Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I need to to thank you for this very good read!! I certainly loved every little bit of it. I have got you saved as a favorite to look at new stuff you post
I have been on a search for my identity for quite sometime!! I'm 57 yrs old and most recently asking God to appreciate The Story he has authored for my life.
Your words could not have been more on target. Thank you!
Looking forward to the book.
Jules
Renee,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Your post today just hit me right between the eyes–the comparision trap, thinking I'm not good enough or have anything special to offer are things I have been struggling with continually lately. I am so looking forward to reading your book and again thank you for what you are doing!
Jennifer
[email protected]
If I could get past my doubts and insecurity and let God work, I think I could be peaceful and happy ALL THE TIME! Looking forward to the book.
I have been and am still discouraged about my life, marriage, parenting and friendships. I would love to be a confident woman. I need to read your books!
Joyce Asher
This is exactly me. Grew up being bullied by many people and it affected my self esteem more than words can describe. I continue to see myself as that skinny little cross eyed girl that everyone thought they should pick on. Now after 3 surgeries as a child you would never know but I still carry it with me. My self esteem has kept me from achieving soo many of my dreams!! This book would be a blessing!
There are days I know who I am in Christ, and why and how to react to the things that happen in my life. There are days I think I know God's plan for my life; but it only takes 1 split second of doubt (issued by Satan) to unravel and start a downward spiral of thoughts and questions of "who am I, and why am I here." That's when I "walk," in truth and faith.
Thank you for being who you were created to be. Your message helped me to see that I am not as alone as I thought in not knowing what I want to be when I grow up (at age 45). I look forward to reading your book and gaining insight into myself. It's unbelievable that you can get to be this age and really not know yourself. I just read the devotional from earlier this month this morning and learned of your book, but the timing has God's hand all over it. Thank you again – Shani
thank you for this! you are such a blessing. i so look forward to reading more of your devotionals, posts and emails. i did leave a comment and sharing w/FB friends, this is great!
WOW!! What you said is exactly me!! I don't like questions like that either! Thank you for reminding me to pray for what God wants me to be and who he made me to be! I do get lost in being a mom and wife and so much of a people pleaser. Thank you again. God DOES have a way with sister's in Christ to help others. Thank you for your ministry!! Joyfullmom
I absolutely love listening to your stories every morning as I am driving my 3 children to school – my middle daughter (age:9) loves the sound of your voice – I can't wait to share with her today after school that your voice is just as beautiful as you! You are a huge encouragement to me everyday and I can so relate to all of your stories – so thank you for what you do – you are a true blessing in my daily routine.
I ike the comment you made, that
God made us to complete each other, and that we all have a purpose in life.
The verses you gave I have written in my notebook to read daily. It is so easy to lose who you are when you focus on children and others around us. I am still working on this.
I have become aware through this past week, just how much my past still has an effect on me. Past hurts and broken trust. It has left a scar deeper than I realised, but God in His grace is healing the pain and slowly moving me on from that place of self-doubt. I have four beautiful children and I desire for them to know who they are in Christ, and I can help teach them more effectively when I am becoming more like Him & who He made me to be. Thankyou for your ministry.
Elisha
Have you already done this give away? I can't decide how to get your book in my hand quickest, by having a friend pick one up for me while she is at she speaks or by pre ordering! That's how much I'm looking forward to reading what God has placed on your heart!! Praying for you, this book and the ministry!
I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your testimony and it has encouraged me to want to find my real identity too. I was always a people pleaser, and always had to take care of other people and neglect myself. Now that all my three son's are grown and have family of there on, I feel lost and all alone. Lately, I keep telling myself there has to be more to life than working in a doctor's office. I believe God can use me better somewhere else. I have always had a problem with a low self-esteem, no cofidence and I know as "A child of God" I shouldn't be this way. Thank you again for sharing your testimony.
Thank you for your devotional. I needed the message in it so very much, and I can relate to your story. Thank you!
If I don't win a copy I'll definately purchase one because I need to read it! Kara
I work with GodTube.com, and your post today really stuck with me. I've been following your blog and wanted to share a video that I came across about Proverbs 31 that I thought you might enjoy: http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=MEE0MNNU
Looking forward to your next post.
Your words today jumped off the page at me. At 53 I find myself asking the same questions – Who am I and what are my dreams? Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. I to am trusting God to show me the dreams He has for my life and the wisdom and confidence to follow through with His plans.
Can't wait for the book. to come out. Thanks for reminding me i can't please everyone all the time and be what they want me to be. Open my heart and soul to God and let Him make me who he want s me to be.
I have been desparately seeking what God's will is for my life. I am looking forward to reading this book when it comes out!
Renee: You are speaking to my heart. I read Becoming the Real Me this morning and then today's blog. I have always felt a little lost – I don't really know who I am. Always struggling to feel accepted by others. Staying overly busy but never feeling complete. Your book was written for me. Thank you for sharing what God has placed on your heart!
Thank you for this message. I have felt lost for many years. I know God has a purpose for me, but what is it?
I really loved this reading. It speaks volumes to me. I can't wait to read your book. I still struggle with who I really am. I am a single mother of three beautiful girls. They need a mom who is confident in herself. I pray about it every night. God Bless!
I am looking forward to reading this book. I am a single mother of three beautiful girls and I have been feeling very insecure with a new relationship I feel God has put in my path. He is a man of God and looking to enter into the Ministry and I am feeling very insecure about my role in his life. I want to be able to be the best Godly mother I can be for my girls. And if the Lord wants, a Godly wife for this soon to be minister in my life.
When you were describing yourself not knowing what your dreams were and praying for class time to run out – I can SOOOO relate. That is me to a T. I still feel like I don't know who I'm meant to be or what my dreams are. Thanks for the blog post and I'm looking forward to reading your book when it comes out!
Maureen F.
I can hardly wait to read your new book. Thank you for your wonderful devotions.
I so need to read this book! Comparing myself unfavorably with others has been and still is a struggle for me. I'm ready to be free!
For a long time I've struggled with the idea of what I like and if I have a purpose beyond the daily grind. I've allowed myself to become so discouraged that I don't even know how to get back on track.
I feel like even when I pray it's hollow and that I'm lacking a real relationship with God.
I'm looking for some inspiration. Perhaps A Confident Heart will speak to my soul to get me back on track.
I hope so…
Hope! At this moment I am at a loss for words. Your words pierced my heart you will be hearing from me so that you can help me
[email protected] find myself will you help me find the journey of my heart?
You told my story. I know that I am supposed to read your book and I know HE will make a way. I really hope that you will pray I Know that God cause me find your website I will tell you one day how much Saten tryed to block my E-mail today. I Don't know what else to say but THANK YOU
At 44 I struggle with insecurities on every level. As a mom of 2 beautiful young girls it can be paralyzing. Thank you for the reminders of truth, that God made us, made us in His image, and that He really DOES have a plan and purpose for me.
I read the Bible much more often and pray for my girls every day. I also pray that He would heal the hurts of the past so I can SEE the truth, and realize all He has for me. Jesus, thank you for Renee, thank you for your truth, thank you for your love.
I also have struggled with a lack of confidence for a long time. Your words about comparing myself with other woman really spoke to me today. I do it more than I realize without even noticing. Can't wait to read your book!
Jen M ([email protected])
Wow, I've been praying for something exactly like this. Thank you for bringing it to us. I look so forward to June 27th when we can start. I've always felt as if I have competed all my life with other women when all I've ever wanted was to just "be me."
Thank you Renee,
Marisha L.
This really made me stop and think today, who am I and why am I here.
I have raised to children who are now married and on their own and I don't even know why I am here? What does God want from me ? Who Iam I? At my age I should know this answer but I have always taken care of someone else and have been what I needed to be for them. Does God have a plan for me?
Melinda
I can't wait to read this!
Confidence has never been my strong point. (Who am I kidding? It's never been a point of mine at all.) But, right this minute in my life as I begin the process of divorce as per my husband's demand, I find myself growing stronger and more confident every day. I'm surrounded by amazingly supportive and wonderful Christian women, caring and uplifting co-workers (nurses) and an awesome God!
For the first time in my life, I'm starting to feel as if there really is no one like me! God is so good!!
~Stephanie J.
Love it! I have two teenage daughters and want to model a new confidence to them! Thank you!
More than anything I desire to know the woman God created me to be. I don't think I've lived up to that creation but I want to.
Wendy Pomeroy
I often ask for direction in who i am made to be in this world, I know God has more for me than I am. I am looking forward to all that He may bring to my sight. Looking forward to reading this book.
My name is Sylvia Ligorio and I excited to read this book and discover who God has me to be, for years and Im 41 I have had no dreams of my own, busy pleasing everyone, husband, mother, father, friends. I'm newly divorced and looking for direction from God for a new life his promised me and excited about what he has for me but taking your advise and askign him for his dreams for me. thank you for encouragement insight and God bless you
What an amzing book concept. I can't wait for this book!
Thank you, thank you for your words of encouragement and inspiration!! As a mental therapist and woman myself this is something that frequently comes up in sessions with young girls, adolescents, and women. I'm so excited for this book to be released, so I can dive into the reading to help myself and others! Again, thank you for writing about a much needed topic. Jessica Z
Renee,
Thank you so much for writing this book and giving us all a "light" for our struggles. I know many others, besides myself, that struggle with this everyday. I am excited to share this book with women in my life that share this struggle with me. I am excited to read your book and I thank you so much for sharing your heart!
Julie
I know that your book will definitely play a big part in impacting my life and women around me. I already have two people I want to gift the book to and then others that I will share mine with once I read it! I am excited for your book! Thank you for sharing this with all of us.