Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I'm sure I'm too late to get in on the give-away, but I wanted you to know that I'm going to share this on my fb & twitter pages anyway. Simply because it is something that is VERY near and dear to my heart! TOO many of us women struggle with this and it's time we realize where that struggle is coming from – THE ENEMY! It's just another way he keeps us down and keeps us from doing what God has called us to do!
I DEFINITELY want to read this book when it comes out 🙂
I am 30 going on 31…with 3 kids. It is so interesting that I am pushing my older kids to pray and ask God to guide them with the decisions they make and to realize their full potential. Yet I have neglected to do so in my life. Perhaps it is most evident as I have complete 6 years of graduate school for my doctorate and I cannot as yet say what I would like to be…shameful…and what is worse is that I have had a difficult time with 2 professors (another long story) and I will be switching degree concentrations. I believe God opened up the way for me..now I am wondering what he would have me do on this new path…it is scary as it is more time, more money and my family have been through so much, so patient…
I am so thankful for this reading this morning. I have been wondering what my purpose in life is for a long time and recently been focusing on that even more. I am a 64 yr. old woman and not sure what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life (however long that may be.) But, I want to do whatever God's purpose is for me!
I need answers…….Anonymous
I have always felt over shadowed by "godly" women and always being someone's mom has left me in limbo. This book sounds like just what I need! Candice
Thanks Renee, your blog today touched on what I have been working on and praying to God for months now! It really spoke to me!
So true, when I focus on God and less of self and reach out to those around me (women and men) it is almost sad to see their reaction. To hear an encouraging word, a compliment from a stranger, or just shown genuine kindness and care touches a heart that lacks confidence. We are all created as God's masterpiece through Him we get a confident heart to reach others, thank you for writing a book to encourage and show us how. Yanna from Bryan
I am an American expat living in Taiwan now for over 4 years. I have just recently started receiving devotionals from P31 and feel like each day something is being said that affects where I am at in my daily life. We live in a very different society here and sometimes feels like it is make believe. I have found a new side of myself but feel like I have lost something as well, my identity. I am not the same person as when I left the US. I know that in the next few years I will be going back there and have no idea how and where I will fit in. I have 3 small children that will all be in school by that time and feel like my life is just getting through our time over here and can't even imagine what my future will be. I look forward to reading your book in hopes it will help me start to figure out and feel more secure as to where my place in the world really is. Thank you for all your wonderful devotions. They are keeping me going.
I don't think I've ever been that young girl that stopped comparing herself to others. I STILL, at 45 continually wonder what He made me to be and only pray I figure it out before my time is over…
Renee~ thank you so much for your encouragement today. I am going through a time right now where this message truly spoke to me. I am finding myself doubting that where I am serving God is where He wants me. I am so involved in work @ the church but I really do not know who I am to be or what I am to be doing in Gods family. I desire so much to serve him but yet I don't really know who I am or who God has made me to be. I am desiring to read your book for I feel God's drawing me there to help find answers. I know I am His child but I need to know who He has made me to be. Thks for your encouragement & please keep allowing God to work through you for us, His daughters! Bless you! Debbie
I compare myself with other women constantly. I need help to quit doing that!
wow, this has so resonated with me and the struggles I have been dealing with. I pray God continues to bless your ministry. I'm not on facebook or twitter but I will send today's message on to my string of friends & family thru my email list. I look forward to reading your book & sharing it with my bible study group. Thank you, Renee!
Debbie W.
Wow! Just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. I'm almost 40 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Your tips are great and I look forward to your book. Hopefully I'll win one!
Thank you!!! This is just what I needed to hear this morning! :)What a wonderful reassurance to my heart! I am a volunteer leader in our church's women's ministry and often feel defeated with the lack of involvement by those I am trying to serve. I would love to win your new book and be able to share this info. with a couple of my friends who also need to hear this kind of teaching! ~ Thanks again for reminding me of these truths!~ Sincerely, Carol Danielson
I'm sharing your post on facebook as well.
Comparing myself with others is something I do constantly and it always leaves me feeling defeated. I'm very interested in your book!
It is amazing but I find myself at this place of doubt again.
What a blessing to find this post and this blog!! I always felt like so many of these women – frustrated and wondering why I didn't have a big dream for my life. My husband does, my sister does but when my kids ask me what I wanted to be when I grew (or grow!) up, I never have a good answer. It makes me sad but reading this makes me want to delve deeper into His word and gives me hope that I might find out what I want to be when I grow up just yet! Looking forward to reading your book!
I could definitely use more confidence. People think I am confident but inside I am always saying what if they thing this when I say that or react this way. I like to write about many things, but again always fear someone is going to judge me. Thank you for the helpful devotion and this book looks like it be a wonderful book to hear God speaking to me.
I also have been in a struggle trying to determine what my gifts from God are, I feel like I am just an ordinary woman. I look forward to reading this book and discovering His will for me!
First i want to thank you for your blog and the encouagement page i just read. It made me think about who am I and what gifts does God want me to have. This week i'm going to ask God to show me who am I and who am I in God. No more trying to be like someone else. God bless Donna
Oh Renee, thank you for your words of encouragement. I am thankful that God has given you the gift of helping women like myself. I am riddled with self-doubt. I have a husband who continually reminds me of my faults. Hard as I seem to try I can not get out of my 9 foot shadow of doubt. It sadden me that I could not answer the question you asked either. I have no idea what my dreams are. I am living in the buiyness of life and taking care of other needs that I have not taken the time to take care of my needs. Today that stops. I pray that God will open my mind and heart to His desires, wishes and plans for me. I ask that you pray for me also.
Denise H.
This is an excellent topic to write about and I look forward to reading this book.
Thanks – Colleen G.
I would love to hear about Biblical confidence. How do I balance humility and brokenness with confident assurance? Thanks!
Hi. Just like when you were asked that question, I am right now 32 and have no answer either and it makes me sad. I think my heart needs to go on a journey with God to discover who He created me to be. Thanks.
I used to be very tough on myself and expected so much of myself as I compared myself to others until I ended up diagnosed with severe stress, panic disorder, depression and phobias. I longed to be exactly like mom – an overachiever that secretly suffered all my maladies most of her life.
Praise God! I read this same devotional 12-18mths ago & I resonated with the message immediately. At the time I was almost 30 yrs old & had never taken steps to provide myself with the space & opportunity to really get to know the daughter & bride that God see's me as. I was too busy seeing myself & who I should be through everyone else's 'glasses', including my parents, family, friends, church family, work colleagues & others. I'm happy to say that I am now slowly taking off the 'glasses' of others, one by one, & really beginning to see myself as God see's me. It is a slow process, but after 31 years of seeing myself as others see me, rather than as God see's me, I'm finding this whole process of 'becoming' as a truly liberating experience. I'd love to read your book & share it with others. Its awesome to read your devotional again this morning & realise that God has been working in my life so powerfully since I first read your message, & He's slowly stepping me closer to where He wants me to be.
Thank you so much for the powerful post. Please sign me up for a chance to win the book!!!
Really excited to hear more about this book. Sometimes I think I know what God wants me to do and be, and other times I doubt. Lived reading this blog and I LOVE the encouraging words from Proverbs 31 Ministries!!
This hit a bullseye with me, when you shared your story, I could relate 100%. I feel so inadequate because I really don't know my full purpose, or why He made me the way He did?
Debbied
Your Proverbs 31 devotional today brought tears to my eyes because it is exactly where I am at this point in my life. At nearly 47, I realize I don't have dreams and I'm not sure who God made me to be. You hit the nail on the head! I'm really looking forward to reading your book!
I just had my third, precious daughter a month ago…i am so full of emotion and so empt all at once..i spent some time looking in the mirror tonigt and found it almost impossible to smile at the stranger staring back at me. I realized that I really don't know who I am, since I've dropped the old story that used to define me before I married and had kids. Now, though I'm thrilled to be blessed with the titles 'wife' and 'mommy', I have no idea who I am outside that. I also gave up some yucky addictions by God's grace, only to finally realize I've replaced them with junk food. Long story short, I really needed to read this today and I hope I can find your book if I don't win, because I think I really need is insight and direction. God bless you all. -Rebekah
I'm finally learning to hear Him again after years of keeping Him out. Now, I'm asking Him to make me what He wants me to be. Each time I pray for guidance I am encouraged by women around me. Thank you for your obedience. He is amazing! Blessings on your book!
This is the first time I have heard of you, yet I feel like I have known you forever. I cannot wait to read your book and I have faith that it will help me more than anything I have read so far, except for the Bible, of course. I have been struggling for months now trying to figure out how I can become me instead of everyone else's puppet. My mother still, to this day, tries to control me and I struggle daily between keeping our relationship alive and being who I am. I didn't realize until about a year ago that for all of my life I have made decisions to either please my mother or to totally rebel against her. I love my mother dearly; and, I desperately yearn to find a way to be who I am yet still maintain the line of communication with her. Only recently with help from Our Heavenly Father I have found the strength to forgive her for all the hurt she has caused me through out my life, but I also need to start being me. And that's only a small portion of my history. Nonetheless I look forward to the release of your book when I can learn from your insight on how to at least be who I was meant to be. Not who everyone else in this evil world wants me to be.
I shared this on FB! Thx!
I would like my oldest daughter to read it…her husband left and she needs a confident heart…
Love it….I would like my daughter to read it, I think she would enjoy it….
Wow! I really needed to read this today! I have always compared myself to others, but that is not how God intended us to live!! We have the same power that raised Christ from the dead, available to us today! Why do we not tap into His power! He's there! He's waiting! Thanks for the reminder!
What awesome timing God has! I have been so bothered lately by the fact that I still don't know what I want to be…or what my dream really is. I have a "great" job, but get the sensation that God did not create me for the job I am in, I am just to afraid to move out of that position. I feel flighty and like I will disappoint someone if I choose something else that fails. I have no idea what my strengths are and worry too much about what everyone else thinks. Praying for a peace, and God's dream for me to come to light.
Thanks!
Evie C
I'm so excited to be reading your blog today!! I've been on the same path of self-sacrifice for years. After many losses of family members over the years & most recently, the loss of my husband to ALS (Lou Gerhig's disease), I finally realize that time is of the essence & now want only to fulfill God's purposes for my life! I believe He is showing me, but I think your book just may help me move forward with confidence. I look forward to reading & learning from you!
Your devotion today really hit home. I have no idea who I am. For 27 years of my life I was a wife and mother. Then my husband left and so did my kids. I was laid off my job and took another to pay the bills that I really do not like. I have no idea who I am or what God wants me to be. I look at other women and it seems they are so creative and fulfilled. I would love for God to reveal to me what the purpose for the remainder of my life is to be. I do not even feel like I have a dream but surely God must have something left for me. Dana
I'm so excited to be reading your blog today!! I've been on the same path of self-sacrifice for years. After many losses of family members over the years & most recently, the loss of my husband to ALS (Lou Gerhig's disease), I finally realize that time is of the essence & now want only to fulfill God's purposes for my life! I believe He is showing me, but I think your book just may help me move forward with confidence. I look forward to reading & learning from you!
Thanks Renee. I am going to reread and reread this devotional until it sinks in. I've always struggled with who I am suppose to be. I have teaching degree, am currently a stay at home mom, and am trying to decide what I want to do/be within the next year or so when I go back to work. Time to start listening to God and not everyone else. 🙂
Rachel – [email protected]
You have always inspired me. I can't wait for your book to come out so I can start reading it. What you have said today in your P31 devotion, on your own blog, and on the video is exactly how I feel today…other than I am still living in the shadow. And I want to start living in the light! Thank you for always encouraging us. May God always bless you!!
Nicole
i would love to win a copy of your book thanks for reminding me of my worth ruthie
What a wonderful blog. Truly spoke to my heart!
Great blog! So much that touches my heart!
I just shared your Facebook page on my wall. Thanks for another entry!
This is me. I have always people pleased and doubt myself daily. I will say this prayer many times over. Thank you for this reminder. I can't wait to read your book!
I put a link on fb pointing to your book & your blog…hoping others will come to know you! Linda Evans @KBC
I cannot wait to read this book! Thank you for sharing God's truths about confidence. Oh, how I need this!