Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
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I struggle with forgiveness for my parents and my ex-husband. I have times where I forgive them and then other times when the pain re-surfaces, and I couldn’t figure out why it still hurt. Now I see forgiveness is ongoing. I am glad to know I am not the only one. I definately need Jesus to help me because I know I couldn’t do it on my own, I don’t have the strength. What about the times when I hang around my mom for too long and she starts driving me (or my husband) crazy? I try to limit my time to a day or so because I want to have a good relationship with her and if we are together for too much time…it’s just not good.
I can remember my dad doing things like this, maybe not on this scale, but still uncontrollable fits of rage. I always felt they were my fault for some reason. I was an only child, so the problem couldn’t be a sibling’s error. My mom seemed to be perfect in everyone’s eyes, so it certainly couldn’t be her mistake. I loved my Pop unconditionally… so who was left? It has taken me almost 60 years to come to the realization that it was not MY fault… not really anyone’s fault. My dad was what one would call bipolar now… and was not treated. Depression, and its many counterparts run rampant in our family history. And when you grow up “knowing about God” but not really “KNOWING God”… it makes a difference. My relationship with The Lord, along with some counseling and medication, have helped me to realize I needed to forgive myself! I was not to blame for his outrageous behavior…and I am a fine person, and I don’t have to be “perfect” because my mom isn’t really perfect either. Knowing God has my back is the best feeling ever!
So thankful that God has all of our backs! Thanks for sharing,
Speechless….what an inspirational post. I don’t know if u could be that strong and forgive. Thanks for sharing such a touching and amazing post. A blessing to have read that today.
Thank you for your honesty and transparency about your relationship with your dad. Forgiving my dad has definitely been a process and a journey. I’m not at the end of it yet but I keep listening and obeying and trusting Him who is healing me from my past and my future keeps shining brighter. My father cannot hurt me anymore and My God is mighty to save! I pray for my dad’s soul – that he may turn from the things of this world and know God and finally have real peace – as God gives. Thanks again for your devotions. They are such a blessing!
Oops I meant by the grace of God not “Hod'”. These smart phones aren’t do smart after all 🙂
Donna it amazes me how many women share similar stories of fathers who were so influenced by the enemy. There needs to be a book for The Confident Man. The root of my father’s behavior was not feeling loved , wanted, worthy or important. Unfortunately his actions passed on those same feelings to me and his other 9 children. He was so loved and respected in our small town but we hid the secrets of alcoholism, verbal , emotional and physical abuse. Back then it was called “beatings” or “whippings.” Ugh
Years passed and by the grace of Hod and a praying mother most of us were able to put the past behind us and he enjoyed several wonderful grandchildren. Three siblings took him into their homes st various times when his health began to decline. At his funeral my youngest brother said “dad was a better grandfather than a dad.” I didn’t realize until reading your blog that I still need to work on forgiveness and he’s been gone 6 years. My son walked away 2 years ago and although I did forgive him in my heart, I have to catch myself when my mind drifts back to hurtful memories. Thank you for sharing the Scripture which I will copy into my notes to memorize. God Bless you and all the women who have commented here and all those who haven’t.
I have so been touched by these stories in many ways. My father was sexually abusive and as a child growing up I still loved the part of him that was good. As he got older he got really bitter and never once did he admit to his wrong doing but God gave me forgiveness in my heart for him. It amazes me now that I am older how many women have gone through the same thing, or something similar. It is a joy to be able to share and heal with others. Thank you for your post. Your friend in Christ, Josie
This was a timely message as I am in the thick of a difficult situation. I received hate mail from my in laws. They did this on Birthday of my deceased daughter. It is so hard to forgive them.
Donna, how can you possibly respond to all of the comments on how your story has blessed us? Thank you for sharing your heart. I grew up in foster homes after my parents died at a very young age. Always craving love and to be loved – nothing ever seemed to satisfy the love I seemed to need to complete me. I am just beginning to learn HOW much God loves me. His hand has always been on my life. There are times I feel like I’ll never be complete until I make it home with Jesus. But I am trying to find joy here on earth. I felt your pain as I read your story. Thank you for blessing me with it. May God continue to pour into you each and every day! He made you for Him and he Blessed US with YOU. Thank you.
Dawn, so thankful that God is revealing Himself to you as a God of love, joy and blessing. He loves us with an unfailing unconditionally love. And He will never leave us nor forsake us. Love those promises!!!
And it is hard to reply to everyone. Praying for grace. And I did leave a prayer for everyone at the end.
I let it all go ,again, today. I processed my pain, my grief, my need to forgive. 2 people who had never prayed for this issue with me stopped what they were doing and prayed with me. Thank you Jesus, Joy comes in the morning. I still will have tears on my pillow, but joy comes in the morning. He lets us cry when it is just me and Him alone and night…as the Psalmist says, “My couch (Bed) is trenched with tears”, but Joy comes in the morning.
Thank you so much Donna for sharing. I am truly touched and moved by your story. It’s been over 20 years of painful memories of my parents abusive behavior towards me and my sisters that I struggle on a daily basis. I’ve forgiven them a few years ago, but the memories still arise. Today was especially difficult and praise God for your story and the timing. You reminded me of the importance of forgiveness and that it is a choice that must be made on a daily and even hourly basis. Thank you again and many blessings!!
Can’t tell you how real that felt to me as I’ve grown up with rejection! But also can’t say enough how important it is to forgive! As you are not responsible for how & what people say & do to you, but we are responsible to how we react to that! If it takes years to process & believe God for the ability to forgive, like it has me; that’s okay, cause at least we’re on the way to being whole!! Cause God can only make the broken & shattered parts of our lives whole when we let Him, cause as He’s a gentleman; He won’t force us to give Him our lives! But I can say it’s so worth it though?! It’s only when you start becoming whole, you realise how awesome life can really be! You know that song:- ‘Something beautiful, something good; all my confusion He understood! All I had to offer Him was brokenness & strife; but He’s made something beautiful out of my life’!
♥JoJo
I really needed the post today. As I read about her Dad it was my ex-husband that made me feel that way. I am having a hard time forgiving him and a hard time forgiving myself for allowing this to happen. I thank God that he has forgiven me but I know I need his help in the forgiveness I must give and in asking for forgiveness of others that have been hurt by my actions or inactions over the thirty two year marriage. I am studying “Unglued” at the moment but this is the next book I will buy.
My dad disowned my sister and I when I was eighteen. He wrote a letter that told us we were out if his will for not getting a 4.0 in college. He was an alcoholic who had been married five times, been arrested for carrying on with a minor, duis, and the list goes on. I hadn’t heard from him since 1990. He made contact with my sister and me a year ago. He is remorseful. I have forgiven him (thru lots of counseling). It doesn’t mean I like him or want to spend time with him. But God has helped me forgive. I want everyone to know on this board that I am sorry for all of the pain each one of us have due to our dads hurtin us. I am praying for all of us tonight.
Donna, thank you for sharing your heart. I just came off the Long Island Credo Recovery Weekend and there are so many of us women who carry hurts from our childhood. We all need a safe place to share, and a safe place to start to heal. I love it that God connects us even through painful memories, to draw us closer to Him, and to build up the body of Christ. Our Theme for the Credo weekend was A Confident Heart and our Bible verse for the weekend was Heb. 10:35-36 (NLT) “So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.” Many blessings to you dear sister in Christ and to the Proverbs 31 Ministry and all who work there. And Renee…. Larcarthia, who you sent a signed copy of your book, was confident enough to get on an airplane and travel from IL to NY to serve on the Credo weekend. What a mighty God we serve!!!!!
Thank you for this devotional today. I am one who is struggling to walk away from the darkness of the past. It has caused many problems in my life and this devotional truly was another gift for me because of the words I have been reciving from God. Thank you for sharing.
Praying that you will take His hand and keep walking towards the light! Keep your focus on the light.
Even though my bio father has been gone for several years, I pray each time I think of him that God would give me the strength to forgive him yet again. And I pray that some day I won’t have to pray for the strength to forgive, and that I can think his name and only wish that he understood what he missed out on.
My heart has been through these same hurts, Donna. It is so painful to be abandoned by a father. It took me about 30 years to forgive and accept him for who is really is. So true, we cannot change anyone; but we can CHOOSE to accept and forgive them when they have wronged us. Jesus commands this of us.
I was touched by your personal story.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words.
I don’t want to be “poisoned” by the bitterness of not forgiving. My dad and other relatives have hurt me and my husband. I/we “think” we have forgiven them, but still feel awkward around them. I am nervous about approaching them, and I’m not sure that the relationship will ever be the same again. Life can really hurt.
Yep, life can really hurt. So thankful that God doesn’t leave us by ourselves. Love is promise that no matter what He will never leave us nor forsake us.
Praying that God will take away the awkardness and replace it with His peace.
I also felt I was reading about my childhood
just different characters,and storyline.I lost my
father back when he was 60,and didn’t feel
a sense of loss or grief at his funeral.I attributed
it to any love I might have felt towards him was
destroyed by his utter disgust and mean spirit
towards me my entire childhood.Through counseling
for my own issues years later I learned he was
doing the best with what he knew.That helped
me see a different perspective,because I had to
come to terms with some of my negative adult
behaviors.I still think I lost so much of that needed
guidance from having a loving and present
father but with faith I know I have the best father
watching over and living me and that is God.