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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

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Comments

  2. I usually don't read the daily devotions. I feel that the Spirit led me to read this one, because I'm contantly asking God to reveal His purpose for my life. Praise God He led me to read your devotion for today.

    To answer your questions:

    Melancholy describes me best.

    I feel my greatest strengths are sensititvity to others feelings and having the intelligence to learn new things.

    I need to work on speaking my mind and following through on the things I say I'll do. I may be a perfectionist to a fault in that I'm unable to get tasks completed.

    The challenges I face in discovering my unique "me" ar that I'm always looking at otheres to see how I measure up to them or how they measure up to me. I'm also so busy worried about people being happy with me that i try to be the person that others expect me to be.

    I'm 37 from Muskogee, OK

  3. I really enjoyed your devotion today. In reading through all the comments, it helps me to see that I am not the only 40 something woman that is still in this place.

    [email protected]

  4. My husband and I are both struggling in this area. I'm tired of going in circles. I pray that God will guide us to be th people we were meant to be

  5. Your words in today's devotion as well as in your blog were just what God needed me to listen to right now. Last year, my youngest child went to college, and my husband and I moved 3000 miles away. I left a great job, and am back to being a stay at home mom, but all my children are out of the house! Each step and risk has taught us something, and God has been faithful. I still wonder why I had to go through all these changes! There is definitely a reinventing season going on in my life, and it's good. I am having to give up more control than I ever even knew I had! It is such a relief to be reminded that I am not in control and my responsibility is to seek God's truth, not create my own path! Thank you for the encouragement!

  6. I can relate to this! This is what I need to hear. I've been desperately trying to figure out what God's plan is for me for years. I would be great to finally figure it out.

  7. Thank you for sharing your story. I am 26 years old and for the past 6 years I have been working on going to nursing school with a family. In the last 2 months after taking one of the last classes that I needed to take for pre reqs, I stopped because I feel like that is not where God wants me to me. So I am finding myself and starting all over again. I felt bad at first, I just started to accept it and I feel a lot better about my decision. akia

  8. Your blog today and your submission on P31 really spoke to my heart. I didn't realize how much I needed to read those words until after I had read them. I am recently seperated from my husband of 10 years. Those ten years were filled with emotional and physical abuse. My mom was constantly telling me that I wasn't her daugther–meaning that I wasn't the person she had known before I was married. I didn't understand that. Now that I am on my own, I am struggling with who I am. I read the four personality descriptions and I found that I could relate to pieces of three of them. Yet, I am still trying to figure out "who am I, what makes me happy, what do I REALLY enjoy?" Thank you for the resources you have provided and your daily uplifting of my spirit. I am in Glen Carbon, IL. [email protected]

  9. The timing of this is perfect of course God is perfect and he knew that I would be reading this at this time. My husband and I are struggling right now. We have been married for 23 years. We married young. We have 4 boys. I stayed home for awhile, worked part time and attended college here and there but never finished. I feel that if something happened to my husband how will I support my family. I know God will provide but is there something I should or could do to be prepared for such a situation.
    Right now I'm wondering what it is I want to do when I grow up but I'm 42 and still not sure and at times feel I should have had the answer by now and well into whatever it should have been but I have'nt and I'm not. I'm tired of being afraid. I want to know who I am and what God's plan is for me. Thanks for sharing how God is working in your life and you sharing this with others.

  10. Thanks Renee for the devotion today. It is perfect timing for me. My oldest daughter is getting married in a few weeks! My other two children are going to be off in college. A big change for my life…no more volunteering at school and all of their activities that needed extra hands. Lord, what are the dreams, hopes and desires that you would want me to do. What is my purpose? I can hardly wait to dive into this material. Praising God for what He is going to do. Pam

  11. Thank you for sharing what God has set on your heart to share. Your blog always inspires me. I am a 47 year old mom of three wonderful grown kids. My life has been centered around them. Though now I am divorced, I look forward to finding me and what God has planned.
    Bless you from [email protected] in Corpus Christi, Texas.

  12. Thank you for raising this issue. It seems to affect women more than men. I am now 57 and after the break up of a 32 year marriage that I really never thought would dissolve, I have been slowly but surely recovering, thanks to the grace of God. I defined myself more by what my husband wanted me to be than who God had created me to be. Self esteem crashed, therefore, when my husband chose a younger woman and left me.

    Like so many women I speak to, life gets more and more complex as relationshps change and develop. I am so grateful to God for His strength and His goodness that has kept me alive. The reality of His love has been demonstrated through friends and through my husband's family…how amazing is that? I can honestly say I have learned so much about God in this time, it has been worth it.

    One more comment. I did the 'Freedom in Christ' course through my church about a year ago and that was wonderful! It is immensely practical, totally Bible based and the 'Steps to Freedom' part brought me so close to the Lord…it was an experience I find hard to put into words. He dealt with issues that I had been living with for too long and I realised more than ever just how much He loves me…the Lord of Heaven and earth loves me and Jesus died to set me FREE!! What an amazing truth!

    If he did it for me…then, whoever reads this, he did it for you too!!

    Thank you for creating this blog! It is good to share God's love for His daughters like this!! May God bless your ministry!

  13. I found this topic to be very timely. I am a 45 year old women/mom living in Alpharetta, GA and have been searching (and slowly) finding who I am in Christ and my purpose for his kingdom for the last 4-5 years. But I am still searching and moving forward day by day!

  14. Seems like this devotion was so timly for many. Thanks for listening to God's and letting him speak through you. We all should be constantly looking for what God wants us to be…. more like Him. And as I struggle with that very issue, I was encouraged by today's inspiriation. Thank you. 44 yo, [email protected]

  15. Dear Renee,
    Thank you for being so vulnerable with us, at God's direction. I am a 38 year old wife-nurse-Sabbath School teacher-daughter-sister melancholy phlegmatic who has no idea what my dreams are. I feel like I'm blooming where I've been planted. I pray for God's will in my life. But I have no idea what His plan for me is. I just keep trying to do whatever He presents day to day.
    I think I will try to read some of the books that helped you, because I have no dream and there is a verse in the Bible that says "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Other than waiting patiently for Jesus to come take us home, and trying to bring as many people with me when I go, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing.
    Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts with us. You've been such a blessing to me.
    In Him,
    Jenn
    [email protected]

  16. I'm 35, and in a lot of ways, I think I'm only beginning to understand what God has planned for me. One thing is for sure, just when I think I've got it figured out, God shows me another part. It used to bother me, but not anymore. Can you imagine how overwhelming it would be to see the entire journey we would take with God from beginning to end right at the get go. I like this one thing at a time way of life much better. I think discovering my personality traits will help me be a better parent.

    [email protected]

  17. Thank You…
    for this devotional! It really spoke to me. I'm only 16 from Atlanta,GA and I find myself playing the "comparison game" alot. I dont know what it is, but I feel God telling me He has big plans for my life. That's why I want to make sure I follow His plans and not mine.

    Devin
    [email protected]

  18. Thank you for this devotional! It is so true that we lose ourselves in the busy-ness of life. It happened to me…I started working at 16 (as many teens do) to take some pressure off my mom, so that she wouldn't need to worry about buying my clothes or giving me money to do things with friends. I worked to pay for my own senior pictures, ring, etc…at the time those things seemed so important 🙂 I always let my friends choose our activities, even if it wasn't my fave. I married at 21, and continued my trend – allowing my husband to make the decisions (as he should), but somewhere in it all, I had forgotten what things i actually liked and which ones i did because someone else liked them. I have been single (with one child) for over 2 yrs now and just now am discovering the kinds of things that I enjoy. I am beoming acutely aware of when I do something because someone expects me to and when I am driven to do something because its who i am. This devotional is a great encouragement, so thank you very much for taking the time to post it! My email: [email protected]

  20. Hi Renee,

    Thanks for your insights and sharing. I could completely identify with you and didn't know so many women felt so lost in who they were and what they were created to be and do. That has been my life story even now at age 36. There's always been a longing in my heart to find what that is or if that is really something tangible to pursue. But one thing is sure, I really don't know who I am, what I like because I too got lost in being so quick to please others and put others' interest above my own. It's such a balancing act, because the Bible says to put the interest of others above our own. I never knew when to draw that line, but find myself so many years later having forsaked developing who God wants me to be.
    So now I will pray for God's dreams for my life. Thank you for the encouragement.

    Sandy
    [email protected]

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. Hi Renee,

    Like you and many others apparently I’m not certain what my dreams are for myself. I need to do some more research/study and prayer about this. Have done a few small ones but never can put myself into a category.
    Please included me in the draw for your book and CD.
    Thanks for your message today.
    Just started receiving the Proverbs 31 devotionals this week.
    God bless,
    Truusje
    [email protected]

  2. Wow that was an awesome devotional
    I have loaded myself with so much STUFF that just because I have done the same thing for the Lord for so long I have not even stopped to even think Is this what you have for me Lord?

  3. I would love to learn more about myself from a Christian perspective. Your workbook and CD sound like a great way to do that.

    I get discouraged at times when I read about my personality profile because I don’t like some of the words used, the more negative side of my personality (depresssive tendencies). I like to do work for the Lord and He made me the way I am, I just need to be positive about that!

    Thanks for your thoughts.
    Lisa

  4. Loved your article on The Real Me. I was in my 30s too before I discovered who I am and what I wanted to be. I’m now 50 and enjoying the life and ministry that God gave to me all those years ago.

  6. Renee, I could just hug you! Thank-you so much for your Ministry!

    This is my first time to your website and I really feel so blessed by it. I came in reading “What’s Wrong With Me?” Oh my goodness! I can so identify! And with this posting for “Uniquely You” – It’s definately God’s hand that lead me here.

    I have been unemployed Since September 15, 2007. I had just finished reading yet another email sent to me as to why I didn’t get hired for a job that I had applied to. Tearfully, I prayed, and Opened my email to my new subscription to your website.

    I have been trying so hard not to be depressed, but I just really don’t know where the LORD is leading me to.

    LORD, What do you want me to be??? What is your calling on my life? You have led me here Lord…Please give me WISDOM and Discerning Direction. AMEN

    Please continue to follow where the LORD Leads you!

    Blessings to you all! We are NOT Alone!!!

    Doreen – [email protected]

  7. Dear Renee,
    Thank you so much for sharing, it has touched me more than I thought it would. This devotion has really hit home, none have grabbed me so tightly. I have always felt I don’t belong anywhere, always thinking if I was like her or could do that, I would be alright. Never quite feeling like I am totaly belonging or accepted can be so tiresome.
    I can see that if I just learn more about me, and learn to accept everything God has given me, and use this information, then maybe I will be more at ease knowing I am his child. An that’s all I need to remember, with Him I can do all things. Even start this new scary journey of discover of me and finding His dreams for me.
    God Bless
    Cheryl F
    [email protected]

  8. Hi Renee,
    Your devotion came at a good time, at God’s time I guess. For the last year or so, I have been floundering, wondering who I am, what God wants from me, or for me. I’ve been afraid of who I am, afraid that I don’t measure up. Thank you for your insights on comparisons…that is my problem. I’m learning that it’s okay to be me, warts and all, that God loves me. From briefly looking at the personality traits, I think I’m a pretty even mix of phlegmatic and melancholy. Whew! That’s a tough one. I got a an email the other day, one of those “get to know yous”…what did you want to be when you grew up as a child? Perfect, but I’m trying to get over that was my answer. By God’s grace I will. I’m learning to believe Him over what I feel or even see. I’m sorry if this is scattered, I have four kids under the age of 9 and trying to have a coherent thought is a challenge sometimes. I just want to know that it’s okay to be me, that God does have a plan and a purpose for a woman who doesn’t see herself as having much to offer.

    Thanks. C

  9. Awesome! Thanks for the great reminders, and like so many others i appreciate your ministry
    God Bless
    Lilbitsmom

  11. Hello Renee,
    I just finished dinner and decided to read my email. My sister in law Sandra is just a joy. She is always thinking of me. I never would’ve thought prior to reading all the comments on your blog, all the women who were reading my thoughts and putting it down for me. I hardly ever consider what I want out of life.. other than being a good wife and mother. I have been through alot in my life, and the LORD has always brought me through to the other side. My mother was an alcoholic, and passed away at 40 due to the disease. My sister is now following in her footsteps at 50. I have 3 beautiful children and a pretty nice husband.. been married now for 23 yrs this march. I often wondered what else I was suppose to be doing with my life besides, being mom and wife.I go to work everyday,helping others and trying to be a blessings to others..I often keep in mind.. GOD is watching, does he approve?? is this pleasing in HIS sight? I always try to be the peace maker. I have always done this. Growing up with alot of siblings, it was hard. There was alot of sadness and pain. I made a decision while. I was quite young, not to let alcohol take over my life. My mother was always sad…working hard to care for her children by herself. I really dont stop to consider what my dreams in life are very often. I am just going through my day. I do know that I have a desire to write a book about my life with my family, growing up…. just not sure how to get started. I truly want to be the woman GOD desires for me to be. I often think I get in HIS way. I hope I can stay out of HIS way long enough so I can what HE wants me to/be… Thank you for these questions… I believe I am a little of all 4 personalities and that’s ok…. He is showing me. I look forward to reading your book/and hearing you cd. Thank you for your website. I will come back to it often. Sincerely, Regina, Sister in Christ since childhood.

  12. I really enjoyed your Proverbs 31 lesson today! I have been thinking about this a lot lately and wondering if I am doing what I am called to do. I love staying at home with my kids but feel like I’m missing something that I should be doing along side of that. I too feel that I’ve done what others said I was good at not really what I was sure I was made to do! Thanks so much for todays message!

  13. I think I am probably melancholy. I wish I wasn’t. The definition caught my attention: Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

    I definitely need all of those things — probably a little too much. It did strike me as interesting that the support and silence went hand in hand. I can see that in myself. I crave connection but I need silence sometimes to think. Actually, I love it when I can be with someone and have their be a compaionable silence — no rushing to fill the void. I find that when there is rushing to fill the void all the important things end up unsaid!

    My email is [email protected]

  14. Hi Renee,

    Many times I read the devotionals I receive daily from Proverbs31 Ministries and they are just what I need to hear at the time. Your devotion today was no exception. It is hard, sometimes, to read devotions from women who seem to have it all figured out, while I feel I haven’t grown up quite yet. Thank you for honestly sharing your search for finding who you are supposed to be in God. I look forward to diving more into the resources you list to discover a bit more about myself and who God has in store for me to be.

    Best Wishes,
    Connie

  15. Dear Renee,

    I am 32 years old and for most of my life I have felt as if I do not belong. I have longed to be someone else. I have felt and still feel myself growing up in the shadows of life. I have often wondered why I am the way I am and why would God make me this way.
    I’ve been married for 6 years and I am very unhappy with myself. I am who my husband wants me to be, who my kids want me to be, who my employer wants me to be and I have no clue who I really am. I want to know the real me! I pray that God will help me to walk in faith and not in fear but I feel fear everyday. I feel inferior to others but know that I am a chosen generation, a royal pristhood, I’m loved by God and the thought he thinks towards me.
    I will focus more on discovering the real me but as I type this I’m thinking- my focus should be on others and God will take care of me.
    I will pray for God to reveal to me the woman he had in mind when he fashioned me in my mother’s womb.

    Thank you,
    Ty

  16. Renee,

    I love your transparency! Reading through the other blogs, i see that I’m not the only one struggling to find the “real me”. I am a people pleaser and in doing so, I become who they want me to be and not who God wants me to be. I am currently on my knees praying about the direciton God wants my life to take in re: to ministy. I have been working with the youth of our church for the past 8 years, but feel He is leading me in a new direction. It could be to your conference in June. What a blessing you all are and a big thank you for listening to God’s call on your life and being an encouragement for the rest of us!

    Serving HIm,
    sara ([email protected])

  17. I struggle w/ who I truly am. I am a stay-home Mom of 3 but my work-type skills are highly technical. So I find myself missing the ‘brain’ work while at home. But when I had to return to work a couple times when my husbands work ended, I missed my kids so terribly. I don’t have time for hobbies or ‘self’ really so I often experience burn out. I think your book sounds like it could be a wonderful help in this area – identifying who I am in Christ & who God made me to be.
    God Bless you!
    Christine ([email protected])

  18. Hi Renee,
    I totaly undderstand how you felt, someone recently asked me what I liked to do for myself, and I couldn’t give them an answer.
    I guess I’ll have to pray about it, but it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels like they ever fit in.
    Kathie

  19. Dear Renee,
    Finally, someone out there that understands my pain! i think see myself n all of the “types”. I am 43 and I too, wonder what’s my purpose, how do I ask God, how do I listen and how do I know that’s he’s talking to me? I was led to this fascinating site through Daily Encouragement and I am so happy I did. It seems as though there is an Elaine talking to Elaine (me). Please put my name in the drawing and send me a daily devotional please. I love this.

    God Bless you

  20. Hi Renee,
    I enjoyed your devotion on Proverbs 31 Ministries today!! It hit me right on. I’m truely in search of the Real Me, but it is really hard doing that. I’m 37, single, never been married. You are right on getting wrapped up in things and trying to please others instead of focusing on the only one we truely need to please, Jesus!! So thanks for the encouragement today!
    Nancy ([email protected])