Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
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My father just got out of prison after 23 years this time. I hthought I had forgiven him but I can’t even want to go see him. It’s 5 hours away and I can’t afford it right now. But my heart just isn’t ready. I have bought your book but haven’t gotten to it yet still reading “Unglued”
Thank you for sharing your story today. I am reading “A Confident Heart” now. God is reteaching me so many important truths like forgiveness and emotional healing. He is filling me with His word and helping me find the woman that He created me to be. It is so amazing how each person’s life journey can bring her closer to her truest Father.
Reading your life experiences as a child felt familiar. One of my earliest memories is my gradmother knocking my grandfather out cold one night in the kitchen. It was close to Christmas and she used a statue of the Virgin Mary. That must have been the nearest thing she could put her hand on. I grew up very afraid of anger. My solution was to be a good girl and disappear whenit got bad. It took me many,many years and alot of therapy not to close down when there was any kind of disagreement. I never even thought about forgiveness and then when I realized I needed to forgive, it took even longer to see I needed to forgive for me not for them. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to remember a hard learned lesson. May we always remember that God has everything under control and our only job is to love and obey Him.
Thanks so much for sharing. I would always try to stay up and stay awake thinking that my Dad wouldn’t go off on my mom when he walked in. My fear was that he would hurt my Mom. Not quite sure how a 5 year old was going to manage that one … but it was my thought.
It seems like forgiveness sometimes has layers. I have worked hard to forgive someone who has hurt me over and over very. I think that I have forgiven her but then I get in such a panic every time I see her that I wonder if my forgiveness is real.
I like that analogy of the layers. I can see that. And I see how the forgiveness gets easier with sighting of the friend that hurt you. So sorry for your pain and praying for you and your friend.
God’s timing is amazing! Struggling at the door of forgiveness now. I’ve forgiven my ex husband for having an affair, I’ve forgiven him of walking out….. 4 years later it has cycled back around and I can’t quite get myself to the place to forgive him for changing my son’s life forever…. for walking out on an 8 month old…. this time around it’s not about me and how his actions affected me….. this time it’s all about my son. I know where I need to be, I know what is right and what I need to do…. but I can’t quite get there…….
Feeling your pain. I struggled for 40 plus years. Praying and asking God to lead you where He wants you. Praying for God to lead you to the point of forgiveness that He desires in you – not others – but in Him.
Forgiveness has always been a difficult thing for me to do. I realize that by not forgiving I’m trapping myself, but I don’t know how to forgive. I need help in this area of my life, as I need to work on forgiving my mother and my sister. Learning that forgiveness is not a one time deal is interesting to me. I can see that forgiveness is a constant part of life. I ask the Lord for his guidance in this area of my life as the past 30 years have been a challenge between myself, my mom and my sister. The three of us don’t seem to understand each other. I’m anxious to read the Confident Heart and apply it to my life.
Praying with you! And yes, A Confident Heart is an amazing read and was so blessed to walk through it with Renee. Her words will fall fresh on your heart and transform it.
Thank you for sharing today. Last year someone who I thought was my friend hurt me very deeply as she only wanted my friendship to be close to my husband. This friendship almost destroyed my marriage but it didn’t. My husband and I sought Christian counseling and started attending Celebrate Recovery a Christ centered program. Today our marriage is stronger than ever. During our journey I found out that as long as I harbored unforgiveness in heart toward another person I was not going to grow and the only person I was hurting was myself as she could have cared less. Was it easy to forgive her? Absolutely not! I could not forgive in my own strength but with God’s strength I could.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am just starting to understand God’s love for me and what an awesome
gift it is. It is healing me in ways I never would have imagined. I am being transformed. My relationships
are improving and I don’t let things hurt me like I used to.
Struggling with forgiveness but in a different way. So much pain has been described here, and I am so sorry for the many hurts people have suffered. I am mad at myself for suffering from debilitating anxiety and I still don’t forgive my husband because his neglectfulness to our relationship for so many years is what I often feel is the cause of my insecurities. He also had an affair, which I still can not always forgive him for. I need a Confident Heart because I don’t know what it is to have one anymore. Prayers for all.
I need to forgive my mother for all the things she has done to me. She is trying to make things right. Yet I still hold everything she has done to me against her. Thank you Donna for sharing your story! It is very helpful! And thank you renee for writing a confident heart and sharing your story! I just recently gave away my copy of a confident heart to a friend in need. So I would love to win a copy! Thank you both and may the Lord continue to bless you!
Forgiveness truly is a process! It took me months of dialy laying on God, those who abused me as a child. forgiveness came in small steps, but it’s so freeing! I’m still working on the Confident Heart! Love the book.
I was touched by the story. My dad has passed away and there are things I did not get to tell him that I wish I could. I just try to remember the good times and forget the hurtful events. Sometimes it is easier saidthan done. I will continue to work on it and pray for myself as well as you!
My heart was touched as I read your story. Thank you God for the gift of forgiveness and that we can walk in God’s love and experience freedom from being held by bitterness.
What an encouraging post! I was especially struck with how often we need to forgive the same thing… I thought I was doing something wrong when what I had forgiven would still come up in my mind or heart. Thank you for being so for real…what an encouragement!!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I teared up then could not stop the river that flowed as the abuses (the ones I remember anyway) I have experienced flooded my brain. Many times I tell others that yes, I have forgiven, how could I do less after what Jesus has done for me? BUT, the wrong word, wrong tone, or catching myself angry at minor things, brings some things back. Unfortunately I have to interact with one of my abusers on a regular basis, and sometimes I have to get on my knees again.
God Bless!
Tamara
I am right there with you Tamara….there are times when I think I am wearing my knees out ….and like you I think of those strips that Jesus took for me across His back for me and I hit the knees again. Praying for you!
Donna, thank you for sharing your story. What a joy it is to hear how God helped you to continually forgive your father! You have set a powerful example of compassion, love, and forgiveness! I am blessed to be able to call you my friend. I love you!
<3 Heather
Heather, thank you so much for your encouraging words. And I am praising Him for the amazing work that He has done and is doing in my heart. And I love you too!
Just wanted to thank you for reminding me to forgive unconditonally, to set my self free. From your story…I am stronger in knowing the choices I have made for my son & I are the best.
This year has been the hardest yet most precious of my life. I share the story with many of you, off a troubled childhood that has somehow managed to survive though all of my 43 years. I have carried a little girls frightened and wounded heart in a woman’s body, until God impressed on me that enough was enough and that until I could forgive and let go, I would never be free. Self imposed prisons are the hardest places to survive and until we realise that we are the prisoner, nothing will change. Forgiveness is the key that allows us to unlock our own cell doors and walk out into the glorious freedom that is a life lived in, through and for the name that is above every name, Jesus. It is a painful road to walk but step by step, day by day, the pain begins to fade and hope for a new day and a new way begins to grow. We are all daughters of the most high and holy God and are loved unconditionally and eternally. Thank you Renee and Donna for your words, for the sharing of your hearts and for the demonstration of the power of forgiveness in the books that you have shared so wonderfully with us all. May God continue to bless you both lavishly.
You bless my heart!
Thank you for this post- and related posts- I am touched by your story. well – your story touches my nerves. For me and other beloved ‘sisters’ of mine. may the blessing of the Father who loves us come to be realized by all who are touched by this story.
I always appreciate reminders about how we must forgive to be set free. How for us, it is a process. Thank you Donna for sharing your very powerful testimony.