Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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wow, this has so resonated with me and the struggles I have been dealing with. I pray God continues to bless your ministry. I'm not on facebook or twitter but I will send today's message on to my string of friends & family thru my email list. I look forward to reading your book & sharing it with my bible study group. Thank you, Renee!
Debbie W.
Wow! Just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. I'm almost 40 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Your tips are great and I look forward to your book. Hopefully I'll win one!
Thank you!!! This is just what I needed to hear this morning! :)What a wonderful reassurance to my heart! I am a volunteer leader in our church's women's ministry and often feel defeated with the lack of involvement by those I am trying to serve. I would love to win your new book and be able to share this info. with a couple of my friends who also need to hear this kind of teaching! ~ Thanks again for reminding me of these truths!~ Sincerely, Carol Danielson
I'm sharing your post on facebook as well.
Comparing myself with others is something I do constantly and it always leaves me feeling defeated. I'm very interested in your book!
It is amazing but I find myself at this place of doubt again.
What a blessing to find this post and this blog!! I always felt like so many of these women – frustrated and wondering why I didn't have a big dream for my life. My husband does, my sister does but when my kids ask me what I wanted to be when I grew (or grow!) up, I never have a good answer. It makes me sad but reading this makes me want to delve deeper into His word and gives me hope that I might find out what I want to be when I grow up just yet! Looking forward to reading your book!
I could definitely use more confidence. People think I am confident but inside I am always saying what if they thing this when I say that or react this way. I like to write about many things, but again always fear someone is going to judge me. Thank you for the helpful devotion and this book looks like it be a wonderful book to hear God speaking to me.
I also have been in a struggle trying to determine what my gifts from God are, I feel like I am just an ordinary woman. I look forward to reading this book and discovering His will for me!
First i want to thank you for your blog and the encouagement page i just read. It made me think about who am I and what gifts does God want me to have. This week i'm going to ask God to show me who am I and who am I in God. No more trying to be like someone else. God bless Donna
Oh Renee, thank you for your words of encouragement. I am thankful that God has given you the gift of helping women like myself. I am riddled with self-doubt. I have a husband who continually reminds me of my faults. Hard as I seem to try I can not get out of my 9 foot shadow of doubt. It sadden me that I could not answer the question you asked either. I have no idea what my dreams are. I am living in the buiyness of life and taking care of other needs that I have not taken the time to take care of my needs. Today that stops. I pray that God will open my mind and heart to His desires, wishes and plans for me. I ask that you pray for me also.
Denise H.
This is an excellent topic to write about and I look forward to reading this book.
Thanks – Colleen G.
I would love to hear about Biblical confidence. How do I balance humility and brokenness with confident assurance? Thanks!
Hi. Just like when you were asked that question, I am right now 32 and have no answer either and it makes me sad. I think my heart needs to go on a journey with God to discover who He created me to be. Thanks.
I used to be very tough on myself and expected so much of myself as I compared myself to others until I ended up diagnosed with severe stress, panic disorder, depression and phobias. I longed to be exactly like mom – an overachiever that secretly suffered all my maladies most of her life.
Praise God! I read this same devotional 12-18mths ago & I resonated with the message immediately. At the time I was almost 30 yrs old & had never taken steps to provide myself with the space & opportunity to really get to know the daughter & bride that God see's me as. I was too busy seeing myself & who I should be through everyone else's 'glasses', including my parents, family, friends, church family, work colleagues & others. I'm happy to say that I am now slowly taking off the 'glasses' of others, one by one, & really beginning to see myself as God see's me. It is a slow process, but after 31 years of seeing myself as others see me, rather than as God see's me, I'm finding this whole process of 'becoming' as a truly liberating experience. I'd love to read your book & share it with others. Its awesome to read your devotional again this morning & realise that God has been working in my life so powerfully since I first read your message, & He's slowly stepping me closer to where He wants me to be.
Thank you so much for the powerful post. Please sign me up for a chance to win the book!!!
Really excited to hear more about this book. Sometimes I think I know what God wants me to do and be, and other times I doubt. Lived reading this blog and I LOVE the encouraging words from Proverbs 31 Ministries!!
This hit a bullseye with me, when you shared your story, I could relate 100%. I feel so inadequate because I really don't know my full purpose, or why He made me the way He did?
Debbied
Your Proverbs 31 devotional today brought tears to my eyes because it is exactly where I am at this point in my life. At nearly 47, I realize I don't have dreams and I'm not sure who God made me to be. You hit the nail on the head! I'm really looking forward to reading your book!