Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I have always been that woman… being "this" for him, "that" for her and "the other" for myself. That can be very worrisome and makes for a weary heart/soul. I thought I had a dream, I thought I knew what it was… turns out, I don't. Well, at least I don't know what it is. I am in the process of reading the book "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson and it has made me really question IF I even have a dream, much less trying to know what that dream is. I am lost and am praying daily for God to show me HIS will for my life. That is really what it is all about and I am trying to focus on being constantly in HIS presence, for it is there that I will find peace. Thank you for your words today. It lets me know I am not alone. I am looking forward to your book! 🙂
I have too been down that road. It's amazing when God shows you what He wants for you
I am a pleaser…and need to ask God to show me who HE created me to be…at 40+ I feel I should already know… I can't wait to read your book! 🙂 Cindy LouWho
Great devotional! A few years ago I attended a day retreat at my church. One of the sessions was about passions/dreams and I realized that I don't seem to have any. Pretty depressing. Please enter me into your contest! Thanks!
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I am 35 and still don't know who I am or what my dreams are. I THOUGHT I knew, but it turns out, I really don't. I am in the process of reading "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson and I have had to really put my mind to work and open my heart to even know if I even HAVE a dream much less knowing WHAT my dream is. I have always been the one who is what everyone else wants me to be and, frankly, it gets very worrisome trying to be "this" for him and "that" for her and "the other" for myself… I don't fit in. I am praying daily that God will show me HIS plan for my life… that is the only one that really matters! Thank you for your words today… I am looking forward to your book. 🙂
This really spoke to me today. How often do I find myself wandering…what do I want to do for myself. Even the things I choose to do, I wonder if I choose for the right reasons. It reminds me when I read an obituary and it states what that person liked to do…and I wonder…what will mine say? Clean the house? Is that God's plan for me?
I am 72 years old and have never really knew what my real purpose in life is.
I actually have the opposite problem of yours in a way: when I was younger I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to become. But now the older I get, the more vague the understanding and vision get to the point of me having no idea what I should actually be/become,especially if we throw in 'what does God want/expect me to be' and do with my life…then I am really out of ideas. But I really liked your devotional today and it encouraged me to start thinking about it more than I do (I usually prefer to brush it off), and in particular I liked the wording of the prayer. Thank you!
What timing! Just last night my son asked me what I would want to do if money was no problem. I couldn't answer him. I had no idea. I realized then that I had no dreams for myself. I just want to get through the day. Wake up the next morning and get through that day. I'm the one that makes sure everyone else's day runs smoothly. That they have what they need. I have no idea what I need or want.
What a neat thought to learn who the real you is. I was just thinking the other day about what God's purpose was for me and hoping that I hadn't missed the sign he had given me. I would LOVE to know who I really am aside from a wife, mother, daughter and friend.
Thank you!
Amy Lowery
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Thank you so much for writing this. It is so easy to be who others want us to be rather than what God had called us to be. I would love to win your new book!
I don't have a blog spot, but wanted to tell you that your devotion today fit me to a "T."
I'm 44 next month and am still unsure of any dream. My childhood was quite tramatic with a father who suffered from schizophrenia & alcoholism…plus other painful occurrences which I won't get into. I was too busy "surviving" to have time for dreams, much less have one of my own. In 2002, God started showing me How much He loves ME…daily loading me up with grace & mercy. It is my desire & prayer to know what His drem for me is. Thx 4 your devotion, sharing your wounds. IN Him- Melinda Schelling
I found your blog through the Proverbs 31 devotion today. I needed your words, on your blog and devotion.
I make so much "noise" trying to fit the roles I *think* I need to fill, that I drown out His voice. I don't know what I want to be doing or what my dreams are, but I don't know how to figure out it out, either! 🙂
Thanks for the reminder that it's not selfish to take some time for myself to discover my God-given dreams and talents.
"FAKE" is the word that comes up when you text my name, which is ironic because that has been my overwhelming feeling for many, many years. I struggle with who am I and why am I here…..So many wasted years, it is time to get this figured out and move on in the Truth and Light of God's plan for me. I related with the example in your devotional of not having dreams and would like to find God's vision for my life.
This post today hit home with me as I too am a people pleaser.
The only thing that I ever wanted to do was to be a stay at home wife and mother but never realized that dream because when my kids were little (they are now 17 & 21)my husband and myself did not put our full faith and trust in the Lord. So of course the world always got in the way. I would love to have you're new book, it sounds great!
Thanks [email protected]
Shared your post on Facebook as well.
Lisa K
"FAKE" is the word that comes up when you text my name, which is ironic because that has been my overwhelming feeling for many, many years. I struggle with who am I and why am I here…..So many wasted years, it is time to get this figured out and move on in the Truth and Light of God's plan for me. I related with the example in your devotional of not having dreams and would like to find God's vision for my life.
I know some of the purposes God has for my life..mother, daughter, sister, friend..I know I am just scratching the surface. Beth Reed Adkins
God's timing is always, perfect. I needed to hear this today, thank you for sharing you heart. Looking forward to reading your book!
Wow! It was like you were writing about me. Always trying to please everyone in my life while having no idea what my dreams are or God's dreams are for me. Thanks for sharing your story.
Lisa K