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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

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Comments

  1. Good morning! You described me to a T this morning. I am a 32 year old wife and mother of 2. I work full time, but I feel like I am just coasting along. I work as an Admin Asst for the aging and disability for the State of Texas. One of my coworkers wants to groom me for her job as a Contract Manager when she retires, but I don't know if I want to do that. I just told her the other day, I don't know what I want to be when I grown up! Alot of times I feel pressure to go after the money, but I want enjoy what I do. She tells me you are too smart to stay in this position for long, but I know for right now that is not something I would want to pursue. And sometimes I feel bad about that? Are my expectations too low? Well this devotional just confirms I need to do what My Father wants me to do, not what other people, or even just what I want to do. People tell me, I would be crazy to pass up all the money that would come with this job, but that doesn't motivate me. Thank you so much for sharing your story, which is actually my story too. I know the Lord, and the Holy Spirit will lead me down the right path, the path He wants me on, not the path everyone else has traveled! 🙂

  2. Wow, there are a whole lot of us out there!! I am so glad to know that I am not the only one, at age 46, who doesn't know her calling and is searching but doesn't know where to start! God knows all things and He knew you needed to have this ministry for those of us in the same boat. Thank you so much for your obedience to Him. May God show His favour in every area of your life! Anita – [email protected]

  3. I am 45 and from NE. I can't answer your questions. I still don't know who I am. I know what I like, but my DH doesn't like that I am a creative person, so I am constantly trying to be something else and I don't know who I am.

    It seems I've never felt like I was good enough at anything or worthy enough to have anything nice. I feel like I'm always "settling for". I wrote down your information of books to read. I would like to purchase them, but I probably won't because then I feel guilty for spending money for myself.

    Please pray for me as I struggle with this every day.

  4. Thanks so much for your devotional this morning. It has been so encouraging to know I am not the only 55 yo woman to wonder where my passion lies. I, too, struggle so much with comparisons. I was beginning to wonder if it was depression or something else wrong with me. I do plan on reading the books and doing the studies you reference. Thank you for your ministry.

    Linda from Nashville, TN

  5. This devotion was just what I needed. I am 32 years old and I went back to college last year, but that was only part of discovering me. I am at least two of the personalities that was described. However, my problem is sometimes the combination of the two causes problems in my marriage. I think that could be becasue I still do not truly understand who I am and what God's purpose and plans are for me. I think the book that was recommended is something I need to read. As stated in a previous message, it really is nice to know I am not the only woman who feels this way. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Faith ([email protected])

  6. Thank you Renee! I love reading all the comments to your devotion also as it lets me know I am not the only one who hasn't figured it out yet. That, itself is comforting knowing that I am not even alone in my "aloneness".
    I am so looking forward to growing and discovering. I did the "strengthfinder 2.0" assessment test to find my top 5 strengths and am using that as a guide also… along with prayer and searching scripture. I have always enjoyed writing… and I was gifted with "the gift of gab" so public speaking just seemed to follow that gift. Can't wait to get to She Speaks!!! Whoo HooO
    Blessings and Gratitude!

  7. wow, I am 53 with my youngest starting his senior year of high school and I wonder what it will be like with an empty nest. My husband and I will celebrate 23 years this October. I have a home business and am excited to see where it goes..
    thanks so much for this

  8. As I was reading through the posts, I was very touched by how many women feel so out of touch with who they are. I also felt led to share my story in the hope that someone else could get encouragement from it. I married when I was 18 years old and have 4 children. My oldest is married and my youngest starts Kindergarden this year. I have always tried to be the perfect daughter, wife, mother, and friend. About two years ago, I woke up and realized that I felt nothing. I thought I was depressed and then I realized that I was really just unhappy. I was overweight and overwhelmed. I just started losing weight, and then I started examining myself. I realized that I didn't know what I liked to do, I didn't know what my favorite color is, or even my favorite food. I decided that I needed to find myself. I unfortunately didn't think too much about finding myself in God, because I thought I was ok there. I was a believer, after all. As a result, I find myself at 41, going through a divorce, and just starting my search for God's will in my life. I will be praying for all of the women out there who feel like they don't know God's plan for their life. And I encourage all of you to find out who you are and what God's plan is for your life. I have learned a lot of great things about myself and my place in God's plan. I am not sure if my marriage could have been saved if I had focused on God more at the beginning of my search, but I do know that even in these circumstances, I am more at peace than I have ever been now that I am looking to God for my selfworth and direction. Anyway, just remember to keep God first in your search.

    Blessings to all.

  9. Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I find it funny that as a recent empty nester at 48, I too have struggled for some time with just what God's plan for my life is really. I'm not the only one who's asking these questions during my mid-life years!

    I have many strengths and passions that are not being used to their fullest potential. I want to wake up each morning excited about my day and serving the Lord. I'm not doing that right now. I'm encouraged by the daily devotions. It seems each one speaks to me. Thank you for encouraging other women!

  10. I am 27 and the Lord has been working on me for a few months about my calling and purpose in life. I am aware of my spiritual gifts and the desires He has placed in my heart, but I don’t know what the next step is to discover His perfect will for my life. I am thankful for the process and know that as long as I seek Him, He will show me the way. Thank you for allowing God to use you for His glory.

    Blessings, Candace

    [email protected]

  12. I am awestruck at the multitude of comments your devotion encouraged this morning. Not surprised, mind you, because I could see my own life reflected in the messages from almost every single response. At nearly 50, I find myself on a crossroads once again-this time, to accept the challenge the Lord has placed before me of going back to school to complete my degree so that I can become a teacher of Family and Consumer Studies, a discipline often overlooked when tallying up the value of education. I know without a doubt that this is what God has intended for me-it is a beautiful fit with the experiences of my entire life, but especially with what I've been doing the past ten years. He has been preparing me well to be equipped for this next leg of my life journey, and I am ready to begin. Does that mean it's easy? No-obstacles come in every shape and size. and often the obstacle in the path is the one I see in the mirror.

    As a choleric personality (I really hate it when these traits are out of control-ironic, huh?), I struggle most often with the need to be part of the discussion, to be heard. Yet, when I think of Father God, He already knows all that I would say, all that I need, and what I need to do is to trust His plan for me, to relax in the promise that He knows my future, and has plans for a hope for me. The need for control vs. the need and desire for God…a daily struggle. My prayer is that He wins more often and that my desire for Him becomes the controlling influence of my life-every day.

    Thank you,

    Anna
    [email protected]

  13. Good morning Renee…. God's timing and faithfulness is so good. Funny… I've been lost and missing the who I was when I was younger. Not really sure of what my purpose is… feeling discouraged in the mommy-wife-homemaker role. Feeling like I'm not doing anything well in any of the roles. I miss the "strong" person I was when I was younger, very much faith-based at that time. Please understand, I do love being a mom and wife… just not feeling like I'm doing a very good job or setting a good example of my faith. I am going to pray more about this. Thanks for being faithful and writing about what He wants you to write about!
    God Bless!
    Pam
    44, currently living in WA
    [email protected]

  14. Renee,
    Your words describe me to a T. I'm 43 with two wonderful children, 23 & 20 and wonderful husband of 25 years. I have always been a "pleaser" so I don't know who I am…or what I would like to do if I could do anything. Instead I go to work everyday, completely unfulfilled, feeling like I don't serve a purpose other than to bring home a paycheck, but feel guilty for feeling this way because in the big picture I am very blessed compared to many others. I hope to read your book so I can begin the journey of finding out who I am and what God's purpose is for me. [email protected] Thank you!

  15. Thank you Renee…I can relate and Thank you to all who have stepped out and posted and will post, it is nice to know that I am not alone!

    I was recently asked "What are your dreams?" Huh?? I don't have a dream..at one time, it was marriage and children, but I am 41, divorced and no children. I have skills and abilities that God gave me and I love using them to Serve others, but I don't have a dream..that I know of. I want what God has planned for me..I am going through seasons, for 10 yrs I knew where I belonged, then things changed, now I ask "What am I suppose to be doing and What is my purpose?" Today, I feel that I can find out "What is His dream for my life?"

    Please enter me in the drawing…I am PEACE w/parts of FUN, CONTROL, PERFECTION, too.

    God Bless and Ride Safe..
    Sunshine 🙂
    [email protected]

  16. How do you know which came first? The description that fits who I am now, is it the same description that fit me before life threw at me everything, and then some? Or have I become a different person, and need to find the old me underneath everything? I read articles on how to nurture yourself, but wonder if I am nurturing a fake me, a me that is just desperate to get through each day.

    [email protected]

  17. Beautifully said, thank you! Just yesterday my husband and I were talking about the falsehood of glorifying self sacrifice by way of neglecting who we are, what we can handle, what makes us, us. I see it everywhere in Christians, it is so prevalent. It's like we think as soon as Christ lives within us, we can "take" anything the world has to throw at us; but, like my husband said, we can bear it for the glory of Christ and rarely was it for the glory of Christ. In all honesty, it was out of fear of making people feel bad, or fear of setting boundaries, or fear of pushing people away from God. Such self absorption! But, God put a piece of Him in all of us and in following Him we can be more in touch with that essence that needs guarding more than anything, for it truly is the well spring of life.

  19. Thanks for the Proverbs 31 Ministries devotion. I'm 42 and also at a crossroads. I would LOVE to have the workbook and CD. I know God wants me to do something…

  20. I read this devotion just at the right time. I am 52, and still searching for God's purpose in my life. My biggest problem is always feeling that I don't measure up to what God wants me to be. I am praying for contentment and peace with who I am in Christ.

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. WOW! Once again I am amazed at how the Lord continually uses the Proverbs 31 ministry to speak to me!!! Thank you for this ministry Lord!

    I am the mom of 3 teenage boys. My dream has always been to be a Mom and I have loved being a Mom. But as they have gotten older and more challenging I can honestly say that most days I am VERY unhappy. My personality is definitely of the “control” type which does not make for a peaceful home with 3 headstrong boys!! Your article made me realize that I really need to pray & search myself for my “new dreams”. No, I am not giving up being a Mom to these young men but may be focusing my attention on what God’s plan for me next would help me and my family.
    Thanks Renee & God bless you!
    Kim
    [email protected]

  2. Hi Renee,
    I’m in a women’s bible study and we were just talking about our gifts. And I sat and listen to our teacher. I thought to myself what is my gift? What is my purpose in His kingdom? I’ve been saved since 1995 and my goodness I don’t know what I want out of life. I mean I know I want to be in Heaven like now. But meanwhile I’m stick here in this rotten world, I don’t have dreams or goals. Like I don’t have a life or something. I’m married (2nd time around) to wonderful Godly man. I have 2 teenage kids. But I really live for them I mean God comes first of course. But your devo just sadden me, but inspired me to go out and find my dream thru prayer and books to read. Thank you for a mini-flash-back of my life. God continue to use you. And fill your heart with wisdom and knowledge.

  3. Hi Renee,
    A few years ago, my son asked me if I thought God wanted me to do something big. At that time, I realized that had more small yet meaningful intentions for my life. I just figured God would use me as He saw fit without really asking what He intended for my life. Thank you for your blog. I’ll be praying and searching for the answers to these questions.

  4. Hi Renee, Your devotion and blog reminded me of a journey I have been on. My Mom died at 68 in December of 2004. I had been very close to one of our ministry leaders, (Mary), and highly respected her visionary type personality. The evening we found out that Mom didn’t have much longer to live Mary called me out of the blue to ask me to come to a teacher training class (totally out of my comfort zone). Although I didn’t know why she had called until the end of the lengthy phone call and after some prodding, because she instantly changed her focus when I answered the phone. She could tell something was wrong when I answered the phone. Because of my admiration for Mary I strongly considered, and ended up, taking the Teacher Training class. It changed my life. The class culminated with a final PRESENTATION (that scared me to death), but I was determined to honor God. During the preparation of the presentation God took me back through my life and showed me his fingerprints on my life. I know I am God’s child and that He has shaped me with a purpose but I’m still not 100% sure what that is.

    Thank you for your Ministry and Fellowship with all of us Christian women throughout the world.

    Love,
    Melanie Stilley

  5. Renee,
    I appreciate the honesty of your devotion. I am a mother of 4 little ones (6,4,2 & 5mos) and have the joy of staying home with them! I love what you and all the ladies at Proverbs 31 are doing- such a blessing to all of us in our little corners of the world. My prayer during Lent is to continue to sit in the Lord’s presence and discern His will for me. I am excited that He is preparing the way for me.

    I coordinate a small mother’s group at my church. We read the book, “What Every Mom Needs” and it also noted the personality book. I think I’m a little of all of the types (so does that mean I don’t know who I am?! ) but I’d have to say I am the melancholy type(and would like to be more like the phlegmatic). I guess I still figuring it all out and could really benefit from your resources!
    Blessings,
    Maria
    [email protected]

  6. Renee, thank you so much for sharing. I found your blog through your devotional at Proverbs 31. I’d like to share a little about my journey, which is still continuing. I’m sorry if it’s too long. (I don’t even know that anyone will read it, but it’s good to get it out.)

    Growing up, I was pretty much whatever I could be to keep my mom happy. I felt it was my responsibility to keep the family peace. To make sure Mom did not get upset. To protect my siblings from hurt that I had gone through. I did things Mom wanted me to do… sew, sing, etc. I believed the things Mom wanted me to… strict standards. But it wasn’t me. It wasn’t what God had put in my heart. There was something I was missing and I could feel it, though I had no clue what caused the discontented feelings.

    A little bit of finding myself happened while I was working at the headquarters of a religious organization. I suppose some would call it rebellion. (Nothing evil, just didn’t follow all the organization’s rules (or my Mom’s wishes).) But I believe it was the beginning of realizing that God is the God of indiviuality. He created not people, but indiviuals. And He created me. He put in my heart precise needs, thoughts, emotions, interests, dreams, intellect, and understanding. It was the beginning of realizing standards are not Bible rules. They are an individual’s desire to act out what God has put in their heart. (Although there are many who act on them out of fear of man and God has nothing to do with it.) Being left with no strict personal standards, I had to search out for myself what God had in mind for me. It was a roller coaster those six months, but I learned a lot about who God is in relation to who He created me to be.

    This learning continued during the next year at home with my family. Not so much in a physical sense. I felt I should still act upon Mom’s standards so long as I lived at home. But it was more of a heart issue. I sought God like crazy. “Show me Your plan for me.” “What do you want me to do?”

    Then came the summer… that wonderful summer in Texas. I was away from home and Mom’s mold, yet not confined to a religous trianing center and it’s rules. I was trusted to be an adult and to be responsible without rules. For the first time, I was given choices, and God led me through each and every one. I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly all changed that summer, but I left Texas a totally different person in my heart and thoughts. There was a depth there, an understanding beyond rules. And a crazy amount of God searching going on too… with loving a wonderful man and not being sure of God’s will in it.

    But I hadn’t found my interests and dreams until after I was married. The real me has come out more and more as my husband has encouraged me to not care what others think. To not worry about others action and attitudes, since they are not my responsibility. There is freedom in that. Great freedom. Freedom to be everything God has created me to be.

    Brenda (brenners at theherd dot us)

  11. It’s comforting to know there are other women that think like I do! I’m 33 and a mother of two under the age of 3. My husband and I have been married for 13 yrs. Before we had children, I thought I knew who I was. Wife and Career woman. After deciding to stay at home with my children, I’ve been struggling with “who am i anyway”? While trying to be the perfect mom, wife and friend, I’ve lost who I really am! I’d love to read more in your book/devotional.
    Thanks,
    Lori
    [email protected]

  12. Just yesterday I met with my Bible Study Group and brought up Psalm 139. I want to know more about why God created me. Thank you.

  13. Dear Renee,
    Reading your devotion was like reading the story of my life. I am 36 years old and am in that spot of wondering what my likes, dreams, desires, etc. even are. You have so inspired me. Thank you for sharing this.

  14. I really appreciate your devotion. I’ve been struggling with this ever since I graduated from college and decided that what I had spent 4 years training to do was not what I was cut out to do. Since then I feel like I’ve simply fallen into different careers and activities because they were suggested by others or seemed safe.

    Based on the personality types, I see myself in the Peace and Melancholy descriptions.

    [email protected]

  15. Your comments today have touched on a subject that seems to be on the hearts of a LOT of women! I am 54 years old, and have struggled for years – but especially the past few months, with what my purpose is, what my strengths are, and what I like to do. I was struck with a sense of sadness as I read everyone’s posts that there are so many women out there that have poured their lives into others, but have never taken the time – or even knew – that we should also be spending time doing things for ourselves. Many of us have been taught that it is “selfish” to do things for ourselves. And so many of us have lost “The Real Me”. How sad that I am 54 years old, 2/3 of my life has passed, and I don’t know the plans that God has had for me. I’ve been so busy “doing” that I never got around to “Being”.
    But – praise God – it’s never too late. I look forward to more insight for all of us who are just now finding our way!
    God Bless,
    Wendy
    [email protected]

  17. I just discovered your blog and can’t believe there are so many others that feel as I do. I look forward to reading and learning more on the subject of “The Real Me”. I have been searching for many, many years and feel that God has led me here today.
    SK

  18. OH SNAP!! It is with complete relief that I am not the only one suffering a “mid-life” crisis!! Just kidding. Just Kidding.

    Joking aside. It is wonderful to read these posts and know that you are not the “only” woman in the world that doesn’t “have it together” and even those who we think do, don’t. 🙂

    As my pastor says, it’s no accident that you are here (in our church). I say the same thing about your blog and your P31 article. It’s no accident that you wrote it, it was posted and many have come to read it. Amen! 🙂

    I am 39 and hope that the Lord will allow me to discover who I am in Him by the time I am 40 (Dec ’08).

    May you continue to receive His blessings and wisdom.

    In Christ’s love,
    Your Sanguine/Choleric with a little dash of Phlegmatic reader.
    Mish
    [email protected]

  20. Dear Renee, I have been reading “Encouragement for today” since a few weeks ago, and I want to thank you for all the enlightenment, I had several trials during my life…. I find myself reading the verses several times a day and the comments. I can relate with most of them, I got separated and divorced about 10yrs ago, and that was the most devastating experience that I have ever dream to go through, at that point I had 2 teens and my life was falling apart. But God was there with me…..every second of my journey; At that point I understood that HE has to break us sometimes to make us see the real road ahead of us, that HE is in control of our lives.

    When I was 32 …(in your comments)….it hit me when I was reading…. and I went back on time…. I was so much like that….I didn’t have any dreams, I was overwhelmed with work and been the perfect mother and wife… and everything we are when we are married and trying to do and be everywhere … I was just was leaving life, making sure everybody and everything was happy… but me…… I was lost….. Didn’t know who I was and where I was going….what it keep me going were my kids…. After a few years of my separation I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001, another trial……… at that crucial point of my life I asked God for life, guidance, strength, and health, and I surrendered to him, just waiting for his wishes. I was reading Job every day, the full chapter, I identify myself with him…… and Psalms: 17 / 18 / 27 etc., I am in peace free of cancer! I am in my early 50’s, have two wonderful adult children out of college and I am leaving my second life and very grateful to God for all the blessings in my life, especially… he blessed me when I had cancer and I thank my Lord for ALL and every second of it. I am grateful to him for my cancer, which brought life to me and made me the woman I am today!! God bless you always!
    [email protected]