Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I am soon to be 60, and believe I have had a good, fulfilling life. Yet your thoughts today have penetrated my heart and made me stop to ask God, "Am I being who You made me to be?" I think so often I focus on 'what I am doing' and not on 'who I am being'. Thanks for making me think….and pray!
As a women's ministry leader I battle with low confidence alot but through your words and others praying for me I have seen God building that confidence up in me.
I know he loves me and has made me the way I am just for this purpose.
Thank you!
Sharon
Renee,
Thank you so much for your devotional today. I was just asking God to help with to stop comparing myself with one of my close friends who seems to have everything together, her family, her finances, her home etc…My comparing us is hurting me and our relationship. I do not want that in my life. I want to be all that God created me to be and be completely satisfied with that and not ever compare myself with others. I do not want to be insecure in myself anymore but be secure in who God created me to be.
Thank you so much for ministering to me today…
Your description of that meeting made me start to sweat – I HATE those kinds of questions, but I never knew why – until now. I would consume this book and savor every word; then pass it on to all of the women in my homeschool group.
Marybeth
We sometimes forget that we have been created by God for a special purpose which He had ordained for us before time began. For those of us who are/have been in ministry, we can also be shoved into areas that we are not created to be in. We must learn who we are in Christ and know who we are in the ministry of the Kingdom so that we can complete the Body as the Part that God created us to be. How stressful it is trying to be the 'leg' when God has created us to be an 'arm.' After reading P31 for today I realized that I need to revisit who I am in the Body in order to be the most effective for the Body of Christ.
Thank you so much for allowing God to use you to be an encouragement to others. Today's devotion "Becoming the Real Me" was used by God to answer prayer for something special just for me from HIS word. Your willingness to share your heart is a blessing.
Carmelita
Thank you Renee for addressing this issue. I am a 43-year-old woman who has recently described myself as a "chameleon" – one who changes to blend into each background. I recently have been looking into this realization, that I 'change' myself according to who I am with, what their likes and dislikes are, etc. I too, like you mentioned in your devotional, would not be able to answer that question about myself. I don't know that I have a passion for anything. I very much look forward to reading your Confidence book. Thank you, again.
~Kelly
I am 47 years old and still struggle every day with who God wants me to be. What was I meant to do? What situations am I meant to affect. How can I stay in the Word every day so that God can lead me to the place I am meant to be? How can I make my light go from dim to BRIGHT?! All of this self-doubt is just exhausting. I am looking so forward to reading A Confident Heart. I hope it speaks to me and so many other women still struggling with finding direction.
I shared your devotion on facebook. Thanks
Jennifer
I am 59 years old and I am still searching for the woman that God created me to be. Unfortunately I am seeing the same traits in my 25 year old daughter. Looking forward to your book. Thank you for sharing your struggle.
This was so timely for me. I have been feeling lately like I don't measure up as a Pastor's wife. As I have questioned why God called me to this, your devotion reminded me that He called me because I am His, and He has work for me to do, the way He created ME. Thank you for your encouraging words.
Jennifer
Ha ha – I am at the grand old age of 51 and still am not sure of what God wants me to be when I grow up! I have felt without a "passion" for far too long. I wish I could sit on my Father's lap and for him just to tell me what He has made me to be. In the meantime I will just pray!
I've always known what I enjoyed doing , and accidentally stumbled on what direction God wanted me to take. But my real concern is for my better half. I pray God guides him to his purpose soon.
I will be posting this to my fb account
Just started reading P31 this week. It has been so encouraging and now this today — so good and timely. Psalm 139:13 has a whole new meaning and it gives me hope. I feel like I live my husband's life and so desire to be who I was created to be. It is hard as my confidence gets shot down alot. Maybe your book would be good.
I am 44 and have no clue what I want to be. Would love to read this book so that I can figure out what I want to be.
I was so touched by what you said today. I have said so many times that I don't know myself and I could not answer the question, "what are your hopes and dreams?" I long to find out about myself and what God made me to do. It helped me a lot to know I am not the only one who stuggles with these issues. Thank you for being so honest and open!!!
Thank you so much for this post! It is so comforting to know that I'm not the only person who has self doubt and struggles with not knowing who I am. But it is even more comforting to know it doesn't have to be this way. I don't have to live in it. I'm really looking forward to this book!
~Carmen
Renee, I shared your post on my fb page.
Thanks,
Susan
Wow! This topic really speaks to many women! Look at all the comments, this alone is a comfort for me. So many women I know are so driven. Knowing what they want to do and what their dreams are. I was struggling with this not having a dream but also not having the time to figure out what my dream should be. 5 kids and husband keeping me more than busy. Life is just too busy. The quote from Yogi Berra keeps coming to mind: If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. Ultimately I do know where I am going: home with Savior. Maybe I was created to be a good mom and wife both of which seem in question after husband had affair and daughter had baby in her teens. So I just keep going with the only purpose being to live this day to my best ability and to honor my lord and savior. I would like a dream but maybe that would just be more disappointment when you know it can't be full filled. Melody
I'm really excited about your new book coming out, because this is something I have really been struggling with. I know that God has a plan for me and I want to know the woman he intended me to be.