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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Read An Excerpt: Chapter 1 & 2

Letting God Fill the Empty Places in My Heart

I have a give-away and a special “welcome” for new friends hopping over from my Proverbs 31 Ministries devotion. I hope you’ll make yourself comfortable and stay a while. Before we get started, I wanted to show you my book cover!! I can’t believe the cover is in catalogs and the book will be on shelves July 2011! All I can say is wow God.

 

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In my devotion today, I wrote about our longing to be chosen. From the time I can remember, I wanted someone to choose me. To value me. To want me. Someone other than my parents, that is.

Do you remember the first time you wanted someone to choose you? Maybe it was a game on the playground, a position on a team or an invite to a party.

Wanting to be chosen plays into our question of whether we’re good enough to be chosen, doesn’t it? But, when someone says or does something that makes us feel good enough, it fills an empty place in our hearts where the longing was before.

Then they change their mind or hurt our feelings, and our filled-up place leaks. Our good enough drains out and our confidence goes with it. A sense of inadequacy leaves us feeling empty again.

There are several things that have happened to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I recently started sharing a part of my story that I hadn’t shared before, and I’ve discovered almost every woman can relate. I don’t have the whole message available today, but I have a 2min video segment that I’d like to share with you.

Note: The first 20 sec are photos/titles because we use this for event promotions, but it’s pretty quick. Just click the arrow to watch, and then scroll down to read the rest of my post. But be sure to watch this first, or it won’t make sense.



More than anything, I just want you to know I understand. I have felt the cavernous emptiness that comes with painful rejection from someone you love. It’s hard to believe I can smile about it now, and share lessons I’ve learned. When it happened, I was devastated. Crushed. Wounded. Convinced I’d never be good enough.

I remember going to my pastor, asking him to help me process the pain and excruciating sadness. I wanted him to tell me how awful my fiancé was and how I had the right to feel betrayed and deceived. I’ll never forget him saying, “Renee, you can’t put your hope in a man; you can only put your hope in God. A man’s love will always disappoint you.”

Honestly, I wanted to throw something at him. I didn’t want him to correct me; I wanted him to side with me. How can you love someone and not put your hope in them? I questioned.

Deep down, though, I knew he was right. I’d always put my hope in a man’s love and been disappointed. I’d tried to find my good enough in what others thought about me and now I had to face my fear of not being chosen.

I needed to separate myself and my worth from a man’s decision to want me or not. I had to hold his words and preferences up to God’s Word and cling to the promise that He chose me and would never reject me. In time, healing came. As I recovered from being unwanted by a man, I embraced the fullness that comes in knowing I am completely accepted by God. I learned how to let Him fill the empty places in my heart and help me find my good enough in Him.

God gave us the deep desire to be chosen, loved and accepted so He could fill and fulfill that desire. He chooses us. He loves us. And through Christ, He accepts us. If we didn’t long for love and acceptance, we’d never recognize our need for His.

“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love.” Psalm 33:18
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A Confident Heart Gift Pack
Today, I’m giving away the complete 45minute DVD message that my 2min video clip was taken from so you can hear the whole story, along with my message Letting God Fill the Empty Places in Your Heart on CD, a gift certificate for a signed copy of A Confident Heart (coming July 2011), and a Starbucks gift card! Here’s how you can enter to win:

 

1) Send this post or a link (with God’s promises below) to someone who might need to know just how much God loves them.

2) Tell a friend (via email, twitter or Facebook) about today’s give-away and how they can enter to win here.

3) Share today’s devotion,You’re the One I Want with someone who needs to be reminded that God sees them and chooses them again and again!

4) Click the word “comments” at the bottom of this post, to tell me which one, two or three you did. Each time you share the love, you’ll be entered to win! For another chance, let me know if and how God spoke to your heart through today’s messages.

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Confident Heart Promises
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how I found lasting soul-security by learning to live in the power of God’s promises. Here are a few I copied from chapter 6 to share with you and for you to share with those you love:


When I feel unimportant, God says: I am CHOSEN.
“You are my witness,” declares the LORD, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am He.” Is 43:10

When I feel worthless, God says: I am LOVED.
“You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you.” Is 43:4

When I feel forgotten, God says: I am REMEMBERED.
“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Is 49:16

When I feel abandoned, God says: I am NEVER ALONE.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge… Ps 73:28

When I feel inadequate, God says: I am SECURE.
“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.” Deut 33:12

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Check back Monday for more encouragement, my final Christmas give-away and the name of today’s winner! If you’d like to be notified, you can sign up in my sidebar for email updates, follow me in Google connect, or friend me on Facebook!

Comments

  1. I have posted this to my Facebook page to all of my 384 friends. 2010 was a year that I spent struggling with these issues. I am finally coming to see that my hope has to be in God alone because humans will fail. It is not an easy concept to accept and work through. It is painful and I have lost trust in so many people whom I once believed in. It has been an overwhelming journey for me this year but I am embracing it and seeking God's guidance and praying for holy discernment. Looking forward to your book. Sound like something that can help me as I journey on.

  6. God really used you to speak to me through this message. I can relate very well when it comes to being disappointed, hurt, and feeling rejected by man. My Father loves me! He is healing me and filling all of the places in my heart to make me whole again. Thanks! By the way, I emailed several family and friends regarding God's promises and your devotional as well as sharing about your giveaway on Facebook.

  7. Thank you. I forwarded this on to a 16 year old girl I am caregive of who needs to hear this message. She is always trying to fit in and she struggles so hard with finding acceptance in others. Thank you for the chance to win.

    [email protected]

  8. This devotional spoke to the deep longing in my heart that seems to always be there, crying out to "be chosen", to be cherished, to be valued, to be loved.

    I forwarded your devotion to almost 100 girlfriends and have received some really great responses of gratefulness from some of them.

  9. I am posting on this blog for the first time from the prov. 31 ministries devotion. I have just been encouraging my friend whom a man she had just begun dating decided he would give the ex-fiance from two years ago another try when she called him. My friend was very hurt and disappointed. You are SO right, Jesus is our True Prince!
    I sent the prov. 31 devotion to 6 people and included how to come here to your blog and sign up for a chance to win this package.
    Merry Christmas,
    Amanda
    Olive Branch, MS

  13. There's some family members that I allow to do this to me over and over again. This really hit home for me – thank you for the encouragement.

  14. Renee,

    We share such similiar life stories and trials and your words of encouragement help me more than you know. I feel like I am reading about myself many times in the "Journey of My Heart". I needed to hear today's message and will share it with my teenager as well. Jesus shines through you. Thank you for allowing Him to use you for the good to weary souls. Please pray for my marriage. My husband walked out on the kids and I twice this years after 20 years of marriage. I am very weary, feeling alone with no family near and missing my deceased grandmother terribly. Your Confident Heart Promises were right on time. I covet your prayers. I have shared this with 3 times. Thank you, again from my heart.

    In His Grip,
    Anonymous

  16. Thank you I am going to print part of your devotion and give it to my children in their stocking on some nice pretty glittery paper for them to keep in their Bibles. I will have it too, it was what I needed to "put my boots" on today and keep going!
    oh have shared via email.
    Blessings,
    kareng

  18. I don't have facebook but I shared the Proverbs devotional, your blog and scriptures especially with a friend who has a daughter seeing her self-worth through her boyfriend's eyes (very timely post)and encouraged her to enter the giveaway, and shared the devo and scriptures with a sister who desperately needs to know that God loves her.

    Thank you for the reminder that we need to always look to God to fill the empty places in our heart and not look to others or things to complete us.

    Merry CHRISTmas,
    Donna

  19. I love the devotional! As I read, I thought to myself how could someone else feel the same as me. Thank you for sharing and encouraging. You have been a blessing today.

  21. I love the devotional! As I read, I thought to myself how could someone else feel the same as me. Thank you for sharing and encouraging. You have been a blessing today.

  23. I am a survivor of sexual abuse. My abuse started around the age of 3 and lasted until I was 8 years old. I have grown up feeling like there was an emptiness in my heart/life. I never felt whole or loved and tried filling that void in many unhealthy ways. It was only until I found God and His love that I realized He was all I needed to fill that void. I have healed and it's all because of God's love and grace. Your message is awesome and I can not wait to read your book. I know many ladies who are also survivors that would be interested as well. I am thankful to God for blessing you with the gift of writing and compassion. Love your posts!

  24. I shared this post with my friend Wendy who has been struggling lately. She is single at 33, has a strong desire to find a loving husband and start a family of her own. Nothing has seemed to work out yet. This message was just what she needed to hear! Thanks so much!

  26. This is something I've struggled with all my life. I feel God has been speaking to me about this. It's just taking a little bit of time for healing to come.

  28. I sent the link to 10 of my friends.

    I cannot believe God's timing. Seriously. I am so very much right in the thick of needing the reminder that God picks me every time and that my worth and value come from Him alone. Not from my husband or my friends or my things or my abilities or my family or . . . Thank you for the reminding.

  29. Renee, what a blessing your message was today. I remember too well those times when I have felt lost and abandoned. My husband is such a Godly man that I gain warmth and self esteem through his ministry to me. But even he cannot fill those empty places left for God alone. I am so warmed by the presence of the Almighty God of Israel in my life.

    I shared your blog with a dear friend who has struggled mightily with feeling alone and forsaken. I pray this will help her to heal. I also shared it with my daughter who is trying to find her place with the Lord. I know she will find it in His arms.

  30. Hi Renee,
    Your message echoes an identical conversation I had with a friend last Christmas Eve. My fiance had just left me weeks beforehand and as I poured out my heart about the hurtful things he had shared my friend simply said 'Ang, hope can only be found in God. Nothing else.' We kept talking and within that conversation my friend said the same simple words over & over again. It really was a healing balm for my soul that night, a perfect reminder at the perfect time. God's presence has been the strength that forged me forward throughout the year gone by and it was the simple message of hope in God alone that started the true healing.
    Before reading your blog last night (I'm in Australia not the US!) I had already forwarded your devotion onto a friend over in the UK – thankyou for sharing such precious words with women all around the world!
    Merry Christmas!
    Ang Hobbs – Sydney, Australia!!

  31. I emailed God's promises to 3 friends and I e-mailed your devotion to 4 different friends. I guess we all go through times when we feel like we are not good enough. Thanks for the beautiful devotion that reminds us that we are chosen by God and thats what matters.

  32. I forgot to say that I fulfilled all of the requirements, 1 2 and 3 please enter my name. Thanks

  33. Hi, Today of all days, this meant so much to me. Growing up rejection was a daily thing for me at school, home, and even our in-frequent church visits. Still looking for love and acceptance I somehow managed to never get into drugs and didn't go to very many parties to drink and find acceptance. After college I did get married to a great guy and we have two wonderful kids, but surprise, they are not perfect and could not fill the void for me. I accepted the Lord as a child but up until 6 or 7 years ago, after the few "friends" I did have said they did not want to be friends anymore said goodbye. I was filled with the Holy Spirit and have been searching for Gods love and acceptance, just recently I have found that I have always had Gods Love, Peace, and Mercy in me all the time, but now I am realizing that it is also FOR ME too!!!!! I just have to take it. I don't have to feel rejected and not worthy and unloved anymore because HE IS ALIVE AND WELL IN MY HEART, and HE LOVES ME!!!! He has put things in my heart that I want to do and I know that until I have this knowledge in head I will not see my desires come to pass, because he does not want me to find my self worth in what I do.

    God Bless you and yours,
    Merry Christmas
    No more why's
    No more when's

  34. I so needed to read this today. I have been struggling with feelings of being unwanted and not being good enough. Thank you for the words of encouragement.

  35. Renee:
    I needed this TODAY! I've been struggling with not "being enough", with not being lovable, with being alone – especially during the holiday season… my husband of over 7 years left me 3 yrs ago, and there's been nothing but "desert" since. Throughout my entire life, I've always been chosen over, and this episode just seems to be more confirmation of that. I KNOW in my heart that the Lord loves me, but the loneliness can be rather stifling at times – I have trouble fighting back the tears. I pray and pray, and talk with God, but there seems to be no peace, no encouragement from Him… I don't know why I feel so lost… I'm hoping that someday my heart won't hurt so much – that it won't feel so empty and broken…
    ~ Ann in Seattle

  36. Hi Renee!

    I did all 3! God has been speaking to my heart about my self esteem in Him – that everything He creates in good. Your devotion today has added another building block to this promise. Thank you 🙂

  39. God always seems to bring to my mind someone I can send devotions and encouragement to… inevitably, the message is very appropriate to one special person in my life. So while I choose to send the email, it's God who chooses to bring to my mind a particular person. I shared your devotion and webpage with just that one chosen person today, and if I win please give the gift to that other person in your mind that God has chosen to pass the gift on to!!!! I would rather have the God-chosen person receiving the gift!

  41. The moment I read the devotion through I forwarded it to a dear friend with the subject line reading "OH WOW."

    I then followed your blog link and as I read that I copied and pasted it to an email I sent my mom with a note – a good lesson for us both.

    I love how God speaks to us when we need it most. I was just telling a friend this morning that my marital problems are consuming me and instead of running to God for comfort I am pulling away from HIM. Your devotion hit the nail on the head. I felt like it was written just for me. And such a powerful lesson in your blog – from your pastor. “Renee, you can’t put your hope in a man; you can only put your hope in God. A man’s love will always disappoint you.”
    Thank you for letting me see Jesus through you today.

  43. I love this devotion! I remember feeling like I needed someone to be accepted but I only needed one, Jesus!!! He's all we need. I forwarded this to friend on Facebook whose son just got home from over seas after almost 3 years and she will have to send him back soon when they find out where he will be his next place to be. He is in the Air force. But she will need all the encouragement she can get. Hopefully this will help.

  44. Your word today God really used YOU. I am sole caregiver for a elder parent who suffered a stroke. Her body is fine her mind affected moderatly an has worsened. She is hostile,beligerant ect. However reconize the enemy is using her to assualt me. God is at work in my life as never before. He is showing me no matter what to believe him,his word and stand not to look to left or right . Set my eyes upon the Master of the Sea and "If God be with me WHO can be against me".thank you, Cindi Herring

  45. this was great! and just what i needed. i was going really good about not worrying with gifts and things but today i woke up very early for some reason and all i could think about was what i still needed to do or get and i that peace i had was gone. after erading this the encouragement it gave me was nice. gave me that feeling of peace back 🙂

  46. After spending several years in the dark, the Lord has graciously called me back to Him. I'm slowly working on rebuilding the relationship that we used to have. Your post couldn't have come at a better time!

  49. Thanks so much for your devotion today.. God is the only one who can fill those empty spaces of my heart. so thank you for that reminder. I need to hear that today.

  50. Thank you so much for today's message. Just what I needed. I've been struggling with being overwhelmed this season and it's manifesting itself in being overbearing with my family and when they don't respond the way I like, a feeling of rejection and being unloved by them. Just this morning after waking up still exhausted and having a heated discussion with my husband, it was decided that I should stay in bed and let my husband get them ready for school. Instead of relishing a couple more minutes of much needed rest, I lay there waiting for the roof to cave in and for my family to miss me and NEED me. This didn't happen. Everyone got out of the house fully clothed and hair combed, etc, without the usualy bickering and nagging. Quite an eye-opener for me and left me feeling empty, until I read your devotion and realized that I'm seeking love and approval from my family and expecting them to show it on my terms, instead of seeking that love from God and allowing him to work on the areas in my life that need changing so that I can inturn show that love to my family in a more appropriate way.

    Thank you for your words of encouragement. God Bless.