When I was in elementary school, I used to make bouquets out of azaleas and walk down the aisle of my dad’s long driveway lined with magnolia trees, imagining a prince waiting for me on the porch. Those were little girl dreams I thought I’d left behind.
In my devotion “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain,” featured today at P31, I shared about struggles I had years ago with anger and unrealistic expectations towards my husband. One day God showed me that my broken dreams had become bitter expectations taking root in my heart: I wanted my husband to make up for all that my dad had never been, and it was destroying my marriage.
God showed me that I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment and disappointment, and invite Him into those hurting places. Only He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from the fear of never have a happy ending.
As I released my grip, God began to heal my heart and my marriage. It was the beginning of a bigger work He was doing in my life. He walked me through a season of looking back so I could move forward, and used that time to “rebuild [my] ancient ruins and restore the [broken] places [in my heart that had been] long devastated” (Isa. 61:4).
During that time, I realized there were several areas of my life that needed restoration. I decided to write out a timeline of my life and asked the Holy Spirit , whom Jesus referred to as our Counselor, to help me see the wounds I had buried in my past.
With each wound, I asked Jesus to heal the pain and claimed Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort [me] and will look with compassion on all [my] ruins; he will make [my] deserts like Eden, [my] wastelands like the garden of the Lord.”
Over time I started to release the pain of rejection, shame, wounds and deep disappointments. Although I knew God wanted me to deal with my past, I also knew God did not want me to dwell in the past. He would speak through His word, reminding me again and again, See, Renee, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland (Isa. 43:18–19).
Forgiving each person who’d hurt me wasn’t easy but it was essential. Often we are afraid to forgive because it might open us up to be hurt again. Or we’re afraid to deal with it, so we just leave it buried. But any time we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.
In Ephesians 4, the Bible tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv. 2, 32). Forgiveness was demonstrated on a cross where Jesus displayed His perfect love by dying for imperfect people. At Calvary, Jesus laid down His pain and hurt and chose love and forgiveness instead. His forgiveness frees us to forgive others and ourselves.
Of course, some things are much harder and take more time to forgive than others. When I am really having a hard time forgiving or finding healing from a deep wound, I ask Jesus to cover my wounds with His blood. As Scripture tells us:
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding . . . he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Eph. 1:7–8; Isa. 53:5)
As I shared in my devotion, we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, but we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t completely heal until we do. And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep us from experiencing all that God has for us today and tomorrow.
As you process pain from your past that you have carried into your future. consider making a timeline of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories. Then ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those events caused, how far from God those things took you, and how they hurt you and others.
Invite God to enter into those memories with you. Give yourself time to grieve your losses as you ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. As He shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from any captivity that has held you until now. Pray His promises. Cry if you need to. Just please take time, sweet friend, to heal so you can be whole again.
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 4 of A Confident Heart,
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I’m giving away 2 copies, A Confident Heart today. Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. Also, I invite you to share your thoughts about this post, or about today’s devotion, so I/we can pray for you. It would be my honor to do that. I love you sweet friends. God has given me such overwhelming love for each of you!
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Wow! You hit the nail on the head. So many of us still have open gaping wounds from the past. I’ve been there! I got past it, it wasn’t easy. The two keys is forgiveness and praise. Not in that order. Oh sure we know we have to forgive people but how do you do it when they continue to injure you? Praise! Praise God all the day long. For the person for the situation for all of it. The bitterness melts away. Oh sure you will have to have it out with the person, even if it is just in your own mind. But, there is power in the name of Jesus. Hard times with the husband is difficult to swallow. No matter the anger praise God for the wonderful man he brought you. Again even if you don’t feel like it just say it. It changes the other person. It is like saying a prayer for them. No life isn’t a fairytale like when we were kids, but you probably aren’t the dream girl he thought he married either, sobyourveven. Now sit back and enjoy eachothers company and support him and tell him how great he is. Men want to feel good too! And through it all praise God!
Renee, what a post. Forgiveness is something we all need to learn to give but oh how hard it is. I struggle with forgiving when the person who hurt me either has no idea that they hurt me or they don’t understand me when I try to explain how they hurt me. I want to learn how to forgive without feeling like I need that person to acknowledge their part in my hurt.
P31 devotions have taken a backseat to hectic schedule lately.
A still small voice told me to take the time to today’s.
I now need to slow down and read it again. And again.Thank you.
I am struggling with my weight. I was so disappointed and frustrated with myself tonight and had such self-doubt as I once again embark on a diet tomorrow (albeit a healthy one). I came upon your website and read the first chapter of your book….I believe the Lord led me to it! What a breathe of fresh air has been breathed into my heart! I will conquer this weight problem once and for all and not look back at my past failures! Tonight I was given hope. Thank you, Renee.
What a heart felt devotion today
Thank you so much for this devotion today. I am currently dealing with so much pain from my childhood that I had buried deep down but at the same time it is affecting my relationships today. Once again Thank You!
I have realized that I have not gone back and worked thru so many things that have hurt me over the years. I went to Biblical Counseling for our marriage but even that has made me realize that it’s so easy to say we forgive but it’s so hard to forget!
Thank you for your devotion.
I am going through the pain of being misunderstood and feeling my reputation is shredded. This is the place where I have to give these negative feelings and sense of abandonment to the Lord who will be my shelter in this storm of depression and defeat. It was good to hear your words of healing. I need to let go and receive the healing from a torn relationship that only the Holy Spirit can offer to me. Thank you for your words of wisdom that lifts me up and leads me to focus on the precious Lord Jesus.
Wow…God works in some awesome ways… This whole devotion is screaming out at me… I couldn’tho figure out why I was so unhappy and walked around hurt and confused… I thought all the stuff from my past was just my past… But while reading this devotional tears fell uncontrollably and I quickly realized the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart making me see that I have to go back…. I have to let God heal my hurt and put together all the broken pieces.. I have to let go of the unrealistic expectations I have put on my husband.. I have to forgive my father… I also need to forgive myself.. I won’t give up…this past weekend was an emotional mess, completely my fault… I really just wanted to walk away.. I felt like everyone had abandoned me, even God… How very thankful I am for this devotional today. I need to make getting your book a priority…In the meanwhile I will be making a time line of my past! God Bless You! I pray your little one is feeling better, it can be rough…I have 5 of my own.
God is so good! Bless you for your testimony. Jesus surely came to heal the brokenhearted! He still does, doesn’t He. When I have trials it helps me to remember that the people in my life are not my enemy. Satan is the only enemy we have. … and he is a looser. Praise Jesus!
Renee, between, you, Lysa and Mary Beth, I think you reach into every dark or hurting place in my life…I am so thankful to have come to “know you ” a bit through your honest and vulnerable ministry. Between your broken little girl dreams and Lysa’s twirling hoping for acceptance… is me… the Pollyanna dreamer… always waiting for her prince to come and rescue her. Except I have always looked to men and abusive men at that. I did not feel worthy of someone who would respect me. And I didn’t realize that the Prince I really needed was the Prince of Peace until recently … and today I turned 54. So much healing to be done.I feel like I am sifting through the “archaeological dig” of my life trying to find the treasures … if there are any… and trying to figure out what to do with the “trash” which would be most of it. Forgiveness is essential I know but it is a lot longer process than I ever knew. For awhile I kept hoping I would wake up one day and “poof” … the fairy dust would make the pain go away and the forgiveness complete. I thank God for the three of you. You have helped me survive the last several years of my life with your openness and vulnerability. Praise God for you.
Dear Renee,
I just want yuu to know what a blessing your 7 day diet has been to me. I often lack confidence in my self and my abilities. I know that God wants to give us hope and a future. I truly plan to buy your book. I am excited about the opportunity God has created in my life. Thank you for your prayers as I will pray for you as well. God is our refuge and our strength. Blessings to you and your family.
God has been healing me of some past hurts as well. Thanks for sharing!
I can relate to what you shared, Renee.
Things are piling up on me and I have allowed those things to interfere with my relationship with the Lord. I asked the Lord to find me a devotion that would help me and low and behold, I found your devotion page which led me to your site. What a blessing it was for me to see someone dealing with the same issues I have. God never ceases to amaze me as to when we reach for Him, he always helps us! God bless you !
oh my gosh Renee, that picture of you with a white and red dress or top on..When I scrolled down that picture was up and I thought I was looking at me and wondering how I got on this site..Very scary,but in a good way..I can’t believe how much we looked alike when we were kids… I love you and I am enjoying and learning soo much from your book. Thank you soo much for all you do.
I appreciate you sharing your heart. It is encouraging to know that my heavenly Father does not want me stuck in the hurt of my past, but wants to heal me. I just need to give it all to Him. We don’t even realize how far our pain touches others, as well as our healing. Thank you for sharing how your healing, changed you and your marriage. God bless you!
Ouch! The bandaid on my life has been ripped off and the festering wound exposed to fresh air so that it can continue the healing process. It’s interesting to me how, often times, we look for husbands who resemble our fathers, which then can lead to similar hurt and heartache that we experienced as children. So what’s different? What has changed from dealing with an issue from a daughter/father standpoint vs a wife/husband standpoint? We are allowed to speak into our own life. We have seen more, experienced more, learned more, become a more confident child of God. I grew up where children were seen, not heard, so speaking my feelings about a situation, an injustice was intolerable. And that’s what is ingrained in me. When I see an injustice in my marriage, a situation that just doesn’t seem right, I revert to childhood coping methods, instead of developing new, more mature ones. So, my inclination was to sweep something under the rug….until I read your post. Now, I will confront the injustice, because I am the daughter of the almighty King; the God most high; the Father of the universe!
Thank you for the truth and wisdom!
Thanks for revealing your honest emotions. Like Helen M., I was also raised in a good, solid Christian home and I’ve been married to my childhood sweetheart and best friend for over 30 years. My doubts come from within myself. Currently I’ve been dealing with an issue over the last 10 years that doesn’t look like it will end anytime soon. The Lord has assured me that He is in control and I’m just waiting on His timing. However, I’m sure at some point this will become the issue of my past that I will have to face and confront.
I like what you said; would love to win a copy of the book to learn more. Thanks.