Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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As a mom of 5 in my mid 40's I've been dealing with the issue as well. Your article just confirms for me that I'm on the right track. I've been trying to be everything for everyone for too long. I want to know who God made me to be.
This is a topic that really resonates with me. I'd love to read more about it. Thanks for having a draw.
Thank you so much for opening a new door for me today. I never really thought about who the REAL me is…
This devotional was right on time! Not only is it something I've been thinking about for myself, but we're in the process of developing a small group for young adult ladies and I've been praying recently about how to "encourage the strengths and overlook the weaknesses" of one another. Thanks for the insights – can't wait for the book! May God continue to bless you, your family and your ministry. Praise Him for revealing to you who He created you to be 🙂
SO going to put this link on my Facebook!
Oh I am SO going to put this link on my FB page!
Can't wait to read this!!
Michelle Love
I also shared your devotion on facebook, and tagged your book. Thanks for this opportunity!
As I read your devotion today, it made me think about knowing the REAL me, and I have never gone down that road. Thank you for opening a door for me today.
It's really hard NOT to compare your self with others – especially when most people in your life let you know they are comparing who you are with other people. At times I just reach a point where I give up.
Hi Renee,
I was encouraged by your devotion. It resonated with me in my heart, because I have been in that same position, in a woman’s gathering an ice breaker was introduced and I was the last person to share. I didn’t know what I could share that was interesting or unique about me. I am on a journey learning how to dream again and how to look ahead with hope. Learning who I really am in Christ. How much my Father loves me, delights in me, thinks about me with joy to the point that He sings over me. Knowing that He made me unique, just the way I am for a purpose. I am discovering that I do have preferences. In the past when asked what would I like, be it what to eat, where to sit, you name it my response was it doesn’t matter. I need to know my identity in Christ so I can use that knowledge to redefine my image of who I am. So I can embrace who I am, not afraid I am not good enough, significant or worthy. It is hard to believe that I could be addicted to approval from other people to feel good about myself but that was what pushed me to please others all my life. Now I know what really matters is what my heavenly Father says about me, is my life pleasing to him? Is my heart right? Am I motivated by love? Am I thinking thoughts that line up with His word and what He says about me? His opinion should be my reference point, my firm foundation. Praise God, Beth
I loved the P31 devotion today by you! It was something I truly needed to hear. I get so bogged down in the people pleasing that I sometimes forget about my goals and dreams.
Sure needed this today. Like many, I've been caught up in the busyness and need to step back and that I'm following God.
God has a plan for each of us and once we really grasp that, it's liberating. All we have to do is surrender to that and embrace the fact that he is at work, delivering his plan minute by minute, day by day. If we surrender to him daily, his plan naturally flows into our lives. It is in this surrender, that our need to be like others, to compare, etc. dissolves.
Thank you for your insights.
Re K.
shared your post on my facebook page too!
WOW! My family is temporarily living with my in-laws and my MIL and I were debating our differences in personalities/abilities/attitudes as they relate to homemaking. She in the most polite/loving way (or was it)told me I need to learn how to clean (she's a perfectionist. never anything undone or dirty in our outside of her house).I started feeling a little insecure and then opened my email to this. Thank you!
Oh my goodness…where to begin? I signed up for P31 encouragement emails yesterday! Your encouragement "Becoming the Real Me" was the first one I received… holy cow. I felt like I was looking in a mirror… I'm about to be 32 and I have NO idea what my dreams are… This is definitely a line I am going to pursue! Thank you!
As a pastor's wife I could certainly relate to your devotional. Somtimes I'm so "busy" doing what's expected I forget who I really should be pleasing and that's God. When you are a God pleaser you will meet your purpose! Thanks for reminding me, Praise the LORD! Cheryl
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I loved your devotion today. I am struggling with my job. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but that's not financially possible right now. I used to love coming to work but now I found myself dreading it, and nothing has really changed but me. I feel that God is calling me to switch careers, but I don't know what to! I had an amazing job I interviewed for, but did not get, so I find myself wondering if not that job, what job? I'm just trying to trust in God that he will reveal to me in his time what his next step for my life is and know that he created me for a purpose to glorify him. Thank you for reminding me of that today!
My daughter is making plans for what she wants to do with her life and I still don't know what I am supposed to do with mine. How can I help her when I can't do it for myself?
Desperate Mom