Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These are a few words that defined Donna and cast shadows over her. Here’s Donna’s story…
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Fearful. Betrayed. Abandoned. Unloved. Unworthy. Unwanted.
These were shadows from a past that would haunt me for years. A past that would hold me hostage and keep me from fully living in the light of God’s love.
Fearful as I watched a hot plate of spaghetti thrown across the kitchen. Fearful as I watched furniture crash against walls. Fearful as my dad fell to the ground a few feet from my mom after he’d swung at her and lost his balance.
Betrayed after my intoxicated father sat me on the back of a horse without a saddle or reins to hold, and then swiped the horse’s rear end. Betrayed as he laughed with his friends while I went sailing through the air and landed on a barb wired fence.
Abandoned and unwanted when my dad filed divorce papers and when I discovered he failed to even get my name and birthday correct on them. Abandoned each time my dad refused to pay child support. Unwanted as years went by without visits, phone calls, hugs, birthday gifts.
Unloved and unworthy when my dad broke promise after promise… to visit, to call, to show up for my high school graduation, to pay for college.
Fearful, betrayed, abandoned, unloved, unworthy, and unwanted. Words and emotions that I let define me and cast shadows over me … until July 2011.
Through several of my Pastor’s sermons and through a friend’s father passing away, I sensed God asking: “How would you feel and what would you do if your Dad were to die this very day?”
I had no answer. I didn’t even know or really even think I liked my dad, much less loved him. Fifteen years had gone by since I’d seen him.
Around that same time, God challenged me with two words: ACCEPT and CHOICE
I had a choice and I made it. Following God’s nudging, on July 1, 2011 I went to see my father and accepted him for who he is.
In doing so, for the first time ever, I was able to ACCEPT my past. God made it perfectly clear to me that I could not change my dad nor my past. My only job was to pray for my Dad. I cannot tell you the burden that lifted from my entire being on July 1st.
God took my acceptance one step further. He told me I had a CHOICE!
A choice to believe that He is who He says He is. A choice to believe His promises; a choice to believe I was worth dying for; a choice to be filled with His joy; a choice to let Him be my Father, my Abba Daddy; a choice to live with a confident heart.
And it’s up to me to make those choices 24/7. Not just on Sunday. Not just at 9am when my day starts – but constantly make those choices. So I get up every morning and choose to believe that God is a Promise Keeper. I make the choice – to believe He loves me like no other can nor will, to pray for my Dad, to let go of the anger. I choose to live in the Light of Jesus so I can have a the freedom and security of a confident heart.
There are days, even minutes, that I don’t make the right choices. But the good thing is as I get better and better at making those choices my rebound time gets shorter and shorter. I get quicker at turning back to the Light.
I’m praying for you today – that together we can turn towards and live in the Light of God’s love. That He’ll give us courage to make the choices He’s asking us to make and accept what He’s calling us to accept so that we can keep turning and growing.
Lord, thank You for Your promises. I thank You that You have called me out of the darkness and into Your light. Thank You for transforming my heart into a heart like Yours. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna, sweet friend, thank you for boldly believing Jesus and walking in obedient trust of His calling on your life. Your story and your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way. I”m so grateful for the Light and the way you walk in Him!
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Connecting in Community & A Giveaway: What is God speaking to your heart as you read Donna’s story o? Or is there something in chapter 5 that resonated with a change, a choice or a place of acceptance God’s inviting you to? Let’s share here and/or some of the answers to our end of chapter questions this week. Whatever is on your heart.
Donna has generously donated 4 copies of my book {for you or a friend?} Winners will be prayerfully and randomly drawn on Monday from comments left below today’s post. Just click “share your thoughts” and do just that. {If you’re reading this via email click here to share, enter and connect.}
PS. Here’s a music video that Donna shared with me – it reminds us of Chapter 5. After you leave a comment, be sure to watch/listen and let it speak to your heart today or when you have a chance later to come back and stay a little longer.
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Thank you so much for sharing your story Donna! I am from a broken home and my dad let me down many, many times in my lifetime – I made some pretty dumb choices when I was in the “midst of the storm”! I am so thankful that the Lord’s plans are perfect for my life and that HE never lets me down, forgets my birthday…… He knows the number of hairs on my head!! Thank you ABBA Daddy!!! Praying for you Donna and for your earthly father! God bless!
D’ana, I went there too with some of my choices! I was trying to find love and acceptance in all the wrong places for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes with guys, sometimes with drugs and sometimes with alcohol … not some of my proudest moments. But the great thing to remember is that God is a GOD of forgiveness and a God of second chances. I love how he looks beyond the sin and to our hearts! Thanks for the prayers …. especially for my Dad. I don’t believe he is a Christ Follower. He is about 77 years old and is in a nursing home because he has no other options. Material for another post at another time. But He definitely needs Jesus in his life!
Thanks much and so thankful that we are doing this journey together through Renee’s book and her blog.
Donna B
Donna- Thank you for sharing your story it hurt reading it but i am glad you could share to help others that can learn from you . Thank you Renee – For writing your book. I am learning from God and your book. I have struggled my whole life with very very low self esteem. cause i struggled in learning and i has hindered alot in my confidence . I am now trying to conquer this and Help my son with his confidence because he has a bad speech delay. I dont want him growing up thinking he doesnt have confidence. Reading these stories and book really is speaking to my hear. Thank you Lord for what you have done for me already. Thank you Ladies i know there are alot but if you think of me. Please pray for me
Rebecca,
Thanks for sharing your story and being so truthful with all of the ladies within this amazing group. I love watching God direct everyone here for His purposes.
Lord, I praise you and I thank you for Rebecca and for how you are using Renee and her story to teach Rebecca about your great love. I would ask that you would replace Rebecca’s low self esteem with your promise that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Fill Rebecca with your confidence and your wisdom as she helps her son with his speech delay. Fill her son as well with your confidence, your wisdom and your calmness. Cause them both to lean into you for encouragement. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Thank you for your transparency. those words would describe me, too. Not the exact circumstances, but similar. We need to be bold to share our stories, because they bring glory to God. The only light I contain is the light God has given me. i need to “let my light so shine before men, that they may see my good words (the outworking of God’s healing and power within me) and glorify my Father in heaven.”
Kj,
You are so right on all of us being bold to share our stories. Not only do they bring glory to God, but they bring His healing to each of us. I was amazed this morning as I opened Renee’s blog and saw my story there and how He used that exact moment to heal my heart even more! God does have a purpose for all of our pain and that purpose is to glorify Himself. I once heard a pastor say that the one thing that God cannot do is praise Himself, it’s our job to praise Him!! And so that’s what I want to do with my life and with the story that He has given me!
Giving Him all the glory!!!
Donna B
Thank you Donna for so eloquently and rawly expressing your experiences and feelings. I am working through “issues” with my father as well and have found comfort and confidence in God’s word as I work to move on from my own troubled youth. Recently, I have felt a calling to help and guide other women who have been beaten down by life… A Confident Heart is a tool that I have referred several friends and clients too and I would love to be able to give a copy to someone who really needs it.
Carol,
I love that you are using A Confident Heart to minister to others. I so love the message Renee shares with each of us. Praying for God to heal your heart and give you victory over your past. Praying for Him to fill you with his wisdom and grace as you minister to other women.
Blessings,
Donna
this was a great testimony. I’ve had my share of pity parties and it’s easy to wallow in such circumstances. it’s these difficult times that we have to release our guilt to God. only he can take away the Hurt. when he heals that we can move on. thanks for post
I love how God is not only the healer of my diseases, sickness and also the healer of my heart!! He loves for us to live in victory and in wholeness that can only come from Him!
Blessings and hugs,
Donna B
Thank you for the wonderful post. It has given me lots to think about.
You are so welcome. So blessed by Renee’s book! And as I proccessed Chapter 4 and 5 about 10 or 11 months ago, I had lots to process as well! Praising Him that He was processing right there alongside of me and thankful for Renee and her “counseling” through her book. Praying for you as you process too!
Blessings,
Donna
This is all so helpful to me — allows me to see the release and acceptance and how great it can be in our growth process! Thank you! I always pass this book title on to others as must read as we can all so relate!!
First Renee, I’m so glad you are feeling better!
Donna,
My heart ached for you as I read your story. Most of us never realize the pain other people are going through. And yes we all have a choice, God gives us the choice to choose our way, where the pain never goes away, or his way where we cast our burden upon him, forgive others and ourselves and let go of the pain so we can clearly see the future God has waiting for us! Choosing God’s way makes all the difference!
I love the video with the song, I was singing along!
Love that you love the song!!! It gets my toes a tapping and my thoughts turned upwards towards Him and not on myself! So blessed by your comments! thanks for sharing,
Donna B.
Angela,
So thankful that God uses our messed up lifes for His purposes and His glory! So blessed to be on this journey with an amazing group of women!
Blessings,
Donna
Thanks for sharing, Donna! What really stuck with me this week is Renee’s discovery that self-doubt often stems from self-focus…God illustrated this to me yesterday in the midst of a pity party I was having for myself! I was doubting myself because the house didn’t look the way I wanted–and it hit me I was letting the state of the kitchen dictate how I viewed myself! God used the study to convict me that I need to focus on him–not my performance. I went to his promise in 2 Corinthians 12:9…”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Thanks for the great study Renee!
Blessings,
Jennifer
Jennifer,
I know … isn’t this the best study ever! Love how Renee makes it so personal and so real! I visit Chapter 12 of Renee’s book just about every day … sometimes two and three times a day if not more! I call it Renee’s Cliff Notes for achieving A Confident Heart!
Thanks for joining us for the journey!! Keep turning those pages. You are going to love Chapter 11…but no skipping the other chapters to get there!!!
Donna
Wow, how I can relate. “I cannot change my Dad or my past. My only job is to pray for him.” That is where I have slowly found myself. The more secure I find myself in Christ, the more I can let go and let God. But everyday every hour it is a choice I have to make and I wish I could get it right more hours then I do!
Dara,
You and me both on the getting it right part!! I still have my struggles, but I know that it’s God’s journey for me … one step at a time … one choice at a time! So thankful for His grace in our lifes.
Praying for you and you choice to let go and let God have His way with you!!
Donna B
Donna — thank you so much for sharing your story, for you openness about your life and how you have been able to overcome with God by listening to Him. I love the song!
Alice,
Trust me ,,,, it’s all God! He used Renee and her story so much to change my heart!! Praising Him alongside of you!! And so glad that you loved the song! It’s one of my favs!
Hello again!!!
I love this song!!
I just wanted to share that I did bring my laptop outside!!
I ran right into the light!! (the sun)
I lifted up my hands and spun around!!
Then I ran around some more while the light surrounded me and filled me!!
Praise God for this glorious day
I pray that we are all blessed by Jesus` wonderful love, peace and joy today!!!
`Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. PSALM 90:14)
Karen, praising and raising my hands with you!! One of my most favorite songs that we sing at church! And after Chapter 4 and 5, I absolutely love it! So glad that you found Renee, this online group and soon her book! A life changer for me!
Praying for you as you search for a church. Praying for God’s provision of both a church and friends!
Blessings from the USA!
Donna B.
Donna – thank you so much for sharing your story! God has really blessed me by leading me to this wonderful community and book study! It really encourages me to hear what GOD CAN DO!!!!
This song is wonderful and powerful, I feet like running into my sunny back yard and raising my hands to the beautiful light this morning while I spin around! I probably will do just that after I bring my lap top outside!!
The community in which I live here in Eastern Canada is a very spiritually dry town, however it is ripe for havest and I am believing God to start moving many hearts hear soon!!!! Since I moved here 6 years ago after I married my husband I still do not many Christian friends and do not have a spirit filled church to call home either (we from time to time attend the church my husband grew up in, because that is the only one he is willing to attend)
At one point this spring, I was bouncing around different Christians blogs and someone on one of them highly recommended your Book Renee ” A CONFIDENT HEART” It could not find a copy anywhere. So I finally downloaded it on itunes and have been reading it on my iphone for the past five weeks. Yesterday after looking for your book at all our nearby bookstores (reading on my iphone is neat, but not my prefered way to study a book like this) I still couldn’t find a ‘hard’ copy of your book…I did however order it online and I am so excited to get it in my hands hopefully early next week!!…. Technology is not my strenght LOL
However – GOD has certainly used technology to help me feel connected to some powerful Christian women:) Thank you so much for being there and sharing you lives with me
I really enjoy reading the posts when I get a few minutes, for that I am so thankful to have my iphone, I use it for everything but a phone 🙂
Blessings to all of you from my home here in Canada to yours
Karen
OOPS -Sorry about all the spelling errors above, I was so excited after I typed this message I pressed ‘send’ without proofreading ( very unlike the perfectionist I am – hope you still understand my post 🙂
Thanks Donna for sharing! What stood out to me in chapter 5 was where you talked about if we find our thoughts focused on ourselves, such as how we’re feeling or our fears, worries, insecurities, etc… We are not following Him! It is too easy for me to give in to being focused on me….. Worried what others are thinking about me, etc…. I have to remember it is all about HIM! I read in Matthew recently, and this reminded me of Matt 22:16, which shows us that Jesus never really cared about what others thought! He wasn’t swayed by man. We are so lucky to have His example and footsteps to follow. I need to remind myself this every time I find my thoughts drifting off to ME!!!!! Also loved the reminder that the “mind set on flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.”. (Romans 8:6). The story of Gideon is so relatable too…… It also reminds us to focus on God’s power and Promises, and not ourselves.
Thanks Renee…..praying for your health.
Loved Chapter 5!! Life changing for me! Love how God speaks to each one of us and meets us each at our own point of need. I love how Renee captured so many of God’s promises in Chapter 12. I keep my copy of A Confident Heart near by just do I can refer back to Chapter 12 when I start “freaking out”, which can be quite often! Love chasing Satan out of my thoughts with God’s promises!
Keep focusing on HIS promises!!!
Donna B
Wow, that was hard to read. That is a painful childhood. I would love to read A Confident Heart on ways to move through past pain. Steph
It was hard …. but I’m not too sure I would want it any other way. It was through my childhood that I became a Christ Follower! I know God in ways that others don’t based on the experiences that He afforded me. And a few months ago, I would have not have been able to say that. Renee’s book, “A Confident Heart” was a heart and life changer for me. I believe so much in the message that God gave Renee, I will be more than happy to send you a copy of her book if you will either email me at [email protected], facebook me or leave your address here.
Praying for you as God helps you move past your pain,
Donna B
I am so grateful that God does not give up on His children. Looking at my past there was shame and regret. I’m beginning to see that is satan’s work. To stay stuck in that shame is his doing. The only way out is to see myself as God sees me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made to serve my Savior. I don’t want to block the light of Gods truthin my heart anymore. I am 62 andhappy to say I became Gods daughter in 2003. I can now claim that because I am a follower of Christ and have stepped out of the darkness I will have the light of life. Thank you Renee for The Confident Heart.
Christine,
Praising Jesus with you!! My most favorite title of all — Christ Follower!! Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I was once challenged to read Psalm 139 and was amazed at how much it truly helped me to see myself as Jesus sees me. So thankful to be on this journey with you through A Confident Heart – for me, it was a LIFE changer! And I thank God for giving Renee her story to share and the boldness and courage to share.
Keep running to the LIGHT!!
Donna B
As I read this, I was thinking of my dear friend, whose mother has been hurting, disappointing, and betraying her for years. I thought of my past hurts and rejections and how this might be shaping my present. I am pondering what God might be doing now to transform me.
Mandy,
Praying that God will reveal Himself to you in new and exciting ways as you keep turning the pages of A Confident Heart! God is using Renee’s story to change my heart from the inside out and I am a firm Believer that He is always at work in our hearts. Let Him do the work …. you just do the obeying. Praying you are faster at it than I was ….I’m kinda of a slow learner! Praying that God will aslo change your heart from the inside out.
Blessings,
Donna
Donna, thank you for your words and for your prayers. You’re so right–let Him do the work. Amen! Praying for you, too.
So proud of you Donna! And honored to be friends with you.
Leila,
Thank you so much and can’t wait to see you next week!
Wow, Donna’s story really hit home. Thanks Renee for sharing that. Also, thanks for following God’s calling and writing A Confident Heart! This is my second time going through the book. There are a number of times have underlined and wrote ‘me too’ next to an area!! God is really using your book to help me break through and see who He wants me to be. The accepting my past and making the choice to be believe God and who He says He is are both areas I struggle with at times. However, with God’s patient guidance, His word, great friends and of course your book : ), I am doing both a lot more often.
Heather,
Thanks for sharing! And it is hard and I still struggle, but the great news is that it is in that accepting of our pasts and making the next right choice that will be our break through to be the women that He created us to be. I keep Renee’s book within an arms reach and when I get those doubts or those triggers start going off like crazy, I turn to the promises that Renee shares with us in Chapter 12. Praying for you dear Jesus sister!
Powerful
thanks Gail! Praying for God to use it for His glory and for His kingdom purposes!
I read Donna’s story and as I was not treated like that by a father. I was abused by a husband and I have carried my heart full of anger for years, so by reading your book I hope to find solice
“The Lord is with you mighty warrior” Judges 6:12
I heard the Lord tell me this as I read this chapter. I love the story of Gideon.
I need the challenge from Renee to not silence the story God has given for me to share His light.
Thank you
Donna, thank you for sharing your story, what a powerful testimony to our wonderful Father! Renee shared “Your story and your faith challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way.” Having an adult daughter with autism has been wonderful & taught me so much. But when she is going through a rough patch (as she is right now) your encouragement and Renee’s prayer this morning, bring the joy of knowing my Father into focus!
Lord Bless you sister as I know He will!
Amy, Thank you so much for sharing your heart this morning and for your encouragement. Praying for you and your daughter this morning. I so love how you shared that God is using your daughter to teach you much about HIM. I so love HIS GRACE!!!
Praying for you,
Donna
wonderful video! pretty pictures too!
wonderful video! beautiful pictures!
Sharon,
I so love that video and the song too!! So blessed that God used it to bless you!
Donna b
Annie,
Thanks for the verse! Love it and I love how He is also my Defender! And how is the Father to the fatherless! I love the verse in 2 Corinthians 2:14 that Renee shares in Chapter 12 ….” But I thank God, who always leads us in victory because of Christ.”!
Victory is OURS!!!!
Thank you God!!
Donna B
Donna,
Thank you for sharing your words.
I do remember I went through some things like that.
I thank God I was obedient to God and I listen to the spirit.
My father is with God,
Margarita,
Praising Him for your obedience as well!!
Donna B
Reading Donna’s story brought tears as I thought of people who had harsh, unloving fathers like her’s. But her story has a happy ending because she trusted God and sought Him, accepting her dad and choosing to trust the promises of the Lord. Her story brought to mind my own reconciliation with my father. While he did not phsically harm me, the emotional separation was so painful when I went out looking for the love he did not and could not give me. When I became pregnant at age 16, he blocked me out totally – it was as if I didn’t exist! He did not acknowledge me, address me, look at me or ask about me, Many years later when I married and had two sons, my father never came to visit or showed any interest in any of his grandchildren. When my oldest son had just celebrated his fourth birthday and my youngest ws not yet two, my husband died in an aircraft accident. My dad came to see me once to ask how I was. I was afraid he was coming to ask me if he could live with me, because he was never very responsible in providing for his family, let alone himself. Years later the Lord convicted me to reconcile with my dad, as I had purposely distanced myself from him with my list of justifying excuses (he was drinnking, smoking, living with different women and expressed no desire to know or see his grandsons. When I finally was ready, the Lord had me call me to request a meeting with my dad and the Lord reminded me over and over not to focus on my dad’s shortcomings, but on my sin of rejecting him and confessing my own, apologizing for not being a good daughter, and for becoming pregnant. After my tearful confessions, he also wiped tears from his eyes and said he had not exactly been a good father. So was the beginning of a reconciled relationship with my dad. I have continued to call and visit him, with my sons,until my sons moved out on their own. My youngest son would ask in amazement, “how do you do it? You seem to know what to talk about with your dad.” I said that I simply asked and talked about the things that my dad was interested in. My dad and I still have nothing in common, but I am honoring my father and honoring and obeying the Lord by forgiving my dad for his poor parenting. In my Christian walk, I attended a ladies’ morning meeting for years and the lady teaching from the Bible, said, “Notice that the commandment to honor your father and mother, does not come with conditions on whether they were good parents or not, the commandment is to honor them. Praise the Lord for the work in your heart and life, Donna! Only He could make these changes!
And Renee, I really appreciated your comment that Donna’s story, “challenge and encourage me to listen for His voice and do the hard thing of believing Him when my feelings are demanding their way.” That is how I need to respond to the Lord when my flesh wants to rule.
Thanks so much Donna for the courage to share your story with us. It tells me that there are so many women hurting that you don’t even think and know them. Thank God for his mercy, He is using you and Renee to bring healing to women. May the Lord heals us.
Thank you for sharing your story .
Just love Chapter 5, especially how “we focus on our insecurities and cast a shadow of doubt in our minds by blocking the light of God’s truth in our hearts”. And I’m totally agreeing with you on asking “God to use our doubts to draw us into a deeper place of dependence on Him”…….this is so true for me and where I am now in my life. Thank you !