Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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It's so hard not to try to be everything to everyone. It helps to know that I'm not the only one.
Your book sounds like a wonderful read, that I very much look forward to in the near future.
-Abby
I hit the big 4-0 on my last birthday, and I've really been wrestling with who I'm "supposed" to be. I think a fear of failure is what keeps me from taking a few risks. I'd love to read your book! I loved today's Proverbs 31 devotion!
Thank you for bringing this topic to light. I am plagued by thoughts of wondering who the real me is and what do I really like. I have struggled in all areas of my life because of this and think of myself as having "failed to launch." I will be looking forward to hearing what God has to say through you about this.
Thank you , Thank you for this reminder today. I soooo needed to hear it. Can't wait to read this book. Kim Goldstein
Self doubt has been a ruler in my life from my earliest memories; hand in hand with worry. They have prevented me from being the woman God wants me to be – I know this as a fact. I have, at times, glimpsed the life God has for me, but life gets busy, doubt creeps in and I crawl back into the shadow that has become so comfortable for me. Now, at the age of 40 and the mother of 3 great kids, I find I struggle almost daily with fear, doubt, & worry. Answering a call God placed on my heart over 15 years ago will not be easy. But His patience is great, greater than my doubt. I look forward to reading your book in September, and hope that by then I am pursuing God's call as has been pursuing me. Thank you for your words of Hope & Encouragement. – Shelly
I feel like I am never the real me. Do I even know who that is??? I don't think so. I would love to know how to stop doubting and learn to live in the security of God's promises…
Renee,
Oh, I thought I had written this article! I have been in those group settings and I hate that question… because I evidently don't seem to hav hopes and dreams of my own anymore. so sad, I know.
I thank you for opening our eyes to this!
I shared this great devotional on Facebook too!
This is what I have been praying for. That God would show me what my strengths are, what His dreams are for me and my purpose so that I don't feel like I am wasting my days not fulfilling His purpose for me.
Doubt has entered my life recently after losing my husband and purpose for living! In these days of grief I have wondered if I will ever find purpose again. Confidence is something I need restored to my soul and Hope for a brighter tomorrow!
I'd love to win and share your book! Blessings!
I really REALLY love your devo and blog today. I think that this was something that was on my mind for awhile but i have been ignoring. although, i feel sometimes that my talent is one that is silly and over looked it is much deep if i use to right. I will be praying about what HIS plans are for my life and HOW i need to stay focused on it. I would love to win a book but if i dont then i know its not ment to be. I am going to post your link on my face book wall.
KAROL!
I have been feeling a nudge to lead a Bible study for the women at my church and your upcoming book "A Confident Heart…" would be an excellent choice. I am posting your link on my FB page so others can be equally inspired.
I have been asking God so many questions about myself lately. I was at lunch right now and asking God those questions you were talking about then I come in and read about the real me, God is so amazing, he is always answering me whether I like it or not. I am excited to read this book. Thank you
I will also share this on Facebook. So enter me again!
I absolutely need this book! Hoping I win a free coy but if not I will run to my nearest bookstore and buy it. After 3 years of being the executor of my mother's estate and being at odds with my 2 siblings, multiple layoffs, financial troubles and now marital distress, I am ready to be the woman that God wants me to be. To know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He made me this way for a reason and a purpose.
When you said in your video blog that you decided at age 32 that you did not want to grow old without discovering your dreams, it gave me pause. I am 58 years old and I just recently articulated my own dream. Now I am waiting for God to reveal how He plans to use my uniqueness to fulfill His dream for me.
Love the analogy about the shadow and turning to the light. That is so me!!!
HI Renee!
I just posted your link on my facebook account. I am so excited about this as I am really wanting to be free from worrying about what others think..and just wanting to be all God created me for.
I love the analogy of the shadow distorting in a way our emotions distort things as well. Thanks for the message. – Vivian