When I was in elementary school, I used to make bouquets out of azaleas and walk down the aisle of my dad’s long driveway lined with magnolia trees, imagining a prince waiting for me on the porch. Those were little girl dreams I thought I’d left behind.
In my devotion “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain,” featured today at P31, I shared about struggles I had years ago with anger and unrealistic expectations towards my husband. One day God showed me that my broken dreams had become bitter expectations taking root in my heart: I wanted my husband to make up for all that my dad had never been, and it was destroying my marriage.
God showed me that I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment and disappointment, and invite Him into those hurting places. Only He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from the fear of never have a happy ending.
As I released my grip, God began to heal my heart and my marriage. It was the beginning of a bigger work He was doing in my life. He walked me through a season of looking back so I could move forward, and used that time to “rebuild [my] ancient ruins and restore the [broken] places [in my heart that had been] long devastated” (Isa. 61:4).
During that time, I realized there were several areas of my life that needed restoration. I decided to write out a timeline of my life and asked the Holy Spirit , whom Jesus referred to as our Counselor, to help me see the wounds I had buried in my past.
With each wound, I asked Jesus to heal the pain and claimed Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort [me] and will look with compassion on all [my] ruins; he will make [my] deserts like Eden, [my] wastelands like the garden of the Lord.”
Over time I started to release the pain of rejection, shame, wounds and deep disappointments. Although I knew God wanted me to deal with my past, I also knew God did not want me to dwell in the past. He would speak through His word, reminding me again and again, See, Renee, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland (Isa. 43:18–19).
Forgiving each person who’d hurt me wasn’t easy but it was essential. Often we are afraid to forgive because it might open us up to be hurt again. Or we’re afraid to deal with it, so we just leave it buried. But any time we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.
In Ephesians 4, the Bible tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv. 2, 32). Forgiveness was demonstrated on a cross where Jesus displayed His perfect love by dying for imperfect people. At Calvary, Jesus laid down His pain and hurt and chose love and forgiveness instead. His forgiveness frees us to forgive others and ourselves.
Of course, some things are much harder and take more time to forgive than others. When I am really having a hard time forgiving or finding healing from a deep wound, I ask Jesus to cover my wounds with His blood. As Scripture tells us:
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding . . . he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Eph. 1:7–8; Isa. 53:5)
As I shared in my devotion, we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, but we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t completely heal until we do. And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep us from experiencing all that God has for us today and tomorrow.
As you process pain from your past that you have carried into your future. consider making a timeline of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories. Then ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those events caused, how far from God those things took you, and how they hurt you and others.
Invite God to enter into those memories with you. Give yourself time to grieve your losses as you ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. As He shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from any captivity that has held you until now. Pray His promises. Cry if you need to. Just please take time, sweet friend, to heal so you can be whole again.
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 4 of A Confident Heart,
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I’m giving away 2 copies, A Confident Heart today. Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. Also, I invite you to share your thoughts about this post, or about today’s devotion, so I/we can pray for you. It would be my honor to do that. I love you sweet friends. God has given me such overwhelming love for each of you!
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This was an eye opener cause i have been struggling with my marriage for 5yrs now. I have been so hurt and rebellious for so long that i dont kknow how to go on without thinking somebody is trying to hurt me or discriminate me. I always turn to God. I guess i am stubborn,, I need help but from where Its so hard to trust….
Your devotion pierced through my heart and soul today. It was spoken from inside my deepest repressed thoughts after 48yrs of life and 24yrs of marriage. I have experienced an indescribable spiritual awakening to KNOW Christ and feel Him within me now. I fervently pray and ask you to as well that the Holy Spirit embraces my husband as well..since he has filed for divorce.
I love how God speaks to us through others. In your devotion today it was as if you were writing about a chapter from my own life or a storm I am currently going through. A question was recently asked of me “If great things come from seeking God in your suffering, would you stop it to ease the pain?” Wow! As painful as the healing process is, my experiences and trials will not be wasted, I look forward as to how God will use them to fulfill His(not my) purpose for my life.
Wow! There is so much pain and hurt out there. I intended to write about my “issues”, but reconsidered after reading many of the previous posts. My troubles pail in comparison. I will lift a prayer for all of you on this board. I recommend you all read Paul’s thoughts and Christ’s words found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
Thank you for your devotion today. I have been struggling with dealing with issues of the past that are impacting the present. I have to confess to feeling less than enthusiastic about dealing with anything. God is probably looking at me and shaking His head at my rebellious, stubborn streak. While I am tired of hurting, I’m afraid too of moving forward. I can’t fall apart.
You have struck a nerve in me. Everytime I read a post it is like a word from God that I needed to hear right then. I am going to start a small group study on this book because I know I am not the only one that have this issue. Thank-you for all that you write!!
Thanks for all the devotions.
Thank you Renee. I have really needed the messages you have shared. Also the comments have been great! I am unable to open up here yet…but one day..god willing:). Thanks (Am praying for your family and little one!)
Renee,
Thank you so much for the devotions you write. They have a way of really helping me look at all that I need to be addressing in my life. And realizing that I do have to look back so that I can move forward from the mess of my life today is an eye opener. It’s not bad enough that I am having to try and figure out how to let go of the pain of divorce after nearly 30 years, I am seeing that I need to first deal with some things that have been around my entire life. Even though there were extremely painful events in my childhood, I have realized that my way of coping was to just pretend they weren’t there, when in reality I think I have felt the pain from those hurts every minute of every day.
Lots of praying to do as I know that right now, that is all that is going to get me to the other side of this pain I am in right now.
Thank you and God bless you!!!
Renee, first let me take the time to thank u for you and your teams faithfulness and obedience. Without you I don’t know where I would be. You have helped me get through so many thing regarding my weight and how I see myself. But today was a total lightbulb no spot light day. My husband had an affair on me 3 years ago. It has been a struggle for forgiveness. Forgiving him as well as myself for not doing the things I neede to to meet his need. After reading your devotion I said to myself ” I thought God went through everything we have been through” he didn’t have sex and get cheated on. Then that’s when the spotlite hit me. He did! He got betrayed He had all those feelings I had and yet forgave all. This might seem obvious to most but this is such a huge moment in my walk toward forgiveness. Thank you again
Renee
My father died in 1986 I and not forgiven him they he treated my mother. I still see a picture in my mind of him with a knife at her neck. Why can’t I forgive him? This happened in my ealry 20’s and I am now is my 60’s. I want to forgive him before it’s too late. I love your website.
I forgive past hurts, but they still hold me captive to setting patterns for the present. Don’t know “how” to get free of that.
Hi Jean – I have been there. Paul in Phil. encourages us to put the past behind, and reach for the goal Christ has set before us.
I read a book several years a go by Katie Brazelton “Pathway to Purpose for Women”, the second chapter deals with putting the past behind. A Life Purpose Coach can help walk you through this. A Holy Spirit led process. You are welcome to email me.
It’s Christ who sets us free, then and only then are we free, indeed.
Dianne
After reading your devotion this morning, I immediately posted a link on my facebook page… you’re transparent honesty is such a blessing… thank you for doing what you do and encouraging so many women with the hope that is only found in Christ.
Always look forward to reading what you have to share.
Thanks again,
Nicole
Renee:
Thank you so much for your honesty & transparency! I can relate & identify with a lot of what you shared today. I have worked through a lot of my childhood wounds, but there are still more to work through. Thank you for helping me identify some of my struggles within my marriage. I appreciate you!
Thank you for sharing this.. It is right where I am!!
this devotion it seems looked right into the heart of all my problems. I didn’t deserve the physical and mental abuse, which has really ruined my life emotionaly and medically. My dad made me feel like it was all my fault and no one could love me, I wasn’t worthy. I know it was him and not me, but I didn’t learn any other way, and it has been a constant struggle with depression. I thank God that my husband of 20 1/2 years has been very patient with me and God has given me such a loving gentle man. I feel like I’m stuck. thank you for your devotion, it has opened my eyes.
Thank you for sharing your God Story, God is really working in my heart about these things
God is good…thank you for the right words at the right time. Your words and insights have brought me so far in my healing. My father left when I was just an infant. My mom was absent due to trying to care for my sister and I. Until recently I had this overwhelming abandoned feeling. Through the words in this book I have come to realize that the Father never abandoned me… He has been with me all along and He will be with me forever. God bless everyone going through this discovery process. Thanks be to God.
this was soooo freakishly accurate to my life. i just kept going oh my gosh over and over and over again. i dont even have a boyfriend but most of the time i dont want god to fix me right now because i know how painful it will be dealing with the healing from the pain my father has caused me and my family. i need it healed though cuz God can do amazing things! im so on fire after reading this! thanks so much!
Hi and Thank You for this helpful post! I really do appreciate the openess and being real .Sometimes I think Im the only one having all these problems. Praising God for you .