Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
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As I have grown older I have seen more and more people who like me have struggled with letting the past be in the past. I am 53 and still fight the feelings of rejection. I thought many of those years it was my father who was the problem. I grew up in an abusive home as well. The difference was my father was not a drinker. He plainly was an angry man who professed Christ but had never accepted Christ. The person I struggle with though is my Mom. She allowed this pattern of behaviour yet never stood up for us. She couldn’t because … Yet I struggle today because she still hasn’t changed. Yes she divorced him eventually but never accepted me. See I look like my Dad and she rezents that. I live under that cloud and have not been able to get beyond that. Your book I trust would help. The thing I really see is I am not alone. It seems I see many families that have been destroyed by sin. Because that is all it is. When Adam sinned we were doomed. Only through Christ death on the cross can we truly see what true love really is.
I thank Donna for sharing her story. It is a comfort for us to hear we are not the only one who struggles or struggled with parents that let us down. It takes a special person to share and open themselves up like this.
May God continue to heal your heart with His unfailing LOVE.
Praying His healing upon you as well Cindy. And yes you are worthy and are loved!!
How do you forgive someone when they deny doing anything wrong, and still lie about what they’ve done? A family member has hurt me badly, and even if I choose to forgive them in my heart, I don’t really care to see or talk to them again. Is that wrong? I don’t think I can ever push all they’ve done aside and be in the same room with them and act like nothing ever happened. I have great anxiety when I even think of being someplace where I know they will be. Would you agree that even if you are related to someone, that doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them?
Will you offer another lbs for a confident heart? I missed the last one.
Brought me to tears. Forgiveness is so ONGOING!
WOW! As I was reading your devotional and got to the part about the car doing doughnuts and your Dad driving crazy God sent a picture to mind…..a little girl, her Mommy & brother standing and watching her Daddy drive off angry leaving them – the fear and the feeling of being abandoned was paralyzing. I don’t know how we got home, I don’t remember that part. God has been working in me to forgive my ex-husband (not that he’s asked to be forgiven). I left a 20 yr. marriage that started out with the man of my dreams and wound up being, as my pastor stated, “not what God intended a marriage to be”. Your comment that it’s a constant effort of forgiving 24/7 is almost comforting..because I’ve tried forgiving but when something spurs a memory the anger is so quick to come back, I can’t stand to be in the same room with him – it brings back everything that was bad, but it also hurts terribly because my dream died. God is still working in me, He has me on a journey right now, I don’t know where we are going, but I do know that I am growing. Thank you for being so honest and open. You brought new insight into “issues”. May God continue to bless you in your ministry!!
Thank you for sharing and the reminder to forgive seventy times seven. I keep a relationship with my father, which still puts me in a path of constant emotional abuse from him. I struggle constantly trying to remember that he will not change, and in some ways I really don’t think he realizes he is doing it. And sometimes I think he knows exactly what he is doing.
Every visit I pray and lean heavier into God. I don’t get angry as much. I don’t trip up and fall into his trap and manipulation as often. I don’t call myself stupid quite so often (it was his favorite name for me). I still have a hard time praying for him. I struggle to forgive him. I still beat myself up repeatedly when something goes wrong, and I just “know” it’s my fault. It’s a growing process.
The thing I hate is that his degradation has effected my marriage and feelings about my husband. And worse, I struggle with these emotions in my relationship to God as my father. I’m learning how to accept another father that is “Abba”. I try and repeat frequently that God does love me unconditionally, and that he will always be there for me, and that he won’t belittle me or crush my hopes and dreams.For that I am truly grateful.
Dad is getting Altzheimers now. He forgets our conversations, and the many times he has gotten mad at me and hung up the phone. He forgets the abuse of the past. I want to forget and forgive before that stage of life.
Truly thankful for all who share here. My God bring a special blessing to you.
Donna,
God truly has us go through situations and circumstances to help others go through them. So many of the words you felt about yourself I also felt and sometime still feel about myself as a result of my relationship (or lack of) with my earthly father. Despite the fact that I believe I have forgiven him; these ‘words’ and feelings still resurface when my earthly father comes to mind. If you can forgive your father and come through it, I believe I can also. Please pray for my continued forgiveness of my earthly father and for my deliverance of the feelings that come from these words.
Sincerely,
Michelle Nehrig
Your story about your abuse was very heart wrenching. I cannot say that understand the road you walked because I grew up in a loving home. My sister has gone through a difficult marriage and divorce that has left her and her children hurt. She is walking a journey right now of forgiveness and healing. It has been difficult watching her and her kids go through this journey. I love my niece and nephews deeply and wish I could easy their heartache but I can only pray for them and encourage them in their walk with the Lord. Think you for being willing to share your private hurts in such a public way.
My brokenness is from a marriage filed with broken promises & unrequited feelings. A lack of commitment cultivated after a childhood filled with brokenness of the heart & the bones. These chains must be broken if we are ever top move forward. Thankyou for sharing your story & Gods healing for your life.
I’ve entered the process of forgiving my dad and am doing fairly well, thankfully. The part that I struggle with is my mom’s thinking that when I forgive him, I am siding with him and not her. He hurt her in many ways and she’s bitter and wants me to treat him unfairly so that she can feel more justified. She tells me so many instances where kids don’t communicate with their dad after they hurt their mother. I want to communicate with him but she gets so hurt by it.
Wow. What an example of forgiveness! Thank you for sharing some of your difficult life experiences.
Donna,
I usually skip over these blogs to get other things done. So glad I took a few minutes to read it! Thanks for taking the time to share your story and allow God to use you to reach out to others. I needed that reminder today of forgiveness. In a book by Sally Clarkson, i read: “It is gracious forgiveness that enables us all to move past our mistakes and keep on growing. Even more important, it is forgiving grace that makes real love possible in our lives.”
Renee,
Your book A Confident Heart has been such a blessing to me. The way God orchestrates things is so amazing. I am in awe of Him daily. God spoke to me while I was doing the study and it has changed my life and my marriage. Thank You so much. I tell everyone about your book 🙂 I would love to win so that I can share the blessings.
God bless you both for serving Him!
Thanks for sharing this incredible story of forgiveness! What an ordeal to go through and process as a child. It’s so wonderful that Donna can forgive. Isn’t God’s power amazing?!?
Wow…forgiveness is really the only way to go! I have learned ( Not always in the first situation) that forgiveness is what gives us freedom. Unforgiveness really only hurts the one unable to forgive. I am learning through Christ’s example to totally forgive those who have wronged me. Another really good resource is the book and other material available through Peacemakers. It was really a key in helping heal our mission team that had gone through a really roughtsituation.
Hello there, first let me say thank you so much for your post today. I’m now 55 and have my own memories of a troubled and tormented childhood. Of course that lead to a troubled and tormented first marriage and more abuse. I’ve read Peter’s question to the Lord many many times and knew I had to go through the process of forgiveness. The end of my story is that I returned to the Lord after I got married for a second time and the Lord is working in our lives, my husband is not saved yet but listens to my TV broadcasts from American and appreciates my faith and believes in his own way. I am still praying for him and have great hope. Thank you for the opportunity for a wonderful giveaway, I do hope that living in England doesn’t exclude me. God bless you in your ministry, you are reaching so many people. Kind Regards Mandy Currie ([email protected])
Praying for you as you pray for your husband. And praying for your husband’s salvation. May God reveal Himself to your husband.
The amazing power of Christ to help us forgive! I have very recently been faced with forgiving past hurts I thought trully were not issues for me. Clearly although I thought I had dealt with the issues, I not forgiven the person(s) as I should have! Oh the rush of relief felt when knowing that the past is just that and there is no reliving due to the healing of letting go and forgiving.
I stand amazed at how I know Christ has forgiven me in just that same way! He is calling me to miinister and I am patiently waiting as He opens doors!
Thank you sharing this again thru your blog! Read thru it twice as I read earlier the P31!
Blessings!
Thank you for your timely words. I continue to struggle with a mother who not only was mean to us kids growing up, but especially abusive to Dad when he had Alzheimer’s. I didn’t think I could be around her after he passed, but I did forgive her and began anew. Now that she has Alzheimer’s herself, I find a lot of old stuff I thought I’d let go bearing down on me again. Thank you, Lord, for daily cleansing and renewal.
Just prayed after reading your blog. I think have dealt with all the past hurts but I just went through it with Jesus again and asked Him what my relationship should be with people that have hurt me. Thanks again for all you do.
I like your statement, ” I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.”
I feel like I am at that point in my life. There are things there that I haven’t sopke to anyone about. Dumb as it may sound, I don’t want to hurt those that hurt me or love me. Thanks for all you do, I appreciate the verses on facebook. I would enjoy receiving a copy of your book, which I have been wanting to buy but haven’t been able to do so yet. If you would pick me please just send the 1 book and forward the rest to another person to benefit from.
We were just talking about forgiveness during our prayer time last night when I was meeting with a ministry team on my college campus. One of the girls was sharing about something she had been dealing with and she said the same thing–about how forgiveness isn’t just a one-time deal but a constant choice, because that same hurt may happen again and again. It’s so encouraging to see how people who have been through such heartache can emerge victorious by the power of Christ in their lives. And it truly is freeing to really know and understand that God is in complete control and He can get us through anything when we place our trust and our lives fully in Him. Thank you for such an uplifting devotion!
It is all by His power and His power alone!