Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I would LOVE to win a copy of your book A Confident Heart! I would love to share it with my teenage girls. It is so important to realize you are truly God's unique creation and be confident in who you are, especially through the tough teen years (something I still struggle with as an adult). I look forward to reading it when it comes out!
I love the way you said "But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other." Oh how true, but easy to forget. I know how this feels and am slowing working on getting some of my own goals (that are just mine, not my husband's). This book is made for me and a few girls in my youth group that have the ability to grow so much. Fantastic!!
Sounds like a great book! I can't wait to read it and share it.
Oh and I shared on fb how awesome I think your book will be!
I cannot wait to read this book. More than anything I would love to be able to share it with other women also. This is a message we all need to hear so desperately.
Stephanie~Wow that is very though provoking. I tend to compare and then get down on myself.
Loved the statement, "But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other." No if I could only remember that in the heat of the moment!
At the moment I am hurting for my daughter who is battling with the issue of not knowing who she really is – and what God wants of her. I found this article such a help and will be passing it on to her. Thank you. Trish
We all need this message as we recover from the sin of having to tear someone else down or apart to feel better about our-selves. That's really what we are doing when we compare ourselves to other women! And it hurt so much more when it is going on inside or between women that are wearing the 'mask' of friendship:-( all the while secretly being competitors.
As we learn to accept God's love inside all of our dark little places and heal then we are able to be radiant reflections of HIS glory.
I listen to you speak every other day on the P31 radio show that you share with Lysa and I can tell your voices apart especially when I close my eyes! Actually knowing which one of you is about to give the devotional before you announce which of you is speaking.
I really like the quality of your voice. I don't detect any pretenses. I can tell you have a strong nurturing quality as your voice has a really warm, soft-spoken glow/ beauty!
And the little hint of a 'Southern Accent' is so endearing! I'm from the south and I have spent too much of my life not being fully comfortable with that but all of you God-loving and authentic ladies with P31 have inspired me to view my southern roots differently.
And yes, I will also share this post via Face-book and Twitter.
Jennifer
Your words hit home with me
I am still praying for the Holy Spirit to show me what God has planned for me and I am 51. If I compare myself at all with others it is with wistfullness that they seemed to somehow know what path they should walk on, and I am still struggling.
I long to reconnect and find my completeness through His plan. I find your words encouraging.
Tami
I'm sharing with some of my friends on f.b…especially my sisters/"sisters"… who struggle…
Hi, Ugh…you're getting a little too close for comfort there, Missy! I have always felt like a "less-than"…tried to get over it but stumble over certain weaknesses and physical flaws that seem to taunt me.
This is exactly what God is speaking to me! I'm 59 years old, but it's never too late to come into who He made me to be. THis seems to be a real theme for women of God right now. He has a calling and a place for each one of His daughters. Thank you for the encouragement!
Rita
What you said really rings home. I wish I didn't spend so much time thinking about what other people think. I also wish I had a delete button.
What you said really rings home. I wish I had a delete button and that I wouldn't spend so much energy thinking about what other people think of me.
I could certainly benefit from this book, as so many of us can. If it's not too late, please enter my name in the drawing.
Thank you so much for your ministry. The Lord bless & keep you!
Walking in the Light!!!!
tina gilbert
I loved the "Becoming the Real Me,"
It's sooooooo encouraging to know that I am not the only one! Sometimes I feel like I must be crazy for not trying to find out who I am, because it often seems that so many other have already. I have felt like I've been "stuck" and unsure, because I am trying to do the "right" things a christian GOOD wife does, when I should be worrying about what God wants me to do, and discover who I am in Him. THANKS! 🙂
I know one person already who I would like to share this with. Thanks, Eva