Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I just tweeted this too
Love this post and the devotional at proverbs 31. I'm a 31 yr old wife and mother of 2. Some things have come to light that have shaken our marriage, and I've been in a self-discovery process for the last couple of months. I am trying to figure out who I have become over the last few years and who I should be. This post has come along at the right time for me. Thank you!
I can completely relate to so much of what you said, and feel like there's still something out there that I'm missing out on or not fulfillng in my life. I would love to have a copy of your book to discover more about this topic!
I shared your post today with my Facebook friends. Thanks for the timely inspiration!
I shared your post w/ my facebook friends today!
I read your post on the Proverbs 31 email today. It was such an encouragement. I've spent 50 years trying to be what others have wanted me to be – very frustrating. Compounded with having Bipolar Disorder and being a pastor's wife it has been so tiring.
I have finally come to the point in my life that the disease that has held me captive can actually be a blessing to not only me but to others. Your post is another confirmation and encouragement to move forward in what God has called me to do (not what I would have chose)but wonderful just the same. I can't wait to read your new book. Blessings, Lorrie
I had an amazing revelation about myself. I had gone my entire 43 years putting every thing and every one that I have blessed with in my life house, family, children car etc. into a category that excluded myself. All of these things I acknowledged came from, made by and on loan from God. All was his but not me. My view of myself was flawed, a mistake, damaged one that needed fixing or to simply disappear. Finally he showed me that I too am his, I was created in his image and I am perfect the way I am. Completely his to do with as he sees fit and to remain here and occupy until he calls me home.
Since I am not on facebook I posted it here on my blog http://hiddenwisdom-savannahhutchinson1208.blogspot.com/2011/05/amazing-post-by-renee-swope.html Although there is only opne follower I believe that it will touch the lives of whomever may come across my blog!
One last thing,
If I were to win I would give one copy to my sister in law as we had this discussion over the weekend about the dangers of compairing ourselves with others and also try to avoid prayer envy! And the other copy I would give to my mother/sister. These are my family members but most my sisters in christ whom are the closest and dearest to me. Praise God for women lie you who listen to the calling and are used to bless so many others!
I have posted a link on my fb page!
I am so ready to figure out what my purpose is. I have struggled with this for a long time all the while feeling like I'm just not very good at anything. I know He has a plan for me and it's time for me to listen and figure that out. I'm relieved to see I'm not the only one and I wish all of us encouragement on this journey of discovery.
Thank you for this devotional and for your upcoming book. I have just been talking with some of my friends about issues just like this. Hurdles that I need to find a way across to be the woman God created me to be.
I needed to hear this today.Sometimes I feel like I have to give up my own dreams and wishes to be a good mom and wife. I'm not sure what they even are! I will be praying for God to show me the real me! Thank you for your insight.
I must say this really touched my heart. I seem to be in that spot these days as I grasp my place and purpose. God is so good and loves us for who we are and I am so glad to know he knows I am a work in progress.
I am sad to say that I am guilty of comparing myself to others and being unhappy with who I am I can say I won't be posting this on facebook not because I wouldn't love to share this just because God has shown me that is one of the things I needed to give up even if its temporarily until I can completely find joy with myself facebook and other social sites add to the damage of compairing oneself with others because majority of what you see out in the social world are facades If it is God's will I will someday write and publish a book about all the things God has shown me during this time. Also there were many things I liked to do but once I was blessed with a family somewhere down the road I lost all the things I loved to do so dearly.My dreams somehow no longer fit in and that was something I was ok with because having a large family is 24/7 and I hardly get time for myself. But in this time I can say I have sacrificed everything for my family and to build a relationship with God like never before and I can say that he is truely working a miracle and slowly restoring all the things I loved to do back into my life. 🙂
Funny how these very thoughts have been rolling around in my mind for years and I just figured it was my "normal." I've not ever taken the time to find out what I like, thinking it just wasn't that important. Thank you for showing me that God wants me to be ME! Toni
Funny how these very thoughts have been rolling around in my mind for years and I just figured it was my "normal." I've not ever taken the time to find out what I like, thinking it just wasn't that important. Thank you for showing me that God wants me to be ME! Toni
I appreciate your devotion today but I have to say that I'm really tired of being told that if I don't have this great conquest that I'm not fulfilling God's promise and falling short. I love the life that I have and I don't need to go out and stand on a mountain to feel that way.
I too would not know how to answer if someone asked me what my dreams are, or what I enjoy doing. It seems crazy not to be able to answer such a basic question about myself. I have two little girls and I know that in this season of my life God wants me to focus on being their mother foremost. I struggle with the how to do that withour losing a sense of who God made me to be apart from my children. There is even guilt in thinking that I need that.
I am reading Beth Moore's book on insecurity, and I think your book will be a great addition to what I am learning!
Thank you for posting this. It has really touched my heart. I have been so ashamed to say that I have no idea what God wants me to be doing. When asked what I want to do/be, I have no other answer than "I don't know." I felt God say to read the book.
May God richly bless you!
Oh man do I ever know what its like to be a people pleaser. Just last night a friend and I were talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I have been trying to discover which path God wants me on and focusing only on me and God instead of others.
Debi