Today I want you to meet my sweet, funny, amazing friend, Rachel Wojnarowski. Her story is one of God’s redeeming grace and the choice she’s made to chase after His plans and hold onto His hope — with all that she has in her.
I grew up in a wonderful Christian home with fabulous Christian parents. We were faithful to church and I graduated from Christian school. I went on to Christian college and completed the circle by teaching in a Christian school. My future husband was a “preacher boy” and when we married, the plan was that he would take a youth pastor position wherever God led. Only after we married, he had serious doubts about his calling and stopped attending church all together.
After two years of marriage, a precious daughter was born to us via emergency c-section. She experienced oxygen deprivation and required resuscitation, but she lived. Three years after Taylor’s birth, I discovered that her father had been having an affair essentially four of the five years we were married. In spite of that great protective environment I’d always known, and being faithful to God’s house, sin had erupted my “perfect” life and my marriage to this man didn’t withstand. Bad choices were made by both parties and we divorced.
In spite of all the pain and loss of the “perfect” life, God brought a solid Christian man into my life and He has given us a wonderful story of grace and redemption. But in the midst of Matt and I falling in love, my dearest mom fell severely ill, diagnosed with a rare type of anemia. Two months later the diagnosis was changed to leukemia and she lived just six short months after that. Mom was the strongest, most faithful Christian I’ve ever personally known; she was my best friend.
During my divorce and my mom’s death, the discovery process for Taylor’s developmental delays became more intense. Doctors often blamed the delays on her lack of oxygen at birth. But in my heart, I knew there was more to her issues. Nine months after my mom’s death, the diagnosis for Taylor came through: MPSIIIB, a rare, genetic metabolic disorder which causes gradual neurological degeneration. The average life span is 10-15 years and there is no cure, or even a treatment.Upon receiving Taylor’s diagnosis, my walk with the Lord became intense. I did just what Renee talked about this week in chapter four. I asked all the why’s and the how’s. I wanted God to spill out His plan for my life in one day.
But through His Word, God has taught me that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision.
Trusting His plan for your everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for your eternal life.
While God has richly blessed Matt and me with a beautiful family and more blessings than we can count, Taylor’s disease has not changed. Every day is by faith, that God would have His will for her life and ours.
Each day we claim His promises and make the choice to run towards His plan.
Rachel, your story has changed me. Your journey of choosing hope through your past and into the present brought tears to my eyes. I’m inspired by your faith and your surrendered life. To be broken daily, like bread, held up (like loaves and fishes) as an offering of God’s of love and mercy. You my friend are beautiful – inside and out.
- Find out more about Rachel on her blog.
- Download Rachel’s FREEBIE 12 Bible Verses for When You Feel Like Giving Up
Connecting in Community: I’ve been reading your comments and praying for each of you by name. And I’m working on a way for us to connect next week via conference call – Lord willing!! I’m hoping it will be a way I can share my thoughts and answer questions you all are sharing and asking about here. For today, I’d love to know….
What is God speaking to your heart through Rachel’s story? Also, is there anything from the questions He’s given us for the end of Chapter 4 you’d want to share? Let’s connect here and talk about it. {If you are reading this via email, click here to return to my blog to share your heart.}
Rachel, you are such an inspiration to me. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family! Thank you so much for sharing with us!
Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes it is so easy look at the negative and allow those thoughts to get us to a point of no hope, but what I learned today by reading your story is that there is hope. God can turn our mess into something beautiful. Only He can do the impossible. Chapter 4 is helping me deal with any unresolved past issues not by taking those issues and dwelling on them to make me angry but allowing the Holy Spirit to set me free from the things that continue to hold me back from the abundant life God has for me. Who the Son sets free is free indeed. I look forward to what God has in store for me and my family.
Rachel,
I never tire of hearing your story! Love you and so thankful for the work that God has done and is doing in your life! So blessed to have you in my life.
Love ya!
Thank you for sharing your story. Your faith is incredible. I will pray for you and your family.
Rachel,
Your story of faith and courage has strengthened me tonight. My Mother passed away Feb. 15, 2013. So much needed to hear and feel your words.
God bless you and your family,
Brenda
Brenda- Praying for you during this time, lossing a parent is tough. Hold on to your faith and remember that God loves you.
I have finally caught up! Hurray! Although I had purchased my book way before April 1st, Satan used my long going struggle with depression to keep me from starting on time. I am so blessed that my husband of 30 years sought help through counseling for himself (to know how to help me) and for me. This has helped me to get motivated and start this study. And I am so thankful I didn’t continue to listen to Satan’s lies that this study would not help me with my walk in Christ. Because each chapter is filling in the missing pieces I have needed for so very long!
My biggest hindrance is being able to forgive close family and friends who have hurt myself and my husband numerous times over our 30 year marriage. Chapter 4 is just what I needed to hear! Things that jump out to me in this chapter, “The Holy Spirit showed me I needed to remake my memories by seeing how Jesus had been there all along, and then replace the lies my wounds had led me to believe with new truths He was teaching me through Scripture.” I have felt for so many years that I was alone and didn’t truly have help in learning how to live for Christ. Things I haven’t understood in the past are starting to become clear to me, thanks to Renee’s book and this wonderful study!
I am asking Jesus to cover my wounds with his blood! So that I can finally forgive those who have wounded me so deeply for so many years. Freedom of forgiveness, what a wonderful promise to us!
Loving praying God’s promises at the end of each chapter! This is new to me and hope I can adopt this into my daily walk of faith!
Renee, I am enjoying your book very much. So much of it is how i feel so much. All week long, my nerves have been on edge, everything just makes me jumpy. A few times at work this week I’ve just had to stop and ask for Jesus to help me. I’m trying to spend more time with God, praying and reading the bible. My mom has MS and watching her health get worse has been very hard and at times leaves me very impatient, which I hate to admit. My parents are at divorced, my middle brother passed away from a car accident several years ago. The anniversary of his death is coming up on the 22nd. My youngest brother who is 30 lives with his partner and doesn’t drive so I am my mom’s go to person for everything and at times I feel very overwhelmed. I just ask for prayers to let go of past hurts, have faith in all the current hurts going on. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and the verses that are your favorites.
Thank you Renee and Rachel or sharing with us. Amazing!
Thank you for sharing Rachel’s story. It is so true “that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision” and “trusting His plan for your everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for your eternal life.” So many people don’t do that. They trust the Lord for their salvation but don’t trust Him for daily help. Holy Father, please help me to trust You every day for strength, love and the ability to show You to all the people around me. Help me to love You with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.
Trusting God with your everyday life is so very true yet so very hard. All I seem to ask is why why, why?
Rachel,
Thank you for being real and sharing with us. I struggle with running toward God in hard times but through faith I am learning to run to Him and trust. Thank you for affirming this is the only path. God bless you and your family.
genia
Rachel…as I read your story my heart was both aching for your struggles but filled with joy for your faith trust and perseverance. 5 years ago after a difficult pregnancy (with a pre diagnosis of a neuro muscular disorder and the option given to my daughter to abort…with a profound and resolute NO) my daughter Tara gave birth to my grandson Andrew. We were told he would not live 3 days. I told them that they had no idea who I was…a woman of great faith and how I believed that God had his own plans for Andrew. I told them after they brought Tara an autopsy release that if they didn’t embrace God’s plan then let me know right now so I could get him the **** out of there! Needless to say God did have plans for Andrew and today, although diagnosed with an extremely rare genetic disorder, Pena Shokeir phenotype IV, with no documented research of any child surviving past 3 months of age, and no voluntary movement except for his head and eyes, slight hand and foot, trached and vented, Andrew is in my class at school since age 3. Andrew uses a variety of augmentative communication devices, is cognitively age appropriate and recently trialed an eye gaze computer for which he has been approved. I am very proud of him and Tara. I am in awe of the Lord and His many blessings upon our family. I praise and thank Him with my love honor faith and trust! I share this whole story both as a release for myself and to let you know from someone who knows that you and your family will be remembered in my prayers. I am a Special Educator teaching and caring for medically fragile students with extremely rare syndromes or disorders. This school year was challenging for me as we had to let go of Jayla and Eddie as they were called home by Jesus! The Lord blessed us with their presence in our class for 3 years. They showed us God’s love every single day! Thank you for sharing your story of faith!
Rachel,
Thanks for sharing your story…. We may have met, not sure. I was at She Speaks last summer! I was born with CP, my parents are divorced, my mom has been fighting cancer. She is my primary caregiver. Through her illness as ,much as I wish God would heal her, I have come to lean how to trust God’s heart, even when I don’t understand his ways. I related to your story! Renee wrote about battling depression, and I am just wondering if their is actually a point of total deliverance from depression or it something Christ helps a person have grace for like a thorn in the flesh? Anyone can answer with your own journey of course. Thanks!
Hello Renee & Rachel,
I was led to Rachel website one night when I was growing very weary in my season. I shared my story with Rachel and before she could send me a reply her blog kept me encouraged through all the many scriptures on the site with her words of encouragement. I am enjoying this bible study and if you have not checked out Rachel’s site please do so and follow her on Pinterest as well. (just to cover your bases of being blessed)
Love and Blessings to you both.
Retha Morgan
I am encouraged by your story Rachel of having a husband who helps to bring the restoration back. I went a bible camp last july and felt god was saying i didn’t have to fear of losing a husband but that I was gaining a husband. Yesterday we had a mediation meeting re. finances and I was very calm about the whole thing.
Then I get this phone call from him for 2 hours which seemed so positive and both of us being open etc. Was all in a tis thinking about it, that I ended up feeling down and just sang any words i could which gave God praise. Worshiping God is definately releasing and empowering, only thing i feel like i have to keep doing it, as soon i had my head turning everything over again later on!
I really want to make things work and feel like its my last chance to make things work but am stuck and its hard bringing up all the emotions back up and lack of sleep. I need LOTS of prayer. It breaks my heart when i find so many people seperated, divorced and hurting that I hope I can find complete healing which God has already begun and be able to reach out to others.
Oh Renee, thank you for sharing Rachel’s story. Knowing her in real life and online is a true gift, as her faith and authenticity speak of God’s faithfulness and overflows His love.
Thanks, too, for your message a Kingdom Hearts. God radically worked in my life that day, opening up my heart to another level of surrender and surprising me with a truly unexpected blessing as result in the week that followed. I especially was impacted by your transparency and humbly reminded how my “big dream” must include daily time with God as a non-negotiable. Thank you!
Rachel,
Thanks for sharing your story with us! You are an amazing testament of God’s urgings to STAND! I am drawing so much strength from your story! Thank you for the encouragement to PRESS! I’m praying for you and your family! God is a Healer!
Thank you Rachael for sharing this amazing story of one woman’s journey. Yes, faith is a daily decision. Often difficult when we don’t understand the “why” of life’s earthly slings and arrows. May our Father continue to give you the strength and faith to continue on thru all. Blessings to you and your family. Renee, my beautiful sister…STANDING STRONG with you, girlfriend. Thanks for being the woman God made you to be! You are such an inspiration and light!
Thank you Rachael for sharing your story. Also thanks for the verses. I turn to this verse, when I need God’s strength.
Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus…..
God Bless You and your family..
I like that verse to Anna thanks for reminding me.
I just have to say, doing this study and being a part of this blog, hearing others’ hearts when sometimes all I can hear and feel and think of is my own heart ‘stuck’ in my own private little world …. I have a renewed respect and appreciation for the phrase “sisters in Christ.” I love the closeness and ‘realness’ shared here ‘in this room’ (as I’ve come to call it). I truly appreciate you sisters! Praying for you … and I thank you in advance for praying for me in my own little struggles of life, realizing, my gosh, we ALL really do have them. God is reminding me that He has not left me orphaned. Thank you for sharing your hearts, ladies.
I have felt like quitting this past week, and when I read I want to weep. I am amazed at the emotions this study it stirring within me. But…. I am keeping on. I am also doing another study for the small group I am in. Then to top it off, the ministry where I work… we meet weekly for devotions and prayer, and this week it was my turn to share. God keeps putting me into studies that are REALLY stretching me right now. Finances are tight as my husband is developing a new career (long story) and ministry finances are tight and I never know if I will get a full paycheck or not. My so called security is shook to the core… and God keeps reminding me over and over again that He IS with me. i just seem to have the trouble of getting from my head into the rest of me. This last week, during a devotional time, the words I read earlier in this study came back in a personal way…. it went from your comment, Renee, of believing in Him to believing Him….as a general statement to ME (go figure). God spoke directly to ME… saying ” I know you believe IN me but do you believe ME? Do you trust Me? ” I almost broke down and cried … but there when the wall again…back up. I didn’t want to blow my cool or look foolish. But I have found myself sharing how God spoke to me. My husband and I have had long talks and I KNOW God is doing a mighty work in me. Thanks Renee for being part of that journey.
Kristi, I know what you mean about the sentence in the book “I know you believe in me but do you believe me?” It stops me in my tracks every time I think about it, and I realize how much I doubt what God says when I apply His word to my life. Together, we will overcome….
I don’t know about everyone else, but for me when life gives more than I feel I can handle, I feel like I’m on a searching frenzy. Searching for answers, searching for advice, searching for solutions, searching for anything that will bring me a sense of calm in the midst of chaos! During one of these times I was searching, an overwhelming peace hit me like I ran into a mountainside and all I heard was “be still and KNOW that I am God!” Ever since, I repeat those words when I feel like I can’t handle what lies ahead! I remember that there is NOTHING bigger ahead of me than the God behind me! He has a plan for each of us and I am clinging to that promise! Hugs to all!
Thank you Rachel for sharing your story. It is very powerful and I enjoyed reading it. I have had many times in my life wanted to give up but I keep on going. I have made a copy of the verses and I have read and reread them over and over. They are all great and very true. I will try to have faith and not give up and the Lord will be with me as I journey down the path he has chosen for me. Thanks for all the help in guiding me and helping me to follow the right path of the Lord.
“But through His Word, God has taught me that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision.
Trusting His plan for your everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for your eternal life.”
THIS!!! Oh THIS! I’ve kind of been in the well I have faith except I think my faith got as flabby as well lol well me 😀
I read this and it was like a thunderbolt that and the verse to memorize this week.
I have no job since January and I am the sole support. I have cried why and oh why and imagined far to many terrible outcomes.
But God will make a way I need to choose to trust him every second and run after his plans.
Thank you so much for sharing it meant a lot to me.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am struggling with Chapter 4. I,too, believed I had healed from sexual abuse as a child but I realize I have hidden most of it. I became a Christian 9 years ago this month. I am 48 years old so you see that I’ve lived many years in anger, disappointment and isolation. I have remarried ,a wonderful Christian whose wife left him after years of affairs. They have 3 daughters who are grown and I have 3 sons. My baby is 16. The ex wife can not let go of the life she realizes she threw away. She uses her daughters love and loyalty to keep “attached” to the entire family she walked away from 10 years ago. My husband is not there for me the way I need him to be and once again I am angry, so angry and disappointed and lonely. It is difficult for me to believe that God really does have a plan when all I seem to experience is the pain. I so needed this study and will continue reading and praying that I will have an “ah-ha” moment that any of this pain will make sense.
Rachel, thank you for sharing your story!!! I loved your quote about the importance of trusting God here on Earth. It truly is just as important as trusting Him for our eternity. The one thing that stuck out to me the most was that God provided you a Godly, Christian man after your divorce. This gives me hope. I’m 31 and I’ve never been married. I’ve dated several guys but none of them have been the kind of man that I would want to commit to in a marriage relationship. At times I get frustrated and disheartened and wonder if God is ever going to provide in this area. I desire to be married and have a family so much!!! Your story has given me hope for this area. My hope and prayer is that God will provide a Godly husband for me soon!
Thank you Rachel for sharing. Your story has really touched my heart as it is similar to mine in many ways. I e been a Christian for nearly 30 years, married a lovely Christian man. We have three children who were all born premature by emergency C-Section all with various issues we have to deal with on a daily basis. My husband has also doubted his calling. He comes from a violent family background (he also has Asperger’s syndrome) but will not face the issues, instead pushing them deep down in his heart. Although he has not cheated on me physically be has emotionally through pornography and dating websites. Currently he wants nothing to do with church and although wont stop me going makes me feel guilty when the kids and I do go. I feel totally lost with the dream we had together has been dead and buried now for six months. Only in the last couple of months has my mind been clear enough again to focus on again on God. Thanks for sharing Rachel. I can only trust God has a plan for our future I can not see
Love the statement she makes “But through His Word, God has taught me that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision.” Her story encouraged me. Every day is a struggle! Some days are better and brighter than others. It helps to know that others are going through the same thing. With God nothing is impossible. Thank you for sharing!
I have had a challenging morning with one of my daughters. There seems to be nothing in this world that I can say to teach her the right way or encourage her to embrace forgiveness for others. She is a “pay-back” girl who just won’t believe that she is talented and gifted from God. She will not allow him to write her path, but insists on writing her own. All of this is packed into one small 10 year old little body, who has a heart of gold, when she allows it to show. I am at a loss for words of wisdom, for patience and for understanding. I pray everyday that the Lord give me what I need to get through to her and everyday, I feel for the most part that I have fallen short. It brings me down in my confidence as a mom, and in my ability to do what I believe the Lord has in mind for me; working with youth and mental health issues. I am not educated in anyway for that career, it is just the calling on my heart that I am exploring as my now 4 year old will be starting school full time in September and after being at home for 13 years, I need to explore the return to work. It is a scary path for me, my own doubts and abilities. I am hoping this chapter and timeline, will open doors that I have hidden and will erase the doubts by building my confidence; “ For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future.” Jer 29:11
Thank-you Renee for your openness and your sharing, thank-you for choosing each of your friends to share their stories with such perfect timing. You are all VERY BRAVE women to be able to open up and present your weaknesses, to strengthen yourselves as well as the rest of us. I pray someday, my story is also used to encourage and enhance the lives of those I encounter, as well as heal my own. May the Lord continue to reach deep within each of us, filling the gaps that we have looked to others to fill. Help each of us to learn to fully trust in Jesus to be all that we need to survive this world.
I have had a challenging morning with one of my daughters. There seems to be nothing in this world that I can say to teach her the right way or encourage her to embrace forgiveness for others. She is a “pay-back” girl who just won’t believe that she is talented and gifted from God. She will not allow him to write her path, but insists on writing her own. All of this is packed into one small 10 year old little body, who has a heart of gold, when she allows it to show. I am at a loss for words of wisdom, for patience and for understanding. I pray everyday that the Lord give me what I need to get through to her and everyday, I feel for the most part that I have fallen short. It brings me down in my confidence as a mom, and in my ability to do what I believe the Lord has in mind for me; working with youth and mental health issues. I am not educated in anyway for that career, it is just the calling on my heart that I am exploring as my now 4 year old will be starting school full time in September and after being at home for 13 years, I need to explore the return to work. It is a scary path for me, my own doubts and abilities. I am hoping this chapter and timeline, will open doors that I have hidden and will erase the doubts by building my confidence; “ For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future.” Jer 29:11
Thank-you Renee for your openness and your sharing, thank-you for choosing each of your friends to share their stories with such perfect timing. You are all VERY BRAVE women to be able to open up and present your weaknesses, to strengthen yourselves as well as the rest of us. I pray someday, my story is also used to encourage and enhance the lives of those I encounter, as well as heal my own. May the Lord continue to reach deep within each of us, filling the gaps that we have looked to others to fill. Help each of us to learn to fully trust in Jesus to be all that we need to survive this world.
I am encouraged by Rachel’s story. I too have a special needs child (13 yrs old w/ cerebral palsy – non verbal in wheelchair) and recently divorced after my husband exhibit signs and symptoms of severe bipolar w/ schiziphrenia aspects and refused to get treatment – 15 yrs of marriage and 20 yrs together – gone essentially. Yes I have my health and my boys and a job…. but at 50 this is SO not where I wanted to be!! and our sweet Lord is not telling me where or what he wants me to do w/ this life…. so I have joined Rachel’s website and look forward to her blogs and hope to gather some encouragement. Love her “tribe”!!
Thank you Janet!! God is gracious and many blessings to you.
Rachel, thank you so much for sharing your story. I will be praying for you and your family. Your story has inspired me to change my outlook on life. You could have easily given up and have the “why me” attitude; but you didn’t. You continuously trust God and His plan. At times, I want to give up because situations seem so unbearable. And, mine seem minor to you dealing with an illness of a child. If you can persevere and keep going… so can I! Thank you again for your story of faith, courage, and triumph.
God bless!
Rachel, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am a single mom of two beautiful daughters. One of which was recently diagnosed with a genetic disorder with no cure or real treatment. The doctor has warned me that my youngest daughter more than likely has it too. Thankfully, the disease isn’t terminal, but it is painful and I struggle watching my daughter suffer everyday. Your story has inspired me to never give up and trust on our Lord. I haven’t had a chance to read chapter 4 yet, but I promise not to throw the book at the wall. Again, thank you for sharing your story – I needed it.
Bless you Katherine! I can imagine your pain and hers because I’ve experienced myself. and still do. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to stay in God’s Word. I’m sure you know that, but truly, that is my source of strength. I have lists of Bible verses on my website and the one Renee mentioned above is a popular one, but there are others on trusting God in tough times and for when you feel overwhelmed. God is so gracious that our story could be of a help to you!!
I really thought I had processed all the “stuff” from my childhood, and indeed I have come a long way, but I also can see where the things that have happened in my life, whether it was something someone did to me or bad decisions I have made in my life effect ALL my relationships. I know that the Lord will use all my experiences to increase my faith, and to influence my life and others around me. I also know only too well that when wounds need to heal, they need to be cleaned, and that cleaning process is painful. But that clean wounds heal much better. Thank you Lord for healing my heart of the painful wounds, for showing me those hidden wounds, and healing me to the uttermost. Thank you Lord, for Renee and Rachel, for sharing their hearts with us, for healing them in their process, and for leading them in all they do. Teach all of us Lord, to follow after you, to surrender the deep pain, and hurts to you. For helping us to understand that when you died on the cross, you took all our pain on the cross with Him, and when you rose again, you gave us victory over all the things that keep us in bondage. Thank you Lord! Thank you for everyone doing this Bible study together, for praying for each other, and for the love you have put into our hearts for one another. God Bless All!
Wendy,
My name is Wendy as well. As I read your post, I had to stop and think – did I post something today? Every word you wrote could apply to me as well. I have “stuff” and wounds to clean. I am also so greatful for Renee, Rachel and all the women doing this study!
The love and prayers are so sustaining to me! This is the 3rd time I have done COnfident Heart and every time I learn more and go deeper.
Love to all my OBS sisters!
Wendy – I love that you are reading the book for a third time and how you shared that every time you read it your learn more and go deeper. That was something I prayed for – for each woman who would read the book – when I writing it. I just knew no one would really be able to gain all God wanted to give them in one read {b/c it took me 20+ years and I still can’t grasp it all, all at the same time :> }
Thank you so what you shared!!
Thank you, Rachel, for your story. What sticks with me most was the comment about “faith” not being a one-time thing, but a DAILY commitment…..each day commiting our FAITH to HIM!!!! Spending time with HIM….reading HIS word…enjoying HIS love…..serving others for HIM!!! To GOD be the Glory…..
Reading Rachel’s story – wow!
This is very inspiring: Trusting His plan for MY everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for my eternal life.
I am really enjoying the new discoveries through this Bible study!
Each day we claim His promises and make the choice to run towards His plan. When I began this study I was struggling with the decision to stay in my marriage or not. Wanting desperately to stay in Gods plan. My husband and I divorced after 12 years of marriage, and were divorced for 9 years. There were so many hurts and betrayals, through my single years my relationship with the Lord matured and old hurts were healed, He remarried, I did not. After some time he divorced. I was serving in a church and one day he came to a play that we had for Christmas, to make this story short, we began to talk again and he started attending church, we have children together and they were thrilled to have their father back in their lives, We remarried on Valentines Day 9 years ago. A few short years later things got rough again, a lot of the old wounds came back. Not as they were before with abuse and addictions, he has a lot of anger and embarrassment with our children and their life choices. plus he blames me for so many things, that he became emotionally unavailable. for 5 years we have lived in the same house as room mates. I have tried to reach out to him and continually pray. He will go to church on occasion but resents my involvement and when we do things together in public he is sweet and affectionate but at home he is closed off. this study has helped me to refocus where my self value comes from and to focus on Gods leading and not my disappointments, I hate the thought of being a fool. and I tell myself surly God didn’t do all this for it to fall apart again. Thank you for this study. My heart has been refreshed and encouraged,
Diana- I hear the hurt in your words. I too know what it is like to live as room mates. Stand strong for your marriage. God can heal ALL your hurts. I am standing strong and pressing into Jesus, He is my Rock. I even have a rock that I look at to remind me to press into and lean on the Rock, MY Rock.
Rachel, thank you for your testimony.
Things like these are difficult for me because I look at my own life and think that I am doing something wrong or have failed in some way because my life is not NEARLY that complicated and yet…
I guess maybe I have the misconception that at some point everything will be “fixed”, guess that is what heaven is for.
Jesus is the Redeemer. His ways and timing are not our own. Sometimes we get to see a sneak preview of what Heaven will be like on this earth and yes, some things we won’t understand fully until we see the face of Jesus. Bless you Shelley!
I am having a hard time with this chapter. I have a number of things this chapter brings up that are negative that happened to me as a child and up to now as an adult. These things have left me at times asking why God? and claiming this is not fair!!! but I have learned that God is refining me in a way only he can. I take the lessons learned and try to make them positive and share when i can or think it would help. The other thing that has helped me is praying for those that I feel have wronged me. I have a person who was my best friend a girl and she betrayed me in the worst way a friend can betray you by having an affair with my husband. I have not been able to forgive her years later. Though my husband and I have moved past it and become stronger through God’s supernatural grace. I still harbor anger at her. I have reread this chapter 5 times now and all I can think about is that situation and how I feel towards her. So praying on it. Not sure what to do about it but listen and pray.
Eileen,
Writing as one who betrayed her best friend, I know how much I hurt her and my husband. In my case, I confessed to her and she forgave me immediately. She then asked, “Well, what are we going to do to go forward from here?” I was totally broken when I told her because I had already told my husband and family and did not know if my family would remain intact. Her forgiving and unexpected incredible response is etched in my memory forever. It is beyond my comprehension when I try to put into words how much greater than this must be God’s unending love and faithfulness for all of us.
Perhaps your friend needs your forgiveness as much as I did? To begin to know that God loves her even when she doesn’t love herself. I pray your heart will be open to forgiving her and I know you will be blessed immeasurably. God’s Blessings.
Great read Renee! The thing that stuck the most was about making giving everyday just as important as trusting eternity to God. I tend to remember the eternity part but each day lately I have found myself remembering that its day by day and moment by moment. ‘The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” (Lam. 3:22-24) This has been a hard lesson for this stubborn girl to learn through the many choices I’ve made and through it God is teaching me that He is faithful not to leave or let go. Each day brings many struggles but I must remember to daily fall deeper into Him.
oh I LOVE that verse. Thank you for sharing that!
Thank you to all who have shared their stories – what powerful testimonies. From 2 Corinthians 5:17 “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” God’s love and blessings to all of you.
Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your story. We should all learn to walk with Christ on a daily basis as you have had to do with Taylor; we may not carry such a diagnosis, but we are all, each one of us, closer to heaven every day and we should be pursuing our Savior with that in mind.
Thank you, so much for sharing your story. As I read the story I had a wide range of emotions. I felt feelings of betrayal, and hope and suffering. I am grateful for your testimony and your inspiration from the circumstances and situations that you had to experience. I have been going through my valley in life and really have been searching and seeking strength from God. I believe we can make choices that really can change the course and direction we end our destiny. I keep praying that I choose and make the right ones. I love your picture. You have a beautiful family and may God richly bless each one of you.
Deborah Dean
Thank you Deborah. God is gracious!
This was truly an inspiring story.
Something that stuck out at me was this, “But through His Word, God has taught me that faith is not only a one-time decision; it’s an everyday decision.”
This is such a true statement and I can truly feel how God is working in me, to dive into his word every day, even for a few minutes. This is really helping me keep in check with a busy schedule…work, children, etc. and truly opening my eyes on how he works it all together for good.
You are all such an amazing group of women and I am glad I am on this journey with you.
Blessings to you Kerrie!!
I, too, am so encouraged by the reminder that our walk of faith is not a one time event, but a daily one, a moment by moment one.
Thanks, Becky for sharing yor story, I have come to realize just how human we all are. I’m also learning that the Bible was written not about happy go lucky perfect people, but about people who make wrong choices and how that effects so many around them. I want to follow Jesus and make the right choices in my life…Thank you
Dawn
I posted this on yesterday by mistake, so am re-posting it to today.
Thank you, Renee, for Chapter 4! I know that God brought me to this book at the perfect time, and is working through it to encourage me to persevere in agreeing with Him about who I am and who He is, and allowing Him into the secret places of my heart that He already knows all about, but I have tried to forget.
I grew up in a severely broken family. On the surface, it looked good: dad a doctor, mom working for him, a house keeper/nanny, private schools, horses, pets, etc. But who we were when the world was gone was a different story: abuse, anger, pornography, no protection for the children, my father’s mistress, my mother’s embracing of that, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, lying to our friends about who the mistress was, and how her daughter was related to us. I could go on, but I won’t. God called me out of that, rescued me from that life, at the age of 23, and I married a wonderful Christian man. He was aware of the big issues in my family of origin, but the details we were happy to leave unspoken. Whenever they came to mind, I would pack them quickly away and shelve them in the recesses of my mind.
Our marital issues started on our honeymoon. For me, they started at the wedding when fear took hold and I began to wonder who “she” would be. I sought Biblical counseling within our first year of marriage, motivated in part by getting pregnant right away and being determined that I would not pass on my mess to our children. That was a real blessing from the Lord, as our baby gave me motivation for looking at some hard things. After a year of counseling, I felt that I could quit. I kept reading, studying my Bible, teaching in children’s ministries at church, and fighting my fears. However, we had just scratched the surface in that year of counseling, and I was still full of fear. But life went on, and 3 more beautiful children were added to our family, and my husband and I grew in our faith and in our marriage. But, the fear never left, causing tension in our marriage, even as we sought to strengthen it.
Fast forward 20 years: through a series of events, God showed me a couple of years ago that I have been a slave to fear all of this time. I have grown in my faith some, but have held on to some of my baggage, for fear of seeing what was in it; for fear of trusting God with my future; for fear of rejection if my husband really knew the details of my childhood; for lack of a church family that is willing to be transparent, living by the motto “Good Christians don’t have problems”. I have worked hard to be a “good christian”, and good mother, and a good wife. But I have never felt like I was enough, or secure. So, the past year, God has been taking away some of the places that I hide in (our church and our “works”) and shown me some idols in my life (my husband, who I have wanted to make me feel whole, to fill that place within me that needs the comfort and healing only God can give. Renee, your description of how you wanted your husband to be the daddy and husband that your father failed to be could have been written about me).
A month ago, in some reading that my husband and I are doing together (The Secret of Happiness by Solomon), I was convicted by God of my need to pick back up a timeline of my life that I started last summer on a solitary retreat I went on in the midst of some hard things. So I have been working on that a little bit, but with some fear of what God is going to bring to my memory. So what a surprise to find in Chapter 4 your encouragement to write a timeline! I will not shrink in fear from the memories, but will ask God to show them to me in His time and wisdom, and I will pray that He will use them to make me more like Christ, and to comfort others in the comfort that I have and will continue to receive.
My past is not something that I share much about. I, like you before, Renee, have wanted God to write a good-christian-girl story with me first, then use the new story to bless others. Thankfully, He has brought me to a place of willingness, even eagerness, for Him to take my ruins and rebuild them into something He will use, to give me beauty for ashes.
Thank you, Renee, for sharing your story of hurt, hiding and hope, and the encouragement that seeing you shining for Jesus gives to me that I, too, will be one of Jesus’ beauty from ashes stories.
Hi Becky,
Thank you for sharing your story. I relate. I was definitely was not raised in a christian environment and had a difficult time trusting God. I trust no one and will not put my confidence in any person. I would put trust in my dog before I put my trust and hope in people. I love to share and give to people, I just dont expect a whole lot from them. To expect or hope in someone has proven to me to be very disappointing. When I experience something nice I thank God for the blessing and thank them. Although this attitude and confidence has had an impact on my relationship with God, I am learning and believing that I can trust him even when things or circumstances do not appear like I think they should be or wether they are fair. I have surrenderded my life to Christ regardless of the outcome and have tried and continue to want to believe his word. Many prayers and blessings to you.
Deb
Thanks, Deb, for sharing. Trust has been a huge issue for me. I have put a lot of effort into hiding the distrust over the years, because I intellectually realized that 1) I should be trusting in Jesus and 2) My husband has never given me reason not to trust, and has always worked with me to build reasonable safeguards into our marriage. But inside, I have NOT trusted, and often had great fear on the inside, confidence on the outside. I could not always keep it hidden, and it is something my husband and I have been working on all of our marriage to some extent. But this past year as I release him from the expectations of fulfilling my every need, making me feel loved, secure, enough, and have been learning to DAILY lean into the perfect comfort of God’s love, I am seeing God’s work in our marriage, as well as in my heart. I have far to go, and a faithful God, who will not let up on me! I am in the middle of the Chapter 4 process of looking at past events and their impact on my present and then praying for God’s healing and leaving the baggage at the foot of the cross. It has been soooo hard! But I am pushing forward in faith that it will get better! What I used to be able to hide, my fear, my insecurity, has been right under the surface and easily uncovered, like God is not allowing me to revert back to pretending. I am learning to be thankful for that, and am grateful for a patient husband as God works me through some tough emotions.
Blessing,
Becky
Hi Becky,
I understand the feeling of, “fear of what God is going to bring from my memory.” I wanted to put my past behind me and start over. Start over by being good and do what was expected of me. The problem was, was that everyone seemed to expect something different. What one friend thought was respectable another friend thought was stuffy and unfun. What some people thought was well planned and helpful others thought was controlling. It seemed like I was switching back and forth between what others thought. Eventually, I lost me. The me that I used to be I didn’t like and the me that I was trying to be was too hard. I want to be the me God created me to be, and I think we are all on that journey together.
Thanks, Britney. We are all on this journey and I am so thankful for the encouragement and support of so many understanding sisters in Christ. I can relate to the feeling of “losing oneself”. I am learning to trust God for my daily emotional needs, and especially learning to believe that all of my life, He has been with me. Nothing has happened to me that He did not allow, and that He will use, is using, for my good and His glory. I didn’t want to even think this way in the past, wondering how He could use the abuse of a child for His glory. But, now I am seeing through the testimony of other women, and in my own life, how He can and will do exactly that! What a great and wonderful God we serve!
Hi Becky,
My heart hurt for you as I pictured the little girl, the teenager, the young women you were with what looked to others like a picture-perfect life and yet the weight of the pain, the secrets and the shame you carried, knowing what was hiding behind it all. You have carried quite a burden for many years. I know the heartache and fear of so much of what you so courageously described. And I’m so very grateful for how Jesus just won’t let you go it alone. How He keeps gently pursuing you, wooing you into a place of seeking Him and processing with His tender love the broken places only He can heal.
Good Christians don’t have perfect lives. Pretending ones do. None of us are without hard stuff. Life is just too complicated and our world is too fallen to have a life without loss. I don’t’ think Jesus would have come as more than Savior unless He knew we would need more – we would need Him as Healer, Redeemer, Restorer, Counselor, the Way, our Truth and our provider of Grace.
Im praying for you right now as you look at the timeline of Your life and let Jesus enter into your secret hurting places – the ones He’s known about all along. Im praying you’ll discover just how much they don’t define you, you’ll claim your inheritance as a child of God and now allow them to steal from you anymore – or usher in doubt about who you are or how beautiful you are as a wife or mom. Take back the power that is YOURS in Christ and tell the enemy to pack up his bags with all those chains and lies he’s been using to hold you captive. The victory is yours!! Help, healing, hope and beautify are coming friend… be brave and keep letting Jesus fulfills His plans and His promises for your life!!
Thank you, Renee, for your prayers and your words of encouragement. I am thankful for this study, and for God’s perfect timing. I am ready for this next big step in my healing journey, but boy does it hurt! I find that the pain is right under the surface these days, along with the fear and feelings of rejection. I trust that this is God’s way of keeping me from managing thing myself as I have tried to do in the past. So I am learning to see the pain as being used by God for my good. I am learning to trust ~ God first, then my husband. God has so richly blessed me the past 23 years of marriage and motherhood, and yet my fears of having it shattered, as was my childhood, have really robbed me of much of the joy. I am ready to reclaim that, for myself and for my family. I pray that God will continue to use you and your life story to help encourage women to really seek God’s will and healing for their lives. And I will persevere.
Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Renee, I have had a busy, crazy week. My schedule got all out of whack, which threw the kid’s out of control and therefore my days also. This morning I decided that despite all the errands I had to run this week, I would read Chapter 4, finish my studies and go over all your posts for this week. I have spent 3 hours of quiet study time and now I am fitting in as much “discussion” time as my 2 small boys will allow. Thank you so much for sharing openly the pains of your past. I have known for some time that I was causing stress in my relationship because of my expectations and inability to fulfill his expectations for our marriage. I did not realize or understand that most of these expectations come from our past. I am praying and hoping that through the knowledge that you have shared and through my continued study and self-evaluation with God that I can improve my relationship and stop the negatives resulting from expectations. Blessings to all and I look forward to many more insights and blessings to come!
It’s been a crazy week for me too 🙂 and I’ve not been able to comment as much but even the little that we can do, God takes and multiplies it doesn’t He? Sounds like He revealed so much to your heart through your time with him this morning. Im praying you will keep hearing His whispers and sensing His wisdom and insights as you go through your day just abiding in Him in the midst of kids and a busy day. Im asking Him to do the same for me and each of us.
I am more blessed than I can put into words through this journey with all of you – to watch God take so much pain and hurt that led me to the pit of despair, the hopelessness that made me want to end my life – and use it for your good and HIS glory. To watch the broken pieces of my life be made into a mosaic that gives you hope to seek healing and believe that He has the same plans for you. This is redemption.
This is our Savior’s plan. This is why He died on the Cross to give us life. That sin and sorrow would not have power over us. What Satan has used for evil in our past or is using in our present – Jesus is there asking us to look to Him for the love, assurance, truth and hope so that HE can set us free from the prison of pain that threatens to hold us captive.
We are not our past. The pain we feel is not our truth. It’s a result of sin but our hope is not loss. Jesus is working and has so much more for us. Healing and redemption are coming one day, one step at a time, one lie and one tear at a time. Hope is on the way!!
Thank you for this study and in particular this chapter. When I read it earlier this week I was led to stop and pray( with tears) about some the deepest hurts of my past and present. Though I have prayed before seeking forgiveness and His comfort this time was different. I am married however my husband can be distant and cool and I can often feel alone. I truly felt that Christ had entered into this time of prayer. It was comforting and so uplifting. I have clung to that time all week. He gave me hope through the pain. Thank you for your encouragement to face the pain of our lives. He is our hope. Can’t wait see what Be does with our broken pieces.
amen!
I am struggling with not understanding when we face our hurts and choose to ask God to help us forgive, do we have to share with the people in order to truly forgive and be healed? I struggle with the thought of opening up to these people, like a mother or husband. Its hard because I was saved a few months after I was married, have been going to church for almost 12 years, yet I didn’t receive or understand the difference between attending church and a relationship with our Lord until a couple years ago when I lost my job and for me was at rock bottom, heavily weighted with much anger. I was malested as a child, my father past when I was 14 which was the only person I trusted, and I am married to an unbeliever and have felt like a failure as a stepparent. Never feeling good enough, when I feel like I have grown, feelings of doubt or jealousy arise and lately my emotions are a roller coaster. I now know that I was struggling so many years in church from condemnation and conviction and will not give up now but I’ve been battling my mind a lot. I have been fearful because I don’t know how to share with my husband and he makes negative comments about God and my books that don’t help and so like always I don’t share much. Then I get frustrated behind closed doors cuz I’m the one supposed to be showing Gods love yet I’m just now learning and learning how to trust God in all things and obviously need healing still. I felt like I’ve been growing last year and this year I’ve been battling with anger complaining etc yet I know better. I just hope that my healing isn’t dependent on sharing with these people because I’m just not seeing it. Yet I know I still need to forgive because I get judgemental and show anger when I try so hard not to behave this way because I know it is not pleasing to our Father. I’ve also been fearful of the attacks of the enemy a lot like death and such, yet I know God is bigger. Wow, that was a lot and could keep on but thank you for sharingthis study
Christy
I can relate somuch to your journey. I was molested at 13 by my father. And spent my life trying to forgive and move on. As a teenager I was very sexually active and lived that way thru mist of my life mixing in drugss and alcohol along the way. By the time I was 15 I became self abusive ( a cutter) and I fight that battle daily . I’ve raised 3 sons and inherited a daughter. Helped raise her 3 boys my grandkids and love all my family . But I am an empty vessel who only cones alive when someone cones into my home. I literally sit and wait, hoping for something or someone to open me and fill me up. I married anon believer and he works at being an obstacle in my life. I need prayers and I need God . I know He is there but I cant seem to turn my life over completely. I try and then become fearful of what will happen.
The best thing you can do is be completely honest with God. He knows everything anyways. He knows your fears, weaknesses, everything, He just wants you to ask His help, being honest about everything and not feeling guilty about anything. God will fill you and complete you and bring you the joy we so desperately need we just have to get to the point where we want to put Him first. I know because I’ve been there and am now its coming back. Focus on your relationship with The Lord and who He wants you to be which is wonderful beautiful queen who He loves dearly and doesn’t judge and pray for your husband, yet be more focused on who you are In Christ and God will work on you and your heart when you are willing to surrender it and He will also work on your husband as our motives are on our relationship with God first. When you feel fear or guilt, pray The Blood of Jesus over yourself, bind that evil spirit and loose Gods peace strength protection in its place and the enemy must flee. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
What a beautiful testimony Rachel! There are been several times in my life where I have had to walk in faith & cling to the hope I have in Christ. He has always proved himself faithful!
I want to thank you all for the prayers for my surgery on Wed. I’m recovering well & hoping to be back up to speed by the end of the weekend.Thank you Renee for the video posts this week. When I haven’t been able to focus on reading I have been able to listen your videos. They have been such a blessing. I hope to play catch up with the reading next week.
In His Calm,
Mary
So glad you are recovering well Mary!! Praying for your continued strength and healing. I love that this week we had two videos so you could feel connected when you weren’t up for reading. We have another one early next week too 🙂
Hugs
Renee
Rachel’s story encouraged me. We all have ours struggles and on our own they seem impossible, but we know with God all things are possible.
I had a rough “doubting” day on wed. It was our son’s spring concert. While sitting in the bleachers I saw some people from past relationships. The shame crept in and I felt like the great life I have today is a sham. It reminded me of what I had wrote for the answer to #4 question.”How have past hurts robbed you of hope and affected your relationships today?”
Past hurts have caused me to accept the bad things people said or even the negative things I imagined them saying or thinking. It caused me to ignore and refuse compliments. I didn’t accept them because I felt like I didn’t derserve them. If they knew the truth about me they wouldn’t say nice things about me.
The truth is I wasn’t a very nice girl in high school. I was lonely and wanted to be loved, and boys paid attention to me. I believed the promises made, but like the song “Just Another Birthday” says, “back seat promises fade like the mist.” Unfortunately, I didn’t learn my lesson very quickly and adapted myself to the pain I felt by drinking and doing drugs. I wanted to remove the pain, but it just brought more. I was angry and completely overcome with myself. I would continue down this path for many years. By God’s grace He reached out to me and I turned around. Today as a wife and mom, and most importantly child of God, I know that my past is not who I am, but is hard sometimes to remember that.
OH sweet sister!! I so go that. Satan knows how easy it is for us to get rolling on thoughts of the past and “what if?” God is bigger. When I hear Satan’s lies on this topic, my go to verse is Psalm 103:12 “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” Blessings to you!
Thank you very much Rachel. I appreciate you taking the time to tell your story and encourage others.
Rachel is indeed inspiring and a beautiful sister in the faith. Her story is one to share. Blessings.
Thanks Friend. Appreciate you so much.
Love this statement that Rachel shared, “Trusting His plan for your everyday life is equally as important as trusting Him for your eternal life.” This what beging a Christian, or should I say Christ Follower is all about. I have been praying for my husband and our marriage for many years, trusting God to heal all the hurts. This week my husband has opened up about some things from his past, hurts that he is still dealing with. It is like he was reading chapter 4 with all of us. I know this is God. So many emotions, so many hurts, so much grace and healing when we press into the Rock.
Thanks Renee for sharing your heart in this book and study. Happy Friday!!!
That’s the statement that hit me the most as I look at making each day just as important to give him as my eternity.
Blessings to you Jerrianne!! God has always been in the healing business! 🙂
AMEN, Rachel, and Jerrianne about God being in the healing business! I’ll never forget this: In the midst of feeling shattered, God spoke through someone else to remind me I’m not broken, but I am in pieces, and He will put me together. I know some of you may feel bruised by life circumstances, but just because a puzzle is in pieces, doesn’t mean it’s broken. Have a blessed day, and let the Master put you together, ladies!
Thank you dKnigh Tweets! I needed the reminder that even though I am in pieces I am not boken! God bless you my friend!
I too have been praying for my husband and have been trying to heal from hurts as a child and marriage. Things changed yesterday as my husband poured his heart out to me about certain things that he endured as a child. We cried together and were closer yesterday then we have been in years. Mi love the picture of being a puzzle and God putting the pieces back together. What a great visual. Thanks for sharing.