We had what felt like a storybook Christian romance. Mike was tall, dark and handsome. He had a successful business and he loved Jesus. But to top it all off, instead of asking me for a date, Mike asked if we could “court.”
Our lives were connected on so many levels. We lived on the same floor of the same apartment complex. We attended the same church. And we had several mutual friends. We loved when people told us we made a great couple, in life and in ministry.
Eventually we started praying about marriage and talked to our pastor. Not long after, Mike proposed.
But two weeks into our engagement he looked into my eyes and said: “I’ve made a horrible mistake. You are not the one God wants me to marry.”
I was devastated and wondered what I’d done to make God change His mind.
After counseling and walking through a painful process of forgiveness, I eventually recovered. Much to my surprise, Mike showed back up in my life and asked me to consider rebuilding our friendship.
I was shocked and hesitant. But I also wondered if God wanted to redeem our story. Eventually I gave Mike a second chance. We spent time with friends and took things slowly. But in time, the topic of marriage came up. He proposed again. And he dumped me again!
That time I got smart and kept the ring, holding it as collateral to get Mike to counseling with me. In our first session, the counselor explained that Mike had a fear of commitment. Having a name for it helped me feel better, but Mike felt embarrassed and ashamed.
One night I woke up with a deep sense of concern for him, so I drove to his apartment. Sitting in the parking lot, I felt compelled to get in his van and pray for him. Afterwards I opened my eyes and noticed his journal sitting on the console.
Though I shouldn’t have opened it, I turned to the entries he had written when he called off our engagement. I came face-to-face with why he didn’t want to marry. There were many things about me he wished were different.
After reading Mike’s journal, every time I stood in front of a mirror, doubt whispered: No man will ever want you. You’ll never be good enough.
Rejection. Betrayal. Abandonment. Our greatest fears can become reality. Maybe your father abandoned you, or your husband betrayed you. Maybe your best friend broke your trust, or your teenager has shut you out.
The deep pain from broken relationships can make us doubt our value. We begin to see ourselves as disposable. Easily replaced. Not good enough.
One morning, I woke up and felt the heavy weight of rejection. Opening my Bible, I read through the book of Isaiah and landed in chapter 54. There, God showed me He is my Maker, Husband and Redeemer – the One who bestows the honor and acceptance I long for.
As devastating as it was, I learned two life-changing lessons from the pain:
• I have to choose to separate myself, and my worth, from a man’s decision to want me or not.
• I have to hold others’ words and preferences up to God’s Word and choose which one I will rely on.
Although people’s preferences will change, God’s desire for us won’t. Others might not think we’re good enough, but God always will. And even if someone decides they don’t desire us anymore, God most certainly does!
The truth is, when we belong to Jesus we are loved and accepted forever. We are covered in His goodness, and His goodness makes us good enough!
*****
The more we grasp God’s love for us, and let Him really love us,
the more confident and secure we become.
To help you experience the depth of HIS love, I’m hosting “Let God Love You” {love} fest and contest! Here’s what you can expect and how you can enter to WIN: (The giveaway is now over, but would still love to hear from you!)
- I’ll be sharing a few devotions from my new Confident Heart Devotional to help you experience the depth of HIS love right here on my blog all month!
- My publisher and I are giving away 2 Prize Packs that both include: a $50 gift card, 2 signed copies of my devotional book and an 8×10 print by one of my favorites ~Emily Burger Designs!CLICK HERE to find out how you can enter to win by sharing the {love} on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter! BUT first enter to win….
TODAY’s GIVEAWAY
Share your thoughts about today’s post in the comments, and let me know who you’d give a copy to, if you won 2 copies of my new Confident Heart Devotional. I’ll be giving away 2 copies. Winners announced next week. Enter and share with friends today!
Today’s post includes a partial excerpt from my NEW “A Confident Heart Devotional“ book. Used with permission from Revell Books.
Renee,
Thank you for sharing this. There are so many woman who is some way can relate to this. I am on my journey to worth in Christ alone. This isn’t why I felt compelled to comment, however. At 28 years old, I have never experienced this type of rejection from a man, let alone a man I thought I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Still, I can empathize with what you went through emotionally and spiritually. What struck me the most about your story is that it sounds exactly like the story of what my older brother (30 yrs old) is currently experiencing. It was this past fall that we were catching up over the phone (this was over the course of a few phone calls). He was basically telling me the same story you described in your blog. Over a period of about a year or two of friendship and dating that he had at 2 or 3 different instances asked this girl to be in a relationship with him only to “dump” or “take a break”. I could understand his reasons he described to me were well intended, and what he thought were Christ centered intentions (ie. he wanted to grow closer in his relationship to God). In most of our conversations this past fall he was talking to me about how he was trying to “win her back” and even propose to her at one point. I had been reiterating a message to him to try to get him to also understand her perspective ie. She feels repeatedly rejected by you and has lost your trust. Although he heard what I said, I’m not sure he completely understood it. (this is me face palming…) Anyway, in all seriousness, I don’t know exactly where their relationship is today. I know they are a least friends and attend the same church, bible studies, etc.
With all the aforementioned details about my brothers situation aside, I think the message you speak about in this blog is profound for all women… Pursuing a relationship with Christ and finding our worth in Him instead of other human’s approval. What I think would be even more powerful would be to expand more on the male side of this topic. As you identified above “fear of commitment”. To me, that seems like a very worldly problem, but clearly even our most God fearing men experience this in their relationships. I’m going to share this blog post with my brother and let him form is own understanding, course of action for reacting and understanding it. If you or anyone who reads my comment sees this and has a good suggestion for using this example with the men in their lives (sons, brother, boyfriends, fiancés, husbands, etc…) please please share!
Kayla
I’m in the process of reading your book, and although not finished yet, feel like it was written for me. I can identify in so many ways. Thank you so much for writing this book. One question – has it been translated in Spanish yet? I’d love to share with some friends. Thanks again and God bless!
Years of dealing with homebound health issues- I constantly battle the “I am not worthy” self doubt feeling. I loved the Confident Heart book and love the opportunity to win the journal. I would give a copy to my niece who started her walk with Christ late her Junior year in high school and is now 20 yrs old. She is going through all the “welcome to adulthood” challenges and relationship issues. Thanks for sharing your awesome talents in sharing God’s word through your work…. Karen
I would share with my daughter & hopefully we could keep each other accountable
I’m 25 and brand new in my walk with Christ. I have always been a skeptic and surrounded myself with like minded people continually keeping me in the dark. I started attending Elevation last fall and everything changed. I’m being baptized tomorrow and I was the last person who thought that would happen. I’m know there are so many people deserving of your book but I would so appreciate being considered. I’m reading books that are written by authors who are believers so that I can imitate behavior that I admire. I’ve lost a lot of friends since I claimed Christ and it’s lonely in this transition. I know I could gain such an immense amount of knowledge from your book and even if I don’t win the book you can bet I will save up for it!!
Blessings 🙂
Meredith