When I was in elementary school, I used to make bouquets out of azaleas and walk down the aisle of my dad’s long driveway lined with magnolia trees, imagining a prince waiting for me on the porch. Those were little girl dreams I thought I’d left behind.
In my devotion “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain,” featured today at P31, I shared about struggles I had years ago with anger and unrealistic expectations towards my husband. One day God showed me that my broken dreams had become bitter expectations taking root in my heart: I wanted my husband to make up for all that my dad had never been, and it was destroying my marriage.
God showed me that I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment and disappointment, and invite Him into those hurting places. Only He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from the fear of never have a happy ending.
As I released my grip, God began to heal my heart and my marriage. It was the beginning of a bigger work He was doing in my life. He walked me through a season of looking back so I could move forward, and used that time to “rebuild [my] ancient ruins and restore the [broken] places [in my heart that had been] long devastated” (Isa. 61:4).
During that time, I realized there were several areas of my life that needed restoration. I decided to write out a timeline of my life and asked the Holy Spirit , whom Jesus referred to as our Counselor, to help me see the wounds I had buried in my past.
With each wound, I asked Jesus to heal the pain and claimed Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort [me] and will look with compassion on all [my] ruins; he will make [my] deserts like Eden, [my] wastelands like the garden of the Lord.”
Over time I started to release the pain of rejection, shame, wounds and deep disappointments. Although I knew God wanted me to deal with my past, I also knew God did not want me to dwell in the past. He would speak through His word, reminding me again and again, See, Renee, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland (Isa. 43:18–19).
Forgiving each person who’d hurt me wasn’t easy but it was essential. Often we are afraid to forgive because it might open us up to be hurt again. Or we’re afraid to deal with it, so we just leave it buried. But any time we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.
In Ephesians 4, the Bible tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv. 2, 32). Forgiveness was demonstrated on a cross where Jesus displayed His perfect love by dying for imperfect people. At Calvary, Jesus laid down His pain and hurt and chose love and forgiveness instead. His forgiveness frees us to forgive others and ourselves.
Of course, some things are much harder and take more time to forgive than others. When I am really having a hard time forgiving or finding healing from a deep wound, I ask Jesus to cover my wounds with His blood. As Scripture tells us:
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding . . . he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Eph. 1:7–8; Isa. 53:5)
As I shared in my devotion, we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, but we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t completely heal until we do. And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep us from experiencing all that God has for us today and tomorrow.
As you process pain from your past that you have carried into your future. consider making a timeline of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories. Then ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those events caused, how far from God those things took you, and how they hurt you and others.
Invite God to enter into those memories with you. Give yourself time to grieve your losses as you ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. As He shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from any captivity that has held you until now. Pray His promises. Cry if you need to. Just please take time, sweet friend, to heal so you can be whole again.
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 4 of A Confident Heart,
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I’m giving away 2 copies, A Confident Heart today. Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. Also, I invite you to share your thoughts about this post, or about today’s devotion, so I/we can pray for you. It would be my honor to do that. I love you sweet friends. God has given me such overwhelming love for each of you!
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Thanks for being so real.
Renee, hi! really enjoyed reading your devotional today.
When I read your thought of the day, “I Haven’t Got Time For The Pain”, on Proverbs 31 Ministries,it got my attention! It was as if it was reading MY own journal! I felt so alone but now I know that I’m not! God bless you!
I am just getting to read your devotional today and I was so encouraged. I lived my childhood in an abusive family and married not once but twice to abusive men. I have found that God is the only source of comfort for me and believe me He has helped.
I would love to get a copy of your book. I was privileged to read the advanced 7-week plan and felt so blessed but I have not been able to purchase the book. I know there is so much more in there that would benefit me. God Bless you for using your talents to serve others.
Hi Renee…Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I have been stuck for so long and reading your story is a great encouragement to me. I now have hope that I can move forward. Thank you for the opportunity to possibly receive a free copy of your book.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Renee. Would love to have another copy of your book to give to a friend at church, actually I have been sharing some of the things from your book with our ladies Bible study group. I am not sure how to process everything from my childhood, I do forgive my family members.
As I look back I was very shy and insecure from when I was probably about four years old. My story is hard to explain. My parents were Christians, but if we went to the chapel (which was considered church) on base it was because my mother took me and my sister occasionally. She also taught us the commandments and a few other stories in the Bible. My dad, an airplane pilot in the Air Force was gone alot. We lived four years in Okinawa, then Florida, then another two years in Okinawa.
After my dad retired we moved to Laurel, Mississippi, where my parents were both from. We settled down there and my parents started to church where my grandmother and some other relatives attended. At age 16, I became a Christian, my parents rededicated their life to the Lord and my sister was saved.
The teen-age years were difficult for me. I did not who I was or what I wanted to do. My mother said things that made me feel I was not good enough, that I would fail at everything I do, and I felt defeated most of the time. We had several disagreements.
Then, one day I was visiting at my grandmother’s house. She had stepped outside to hang some clothes on the line. My grandpa was still inside with me (alone) and he inappropriately touched me, then kissed me. I immediately backed away then my grandmother came in the back door, I told her I had to get back home. I was in tears and I told my mother that her dad was sick and what happen. All she said was don’t go up there alone anymore, I felt lost and rejected. But, now I knew the truth and what my grandpa was really like and I was scared. She never talked about what it was like to live in the same house with him, but through the years I found out from an Aunt, how he treated her the same way as he had treated me. It is like some kind of family secret kept throught he years. Let me say this, years later a friend talked to my grandpa and he was saved and baptized_which I am glad, but it is still hard to process everything.
My mother later died from cancer. All that guilt and hurt just came flowing through me after she passed away. I felt if I had been a better person, if I had not been so selfish, maybe God would have let her live longer. It was my fault God took her, so this added pain on top of pain for years I stuffed this inside me.
About five years ago, I had some counselling and was able to process some of this and after reading your book and God’s promises it helped me to trust God’s Word, so God has given me the joy, peace and happiness I have been needing in my heart. I do have a wonderful, Christian husband and twin boys, God has blessed me with. So very thankful!
This devotional was a huge encouragement. God does rebuild the ancient ruins. I am learning to wait on him and that my expectations are in Him alone.
Thank you so much Renee for being such an inspiration and encouragement to me! I’ve been dealing with alot of hurt and doubt for a little while. I think by God’s grace i’m starting to finally stamp it out, little by little! I deal with alot of doubt about God’s plans for my life. He showed me at a very early age what I’m supposed to do with my life, and has given me countless opporunities, encouragement, and reassurance about it, but still I doubt. I know I need to reflect on His goodness and truth, and not my fickle feelings or Satan’s lies. If anyone sees this, please pray that thought the Lord I can finally conquer this doubt. I want to have joy and excitment in God’s big plans for me and not suck all the joy outta them! Thank you for your posts so much 🙂 They’ve really, really encouraged me!
I’d love to have a copy of your book A Confident Heart! I, too am asking God for healing. My heart has been broken and bruised for a long time. I have started to journel on my path to healing. I realize that until I release my “stuff” it stays. Your updates have encouraged me in this process. Thank you!
THANK YOU for this post and the P31 post. I too am dealing with pain from the past and not quite certain ‘how’ to let Jesus have it. I am sensing that God is saying to look at Scripture and the answers are there. Sooo hard to let go.
Thank you sooo much for these words!!! I can still get so stuck in burying hurts and not moving forward behind a wall of defense. Its hard to forgive and forget and move in faith. Thank you for your encouragement! I hope to get a copy of your book, it is not at my local Christian Bookstore yet.
I am dealing with a lot of negativity and expectations that are not being met as a mother. I struggled with infertility for many years and i now have 2 adorable children…but my life as a mother is not how i pictured it. I need God’s help to change my attitude and accept things the way they are…
Thank you for your devotion.
Thank You for sharing your story, blesses me beyond measure. I deal with alot of hurt from my childhood. PRAISE THE LORD with GODS help he I have overcome alot of the pain and it’s made me who I am today. Im special to him he has a plan, each valley we go thru makes us stronger in our walk with JESUS if we allow it too. I always ask myself WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? To be Christ like we must ask ourself this question. JESUS certainly went thru more than any of us have and he did it all for his children. Just thankful I can still say I HAVE BEEN BLESSED.
I’m so overwhelmed with emotion this morning as I read today’s devotion. I realized today that I need so much healing from past events in my life. My childhood was tough, my mother was very strict and believed in strong disicpline and my father was always sick, never really involved ever, and so many other memories that flooded my mind as I continued to read. Renee, I feel as though you are speaking directly to me. So far each devotion is speaking directly to my heart. I thank God for your ministry and I know God brought me to your website for my healing. Thank you for all that you do.
Please enter me to win the books. I really need them!
Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing, Renee. I really am inspired by you.
I know I have a broken heart… I just turned 44 and have never been married – I have always wanted that and to have children, but it has never happened. I feel like a failure… And my work is really stressful- I want to get out of the unhealthy environment– and tried last summer to no avail– so I am left just really feeling trapped and unloved…
But I have a sense of joy in my heart at the same time– God does refresh my soul (Ps 23). And for that I am truly grateful.
God bless you abundantly!
thank you for being real. i really needed this today.
God is so good to His children. He heals us in places we don’t even know we are hurting. Thamks you for all your sharing. It is always good to hear how others have overcome. One can never hear enough testimonies.
I can totally relate to having to forgive your father and struggling with a little girls unrealized dreams of just wanting to be loved. The little girl who never felt her father wanted her is healing in me ever so slowly and your devotions have been a part of that healing, thank you for sharing such intimate parts of your life walk with all of us. May God bless you and your family through this study!
I had similar experiences regarding my earthly father, Renee. God has shown me, just today, that alot of my feelings and emotions and doubts have been caused by those experiences long ago. I asked God to show me what was causing all the “stuff” I was feeling and going through despite having a wonderful husband and marriage. And HE did! I feel like a burden has been lifted off me, just by knowing where it all came from. I had been blaming myself for alot that actually I was just a innocent kid at the time. I’m in the process of releasing all that and getting back on track. I don’t want to lose the wonderful relationship that God has blessed me with. Thanks for your emails as God is surely using you to speak to me!