to enter you to win a copy of my new book, A Confident Heart and the conference call series that is part of Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart.
PS. Have you joined Melissa Taylor’s online study of A Confident Heart yet? It just got started and there is plenty of room for you!! Share your thoughts below to enter to win, and then go here to find out more.
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Dear Renee, Thank you for sharing your your story today and your wonderful book.. I come from a similar background as yours. I sometimes can’t believe any one came from a broken home like I did. I made so many bad mistakes. I am so happy for you that your marriage is working. My husband left me homeless after 32yrs. together last summer. His divorce was final 3 days after our 30th wedding anniversary, 2 months ago. I am still shocked and brokenhearted, he had his girlfriend move in with him a few months after he left me That just hurts me so bad. It’s like I never was a part of his life. I wanted so bad to rebuild our marriage. He doesn’t care that I was even alive. I’m having a difficult time getting over him. I pray the bible study will give me the confidence. I am so sorry about your loss. God bless you, Love, Donna Purdy
Hi Donna…
I’m so sorry, and wish I could give you a really long big hug. I stand in similar shoes right now, and wonder where God is in all of this. I try to put myself in God’s hands, try to “shake the devil off” and stand strong, but one wave after another of disappointments or broken promises just remind me that I live broken dreams. I am having the same “difficult time getting over him” as you. We were together for 28 years, and have 2 children together. As I read yours, and other notes, I see that we are not alone with troubles. But, as I read other notes, I hear that others can claim the Lord’s presence in their circumstance. My 90yr old Mom keeps saying “put yourself in God’s hands”, but what does that mean exactly with each decision and step you must make. I need to hear which direction to go, and more than anything, I need to feel His arms around me and feel His love. I pray this bible study illuminates that for me. And you as well. My son once told me not to tell my God how big my problem was, but instead to tell my problem how big my God was. I think that might sorta be like telling the enemy to go to………. and isn’t that where he belongs? Not in our marriages and families. I stand with you girl…and will pray for you Donna. Please do the same for me. We are sisters you know!
Thanks for sharing; praying for you in your loss. I would love to have your book. Have moved to the “country” and have not found the right chuch yet. I am truly blessed by your blog/ministry.
Thank you for your Confident Heart posting for today, It was encouraging.
I so relate to dealing with someone with drug/alcohol addition, not only did it affect him but also me and it has taken me a long time to heal from it and somedays it still comes up, that thorn! Thank you for sharing, you are wonderful inspiration!
May He comfort you during this time of loss. I read about your book a few months back, had been waiting on it to be released and I am so thankful for the BS Melissa is doing. There are so many things that sounds like you are writing directly to me or about me. Thank you for what you do!
Renee,
Your words re pain from yesterday robbing us resonated so deeply in me! I am in the midst of working through childhood sexual abuse that happened for many years 35 years ago. It has caused me to doubt myself, God’s love for me – my confidence. I have signed up for the bible study of A Confident Heart. I hope some day my healing allows faith and hope back. Thanks for your inspiration!
Wendy
I too came from a broken home. There was no divorce but it was broken by violence. I married my childhood sweetheart also expecting “happy everafter” to follow! Our home was broken by multiple infidelities across many years. Finally my husband let God control his life and our marriage remains intact. Our marriage, not me. I’ve been in counseling for 1 1/2 years thinking I was still angry at my husband but have discovered that I’m actually angry at God!! He didn’t give me what I thought I needed. I thought I needed a “happy everafter” with a man, thus my husband, when actually I needed a “happy everafter” with God!! HE is my father and husband!!! In the last few weeks I have begun to understand Jeremiah 29:11! I am still a work in progress as I am working on Trusting God for my past, present AND future!!
Thank you so much for this devotion. My husband left me ten years ago for another woman. I have been waiting for God to restore my life, and I know that he will, BUT I have to be healed first. Actually, I have been telling myself I was healed, but deep down, I knew otherwise. I have dealt with insecurity for what seems like forever. I so needed this bible study; I can see that I have to deal with some issues — they aren’t going to go away. I thank God for his guidance. We serve a great God!
Thank you for your inspiration. I am in the midst of a major depressive episode and am having trouble truly believing that God and Jesus are there to help me through this. I am seeing a psychiatrist and we are working to get my “chemicals” straightened out so that I can see the sunshine of the holy spirit. I’M SO SCARED, THOUGH!!!!! Will someone who has gone through depression give me hope that there is hope on the other side? I seem to surrender and then take it back as quickly as I do. I need encouragement and would REALLY appreciate any and all comments!
Yes there is hope when one is feeling depressed. God is bigger than anything. I was depressed after my first child 7 years old now and went through a lot and had a psychiatrist, dealing with past hurts….. I came of my medication and even though I keep getting evaluated as on border line I am not depressed! I know why I feel low,which we all get and I keep trusting in God that I can have the faith to trust him and believe for complete breakthrough.
My marriage is on tender hooks but It has coarsed me to grow close to God and renew my prayer time and bible times despite the busyness of life. The lack of sleep,looking after 4 children 1yrs-7yrs, keeping on top of house and feeding kids decent meals(most of the time), and then trying my best to continue to show love and respect for my husband who is hardly there.
I believe God can change us and bring us back together and use this time to help us help others in the future. Renee’s writings have been not just challenging or encouraging but practical and full of quality content which I’ve been able to get my teeth into and inspires me to want to read more. A confident heart sounds like the way forward for me and that’s impressive as I’m not a great reader!
Well the whole mindset thing has hit home to me, and not reacting to others but learning to be positive and change the way I think is so important. To not be negative,critical,or putting others down but building others up.
I am glad I have found usefull sights that encourage and give me hope.
I have joined Melissa’s group and from reading and this article I find our lives are very similar. I want to thank you so much for allowing the Holy Spirit to heal you and lead you to encourage and help heal so many women. God bless you:)
Thanks Renee for your encouraging words. I am part of this bible study and I’m looking forward to how God will use it to change and heal me.
My childhood was no where near “normal” and I have excepted that there is nothing I can do about it now or change what happened but I do know that I can allow God to heal my broken heart and remove the hurt of the memories.
Thanks, Renee, for sharing your heart so openly with all of us. “And I needed to find my security and hope in God alone by letting Him be the Father I longed for.” I’ll be resting here for awhile. Thanks for the nudge.
Though I didn’t come from a broken home, my dad wasn’t a hands-on kind when it came to me. It was in large part due to the way he was brought up, which I understand but still struggle with. I sometimes envy the relationship our daughter has with her daddy, wishing I had been blessed as she is. But I’ve grown to see that while my dad wasn’t the hands-on kind, he did the best he knew how based on what he had been shown by his own father. I’ve moving from the envy to thankfulness that my daughter has what I didn’t, and I while i wouldn’t consider my father and I close, I do know that he’ll be there for me if and when I need him. All that is to say that while our circumstances were different, I can soooo relate to what you shared in this piece. Thanks so much for being so open and transparent so that others can learn to be the same.
How do you heal when someone continually hurts you day after day? For every hurt I forgive another one takes it place.
Hi Dot,
I am in the same boat. How do you HEAL when you are continually hurt day after day! We, the bigger person has to give grace and more grace!
Long story short. My husband had an affair in 2005.. It killed me, my walk with god was very casual and I became depressed and went on medication.
My 2nd daughter was born on Feb 18th and on Feb 21th (still in the hospital due to vaginal bleeding and 2 major surgeries) the OW (Other women) emailed me that my husband of 9 years had a 3 1/2 years affair w/ her. He was very remorse with a repentant heart for 7 weeks (since he was home on medical leave of absence to care for me, our 8 years old and our newborn). Once he went back to work, he was conformed to the wordy environment and continued the affair. he NEVER stopped the affair. Because of his shame and guilt, he takes it out on me w/ rage, cursing, anger, etc.. he has NO empathy, or compassion to my hurt feelings.
I have been praying that he god would convict his heart and see the pain he has caused me and how he’s destroying this beautiful family.
I am living day by day in darkness. It’s been 7 months, god has given me peace and I live on this saying:
“HAPPINESS COMES FROM ME AND GOD.
I AM NOT RESPONDS FOR SOMEONE’S BAD DECISION / BEHAVIOR.”
i read a lot of devotions, bible studies, focus on my girls, etc. to keep my mind busy.
I came across Renee’s blogged and I like it a lot. I read it quit often because I know I am not the only one going thru what I am going thru.
Only my close friends know about my husband’s addictions to ladies, temptation, his weakness, porno, affairs, etc.. you name it, he has it.
So sometimes we think we have it bad, there are others who have it worse. So I count my blessings that my daughters are healthy, he hasn’t left this marriage (god knows why NOT??? with his selfishness and emotional abuse to me), he claims he working on it etc…
But ultimately it’s OURSELF that makes us happy NOT him, not material things, not our kids BUT ourself and god! If we are happy, we can be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend etc..
Your story sounds a lot like mine. I long to be free of disappointments and wrong expectations…free to freely love without thought of return. I feel so trapped/bound. God is faithful…that is my hope as I turn to him.
Thank you, God, for Renee. Thank you, Renee, for sharing. I am in the pit of self-doubt trying to breakthrough to blessings God is trying to give me. He’s leading me, and I can see them in front of me, but my self-doubt has me paralyzed. He led me to A Confident Heart and Melissa Taylor’s study just in time! My hope is being restored. I know this will be a process, and I’m anxious to heal those painful memories that paralyze me 40 years later. Thank you, God, and thank you, Renee!
Wow..this devotion was a huge eyeopener. I am going through the pain of the past and it doesn’t seem like I can heal from it or get over it. I’m glad now that there is hope and that it does take time. I have thought for the longest time that I’m stuck and it’s not going to get any better. I really needed this today..thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for your message this morning. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted and He still does. Cast all your cares on Him, He cares for you!
Renee, thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I always find them hitting so closet to home everytime I read them. I am participating in Melissa’s online study of your new book and can’t wait to learn more about myself and how to become the confident woman God meant for me to be! I have so many friends who I know would also benefit from this study my prayers are that they soon join me on this journey.
Renee, the part where you talk about your marriage and controlling your husband to be the husband and dad so you could have your happily ever after – did you take that from MY journal…..I wrote those words years ago, I have caused a lot of hurt in my 20 year marriage but thank God every day for a loving, patient man and a loving, patient God who is healing me and my mistakes.