Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
**** Doubt Diet Sign-Ups ****
You can now sign up for my FREE “7-day Doubt Diet” in the right top sidebar!!
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
I felt like you were telling my story. I am 64 and still doubt myself. Alway's trying to please everyone and not say anything to rock the boat. My feelings of insecurity need to get a boot as well as feeling not good enough, or smart enough,and feeling frumpy. Thank you for writing a book to help all of us to stop feeling unworthy and start being the woman God had made us to be.
Another "God-cidence" as I started today asking, as I have frequently since becoming a believer Nov 2011, "am I living your purpose for my life?". The email from Proverbs 31 and your article and upcoming book put a huge smile on my face as God once again answers prayer. Looking forward to your insight in your book – thanks for walking in the light and shining the path for many! God Bless – Sara
I am sharing this on facebook. I posted the prayer because it resonated within my heart and echoed my desire for my life…to manifest God's dream for me!
loving without fear,
Groshonda McDonald
Sometimes it is so hard to believe and then remember that God has a unique and special purpuse for my life when I get caught up in looking at sother women's lives and what they've accomplished in comparison to where I feel I am in my life. Thank you for reminding me once again that God has plans for me and that those plans are unique to how He has made me and the gifts and talents He has carefully placed in me to bring Him glory!
God bless you!
loving without fear,
Groshonda McDonald
I am amazed at how God speaks to us through other people, and yet have so much difficulty seeing how God could possibly use me. I too have succumbed to the paralyzing fear of self-doubt, constantly comparing myself to other women and feeling like such a failure. I know this is not from God, and that the enemy is lurking about seeking to devour. I just have a problem with applying God's promises to my life. I am looking forward to reading your book and sharing it with my neighbor.
When ever those questions would come up I would always think to myself, "Pass me, I don't have an answer that will sound good to the others in this room." Even at 42 I still am trying to figure out what are my gifts that God has given me. I think that people who know me well would be able to identify them, but I have a hard time.
Thank you for reminding me that I need to keep connecting with Him to be comfortable with myself and how He has made me.
I look forward to reading your book and I'm thankful to see that there are other women out in this world who want to build other women up instead of breaking them down.
This spoke to my heart and met me exactly where I am right now. As a stay at home mom now for 8 yrs I constantly question my worth beyond motherhood. I know that doubting and lessening of my "profession" is not of God. I can't wait to read your books and do some practical work to figure out who I am!
jen
[email protected]
It's amazing that God has a plan for each one of us. Yesterday, I was reviewing 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and creating my mission statement. When I got to the question about "if money was not object, what would you want to do?," I did not have an answer. Growing up I had dreams and I have accomplished most of them, but now as an adult, I find myself without dreams and direction. Today's devotional on P31 and your blog post from today have really opened my eyes to the fact that I'm not in touch with what God wants from me. I need to figure out His dreams for my life. thank you.
This post was exactly what I needed to hear today! Looking forward to reading the book 🙂
Its amazing that God has a plan and a purpose for each of us. Yesterday, I was reviewing the 7 Habit of Highly Effective People and creating my mission statement. I noticed that when I got to the question, "If money was not object, what would you do?" and I had no answer. Today, this was the devotional on the P31 website. Think God's trying to tell me something…Such encouraging words. thank you so much!
I read your Proverbs 31 devotional today and so much of what you mentioned hit home, so I skipped over to your blog to read more. Thank you so much for the reminder to avoid comparison and to allow God to speak to us about our gifts and callings.
Stacey O. – PA
This fits exactly with what I am going through with my teenage daughter. She is struggling with where she fits in. She cannot seem to figure out what she is good at. She struggles with her grades, she feels like most of her teachers do not like her, she worked really hard and still did not make cheerleader, she is afraid to wear a dress to school because the boys might say something, the list goes on and on! In her struggles, I am having trouble figuring out how I can help her. I know that God has a plan for her , but am growing weary and do not know how to help her. Being a teen can be especially hard. And especially hard on mom's too!!!
Your devotion today really spoke to me. I constantly find myself struggling with self-doubt, and comparison. I am also very much so, a "people pleaser." I have been struggling for the past year to find my purpose for HIM. I find myself not confident enough to seek it!! I have heard so many wonderful things about your book, A Confident Heart, and look forward to getting the chance to read and learn from it. Thank you!! God Bless You!! Jodi
I started counseling with a christian woman a few weeks ago. Yesterday, I told her that I am the age I am and believe that I have never been "me" and I wasnt sure who I trul was inside. I am not sure who I really am, what i really like, what I really wanted to do. I have been maneuvering thru life where I was directed to go because I didn't know where I was supposed to go.
mamoe
Wow! I just just sharing with a colleague today how I don't feel very confident in myself and that I'm a big people pleaser. This is so timely and the book sounds excellent. I look forward to reading it.
Melody R.
I want to thank you for sharing. For the last two to three months I have been wondering what my next step is. I am a wife and mother of two, and just finished college. About a month and a half ago I had this dream where God told me, "You need to step up now." I'm still seeking Him to open my eyes to what I need to step up in. I pray that I do what He's calling me to be. Thanks again for your reminder.
Renee would love to have a copy of your book . It sounds just what I need I am going thru a tuff time right now and I feel why would Gog use me in the situation that I am in. Because I feel my self worth has just went out the window due to being unemployed for 2yrs cannot find ajob and numerous other things so would love to get a copy of the book.
Thanks Carol
I am interested in your book. I have struggled with self-confidence for years. I am aware that this (lack of self-confidence) is not from God. I know I can do so much for God's kingdom if only I would give it all to him….stop the lack of confidence and know HE can show me the way.
Shelia G.
Okay…here I am 32 years old and recently struggling with the "who I am" and "what do I like to do" question and I actually take the time time read my P31 email today. Crazy how I read it on days that it really touches my heart and my life. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in my struggles.
Here I am at 51 years of age and I still don't know who I am or who God wants me to be. I am encouraging my teens to figure out what their passions are and pursue their dreams but I never did it for myself. I recently returned to the work force and while I can do the job well, its not what resonates in my heart. But then again I am not sure what would. Being who God wants me to be, with the personality He gifted me with is something I never pursued for myself, always being caught up in what others expected or what I thought they wanted. My approval addiction manifesting its ugly head once again. Thank you for giving me some hope today to turn my eyes back to Him and that maybe its not too late for even me.