Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These are a few words that defined Donna and cast shadows over her. Here’s Donna’s story…
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Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These were shadows from a past that would haunt me for years. A past that would hold me hostage and keep me from fully living in the light of God’s love.
Fearful as I watched a hot plate of spaghetti thrown across the kitchen. Fearful as I watched furniture crash against walls. Fearful as my dad fell to the ground a few feet from my mom after he’d swung at her and lost his balance.
Betrayed after my intoxicated father sat me on the back of a horse without a saddle or reins to hold, and then swiped the horse’s rear end. Betrayed as he laughed with his friends while I went sailing through the air and landed on a barb wired fence.
Abandoned and unwanted when my dad filed divorce papers and when I discovered he failed to even get my name and birthday correct on them. Abandoned each time my dad refused to pay child support. Unwanted as years went by without visits, phone calls, hugs, birthday gifts.
Unloved and unworthy when my dad broke promise after promise… to visit, to call, to show up for my high school graduation, to pay for college.
Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted. Words and emotions that I let define me and cast shadows over me … until July 2011.
Through several of my Pastor’s sermons and through a friend’s father passing away, I sensed God asking: “How would you feel and what would you do if your Dad were to die this very day?”
I had no answer. I didn’t even know or really even think I liked my dad, much less loved him. Fifteen years had gone by since I’d seen him.
Around that same time, God challenged me with two words: ACCEPT and CHOICE
I had a choice and I made it. Following God’s nudging, on July 1, 2011 I went to see my father and accepted him for who he is.
In doing so, for the first time ever, I was able to ACCEPT my past. God made it perfectly clear to me that I could not change my dad nor my past. My only job was to pray for my Dad. I cannot tell you the burden that lifted from my entire being on July 1st.
God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE!
A choice to believe that He is who He says He is. A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.
And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices. So I get up every morning and choose to believe that God is a Promise Keeper. I make the choice – to believe He loves me like no other can nor will, to pray for my Dad, to let go of the anger. I choose to live in the Light of Jesus so I can have a the freedom and security of a confident heart.
There are days, even minutes, that I don’t make the right choices. But the good thing is as I get better and better at making those choices my rebound time gets shorter and shorter. I get quicker at turning back to the Light.
I’m praying for you today – that together we can turn towards and live in the Light of God’s love. That He’ll give us courage to make the choices He’s asking us to make and accept what He’s calling us to accept so that we can keep turning and growing.
Lord, thank You for Your promises. I thank You that You have called me out of the darkness and into Your light. Thank You for transforming my heart into a heart like Yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna, sweet friend, thank you for boldly believing Jesus and walking in obedient trust of His calling on your life. Your story and your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way. I”m so grateful for the Light and the way you walk in Him!
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Connecting in Community & A Giveaway: What is God speaking to your heart as you read Donna’s story o? Or is there something in chapter 5 that resonated with a change, a choice or a place of acceptance God’s inviting you to? Let’s share here and/or some of the answers to our end of chapter questions this week. Whatever is on your heart.
Donna has generously donated 4 copies of my book {for you or a friend?} Winners will be prayerfully and randomly drawn on Monday from comments left below today’s post. Just click “share your thoughts” and do just that. {If you’re reading this via email click here to share, enter and connect.}
PS. Here’s a music video that Donna shared with me – it reminds us of Chapter 5. After you leave a comment, be sure to watch/listen and let it speak to your heart today or when you have a chance later to come back and stay a little longer.
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Thank you for your message! I love your accept and choice. I grew up with a shell of parents and I can say a lot of my doubts and insecurities comes from that. I’ve been praying for healing and to get past the pain of the past. I can’t change my past/ nor my parents but I can accept them and pray for them. I love how you said about turning back quicker and finding the Light…so agree with this. I know that all my pain is serving a greater purpose for Him and his Kingdom.
So encouraging the strength and bravery of all the info posted! Thanks so much!
Julie
Julie,
Thanks so much for your encouraging words and for being a part of this study. I love how God has knitted us all together on Renee’s blog for His kingdom purposes. Love how all of you are opening up and sharing your life stories just as Renee has. So thankful that He has given me a front row seat to watch Him work.
Praying for you,
Donna B
Healing only God can give. Amazing~!! Thank you for sharing.
Praising Him and thanking Him for being my Healer!
Donna B
What a wonderful story of being set free!!!! My dad drank also and Long after he died I realized I missed a gift God was offering me to connect with him in a deeper way. I had helped him and been dutiful, but holding onto unforgiveness caused me to miss a blessing.
One part of the chapter that really spoke to me was, “when we focus our attention on ourselves, we turn our attention away from God. We leave no room in our thoughts to listen to what He is thinking about us, because we have given that place away to be occupied by other people’s opinions. We become overly concerned about what others think of us instead of what God thinks about us.”
Learning to depend on God to tell me who I am has been very freeing.
God bless Renee, saying a prayer for healing from God and wisdom for the doctors.
And Donna, thank you for sharing.
Dodi, So blessed that God is using Renee and her story to touch and transform your heart! And I love how you talked about depending on God for Him to tell you who you are. Praying for you and praising Him for you.
Donna B
Thank you Donna. Isn’t it amazing how when we reach out and share with others, God blesses us and even does MORE heart-healing for us?
My life right now is full of changes. I am in mid 60s, People I have know for years have recently died. Some are moving away to be near kids.
What I cling to, is God is not surprised. I may feel sad at times, but he embraces and comforts me there. Sharing our stories is one way God embraces us and invites others to enter into His story of healing with us, in us and through us. You are being so faithful to respond to every one who was touched by your story.
May God bless you and continue to draw you closer, closer and closer still into His healing love.
I would love a copy of this book. I have seen it referenced in many blogs.
Oh how this story hits home. I have so much fear, hurt, abandonment and feelings of being unloved, I wouldn’t know where to begin. I was not allowed to see my mom as a child but began a relationship with her when I was 18. My sister and I were told she did not want us. From then to now (I’m 49) I tried to establish a relationship with her. I finally gave up last year, but not without years of a roller coaster relationship that involved being treated bad, putdown (in front of others), embarrassments, mistreatment, etc. I finally realized my mom does not have the capability of being a true “mother”. She would go months at a time without even taking my calls; I would feel abandoned all over again. My paternal grandmother raised me and she hated my mother. According to her, I looked and acted like my mother and so she hated me too (at least that is the way she made me feel). I grew up in a home of verbal, mental and physical abuse (although they didn’t consider it child abuse back in those days). I have come a long way with the pain and feeling of being unloved, but I really have a long, long way to go. My fear, pain and the feeling of being unloved by my family is so very real/existent and prevalent! I use to constantly read Psalm 27 especially the verse…when your mother or father forsake you He will take you up! I’m still a work in progress!
RT,
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your fear, hurt, and feeling unloved. I have not experienced exactly what you have, but I am 53 and struggle with the same issues. I, too, am a work in progress!
Take care and remember…we are in this journey together.
Gail
RT and Gail,
Thanks so much for sharing your hearts and your stories here! And you are correct, we are not alone and we are all works in progress. My Mom and Dad separated when I was about 5 or 6. And I just turned 50 so it’s taken awhile … ok, a long while for me to get where I am today – 40 something to be exact. I so love God’s promise found in Deut 31:6, “He will never leave nor forsake us”. He is always there even when we don’t feel him!
I love reading Psalm 139 and the promises that Renee shares with us in Chapter 12. “Living In His Security” – a security that can never be taken away from us!
I love how He gives us the ability to make the next right choice …. so keep making those right decisions …. He is there and He loves the both of you like no other can nor will!
Blessings and praying for you both,
Donna B
Also, right before finding this in my email ,I was driving and a song Be The Light was on. Goosebumps!
Cathy,
Praying for you, your relationship with God and with your Dad. Praying for God to heal your hurts and that as you seek God, He will reveal Himself to you as your Abba Father.
Do a youtube search and listen to “Learning to be the Light” by Newworldson! It’s another good one too.
thanks for sharing,
Donna
Thank you so much! I would love a copy of the book. I have recently started going to church and trying to get closer to God. I relate to Dad betraying you. Despite everything my father has done I am still desperate for a relationship with him. However I am slowly realizing I need to put that passion and energy into seeking a closer relationship with HIM, the REAL Father of everyone. I am a great person and if my dad refuses to get to know me then I guess it’s his loss. Thanks again! 🙂
I desire to chose to live in the light of who I am in Christ. It is His battle…His power through me. Gal 2:20, Isaiah 30:15-21. Like Gideon’s battles- God longs to be gracious to us. We can choose. Thank you for sharing your life and what is true.
Billie
Billie,
YAY God!! He wants us all to choose the light!! Keep living in the light!!!
thanks for sharing!
Donna B
Thank you for sharing Donna. This truly speaks to my heart as I am still dealing with the hurt, abandonment, rejection, etc., faced from my mother. And am still battling many emotions as my kids & have had to move in with her & watch/hear her turn her back on God & follow very (blatant) pagan teachings. I cannot twll you how much it helps knowing I’m not alone in the emotions or in knowing God’s the one & only parent will ever truly need.
Thanks again for your open, sharing heart. Prayers for your continued healing & following of His calling.
Jennifer
Heather,
Thanks for the prayers. I can use all of those I can get! Praying for you too. It took me 40 some odd years to finally let go and let God have His way with my heart and my attitude towards my Dad. Praying for God to guide, direct and guard your heart.
And you are so not alone!!
Donna B
Jennifer,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart about your Mom. Praying for God to work in your Mom’s heart. Praying that she will find her way back to Him. Praying for you as well as you deal with the emotions. Praying for God to put His hedge of protection around you and your kids. Praying for God’s healing for your heart as well.
Keep moving towards the Light and to your Abba Father!
Donna B.
I too have issues from my childhood and adulthood from my mother. Sometimes I find it difficult to pray for her and to hope that she will ever have a change of heart. But I know that God never gives up….so I will continue to pray that she sees God’s light. It has taken me a very long time to get over the pain and hurt that she has caused and to realize that I cannot fix it. Only God can.
Gail,
It is hard to pray for those that have hurt us, but when we are called to, it’s for our own good. Sometimes it is so hard for me that I have a wall hanging that states “Prayer is less about changing the world …. and more about changing ourselves.” Thinking I need to tattoo this one on my forehead! And I too as so thankful that God does not give up on us … cause I know, I have given Him more than enough reasons too.
Praying for God to continue His healing process in your heart and in your relationship with your Mom,
Donna B
Thank you for sharing Donna! I too find that most of my struggles with insecurity come out of my relationship (or lack there of) with my father. I have never felt that I was of any real worth to him. But I’m learning to trust God’s words and promises and to believe that they are true. That my value is found in Him, and not anyone else. What I really took away from Chapter 5 was about changing my focus. I need to get my eyes off of myself, get a little less self-aware and become more aware of God. If my eyes are on him, and my ears are listening to his truth, there isn’t room for the lies that Satan would prefer me to listen to. Just this week I have taken the step to become accountable to two of my closest friends. I’ve asked them to check in with me to see if I’m listening to God’s truth. I need that accountability and hope to return the favor. Thank you Renee for writing this book. I’m reading through it for the second time now and taking advantage of the online resources. I’d love to have a hardcopy (I’m reading on Kindle) to share with a friend.
Kelli,
Love how God is using the story that He gave Renee to change us and make us into the women that He wants us to be for His purposes. Love how He shows us how to trust to Him day by day, minute by minute!
Praying for you and your journey to the center of His heart,
Donna B
Walking in the light for me right now means knowing that God is there and that He sees what I and my family are going through even when we don’t feel Him. Last night was one of those times. We had to have my daughter taken to the hospital by ambulance because she was having seizures. The whole time we were there, I could hear the words “I am here. I see your fear.” I made the choice to believe in those words and could feel the difference as I made that choice. My heart and soul became calmer and I experienced peace in the midst of the storm. She is better this morning. Praise God!
Praising God with you not only for His peace but also for your daughter doing better! We serve an amazing God who knows everything there is to know about us …. down to each little hair on our heads!! Praying for you and your daughter as you walk in the LIGHT!!
Blessings,
Donna B
Thank you Donna,
These were words I needed to hear today, I have been in another dark mood. I have still been thinking if I cannot trust my parents who can I trust and remembering all my past sins so I cannot trust even myself. A bunch of baggage is also surfacing but you have reminded me it is my choice to let God’s o[onion shape my view of myself and He is the perfect parent.
Thank you Renee,
Your book is reinforcing me to focus on our loving Father instead of myself and to pray and read His Word more.
YAY God!! And as that baggage resurfaces, please visit Chapter 12 of Renee’s book and allow His promises to fill you up!!
Praying for you!
Donna B
This week’s lesson has really spoken to me in who I should look to for acceptance. Struggling with my daughter’s rejection has caused me to reexamine why I cannot deal with rejection. It all goes back to my childhood when my father too rejected me. I haven’t seen my real father since I was three. My stepfather was much like Donna’s father in his abuse and alcoholism. The bottom line is we live in a fallen world and we have to deal with the results of what sin has done to each one of us. To know that our Abba Father loves us in the way that we (as women) long to be loved is something we should never forget or take for granted. This study has truly spoken to my heart and is such a blessing. I’m already a different person than what I was when I started this study. Thank you Renee!
Praising God with you Chris!! I love how God has prompted and is prompting so many to share their hearts here with Renee and I. I love watching Him change hearts! Praying for you as you process your past hurts.
Loving how God is using Renee and her book to change so many hearts for his kingdom purposes! Can’t wait to hear how God will keep drawing you closer and closer to His heart! You are going to love the rest of the book and Renee’s how to’s for letting go and letting God rule our hearts!
Many blessings,
Donna B
This probably is the closest I’ve ever read to my own story. I looked my father up last summer to put an end to my constant curiosity of who he really was and also to fulfill the need to forgive him and get a lot of unending questions answered. The timing was impeccable because I learned a lot about myself through 3 months of visting him in hospice. See I found him as he was dying. He was terminal and discovering this was really my last chance, I took that whole time to learn about him. I had a lot of ground to cover after 30 years of no connection. I will never regret the opportunity, and I came away from that a much better person. I went with an open heart despite the abuse I saw in my childhood, and this time with an adult attitude, I was able to see what he truly lacked in his heart. My faith took me through it all last summer. Thank you for such a wonderful, very similar story. It did my heart wonders. I sometimes have regrets about the fact I wish I’d asked more questions, but really it just was good to close a door on my past. I feel I can go forward with a much more appreciative open heart.
Thank you!
Pamela,
Blessed by your story as well! Praising God and thanking Him for how He allowed you to meet with, forgive and extend grace to your Dad! What an amazing sotry of healing! LOVE IT!! And love seeing how God has worked and is working in your life. Praising Him for your trusting, faithful and healed heart.
May God continue to bless you and use you in the lives of others.
Donna B
wow that those words bascilly are the words that over shadow me
one word that i used to own was worthless
i would say i was worthless and feel worthless
all the time . i struggle with the shadow of unlovable on me
i hear that being played everytime in my ear because that was told to
me by someone from my small group
some times i belive that lie that im unlovable and its hard to have relationships or connect with anyone cause i keep hearing that word
I can relate to being overshadowed by a word or description that sticks in your head from the past….it takes ten positive thoughts to overcome just one bad thought. I too feel unloved, unworthy, etc. This chapter helped me to realize that God has loved me and accepted me for who I am all along. I pray that I will truly start to rely fully on God’s love and his light. Thank you for this study. God Bless you all and may we all continue to grow and have confident hearts.
Brittany and Paula,
Thanks so much for opening up and being so real with your thoughts and your feelings. Praying for you both and asking God to show you how to replace those lies that you have heard with His promises. Anytime I get those thoughts, I grab Renee’s book and read through all of the promises that she has listed in Chapter 12. I also will read Psalm 139 over and over until it saturates my thoughts.
Love seeing God working your hearts. Keep running and turning to the Light.
Donna B
What a profound lesson……..we all have skeletons in our closets, thank you for showing us that we choose to let them continue to hang around or we can opt to throw them out! Forgiveness and accepting those we love the most, for who they are, is one of my biggest struggles, but your willingness to do so with everything you’ve been through, makes it seem so much easier. Thank you for sharing your hardships and insight!
Lisa,
So thankful that God has chosen you to be a part of this amazing study! I love how God has used Renee’s book and her story to bring us all together for His wonderful teaching of us all!
Praying for you as you continue to turn those pages of Renee’s book.
Donna B
Thanks for sharing your story, this should help alot of people to move beyond hurts from their past. You are truly a blessing.
Nita,
you are so welcome and that is the prayer of my heart that God would use the story that He has given me for His glory and honor – to help others not only move past their pain, but to move closer to His heart!
Thanks again for blessing me,
Donna B
Your stroy touch my heart, I have been feeling alone too,but today I realize that I needed to change my thinking and believe that I am worhty and good. That I can be all that God wants, if I stop the negative thoughts. I will not become my negative thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your touching story. God is Good
Vicki, much thanks for your kind words. And yes, you are worthy, you are loved, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are a daughter of the King of Kings, a member of THE Royal family of all royal families! You are HIS royalty!!
Donna B.
This very much what I needed to hear today. Thank you. Love the song.
Praising God for His timing and His work!
i am very grateful for all the inspiring words during this time of dealing with my son being alienated from me! I have learned to let go and let God! Please keep me in your prayers and hope to hear from you soon!
Lord, I pray for restoration between Brenda and her son. I don’t have all the words or the reasons as to the why for alienation, but I know that you do and that’s all that matters. I pray for repaired hearts and repaired relationships. But most of all, I pray that you will be the centerpiece of Brenda and her son’s relationship. Asking for you to do what you do best, draw both of them closer to you and as they draw closer to you, that they would draw closer to each other. Cause them both to release their agendas and replace it with your agenda. Focus their thoughts on you and only you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.