I’m trying hard to be brave this week and smile at the possibility of what each day may bring, although the past several days have not brought what I wanted. I have to admit, having a baby and having a mom who needs me so much has made me wonder about God’s timing of all that is going on.
I’ve wanted to be strong, although I am weary. I’ve wanted to be available although I’m pulled in so many directions. I’ve wanted mom to see me confident in God’s plans and trusting in His promises, although I’ve had my own set of questions and doubts. I’ve wanted to be gracious so she doesn’t ever feel like a burden. And I’ve wanted to be calm so she doesn’t worry about us worrying about her.
I thought it would be so much easier being out of the hospital. Physically it is, because we’re all at home. But emotionally it’s been a hard week for mom. She thought she’d be so much better by now.
On Wednesday mom did too much and ended up with a racing heart beat of 115. Even after resting for an hour it was 108 and she felt really sick! I ended up taking her to the ER that night. All they could find was a urinary tract infection so they put her on a new antibiotic and sent us home, at 3am.
This morning we’re heading to the hospital at 7:30 to get her prepared for her surgery at 9:30 to remove her kidney stone and stint. There are risks but it has to come out. We’re praying she won’t develop any clots in her legs (or anywhere) during surgery and she won’t have any problems with bleeding since she’s on Coumadin, a blood thinner.
The thought of it all makes my head spin a little. I know you probably have hard things going on, too, and may be wondering why God would give you so much to process at the same time. I’m praying for each of you that stops by, and those who shared requests in my last post.
This week God has taught me the power of trusting His plans that don’t make sense. You see, each day I look into the eyes of a baby girl I didn’t want at one point, because I didn’t think I could handle it. The thought of starting over as a mom at 43 with two teen/tween boys who occupy so much of my heart and my days was a bit overwhelming. But my heart rushes with gratefulness that God convinced me to trust Him.
He has helped me smile at the future – whatever it holds – by giving me the smile of a little girl who almost didn’t have a future. The sweetest, funniest, most happy little girl in the world.
As hard as it is to be a mommy of an infant while also taking care of my 73-year-old mom, I’m so glad that, in His wisdom, God knew there would be blessing in the burden when He gave us the joy Aster brings to our lives each day!
I wish you could meet her. If you were here, she’d be so excited to see you. She gets this excited every day, about something or somebody.
She’d give you a hug! Every morning she reaches out to give us each a squeeze.
Then she’d sit in your lap and do something silly. And looking at those bright eyes and silly grin, you couldn’t help but laugh at the day ahead!Aster reminds us all of the strength God provides for those who are weak, the dignity He offers for those who are low, and the assurance of His goodness and mercy to follow us, because we choose to trust and follow HIM!
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Renee, the things that endure are faith, hope and love. You have these in your family and in God. I see Aster smile and it is God's pure love smiling on you. I see your Mom smile and I see genuine happiness. May God bless you and keep you. May His countenance shine upon you and give you peace.
Linda
Praying for your momma, and of course excited about your new bundle of joy. Love Phil and Jennifer
Renee:) what a precious Angel, God bless you and yours.
This has nothing to do with this post and honestly I am not sure which one of you said it… but I heard "Renee's blog" at the end of the radio stint. It was speaking about aking healthier eating choices and how the lady made the heathier choice by throwing 1/2 her french fries away. When so many people are starving in the world and when 1 in 3 in this our own country are going hungry are CHILDREN… how can your throw food away??? Shame on you!!! Really. Be good stewards like God called you to be… like He has called us all to be. Know how much they are going to serve you by noticing how much they serve others while you stand in line. It's not that hard. Actually, you shouldn't be eating there at all. It is gross, unhealthy to begin with.
Renee, I continue to pray for you and your dear family. please know that someone in Texas is lifting you up daily!
I know how hard you are trying to keep it all together. I am trying to hold it together right now myself. Tomorrow markes the 10 yr. anniv. of the passing of my mother…and to this day, I feel the pain. It did help to blog about it…thank goodness fr blogs.
Terry
http://pink-itsmorethanjustacolor.blogspot.com/
Renee,
Thank you so much for praying for me and my household. I wanted to let you know that things are so much better at home. I know that even if things get rough again, nothing can come against us with Jesus on our side. Just know that I wish you and your family all of the best and my prayers are with you.
Love,
Alvena
Hurting for you & praying with you!
I am praying for you, your mom and your family during these days of ups and downs. Remember He said "a child shall lead them." Last year this time I was grieving the death of my much loved mom, moving 100 miles from our home and friends of 23 years, and ending a 20 year "career" I had enjoyed. In the midst of this I was at my daughters side (while her husband served in Afghanistan) to witness the birth of a new granddaughter. I am sure the angels heard us rejoicing. Abigail reminded us that God is good and He will provide in all situations. Aster will do this for you.
I'm praying for you and your mom.
You have such a sweet daughter!
Blessings, Connie, Canada
Girl, you know you are in my prayers… but thank you for this post. It really touched my heart. Thank you for always being so open and honest with us!
You and your family are in my prayers. The smiles on the faces of both your Mom and Aster are precious reminders of our God's love and grace. May His strength fill you and His love surround you each day.
Hugs,
Molly