Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
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I have a copy of Confident Heart, but I would like one to send to my sister. She is separated from her husband and she is blaming him for everything. She doesn’t understand that forgiveness is for her benefit, that her bitterness is affecting her health. She is bipolar and had a manic attack after her husband moved out. She burned most of his personal possessions that she found around the house
Goodness! (((Hugs))) Donna!!! Touched my heart as I too have some things to STILL forgive dad about. Please pray. Love!
I’m in the middle of an on-line bible study right now, and today’s verses were Colossians 13-15. Part of that passage talks about how all of our sins are forgiven. And I know that just as I am, so must I forgive others. I’ll be sharing this post with the on-line group, and I’d like tosharea song here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI
It’s “Forgiveness” by Matthew West
My ex threw me away after 32 years. Your book encouraged me to forgive daily. Would love to share the give away with a hurting friend.
Donna, thank you for your post and congratulations on your first P31 devotion!! Question for you: I have a strained relationship with my father. He was a good father to me growing up but he was not a good husband. My parents divorced after my brother & I had moved out of the house. Anyway, my dad did not handle the divorce well and he would call and yell at me – my mother had a restraining order so I was the next best thing. Anyway, I would tell him I was at work & hanging up which infuriated him even worse. This went on for a long time. Finally after the divorce was final things settled down. Then someone broke into our barn that me & my husband shared with my father. Although things owned by both of us was stolen, my father accused my husband of doing it. My husband & my father had never got along which had always created a little tension. The final straw was when I got the call with the ultimatum that I needed to get a divorce or no longer have a relationship with him. My son was 6 or 7 weeks old at the time so my father quit talking to me. This was 18 years ago. We saw one another at my grandmother’s funeral about 5 years ago. We talked and had lunch a time or two since then. My kids who are 18 & 13 have no desire to know their grandfather. We have talked about it numerous time. They have heard stories about my childhood but to them their grandfather is the man my mother re-married. He is wonderful man who loves them as his own. They remarried when my son was a newborn. I have fogiven my father but anytime we talk is awkward to say the least. Does forgiveness mean I have to maintain a relationship with him?
I pray God gives you wisdom on your situation. I do know however that forgiveness doesn’t mean that consequences are erased. I suppose if you have tried your best and have left the ball in his court, then it’s ultimately up to him to change. Sorry, i can’t be of more help.
Melanie, I would say “no” that forgiveness does not mean that you have to maintain a relationship with Him. I was sexually abused around the age of 8 by a friend of the family. I avoided this man like the plague after the first time of abuse. And the older I got, the more I avoided him. I truly believe that if I would have maintained a relationship he would have tried again. And I didn’t work through the forgiveness part of that one until he had passed away.
Another example would be for someone who was raped or kidnapped to forgive their abuser. It’s great to get to that point of forgiveness but I would not want to maintain a relationship with the abusers.
Wow – what a HUGE step of courage in extending forgiveness & breaking free from the chains of bondage! Will share the devo & your story with a friend who recently did forgiveness work regarding her family. Praying for you as you continue letting Jesus heal your wounded heart & the intimate love grows between you & Your heavenly Father! Thanks so much for sharing!
Donna,
Thank you for your boldness, courage, humility. Thank you for your reminder that the past does NOT have to define you today. I pray for confidence in the Lord, I have it sometimes, but not all the time and not 100%. too much from the past – I have to be strong to survive; for that is the skill I learned at a very early age. I am a strong person, but that really means I’ve put a barrier between me and Jesus. In some spots. I used to have this little booklet called “My Heart Christ’s Home” and it talked about letting God into ALL areas of your heart/life. Not just the ones locked up b/c it is too “messy”. The mess I think, for me, is un-forgiveness – of my self and parents and siblings.
So, thanks again for being a guest blogger. For being a true sister in Christ, being courageous to show vulnerability and dependence on Christ.
Blessings to you this weekend!
Thank you for sharing your testimony. I really appreciate it. God has been really dealing with me about forgiveness & this is just an extra push for me to really forgive. Thanks again, may God continue to use you!
I needed this. I so desperatly need to let go of my past, and forgive those who hurt me. Thank you for sharing this.
I had (have) an emotionally absent father, so even when he was around (military), he wasn’t. However, that was much preferable to when he wasn’t home. I literally worried myself sick when he was getting ready to leave, until I was 11 and God brought me a dream that was actually what had happened when I was 3. My mom is the unstable, abusive one in my family. As a child I was never good enough (health problems & learning disabilities — sister who can do about anything without working at it). Mother is verbally & emotionally abusive, and neglected us. If it wasn’t for my maternal grandparents, (who were nothing like the parents my mom describes — different place in life?), I would not have known I was loved or had a safe place to go. I married someone like my mom, except he was physically abusive as well. Once we were in college, Daddy apologized to us girls. Mother still lives in denial, blaming everyone else for the problems she causes herself. Forgiveness definitely is a process. So easy to get frustrated, instead of focusing on all that I have to be thankful for, and trusting God to make me into who He created me to be.
Praying for you Holly. And you are so right.. It is one of the hardest things to do. But so freeing when you do.
It’s amazing how much of that I can relate to my own life. My father has been an alcoholic and addict my entire life. I had it in my mind, that in order for me to forgive him for events in my childhood, he would have to show me that he had changed. This led to much bitterness and anger, and needless to say, I had no relationship with my father. That is, up until a couple of years ago. I began praying about it and allowed God to let me see my father through His eyes. My dad’s temper has mellowed a bit, which I must admit has made it easier, but the person who has changed the most in the realtionship is me. I now accept what my dad can offer. Though I continue to pray for a great heart (and life) change in him, I no longer punish him by keeping my distance. I think in the long run, that is a much better witness anyway.
Love the power of prayer and always amazed that when we pray we are the ones that walk away transformed for His purposes and His glory!
I am in awe of our Healer who never instructs us to “forgive and forget” but walks through every emotional memory with us to heal us from the bottom up. Every layer, every painful place He seeks for us to go, He has been there ahead of us and has prepared the way. The work of forgiveness is difficult but brings joy and freedom. How to live with a spouse/ father to your children who has hurtful ways about him…… How to draw godly boundaries and become stronger as a wife/ mom in order to identify and prevent some of the hurtful matters to continue (as they are subtle at times). Minimizing possibilities of passing on the practice of hurt to future generations but healing the present and past is what is sought. very difficult to accomplish when children are young adults still, out of financial and health necessity, living under the same roof. However, then the opportunity remains to heal before they leave! (God work in my husband’s heart is beginning to show). Thank You, Lord of All, You are called Faithful and True.
Praising Him with you!! It’s all because of Him!
Thank you for this encouragement. It has been a rough week dealing with a family member who I struggle having a healthy relationship with and all the stress that goes along with it. Your words on forgiveness were what I needed.
Thank you for this story to illustrate the need to forgive and the instruction to keep forgiving, the assurance that forgiving is not a one time event but an every day opportunity. I am moving across country to go home where my family is tho they are not welcoming me home. Coming from an alcoholic home, I seem to be the only one in recovery and a believer not only in God but in forgiveness. I haven’t an idea yet how I will get there – there are plans in place but I struggle to trust and believe, how I will get thru the next 30 days. This is truly one day at a time knowing anything that occurs will be God’s gift, blessing and desire for my life. I have a past built on fear and ask for prayer as I daily recognize that this fear is not from the Lord but from the past and I can tell ‘it’ to be behind me (Satan). I am learning to trust God’s love. This is the toughest time of my life, sometimes an exciting destiny, other times not. I know so many are going through times like these.
Praying…. and hugs for those tough times.
I just want to thank this ministry as a whole. Donna’s testimony was what I needed today to remind me other children of god know the pain I feel. I felt all those things & more & have been fighting years to continually forgive. I know that Satan also uses other people with the same kind tactics to remind us of those who have hurt us & lies to us to get us thinking its a new issue & about that new person when it’s really just them revealing my hurt from another still exists. I like Donna had abuse in my family & I had it from both ends of the spectrum, both dad & mom. Yet it was my mother with unmentionable betrayal as she is not here to defend herself that led me to never trust women. I have learned to include women in my life but about yrs ago I happened to find Proverbs ministries & it touched me in a way I really needed- with conviction of god to return daily so I may be fed with wisdom of Godly women & see women as worthy & myself as worthy as a woman & take pride in my womanhood rather than despise it cause I didn’t want to be associated with the woman who hurt me soooo deeply to steal my youth & my children’s as well. The daily devos have truly built my womanhood- I have sisters & motherly figures to draw a good example from so I can share my talents & gifts with the world with all confidence. Yet as any person we all have days of dubt & today was one of those days & God put Donna’s devo there to remind me I am not alone. Thank you God for never leaving us or forsaking us & giving us every good & perfect tool to shape us into your image. Thank you God for this ministry & these women being some of the tools you have given me. Thank you for the love & humbleness of these women to help me be the woman you wanted me to be. I pray each woman who visits this ministry site can be equally blessed as I have been. Amen
You are so not alone and never will be …. love God’s promise that he will never leave us nor forsake us. And He gave His son for us. What a gift so that we could experience forgiveness and then learn to give it!
what an inspirational journey. it gives me hope to heal wounds that are raw. i need to forgive and accept-boy are they tough. working on the obs of “A Confident Heart” began my journey and Donna’s story gives me fuel. thank you both for sharing and leading us. hugs and blessings, julie
Thank you for your sharing this topic with us. In growing up I watched how unforgiviness eat my mother up. She missed out on a lot of happiness with my dad, brother and me. She could not forgive her parents nor her brothers and sisters for the love she did not feel nor the things she thought in her mind she deserved. Through all of it, my brother and I learned how important and how hard sometimes forgiviness is. We have to do it daily. Again, thank you. You have blessed me today.
“Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface” Very well said.. Just dealing with whatever it is right away.. Thank you for the simple, but powerful and life applicable insight.
My heart broke for this little girl who faced such hardship as a child and then I clicked on the link to see who this Donna was and it’s Donna -the Donna who was so kind and friendly to me at the Proverbs 31 conference! Thank you for reaching out to me Donna. And thank you for a beautifully encouraging post here today.
Keep writing!
Lots of Love,
Courtney
Hey there,
And it’s great seeing you on Renee’s blog! I’m used to seeing you on your blog and on twitter! So excited for your new book and can’t wait to hear all about and better yet read it! Praying for you and your amazing ministry.
Thanks for taking the time out to visit and comment.
I would like to say thank you for the story today. Forgiveness is a hard thing. But I know the Lord always forgives me so I know I need to forgive others. Even if it’s seventy times seven. Thanks for sharing and reminding us we have to have a forgiving heart.