The word “listen” is mentioned in the Bible over 400 times! I guess that means it’s important to God. Listening is not one of my natural strengths but it’s something I’ve really worked on because it’s important to me, too.
Listening is about more than hearing someone’s words. Listening is about hearing someone’s heart by listening with mine.
I think I’m a little A.D.D.. My thoughts go a million miles an hour in a thousand directions, and I can get easily distracted. It’s not so much that I can’t focus, but that my brain tends to focus on more than one thing at a time. My husband can’t understand how I can be on the phone talking to a friend and also hear every word he just said to one of our kids, and repeat both conversations.
When I am listening with my heart, it’s different. I am fully engaged. I am leaning in, and I am giving someone my full attention. Here are a few things I have learned about listening that have helped me become a better listener.
Minimize distractions: Turning off cell phones, computers and televisions helps us give our full attention, or talking in a place where distractions are less likely is even better.
Use encouraging body language: Nodding your head tells someone you hear what they are saying and encourages them to continue. Using postures, positions and movements similar to the person talking helps them relax and open up.
Put yourself in their shoes: Active listening is not about inward thinking. We can avoid thinking about how what they are saying impacts us personally by looking at problems from the other person’s perspective, actively trying to see his or her point of view.
Avoid Interrupting: One of the biggest challenges to listening is impulse thoughts that become impulse interruptions. Write down thoughts and wait for the other person to talk at their own pace. Although sharing a common experience can be helpful, it also takes the focus off of them. Only share personal experiences briefly to empathize but then turn the focus back to them.
Repeat and encourage: Repeat some things they say and encourage them with positive feedback. For example, you might say: “You didn’t feel like that was fair, and I can see why.” Make eye contact from time to time. It’s not good to stare, but it is good to show warmth and interest in what they are saying.
Summarize: During an in-depth conversation, it’s good to summarize what someone is saying and say it back in your own words. This assures them you have truly been listening. It also gives them a chance to correct miscommunications or wrong assumptions.
Ask Questions: Meaningful questions help a person reach their own conclusions. Towards the end of the conversation it’s good to transition to guiding questions. For example: “I understand why you didn’t feel like it was fair, but help me understand why you felt like you couldn’t say anything about it to me/them sooner.” Wording questions this way also helps someone move from an emotional response to a more constructive response.
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is communication, and listening is key. By listening with your heart, you will strengthen and build your most important relationships.
In my devotion “The Gift of Listening” featured on the P31 website and Crosswalk today, I encouraged readers to make a list of people they want to really listen to today. Who would be on your list? Here are some very practical things I do to give the gift of listening to my family each day:
- Turn off my cell phone in the evenings
- Limit email checking when they are home
- Delay answering the phone during dinner and family time
- Turn away from my desk at work when someone comes to talk with me
How does it make you feel when someone really listens to you? Did you know that when you listen to someone, you are telling them how important they are to you? Just ask them and you’ll see. That is what helped me make this a high priority in my life.
How does it make you feel to know that God is always listening and giving you His full attention because you are important to Him and the words you speak go straight to His heart?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Just click on the word “comments” below and let’s talk. I’ll be giving away a copy of my 2-part DVD teaching entitled Living and Leaving a Legacy from a drawing of those who participate in today’s blog conversation, so be sure to leave your email or check back on Thursday.
PS. If you are on Facebook, I’d love to be friends! I blog a couple of times each week, but I share daily encouragement through scriptures and everyday life lessons on FB. Simply click here or on my Facebook profile in my sidebar.
And the winner is… “Anonymous” who posted at 8:50am sharing how she could relate, stating “my 6 year old, is often saying ‘Mom – you are always on the computer'”. Random Integer.com, with the help of the Holy Spirit, decided you would win my 2-part DVD teaching entitled Living and Leaving a Legacy. If that’s you, please email your name and mailing address to [email protected] by Monday. ~Thanks and congrats!
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Thank you for the reminder! I know I struggle most listening best to those I love most at home.
May God bless you as you continue to bless all of us!
Diane from PA
Thanks for the great, simple reminder. In today's fast-paced, technology-center world, we're definately loosing out ability to communicate face-to-face. Showing someone they're important is definately more than writing on their Facebook wall!
Wow, boy am I convicted about listening to my children as well. I try to turn away form the computer, books, and phone and give them what they need. Starting today I will do better. I will not do computer work when they are home from school, and I try to avoid the phone when they are home as well.
So true that they want to be heard just like I do. I wouldn't like it if my husband wasn't actively listening to me. I will treat the boys with the respect they deserve.(since they do learn by example) I want them to treat others respctfully too.
By the way I am so glad you are blogging more, I have missed you.
Wow.. Somehow I can't help but think that while the voice of God is sometimes still and small, He also uses others to communicate His message to me in a SHOUT. My husband and I had a disagreement just last night about my "listening skills" so this is particularly timely.. You talked about A.D.D. well, I really am an adult woman with it. For most of my life I thought there was something wrong with me – until my kids starting having all the same problems in school that I had. The same doctor who did extensive testing and diagnosis of them, was able to diagnose and treat me. It's not something you "grow out of"; it's not an excuse that somebody has made up; nor is it some nebulous concept that can be dismissed by the general publics' skepticism. It has very real and damaging effects on relationships! It is so very hard to concentrate at the end of a day and it feels like my "focus-energy" is all used up. While there are all kinds of supports for children, there is virtually nothing out there for adults.. In order to help me when I'm struggling to listen, I pray "Help me, Jesus!" as many times as it takes to force my focus onto the most important human in my life. My husband. My children are grown and I pray daily also for them as all three also have ADHD.
Thank you for your post today Renee. I had read a quote from the late missionary Jim Elliot who said, "Wherever you are, be all there." And back in January, I wrote a post about it. I have been trying to be very focused on listening ever since. (Some days are more successful than others! ha!)
Your suggestions on how to be a better listener were very helpful. I also feel very humbled when I think of God giving me His undivided attention.
Thank you for the opportunity to win your DVD.
Really good word…I am guilty of tuning out sometimes on my husband when he is talking to me, or someone at work….I know though how it feels when I don't feel that I am be listened to, not fun…this is really good advice I am going to work on this week…would love to win the DVDS. thanks,
Kelly
It amazes me actually to think about what you wrote, that God is listening to me. That He would turn His attention to me, this seems to big to grasp but it is an amazing thought.
I need someone to talk to, and pray for someone that will really listen, and not judge me.
Renee,
Thank you for the devotion today. I try to be a good listener and hope to win your dvd's (that would be awesome). I am really searching out ways to listen for my Saviour's voice speaking to me. Thanks for all you do for P31 it seems at times a lifeline for me. But I must tell you, I am not going to lick the word comments (ha ha).
Love in Christ,
Dana
P.S. Please pray for my friend Donna. This past weekend she lost her mother and her home in a fire.
Pray that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will wrap His loving arms of comfort and peace around her and her family.
Thank you for blessing me this morning with this posting. I am working towards being a better listener to my mom, husband, children and coworkers.
God Bless You!
Sabrina P
I sometimes am a "bad listener" I have a mind that goes 1000 directions at once, and as a single Mom, I don't know whether that's good or bad! Thanks for sharing your tips, I can use all the help I can get!! God Bless!
Dori Cox
I recognize myself very easily in today's devotion. So, I'm taking steps today to become a better listener! Thank you!
Read your devo. today. Thanks for a good reminder. I could definitely stand to be a better listener at times-even when it's my young boys repeating things:) Would enjoy the DVD's if I were to win them.
Wow – your devotion really hit home today – I felt the chills go through my body, as I have often heard from my 6 year old, "Mom – you are always on the computer" Thanks for reminding me of what is really important!!
Thanks for this reminder today. This also really hit home with me. Hope to win your DVD
i rationalise by calling it multitasking – talking on the phone while writing an email and "chatting on gtalk".
Your devotion was a rebuke to me. Unfortunately I can only listen or focus on one thing at a time. Often, I just continue to "do my work" when my kids seek me out. I have to be honest. Often it feels like their concerns are less important than what I'm doing. But I now realize that I am telling them with my actions that they are not important. I'll be praying about this today! Thanks for your words this morning!
Your devotion today was so true to heart. I am also a.d.d., But I'm both easily distracted and I have a hard time concentrating on just 1 thing. So this devotion today, is encouraging me to really concentrate on what someone is saying to me. I wrote the prayer down and I'm going to try and read it, whenever I can today. That way, I'll be in constant reminder, that listening means the world to people.
Ouch! That hit home with me! Even when my 3 yr old seems to talk endlessly about anything and everything I need to show him that I care and he matters.
The chance to win the DVDs would be a huge blessing!
Thanks for being transparent.
Crissy
Thanks for your devotion today and the listening tips. So many times we get way too "busy' to stop and listen.Your devotion was a good reminder. i've been told I'm a good listner & most times I am better at that than talking. Your tips are very helpful. Your DVD giveaway would really be nice.Thanks for the chance to win them.
Blessings,
LindaLou