“In the security of our relationship with Christ, God wants us to ask questions and look for answers that usher us into the depths of His redeeming love. He wants to give us the courage to live in the promise that He offers hope for our future despite the pain of our past.”
from Chapter 4, A Confident Heart
___________________________
Our Word for the week: HOPE
(Download in a PDF or download in MSWord). Please print it and post it everywhere this week.
HIS Word for us this week:
“May the God of hope fill [me] with all joy and peace as [I] trust in him, so that [I] may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13, NIV
Today’s Assignment:
Read the prayer at the end of Chapter 4 to begin your day. Then start or continue reading chapter 4. Remember to take your time and highlight or underline sentences that resonate in your heart.
Connecting in Community:
As we read chapter4 this week, let’s share here – answers to the questions, sentences we’re highlighting, thoughts we’re thinking, feelings and fears we’re experiencing. This can be a hard chapter for some because it addresses our past and our pain. Let’s pray for each other each day and commit to memorize this week’s verse together! If you are in, leave a comment by clicking on “share your thoughts” and tell us how you plan to memorize it. I’m writing it on a ceramic plate in my kitchen. I’ll be praying it for you every time I see it.
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Thank you, Renee, for doing this study again! This time I am memorizing the scriptures!!! As I take my dog for her 10-minute walk every morning, I say the verse over and over in my head. The first day I may only get through the first line or so, but I also meditate on what it means. And by the third or fourth day, I know it, not just head knowledge but in my spirit : ) Thank you for all your work!
So I’m still stuck on the timeline. I finally was able to watch the prior videos and yesterday’s blog post/video.
Before this study I read Suzie Eller’s book “The Mom I Want to Be” and was/am still working on my past. I loved the book. It was a very difficult read and I had to put it down many times to process.
Now I’m at Chapter 4 in this book and have to write down the timeline and I’m stuck. So obviously I have not completely healed as I thought I was after reading the Suzie Eller book.
I’ll be honest, I know exactly what the events are in my past that have painful memories and/or feelings. My fear is that if I write these events down, I will be affirming the negativity associated with them. Basically, the events all point to the fact that I’ve failed in whatever capacity that was afforded to me.
To be fair, my mind tells me that my thinking is flawed and that my value does not come from work, or education, or even what other people tell me. My mind tells me that my value comes from God. My mind tells me that I of course need to accept responsibility for my part of the various events in my past. But my heart takes it one step further and tells me to accept responsibility for everything, which again, my mind tells me is flawed.
I cannot reconcile what my mind believes to be true with what my heart and what that critical voice is telling me. To write down the events on paper is almost like I’m presenting evidence to my mind to believe the lies.
And so I am having difficulty writing it down. If I write down the pain then I feel like it becomes true. Do I have to write the events down to be able to move forward? What alternatives are available for me to move past so that I can continue this study?
Here is another disclaimer: Getting everything in writing is such a foundation of my career, so that may also be adding to my thinking.
Thank you.
The only reason to look at the past is for it to help us in our future. That is biblical, we are to be reflective and help others from our past diffulties. Believe me, the ways we were sinned against in the past effect us today. I would recommend a book/study called The Journey. If you need the author let me know and i’ll find.
WOW!!!! I wanted to after Chapter 2…….. In fact I set it down for 2 weeks and finally picked it back up determined to do this… THANK YOU!!!!! My pain is so real and I have felt I have noone that wants to hear or cares…. God Bless you!
I have not read your book yet, but I have felt God leading me to your book as I read your daily posts. I actually got on amazon one day to purchase it, but had problems logging in to my account and ended up giving up. This seems to be a theme in my life. As much as I have wanted to change, the worse I get. I really enjoyed your video, but what stuck out to me and really grabbed my attention was the part about figuring out where my “doubts” came from. That was like an ah ha moment for me. I am a married, 33 year old mother of 2. I am truly truly blessed by the wonderful gifts God gave to me of being a wife and a mother. Although I have fully embraced and am completely confident in those roles, I have no idea WHO I AM or whammy place is in this world. I was raised in a Christian home, strayed, and have been led back to a Godly path. But, I have struggled for quite some time with just trying to find my place. This has caused me such grief in starting things and giving up. I start out with such fire but fizzle out very quickly. I went to college after becoming a mother. Started out in nursing school and quit with only 3 semesters left because I didn’t like it. Decided to switch my major to General Studies just to graduate so I could get my teaching certification. With only 12 hours left had to put those plans to the side to find some sort of means of income to help support our family when we were thrown into a horrible financial crisis. Now I am struggle each and every day A’s a working mom at some job that has no purpose. This is just one example. I just pray that one day I will not wonder who I am and what my purpose is. And I will find true inner happiness! So thank you from the bottom of my heart for the little bit of inspiration I have received from your video message today! God Bless!!!
I believe rejection has been big in my life…My mom left my dad when I was six years old along with four other siblings..when I ask god to show me the broken places, I was surprised that there needed to be more healing in that area..I thought I,d gotton threw that…I thankfull to God for showing me that….I also have been in a lot of unhealthy relationship…sooo thankful to God that he is helping through this. when you talked about 10 year ago when god spoke to you about Isaih 61 I to remember that scripture he gave me sometime ago….I got fired from my job and went back to school to get my ged…guess where I work today? In a prison as a correctional officer …God is awsome ..guest what I love it….my prayer life has gotten better…lol..I ask god to let me see these inmate the way he see them .. be careful what you ask for…god show me this guy in there one day… his Brokeness . broke my heart…I had to fight the tears back. thanks for your book study its doing some awsome things.talk again later. Brenda
I have a question for the group…what are you currently doing to get past your past so to speak? Oftentimes, we think that our flaws and past are the worst possible thing. While reading Chapter 4 was gut wrenching for me, it also gave me hope that I could move past this point. I know it is easier said than done, but I had a good cry, prayed, and am working out the processes of forgiveness in my life. I uncover new things, and deal with them accordingly.
I just re-read this chapter, and I must admit this was a hard pill to swallow. I have always regarded myself as the strong person, and it wasn’t until now that I realized I used this facade as a defense mechanism for the pain that was in my heart. I read the devotional this morning and broke into a million pieces. I simply didn’t realize how much I carried, or expected others to carry.
This chapter has started the process for me of truly looking at past events in light of how God used them.
thank you Renee. I had so much shame for so many years from all my imorality. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. If I dont have someone to love me I am going to die. It haunted me for many years. Now I am 63 and I no longer live in fear of someone finding out about my past. God brought to my mind of different times long time ago and we walked through it together and I have peace now. I am realizing that I am a child of the King and joint heirs with Jesus Christ. As you were talking about Sam in chapter 4 and her 5 husbands it made me think I had a whole lot more than 5. Love in Christ, mary
Chapter 4 was definitely the hardest chapter, so far, in the book for me to read. I think as often as we try and run from our past, it will always catch up at some point. My past entered my marriage and literally poisoned it at one point. I had such bitterness from my past and formed unrealistic expectations on my husband to help escape the past that it just led to bitterness and resentment in our own marriage. We went to counseling and discovered we both entered our marriage with ghosts from our past. I think once we moved past that it only made our relationship stronger.
Moving past events in the past has always been hard for me, and I think it’s why I struggled so much with this chapter. This chapter helped more than you will ever know, and it is my hope that I can keep moving forward and listening more to what God wants me to do now.
Chapter 4 has been such an eye-opener for me. I have never thought those things in my life that have caused pain and shame could ever be used to “tell my story” and ultimately bring glory to the Lord, but I am realizing this truth as I read through chpt 4! I always assumed holding on to the pain, stuffing it away, was my consequence for the choices I made in the past. I am experiencing such freedom in asking God to bring that shame and pain I have been trying to hide from everyone, to the surface, and FILL THE EMPTY PLACES with His love and peace. I find strength in knowing God desires me to face my pain and shame of the past and move on toward a more productive and beautiful life in Him.
Thank you, Renee, for writing this important chapter, and this book. I, too, experienced a season of anger in my life and was confused as to why it was happening. I sought professional help, prayed, read books, but nothing seemed to help, but time. God has been showing me the unrealalistic expectations I put on my life…the Happily Ever After. I have been, by His grace, slowly letting that skewed ideal of life go, and God is replacing it with real love, grace and His perspective.
I didn’t go to God with my pain for over 20 years. Even after I did I still held it tight so that no one would ever know about it. Does this mean I didn’t accepted God’s forgiveness? There have been no circumstances where revealing my pass would benefit anyone. I am still ashamed of some of it- not that which involved relationships, but the stance I took with God. I know I am forgiven, but I don’t believe it’s wrong not to share it.
Because I was in my 40s I never thought about God having any plans for me. I was in graduate school and working full time so I had no desire to make any changes. I was a nurse and I felt I was serving God through caring for the sick. Within the last 9 years I have felt God was trying to reach me. I now seek God’s will for everything. God had to get my attention and now that he has it, I thank Him for every day for what He has done for me. This book is so encouraging and hope is what I’m feeling now.
I’m so amazed how like others have stated… this is definetely an on-time book for me in this season of my life. I am 24 yrs old, and am currently going through a season in my life where God has come to clean me up from past sins and wounds. Wounds and hurts that I thought I had forgiven, and got over… but God has showed me that in order to heal from those wounds of our sins, we must first be almost “vulnerable” with God. God is definetely one person we can be vulnerable with, because he already knows all already.
He’s showed me through this study already, things I thought I had forgiven people over; but I had buried that hurt so deep I forgot that it was there. In highschool I got made fun for my outer apperance, and I would cry everyday. Later when God saved me, and I got closer to him and talking to him more daily… I thought I had forgiven them. I had forgiven them in my mind, but not in my heart. God revealed that to me, and he’s also showing me about a guy I dated for 5 years. Just like Renee, he was my first love, my first everything. We done things together, and after we broke up I went straight into another relationship, and didn’t allow myself the “time” to heal from those wounds and hurts, from that relationship.
I’m so thankful for this study, and for this chapter, and for Renee and all of you. I’m learning its okay to be vulnerable around God. He only wants his best for us, and I need him to clean me up spiritually. I need him to cleanse me with his blood, so I can begin to move forward and not be weighed down by past mistakes, and failures. God is good! It’s amazing what God can and will do if we just let him in our hearts. Can’t wait to see what God is going to reveal to me throughout the rest of this study!!! It’s amazing!
Loving the “realness” of this study. This is my first on-line study and I must say it is the best one that I have done. Everyone is so willing to share and open up about things that sometimes are not shared in a group setting face to face. I so appreciate that.
It is hard to think about the past for me as well. I have tried to bury deep the things that I have done. I know that I am forgiven but I also know that some of the painful things from my past effect my current behavior. I do believe that the Great Physician will heal these broken places as I trust Him too.
Amen!
I posted the verse on my wall at work, still in the begining of chapter 4…tonight Lordwilling will be able to dive a little deeper. I can’t wait….:)
Hello Everyone,
I am new to the study and looking forward to reading this book even though I am quite sure old memories will surface. It is time to face my past and allow G~d to heal.
Good evening,
I am blessed by all the comments I read and they give me hope that I, a new believer after 55 years, have been the recipient of God’s mercy and grace all these years. But I am struggling. I am overwhelmed by all that I don’t know but need and want to know and learn. I hunger for it. I desparately want to be a true follower of Christ. Right now my biggest doubt is perhaps I don’t have what it takes to follow the Lord. The more I struggle the more I doubt. But keep going and struggle each day to find my way. I have many regrets and many disappointments and thoughts of some of them shake my core and bring me to my knees to prayer. And I am silent as I don’t know what to say. I am just there on my knees. Hurt and ashamed that I don’t know how to talk to God. So I talk in plain, simple sentences like I am talking to a friend. Then I listen and all I hear is silence. I don’t hear God and I wonder what does it mean? I wonder am I doing something wrong. Renee, you say many times in the chapter four that ‘God showed you.’ How does He show you? On page 76 you ask, “What story is God wanting to write in your life? Will you let him?” I want to let him, but how do I when I don’t know what he wants to write. How do I know God’s plan for me??
Karen in Canada, Thank You for your honesty. It gave me the courage to share my thoughts. I know God is blessing us right now!
jacqueline, that is exactly where you should be “on my knees…” sister, (’cause that is who you are now that you are a follower of our Lord!) the walk of a christian is a day-by-day thing. we each daily need the grace and mercy that our Father so abundantly provides for each and all of His children. and daily we can grow and change so that our lives emulate that of our Lord Jesus. having the fervent desire that you have to be “true follower of Christ” is a desire that God will fulfill. He wants your (all of our) heart…and it sounds to me like you are seeking Him with yours. keep at it, jacqueline. i am praying for you as i know that so many others here are, too. <3
Jacqueline, I relate so much to what you are saying! I have often wondered, “OK, what now Lord? Where are you? What do you want me to do?”. I think I was expecting answers right then, or some small voice telling me what to do, or even a nice audible voice as some have claimed to have heard. I too heard nothing, only silence. However, you know that feeling when you have prayed about something, and you have a decision to make, and you just know in your heart which decision is right. I really believe if it is Biblical, it is God telling you his answer. However sometimes he doesn’t answer right away, or even in a time frame that makes sense. His time is so different from our time, and there is no way to judge it, or measure it. I think that is one of the hardest parts about the Christian walk for me. We live in a fast food society. Everything is instant, and there is not much of a wait for anything anymore. So to wait a long time to hear a response from God, or to see it in our lives (Sometimes you just see the response too. Something, or someone comes along that is an answer to a prayer), is really hard! I am also a girl who likes to be able to hear, see, and touch everything, and with faith and God, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes we can really feel his presence, and sometimes although He is there (He always is) we just can’t feel Him for whatever reason. Never doubt He is there though! Trust in His promises that He always is!
You talk about past regrets and disappointments. Have you asked God for forgiveness? If you have He has released you from anything you have regrets about. You don’t have to think about them a moment longer. God doesn’t want you to either. He wants you to let it go, and let him fill the place in your heart that is hurting from that past regret. We all have disappointments in our lives as well. Believe me, I do! I lived in the shadow of them for a long time, hating myself, and having very poor self-esteem for it as well. God however has started to show me that by forgiving myself, and others from my past, I can release it to him as well. He will cover the wound in my heart too! There is nothing his blood can’t cover, and no place in your hurting heart He can’t fill. It isn’t something you will feel overnight either. I have to pray daily for Him to fill whatever is hurting that day, to be the friend that I miss, the affection I missed from my childhood, oh, so many things. However I am discovering the more I do it, the more I fill, filled, and the hurt is very slowly slipping away. I am also being released from the burden of my past and all my regrets. So please know that just because you don’t feel it now, doesn’t mean His forgiveness, love, and filling up of your heart isn’t there, or isn’t happening. It will just take a while for you to accept it. Sometimes it is hard to accept it is that easy for God to do those things, but it is! The cross made it that simple. The hard part is letting go of it in our minds, to allow ourselves to accept the gifts He gives us. Believe all of the wonderful promises God is giving you. After you are finished with this book, find another good devotional that you feel you can relate to, and stay in God’s word (It is sometimes easier to be guided through His word until we feel stronger. I know it has been for me. I am going to read The Power of Praying Through the Bible by Jacqueline, I relate so much to what you are saying! I have often wondered, “OK, what now Lord? Where are you? What do you want me to do?”. I think I was expecting answers right then, or some small voice telling me what to do, or even a nice audible voice as some have claimed to have heard. I too heard nothing, only silence. However, you know that feeling when you have prayed about something, and you have a decision to make, and you just know in your heart which decision is right. I really believe if it is Biblical, it is God telling you his answer. However sometimes he doesn’t answer right away, or even in a time frame that makes sense. His time is so different from our time, and there is no way to judge it, or measure it. I think that is one of the hardest parts about the Christian walk for me. We live in a fast food society. Everything is instant, and there is not much of a wait for anything anymore. So to wait a long time to hear a response from God, or to see it in our lives (Sometimes you just see the response too. Something, or someone comes along that is an answer to a prayer), is really hard! I am also a girl who likes to be able to hear, see, and touch everything, and with faith and God, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes we can really feel his presence, and sometimes although He is there (He always is) we just can’t feel Him for whatever reason. Never doubt He is there though! Trust in His promises that He always is!
You talk about past regrets and disappointments. Have you asked God for forgiveness? If you have He has released you from anything you have regrets about. You don’t have to think about them a moment longer. God doesn’t want you to either. He wants you to let it go, and let him fill the place in your heart that is hurting from that past regret. We all have disappointments in our lives as well. Believe me, I do! I lived in the shadow of them for a long time, hating myself, and having very poor self-esteem for it as well. God however has started to show me that by forgiving myself, and others from my past, I can release it to him as well. He will cover the wound in my heart too! There is nothing his blood can’t cover, and no place in your hurting heart He can’t fill. It isn’t something you will feel overnight either. I have to pray daily for Him to fill whatever is hurting that day, to be the friend that I miss, the affection I missed from my childhood, oh, so many things. However I am discovering the more I do it, the more I fill, filled, and the hurt is very slowly slipping away. I am also being released from the burden of my past and all my regrets. So please know that just because you don’t feel it now, doesn’t mean His forgiveness, love, and filling up of your heart isn’t there, or isn’t happening. It will just take a while for you to accept it. Sometimes it is hard to accept it is that easy for God to do those things, but it is! The cross made it that simple. The hard part is letting go of it in our minds, to allow ourselves to accept the gifts He gives us. Believe all of the wonderful promises God is giving you. After you are finished with this book, find another good devotional that you feel you can relate to, and stay in God’s word (It is sometimes easier to be guided through His word until we feel stronger. I know it has been for me. I am going to read The Power of Praying Through the Bible by Stormie Ormartian after this one. I think it will really help me on my path of continuing to believe in and pray with God’s promises :).
You don’t have to wonder what is the right way to do anything in the Christian life. It is all in His promises and His word, and as long as you hold on to those things, you need not worry about doing things “the right way”. I think that hurt my relationship with God for a long time. I always felt I had to do everything just so to receive God’s blessings, or to hear Him. it got to the point where I was so worried about doing everything right, that I lost my faith to some degree. I felt defeated. I felt as if I wasn’t dedicated enough. I felt I had to have a special devotion time, pray in a certain place, pray a certain way, read just the right verses. It was exhausting! I finally learned that anywhere I am I can pray, the shower, the car, while I am doing chores, anywhere! I also don’t have to use the right, or fancy words either. How I speak to a friend is exactly how I can speak to Jesus! I can even just say, “Lord, I don’t have the words, but you know my pain. Help!” Even one sentence can be a prayer. As far as being in His word there are a million ways to do it too. You can read a few sentences from any chapter, and write down how it spoke to you. You can meditate, just think on one verse, and talk to the Lord about what it meant to you. Put yourself in any verse you can too (like Renee has been doing use I, and me, after all the Bible is written for you. A love note to you!) it really helps. Get the message Bible in addition to your current Bible. Sometimes it helps to have it put in modern day English, and in a way that speaks to us culturally right now (a dear friend recommended that to me). So as you can see there is no wrong way as long as you are getting in His word daily, and talking to Him.
Also, I don’t know God’s plan for me as far as my whole life goes. That was a hard question for me too, so don’t feel bad. I am still praying for an answer to that one. However I have found that it helps not to think too far ahead, like it is a life long plan. I think just talking and thinking about His plan for you in the next day, or moment is fine (Is it Renee? :). For me I think right now God’s plan for me is to just learn to feel him and truly believe in His promises. I am going to take that question and apply it to smaller portions of my walk with Him, and where I think I need work in it.
I hope some of this helped. I am struggling too, and don’t have all the answers, but we both know who does, and I will be praying for you. (((HUGS)))
Esther S,
God Bless you! He is really doing a work in your heart from the first time you posted. I’m always encouraged and blessed by your honesty. and your willingness to share. I’ll continue to pray for you and others
Dallena
Hi Dallena! Good to hear from you again 🙂 Thank you so much for all of your encouragement. That is another part of all of the great stuff I am getting from this Bible study, the support on this board from people like you. All of it is being used by God to change my life. I have my trials still, but I am feeling better day by day, as I pray my way through it all. Thank you so much for your prayers! I will be praying for you, and all of the other ladies on the board as well!
This too is a HARD chapter for me. Not only do I not want to remember parts of my past due to the hurt and the disappointment it brings, but I know that God knows all. I do believe that God has a plan for me and that every lesson, every blessing, and every difficult or troubling time is part of the road to VICTORY with a loving personal relationship with Jesus. Do I understand why at times things happen, no, but I just continue to tell myself, all things are possible with my Lord, and that at no time am I alone. With living in Florida and being close enough to visit the beach for walks, I remind my self of HIS footprints that even though I do not see them in the sand, He is there with me everyday. I know there is hope for the Lord has brought my husband and I through several difficult events that could have been devastating for not only us but for our family too. So each day is a new day and for that I am thankful, I continue to pray that what I do, say, share and show in my daily life is a blessing in Gods eyes and that I to may be able to share an event/story from my life to help others see Gods love and forgiveness.
For our verse this week, I will text my friends again for help (which by the way helped so much last week and I will write the verse 2 times a day as a bonus.
I ask for prayers : for my husbands health (diabetic complications) and for the release of built up anger and disappointments in myself and that in some way I can share this lesson with my daughter, to whom I know deep in my heart could benefit from these words that have been given to us in our bible study. I sit here in tears knowing others as well that I have offered this study too and yet they continue to reject it. I just continue to share what I can and lift them each in prayers.
May the Lord continue to bless my sisters in Christ, to be with each of you during your journey, and that His words fill your hearts each day. God Bless with Love
May the Lord bless you, dear Pam!
PamZ, a few years back I wouldn’t have been able to do this chapter. However, I have had to revisit my past through therapy, and believe me it made me sick, I cried, I was angry, and I wouldn’t forgive others from my past. For a long time I even lived in the anger of those past events, and even some recent hurts. It wasn’t until I started reading this book that I found out what a release letting go of all of it was! I wrote e-mails asking others to forgive me, people that I had wronged. I prayed to the Lord telling Him I forgave those in my past, and am working hard not to think about them, or what happened. Each time I think of those past hurts, and the people who hurt me I try and pray for the Lord to fill me up in those angry spots, and like Renee says in this chapter to cover those hurts with His blood, to heal my heart, and I ask again that he help me forgive this person. I often have to forgive people from the past daily, as my heart or mind, seems to get stuck in a mode of anger or feeling they owe me, and I shouldn’t apologize to them. However I learned that I am not getting anything from my anger, or feeling wronged. It wont bring me the justice I feel I am owed, it wont take the anger away, or stop me from hurting. It just seems to make everything worse 🙁 Also had blocked my communication, and my feeling of closeness with the Lord. I thought I could have it all, ignoring my pain, anger, and past, and getting the best relationship with Christ possible. I even thought I had it. It wasn’t until I started giving it up, all of that junk in my past, forgiving, and letting go (I have to do it daily sometimes, as I said) that I felt the freedom of it! I felt so free, so close to the Lord. His word even started to fill my heart more easily. I had always felt I wasn’t getting these wonderful feelings that others were when I worshiped. I wondered why, and it made me upset. I wondered what was going on that I didn’t feel that. It was all of this junk! Although I had dealt with it in therapy, I hadn’t dealt with it with God. I hadn’t forgiven those who had hurt me, I had held on tightly to wanting justice for what was taken from me, and my pain. Now that I have faced the past in therapy (I would advise a Christian therapist, I didn’t have one, and they allowed me to hold on to things I feel now I shouldn’t have), and have learned through this book how to let go of the past, I am feeling much better. I have noticed my depression getting better (although I am on medication too, and again everyone, please no debate on the issue of medication for depression, etc., thanks! :), and even with the medication before it wasn’t getting better, not the way it is now. I also feel my interactions with people on a daily basis are better, as I am not carrying around so much sorrow and anger. So while I would never presume to tell you what to do, and I don’t know your story. I do encourage you to, with a Christian therapist, face the past, and when you can, forgive. You sound like a woman who loves the Lord with all your heart, and is working hard on her life, and trying to be a light to others, praise the Lord! 🙂 That is wonderful! Just from my own experience though (which we all have different ones) I am telling you what worked for me, and might possibly work for you. I will be praying for you and for your health, and for your daughter as well. (((HUGS)))
Ester,
God Bless you for sharing this with me, you have touched my heart. Thank you, much love sister in Christ
You are welcome my sister in Christ. Each time I share it helps me too. Much love to you also! (((HUGS)))
Just wanted to share: today while driving home, our Christian radio station, Z88.3, played I’m Yours, and after all the times I have heard this song, today: this part of the song popped out at me: I rest my HOPE in you, I’m Yours.. , it is amazing how we hear songs on a daily basis, and then when doing a bible study a lyric will pop out at you, thank you Lord for speaking to my heart today through the lyrics of this song, that brings my JOY….
Barbara thank you for sharing, I too am experiencing some to the same things: tears, release and comfort, especially in knowing the God knows me, God knows my heart, and God knows where I am to be for His plan is the best for me. I pray that you have continued blessing in each chapter and that your relationship with God grows as He would have it. God Bless with Love
Thanks for the video post on Monday about pushing past this chapter. To answer a question from chapter 4…
Has the pain of your past ever made it hard for you to believe God’s promises and plan for your future? What do you sense He wants to change in your perspective?
Yes a pain from my past makes it hard to believe in God’s promise for my future, especially in my marriage. I use to always think that my husband would cheat on me because that’s what my dad did to my mom when I was in her womb. As a little girl knowing that he did this, it became a warped fantasy that I would be cheated on when I got married – almost hoping it would happen so that I understood my mom’s pain. I know God wants me to change my perspective and see that my husband is not my dad; that I need to see my husband as a totally separate person. My husband has NEVER given me a hint of suspecting any behavior like that… I know God is asking me to open my eyes and see that I need to be confident in Him, that this history is not going to repeat itself, otherwise I will always doubt the love that my husband has for me.
I am re-reading chapter 4 for the 2nd time. I am just so grateful to be a part of this group, a part of the healing, apart of the new beginning that is waiting for me at the end. I’ve never, ever read a book that made me cry every time I pick it up but yet I keep picking it up and keep reading. As the tears fall I feel release and healing and freedom. I have shared things here in this group that I have never shared before; some things I had even forgotten or had not thought about for many, many years but the words on these pages and the stories that have been shared by other ladies have be so gloriously wonderful and have truly ministered to my soul. I never even considered some of the hurt and pain and disappointments had been experienced by other women, especially other women of God. I am fortunate in that where I work there is a chapel here and I have regularly for the past couple of years gone there mid day to refresh and talk to God. I am now bringing my book back and forth to work and use that time in the chapel to read for as long as I can before my break time is over and I have to go back to work. Today I found even a greater since of peace, of serenity of restfulness as I continued to read with tears still rolling down my cheek but yet still wanting to take in all that was there to take. I am expecting a great move of God, chapter after chapter, after chapter and am looking forward to the new and different Barbara at the end.
WOW – that is about all I can say. What a beautiful thing God is doing in you. Thank you for letting me (us) see inside that secret place of where you are with Him right now. It truly touched my heart.