When I was in elementary school, I used to make bouquets out of azaleas and walk down the aisle of my dad’s long driveway lined with magnolia trees, imagining a prince waiting for me on the porch. Those were little girl dreams I thought I’d left behind.
In my devotion “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain,” featured today at P31, I shared about struggles I had years ago with anger and unrealistic expectations towards my husband. One day God showed me that my broken dreams had become bitter expectations taking root in my heart: I wanted my husband to make up for all that my dad had never been, and it was destroying my marriage.
God showed me that I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment and disappointment, and invite Him into those hurting places. Only He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from the fear of never have a happy ending.
As I released my grip, God began to heal my heart and my marriage. It was the beginning of a bigger work He was doing in my life. He walked me through a season of looking back so I could move forward, and used that time to “rebuild [my] ancient ruins and restore the [broken] places [in my heart that had been] long devastated” (Isa. 61:4).
During that time, I realized there were several areas of my life that needed restoration. I decided to write out a timeline of my life and asked the Holy Spirit , whom Jesus referred to as our Counselor, to help me see the wounds I had buried in my past.
With each wound, I asked Jesus to heal the pain and claimed Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort [me] and will look with compassion on all [my] ruins; he will make [my] deserts like Eden, [my] wastelands like the garden of the Lord.”
Over time I started to release the pain of rejection, shame, wounds and deep disappointments. Although I knew God wanted me to deal with my past, I also knew God did not want me to dwell in the past. He would speak through His word, reminding me again and again, See, Renee, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland (Isa. 43:18–19).
Forgiving each person who’d hurt me wasn’t easy but it was essential. Often we are afraid to forgive because it might open us up to be hurt again. Or we’re afraid to deal with it, so we just leave it buried. But any time we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.
In Ephesians 4, the Bible tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv. 2, 32). Forgiveness was demonstrated on a cross where Jesus displayed His perfect love by dying for imperfect people. At Calvary, Jesus laid down His pain and hurt and chose love and forgiveness instead. His forgiveness frees us to forgive others and ourselves.
Of course, some things are much harder and take more time to forgive than others. When I am really having a hard time forgiving or finding healing from a deep wound, I ask Jesus to cover my wounds with His blood. As Scripture tells us:
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding . . . he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Eph. 1:7–8; Isa. 53:5)
As I shared in my devotion, we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, but we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t completely heal until we do. And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep us from experiencing all that God has for us today and tomorrow.
As you process pain from your past that you have carried into your future. consider making a timeline of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories. Then ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those events caused, how far from God those things took you, and how they hurt you and others.
Invite God to enter into those memories with you. Give yourself time to grieve your losses as you ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. As He shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from any captivity that has held you until now. Pray His promises. Cry if you need to. Just please take time, sweet friend, to heal so you can be whole again.
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 4 of A Confident Heart,
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I’m giving away 2 copies, A Confident Heart today. Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. Also, I invite you to share your thoughts about this post, or about today’s devotion, so I/we can pray for you. It would be my honor to do that. I love you sweet friends. God has given me such overwhelming love for each of you!
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It never ceases to amaze me that just when i think i’m starting to get it together Satan will dredge up something from my past and throw it in my face starting the whold doubt/insecurity thing all over again. We must keep ourselves in God’s word and not even open the door a crack for Satan to get his foot in. If we let him get that foot in pretty soon he has wormed his way all the way in wreaking havoc in our thoughts and lives. Thank you so much Renee for this devotion. I know i’m a bit late but, severe back issues keep me from being on my pc a lot lately.
I started reading a Confident Heart this weekend and this blog touched me in very painful places today. I can’t leave my past behind so I can enjoy my present and future. This blog has given me the tools to forgive myself. I need to forgive myself so that I can love God more and let God love me. Awesome message!
Thank you so much for providing this devotion. Although I read it the day you posted it this morning in my quiet time God nudged me to make my timeline and get more of the healing I desire and need. I am going thru a divorce now and I want to be completely healed from all the pain that I have endured thru this and my lifetime. I believe God wants me whole and more than anything I want to be. I don’t want to go another minute with out being healed. I have learned hurt people, hurt people and I don’t want to cause pain to anyone. JJohnson
This is such a new journey of courage for me. Learning to let go….and let God be the centre of my healing. I pray for courage, strength and gut courage. Thank you for your website and blog to encourage me.
My church and I are going through a healing process and your devotional as well as your book, “A Confident Heart” is just what I need. Thank you so much and God bless.
Thank You for your genuiness. I have been struggling with feelings of comparison, critical thoughts, and such. Its so hard to overcome it and you said it bang on with (my paraphrase) If we are a child of God why do we see ourselves as unworthy? Why can’t we see what He sees, how He created us? I am always, ashamed to say, thinking “oh yeah she would do that ministry so well.” Diminishing myself and basically rejecting God’s plan for me. I’ve really enjoyed receiving the 7 day doubt diet emails, they are definitely an eye opener and tool set to defeating the defeatism spirit! May God continue to use you and bless you and your ministry :0)
Thank you for your devotion and for your book!! I am going through the Proverbs 31 study of your book and it was so nice to read Chapter 4 and then have your devotion be on Chapter 4 as well! I was a little unclear on how to make the timeline before I read the application notes on your devotion and now that I understand I am planning on working on my timeline tomorrow. Thank you so much for your ministry!!
I too have struggled with numerous aches from my past and not so distant past! I have been learning so much through these daily devotions and I have numerous speakers on my iPhone such as Beth Moore who has helped me greatly!! Thank you for sharing the heart of God with me!!
I woke this morning unusually early & thought I’d get a start on my day. For whatever reason, the enemy of my soul was able to take advantage of this & immediately fill my heart & mind w/doubts. Soon, I found myself in tears & wanted to quit everything, even the things I hadn’t committed to yet. Fortunately my husband had the presence of mind to stop on his way out to work, (which spoke volumes to me because he was running late). I was able to go back to bed for a few hours. When I woke, God gave me kind of a “do over” pass & sit me down in front of my computer to look in my inbox & find today’s devotion. THANK YOU Renee, for your obedience to speak god’s truth in love to my heart today! I’m going right now to His Word to fill up & sit at His feet.
Thank you Renee. I am stuck in an area that needs healing — not from wounds from others, but wounds from myself. And I need to take time to really process that pain with Jesus. But I didn’t realize that need until I read your devotion today. I know it will be freeing, but it’s kind of scary too — I want to be free, but I’m so used to these “crutches” that I have a hard time being willing to give them up. It comes down to a need to trust in God’s goodness, which I am just beginning to. Thank you for gently challenging me to do so.
That was so helpful for me thank you very much! It’s been a continued journey of dealing with an alcholic father as a young child, a legalistic and dysfunctional mother and loosing my father when I was 23. God is good he’s never left me nor forsaken me. Your devotion confirms that.