Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
**** Doubt Diet Sign-Ups ****
You can now sign up for my FREE “7-day Doubt Diet” in the right top sidebar!!
O how you spoke the words of my heart. Between marriage, homeschooling our children, being overweight… it seems that I feel like I am constantly disappointing someone. I was excited to read your blog. I thought I was the only one!!!!!
[email protected]
This really touched me as feeling 'less than' is something I've struggled with all of my life.
Beth Conaway
O how you spoke the words of my heart. Between marriage, homeschooling our children, being overweight… it seems that I feel like I am constantly disappointing someone. I was excited to read your blog. I thought I was the only one!!!!!
I shared the link to your facebook page on "A Confident Heart" AND the blog!! 🙂
I have certainly fallen into the comparison trap more times than I'd ever care to over the years. Yes, it definitely still plagues us as women–whether we compare ourselves to co-workers, other wives/moms/daughters, and in the form of looks/talents/drive/strengths/who's the busiest, etc. It's crazy! For the past few years I've been desperate to just be ME! And it would be great to journey deeper and uncover more security through "A Confident Heart"!
Your devotion and additional information on your blog have hit the bulleye of my heart today! Following the suggestion your instructor gave you, to ask God about what I enjoy and/or who I am — I find I really did know all along, but have allowed shame and insecurity to keep me from admiting "who I am", even to myself. Thank you for helping me to explore this today and please pray for me that I will take some real action to live out what I have discovered.
I needed this post! I am ALWAYS comparing myself to others. She's a better mom because she stays at home. He is a better employee because he got asked to do this project. She's a better daughter because she lives closer and visits more often. The list just goes on and on… Thanks for reminding me that God made me exactly the way He made me.
I am 61 years old and still don't have a clue what God planned for me to be. I have spent my life taking care and doing for others. I often ask myself if this is it. Who am I? Is this what God has wanted me to be? I don't feel fulfilled and feel saddened that I have wasted so many years not knowing. Thank you for your encouraging words. Perhaps it is not too late.
Renee,
I've been struggling with this topic for two years. I went through Christian based career counseling and know more about my personality, what makes me who I am, and what my talents are; however, my problem is support from my family. They seem to think that if I go off the normal 8-5 course of work and into something I love and something that fits me, I am making a mistake. At 29, I don't want to wake up at 39 and be in the same place. I loved the devotional this morning and can't wait for the book! Thank you for your encouraging words!
-Miranda H.
I completely understood what you were saying when talking about that you didn't have an answer about who you were…it made me stop and think, and I honestly don't know either. Definately something to think and pray about!!
It's so hard not to try to be everything to everyone. It helps to know that I'm not the only one.
Your book sounds like a wonderful read, that I very much look forward to in the near future.
-Abby
I hit the big 4-0 on my last birthday, and I've really been wrestling with who I'm "supposed" to be. I think a fear of failure is what keeps me from taking a few risks. I'd love to read your book! I loved today's Proverbs 31 devotion!
Thank you for bringing this topic to light. I am plagued by thoughts of wondering who the real me is and what do I really like. I have struggled in all areas of my life because of this and think of myself as having "failed to launch." I will be looking forward to hearing what God has to say through you about this.
Thank you , Thank you for this reminder today. I soooo needed to hear it. Can't wait to read this book. Kim Goldstein
Self doubt has been a ruler in my life from my earliest memories; hand in hand with worry. They have prevented me from being the woman God wants me to be – I know this as a fact. I have, at times, glimpsed the life God has for me, but life gets busy, doubt creeps in and I crawl back into the shadow that has become so comfortable for me. Now, at the age of 40 and the mother of 3 great kids, I find I struggle almost daily with fear, doubt, & worry. Answering a call God placed on my heart over 15 years ago will not be easy. But His patience is great, greater than my doubt. I look forward to reading your book in September, and hope that by then I am pursuing God's call as has been pursuing me. Thank you for your words of Hope & Encouragement. – Shelly
I feel like I am never the real me. Do I even know who that is??? I don't think so. I would love to know how to stop doubting and learn to live in the security of God's promises…
Renee,
Oh, I thought I had written this article! I have been in those group settings and I hate that question… because I evidently don't seem to hav hopes and dreams of my own anymore. so sad, I know.
I thank you for opening our eyes to this!
I shared this great devotional on Facebook too!
This is what I have been praying for. That God would show me what my strengths are, what His dreams are for me and my purpose so that I don't feel like I am wasting my days not fulfilling His purpose for me.
Doubt has entered my life recently after losing my husband and purpose for living! In these days of grief I have wondered if I will ever find purpose again. Confidence is something I need restored to my soul and Hope for a brighter tomorrow!
I'd love to win and share your book! Blessings!
I really REALLY love your devo and blog today. I think that this was something that was on my mind for awhile but i have been ignoring. although, i feel sometimes that my talent is one that is silly and over looked it is much deep if i use to right. I will be praying about what HIS plans are for my life and HOW i need to stay focused on it. I would love to win a book but if i dont then i know its not ment to be. I am going to post your link on my face book wall.
KAROL!
I have been feeling a nudge to lead a Bible study for the women at my church and your upcoming book "A Confident Heart…" would be an excellent choice. I am posting your link on my FB page so others can be equally inspired.
I have been asking God so many questions about myself lately. I was at lunch right now and asking God those questions you were talking about then I come in and read about the real me, God is so amazing, he is always answering me whether I like it or not. I am excited to read this book. Thank you
I will also share this on Facebook. So enter me again!
I absolutely need this book! Hoping I win a free coy but if not I will run to my nearest bookstore and buy it. After 3 years of being the executor of my mother's estate and being at odds with my 2 siblings, multiple layoffs, financial troubles and now marital distress, I am ready to be the woman that God wants me to be. To know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He made me this way for a reason and a purpose.
When you said in your video blog that you decided at age 32 that you did not want to grow old without discovering your dreams, it gave me pause. I am 58 years old and I just recently articulated my own dream. Now I am waiting for God to reveal how He plans to use my uniqueness to fulfill His dream for me.
Love the analogy about the shadow and turning to the light. That is so me!!!
HI Renee!
I just posted your link on my facebook account. I am so excited about this as I am really wanting to be free from worrying about what others think..and just wanting to be all God created me for.
I love the analogy of the shadow distorting in a way our emotions distort things as well. Thanks for the message. – Vivian
WOW!!! Lots of people commenting to win the book. Encouraged that I am not alone in feeling self-concuios and inadequate. Loved the wonderful reminders and uplifting words. What a great and gorious Lord we have!! Thanks for the opportunity to win, I know the right person will win! 🙂
I can not wait for this book to come out. I am also looking forward to the online Bible study this fall. Far too many women fall victim to this. We need to encourage one another that our identity lives in Christ and nothing else.
My name is Lynne. I am so looking forward to this study. I would love to win the book for myself and two of my friends. I know exactly who I would share the books with.
thanks!
Can't wait to read this for myself. I know that it is right where I am at this point in life and needing to trust God and what He says about me. Thank you for this opportunity.
AMY
My name is Lynne. I am soo looking forward to this study and would LOVE to have a book for myself and two of my friends. I know exactly who i would share with.Thanks!
I will definitely be sharing your link on Facebook
Thank you so much for todays encouragement!!!!! I am a single mom of 5 boys and I am consumed in busy!!! God has been speaking to me to let him more into my life and giving my self more time for him!!!! Your blog has reached me through him!!! I also have never thought about what it is that I was made for other than just being a mom its what I have done since I was 19!!! Today is a perfect day to start!!!!
Leslie C
What a blessing your blogs have been to me. I can't tell you how timely your past few blogs have been to where I am. Thank you for your encouraging words and for sharing the real things of your heart.
I was captivated by what you said today in the devotional. I never thought about what dreams I had and have always been focused on being who I thought I should be instead of who God made me to be. I would be thrilled and honored to get a copy of your book.
I was encouraged after reading your devotional and blog today! I thought I was the only one who had trouble answering questions about my goals and dreams, and understanding God's plan for my life. As I was reading your words, I realized my thoughts and feelings are very similar, and was encouraged by that also. I have struggled with doubts and feelings of inadequecy since childhood, which has caused me to often feel discouraged…and alone in the battle. Renee, I am truly looking forward to reading your book! Thank you for this opportunity to win free copies. May they be a blessing to the winner and those people they are shared with. Amy W.
God has called me to be a Children's Pastor. I'm trying to overcome many many obsticles such as panick attacks when speaking infront of people. I know He's called me to do this I just need to get comfortable in my own skin and put hte past behind me. Your book sounds awesome and I would love a copy, God willing 🙂
We all need a reminder to keep a dream for ourselves in mind. It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of the world. Thanks for this devotion. I can't wait to read your book. Even if I don't win it, I will buy it.
I am going to post a link on my facebook page also.
Thanks again
Renee I know this is going to be a book every woman needs to read. I have friends who need to read this bokk including my self. I HAVE A BOOK COMMING FOR MY SELF BUT IF i WIN THESE BOKS WILL BE PASSED OUT TO THOSE FRIENDS. SORRY DID NOT RELIZE i HIt the caps button. Thanks Miranda white
What a great word! It is often so easy to get caught in comparing ourselves to one another. Forgetting that we were divinely created for a unique purpose that only we can fulfill. Thanks again for the reminder.
Dawn Miller
This is me…..looking forward to what God is going to help me realize about myself!
Kari
I have never known who the real me is. I was told by my family from the time I was little that I was a mistake. I was made fun of for being bigger than everyone in my class. I had kids in elementary school jump on my back and yell, "Let's take a ride on the Amazon." I was molested by an uncle when I was 8, then abused continually by various males in my life until I met and married my 1st husband who I thought loved me but only continued with the abuse for 10 yrs til I met him. I have never had a strong lasting friendship with another woman. I met my 2nd husband when I was 27, and I think he is the 1st person (other than my 2 daughters) who has loved me unconditionally. He gets upset because I compare myself to other women or feel I have to "fit myself into a mold that a materialistic society has created" He prays for me to see that God loves me exactly as I am and for me to find what I enjoy in life. For so long I have defined myself by everyone else by being a wife, a mother, a daughter, and everything in between. In the last year I have begun to explore who God made me to be. I am finding that I truly love diving into the Lord's word and prayer, and I am praying for God to lead me on the path He has for me. I am still working on the courage to stand up for myself and not let myself be taken in to situations that I know are unhealthy or wrong. Finding your posting today was an answer to a long time prayer. Thank you and God Bless!!!
Wow! This hit home with me. I have struggled with this for years and just yesterday was ready to give up. Will be getting this book as soon as it comes out and working through it. I no longer want to live in doubt or defeat.
I will definately be sharing this with my Facebook friends. Thank you. Angela G
I am in the beginning stages of feeling that it may be possible that I am lovable. It is very new to me to even say it to myself but I am continuing to make a choice to trust that God really does love me. Warmly, Anna C.
I often struggle like you said with not being confident enough to do what God has asked of me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts today. Angela G.