Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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i plan to take time to pray on & develop those qualities that God gave to me uniquely to share with others. I know us sisters all need each other, because for sure- not one of us can do it all! (Kim H)
I am looking forward to the release of your new book!
I am now a follower of your blog after reading your devotional today. 🙂 I also retweeted your Twitter post on my Twitter account.
This book sounds like something I REALLY need to read! I have had issues with confidence ever since I can remember & would love to be freed from it once & for all! 40 years is too long to be captive to intimidation and lack of confidence!
I am sitting here weeping, knowing that this is God's message for me today. Thank you, Renee, for being the woman God created you to be, who in turn can be an encourager to total strangers, yet sisters in Christ.
Bonnie W.
I am from Jamaica and came across your blog after reading my Encouragement for Today. I must say it hit home very hard and I realise that for the past couple of years I have really lost a sense of who I am while trying to please everyone. I remember as a teenager I was encouraged by a favourite teacher and mentor to strip down and stand in front of the mirror and name all my body parts and tell them how much I love them. Finally I was to look myself in the eye and tell me how much I am in love with me.
I stopped affirming me and the God within me at around age 25 and now at age 39 I feel lost and unsure. I want to rediscover the me in me and what God's dreams of me are.
Thank you for the blog – I am now on the path of redicovering the Authentic Me.
God does hear us when we cry out
for help. That is what I thought when I heard about your book. You understand, sweet sister. A book for every woman in pursuit of being all that God created us to be. Thank you so much.
I was inspired by your words. Over the course of the last week or so, I have been asking myself actually just that – what are my gifts, talents?
Am I better suited for another job/role? I have been busy busy busy – being a mom, wife, sister, daughter, good employee,friend – I need to take time out for myself. It will only help me help others if I am the best that I can be. Thank you for your honesty and reflection. Many, I feel, are probably going through similar emotions/questions and looking for direction and answers.
I am 36 years old and have no idea what God wants me to be doing with my life. What am I good at? What is my passion? I have no idea. This blog has really openned my eyes and I am anxious to read the book and explore further God's purpose for my life.
– Susan
Such great words! They come at such a great time and you really made an impact on me today. Thank you!
'Comparing ourselves to other women' This phrase really caught my attention. I am definitely a textbook case when it comes to this. For years I have hated myself because I never seem to measure up, especially when I compare myself to my best friend. She ALWAYS seems to have it together.
Your comment 'But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.' was huge for me. I never really thought of it that way, but now that you've pointed it I so see the truth in that.
The truth is I am not a confident person. But I am continually seeking help. I have not given up on myself, and I thank God daily that He has not given up on me, that He has something better in store for me, and that with His help (and thru the help of others like yourself) I know I’m going to be able to become the confident and strong woman of God that He created me to be.
I am eagerly looking forward to being able to read your new book A Confident Heart. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and for letting God to use you! 🙂
O how you spoke the words of my heart. Between marriage, homeschooling our children, being overweight… it seems that I feel like I am constantly disappointing someone. I was excited to read your blog. I thought I was the only one!!!!!
[email protected]
This really touched me as feeling 'less than' is something I've struggled with all of my life.
Beth Conaway
O how you spoke the words of my heart. Between marriage, homeschooling our children, being overweight… it seems that I feel like I am constantly disappointing someone. I was excited to read your blog. I thought I was the only one!!!!!
I shared the link to your facebook page on "A Confident Heart" AND the blog!! 🙂
I have certainly fallen into the comparison trap more times than I'd ever care to over the years. Yes, it definitely still plagues us as women–whether we compare ourselves to co-workers, other wives/moms/daughters, and in the form of looks/talents/drive/strengths/who's the busiest, etc. It's crazy! For the past few years I've been desperate to just be ME! And it would be great to journey deeper and uncover more security through "A Confident Heart"!
Your devotion and additional information on your blog have hit the bulleye of my heart today! Following the suggestion your instructor gave you, to ask God about what I enjoy and/or who I am — I find I really did know all along, but have allowed shame and insecurity to keep me from admiting "who I am", even to myself. Thank you for helping me to explore this today and please pray for me that I will take some real action to live out what I have discovered.
I needed this post! I am ALWAYS comparing myself to others. She's a better mom because she stays at home. He is a better employee because he got asked to do this project. She's a better daughter because she lives closer and visits more often. The list just goes on and on… Thanks for reminding me that God made me exactly the way He made me.
I am 61 years old and still don't have a clue what God planned for me to be. I have spent my life taking care and doing for others. I often ask myself if this is it. Who am I? Is this what God has wanted me to be? I don't feel fulfilled and feel saddened that I have wasted so many years not knowing. Thank you for your encouraging words. Perhaps it is not too late.
Renee,
I've been struggling with this topic for two years. I went through Christian based career counseling and know more about my personality, what makes me who I am, and what my talents are; however, my problem is support from my family. They seem to think that if I go off the normal 8-5 course of work and into something I love and something that fits me, I am making a mistake. At 29, I don't want to wake up at 39 and be in the same place. I loved the devotional this morning and can't wait for the book! Thank you for your encouraging words!
-Miranda H.
I completely understood what you were saying when talking about that you didn't have an answer about who you were…it made me stop and think, and I honestly don't know either. Definately something to think and pray about!!