How hard is it for you to let people know how you’re doing? I mean how you’re really doing.
I think most of us tend to keep our guard up and shy away from lettings others in. But, we long to be able to let our guards down and depend on other, especially when we’re in need of help, prayers or encouragement.
As I shared in Chapter 2, “Sometimes I think we tell people we’re fine even when we’re not, because we want to be. Or we hope that by saying we are fine, eventually we will be. Other times we act like we’re fine because others expect us to be. And I love how so many of you admitted you also have days when hormones or grumpy-ness trump all good manners and anyone within ten feet knows you are not fine. In fact, what you really meant in code is that you are Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, and Exhausted!”
Today, I want you to meet and hear from my friend, Melanie from Only a Breath. She’s the one who created our really cute Online Study blog button (see my sidebar if you want one)! Today she challenges us to take off the “I’m Fine” mask and be real with God, each other and especially ourselves about how we’re really doing.
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… She walks the hallway, fighting back tears that threaten to well up again. It’s been a long night, filled with betrayal and disappointment. Her future is uncertain. Back at the office, she tries to maintain normalcy. When eyes met, she is faced with another routine, “How are you?”
“I’m fine”, she answers, with a plastic smile that hides her pain.
… Across town, a young father shakes hands with the fourth interviewer that month. “Thank you for your time.”he says. On the way home, his wife calls to see if there’ s any hope for the job they’ve been praying for…for so long. They have mouths to feed, children to raise, a car on its last miles… “It will be fine”, he assures her. As he hangs up, he hangs his head in despair.
… A young, single mom cuddles her baby on the park bench. She holds her boy close, surrounded by happy couples with smiling children. She never expected to raise her child alone. The pain is sometimes too much to bear. Will she ever feel that she belongs? That she is wanted? Loved? Beautiful?
“We will be fine she whispers into his soft ear, surrounded by whisps of fine, brown hair.
“I’m fine…”
“We’re fine…”
“Doing great…”
In Chapter 2, Renee invites us to take off the “I’m fine” mask. But she also acknowledges just how scary it is to expose the pain that keeps us up, haunts us like nightmares, and threatens each breath of hope.
… but we’re fine.
Or are we?
Could we take off the mask that we, especially as Christians, live the “fairy tale”? We are certainly blessed, in every circumstance guarded by the Father, but honestly, in the deepest parts, we aren’t fine.
I’m not fine.
If I took off the “I’m fine” mask, would you think less of me, or would you think I’m … human?
We don’t have it all under control, and I can’t help but think that when we act like we do, we basically tell God that we don’t need him.
We’ve got this.
By pretending we’re “fine” we tell others something must be wrong with them if they are hurting… because we certainly are not hurting.
We’re fine.
What if we let someone else in? What if we said, “I’m hurting, and the details aren’t important, but would you please pray for me? I would really appreciate that.” Could that help them, in return, reach out to someone else when they are hurting?
Do we need to grant one another permission to not be fine?
Could we come broken before the Father, and cry out for His mercy and strength? He did promise to never leave us or forsake us. Even when we don’t feel it, could we still cling to His promise and claim it?
He knows we’re not fine.
Could the trials be the very thing that break the strings holding on our mask, allowing it to fall to the ground so we cling to Him a little tighter?
The truth is…
We aren’t fine… We are forgiven.
We aren’t in control… We are held by the hands that control our very heartbeat.
We aren’t invincible… We are made to look to the only One who can heal the broken.
As a sisterhood of hearts seeking our confidence in HIM, let’s take off our masks today. At least here with each other. And maybe with just one other person we meet this week. I have a feeling someone needs to see the battle wounds and scars we carry in order for them to stop pretending and seek His help too.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
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Thank you so much Melanie, for reminding me and all of us again today that God’s grace is sufficient. God and His grace can be my sufficiency… if I let HIM be.
Today’s Assignment:
- Continue or finish reading chapter 2 and answer end of chapter questions. Then come back and share with us what God is showing you about how His perfect love changes everything – especially the pressure to be it all, do it all and know it all – all at the same time.
Connect in Community:
- Please “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. (Remember if you are reading this in an email, click here to visit my website and connect with our ACH community!
- If you are on my site, click “Share Your Thoughts” and do just that. (This is such a valuable part of this study. My favorite part!!)
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You know it’s funny I had a hard life during my jr high and high school My mom was in and out of the hospital and I was left to take care of my brothers and dad. Not fun for a 13 yr old. I wear my emotions on my sleeves until one day a lady at my church asked me how I was and I knew I could “trust ” her so I started telling her how sad, frustrated yada yada to which she responded, ” you know Shannon, you should really stop telling people your problems, act positive and be fine!!” I was soooo devastated so from then on I hid in my stuff and acted “fine” when inside I was completely dying inside. It sux when someone abandons you because of “your drama”. Almost 20 years later its still happening. My best friend recently didn’t want anything to do with me because of “my drama”. I was devastated. I can’t help that I have borderline personality disorder and anxiety! All I want is a real friend who knows me and loves me for me and will listen to me.
Hi all,
This week the verse has really stuck with me is Jer 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mothers’ womb. Before you were born I set you apart” I keep coming back to it as a reminder that God has it all set out and way better than I could even imagine.
Being a Pastor’s wife comes with a stigma of perfection and always having it together, but I can testify that is not the case. I am thankful that I do have some close friends that want to know the truth to the “How are you doing” question.
In reading some of the above posts I can’t begin to imagine what some of you are going through and so my heart and prayers goes out to you. Personally I have not had many heartaches but when I have I’ve tried to remember to lean on God.
I think people are hesitant to open up, because a fair number of the people asking don’t really want to know how you are doing. It has become a colloquial greeting – “Hi, how are you?” “Fine and you?” “Good”. End of greeting. If someone actually opened up to them, they would probably get the deer in the headlights look, and want to get away as soon as possible. When I REALLY want to know how people are doing, I will ask “How are you doing? I mean really how are you doing?”
I have had a lifetime of doubts piled upon me. When you hear something over and over you tend to believe those things whether they are true or not. I know & believe that I am a child of God and that he has great things for me and for that I am thankful. But after being thrown back into the workforce after a divorce I struggle with who I am. Am I working in the place God want’s me to be or am I working there because I have to pay the bills. Do I go back to school at 41 and if I do what is the plan God has prepared for me there. I struggle with idea of going back to school for the mere fact that I didn’t do well in high school and I have this fear of failing again. Living in the land of unknown stinks.
I’m not fine. I don’t know if I’ve ever been fine but I really started not being fine last summer when I discovered my husband was having an affair. He was my high school sweetheart. We broke up after high school and then he called me one day out of the blue to tell me he was sorry and wanted to be friends. Our friendship grew and love sparked anew and we eventually married. Things weren’t perfect but I never thought in a million years that he would do this to me, to us, to our kids. Devastated, crushed, destroyed just touches the tip of the iceberg in describing how I felt and still feel.
One night in October as I was laying in bed praying and crying God spoke to me. I was asking how I was going to get through this, how I was going to survive, why was it happening, etc. And in between sobs I heard Him say “Trust Me.”
Another day I was driving home from work, after a particularly rough day, and I was praying and crying. I asked Him to tell me if I was doing the right thing wanting to work things out, wanting to be with this man who has thrown my everything (feelings, heart, kids, etc.) to the wayside. Was it time to give up? Was it time to move on? When I got home I was looking at FB and found a post from my daughter with the comment ‘I totally needed to hear this.’ Talked to her later and she said that she really felt like she needed to post it, that someone else needed it as well. It was Chris August singing his song ‘Restore.’ For those not familiar with that song, it’s about God restoring marriage.
Little did I know how many of you have stories similar to my own. I pray for each of you. Pray that God would restore what has been broken in all of you. Pray that you would find hope, peace and strength in the shadow of God’s mighty wings. Thank you for your prayers for my husband, my kids, my marriage and me.
I subscribe to Proverbs 31 Ministries “Encouragement for Today” emails and read something Renee wrote several months ago. It referenced ACW so I bought it and read it. The book really spoke to me. There were many times when I wondered if Renee had a camera in my house and/or in my heart because I felt she was describing me exactly. I signed up immediately when I saw the opportunity to participate in this study. I knew that reading the book again would unlock new kernels of God’s wisdom that I missed the first time through. Pray that each of you is touched, moved, and awakened by knowing what a wonderful Daddy in Heaven that we have who loves us UNCONDITIONALLY all day, every day, no matter what we do!
I was reading through chapter 1, this morning, and I began peeling away a lot of emotional layers. I participated in this on-line study the previous time around, but not until this morning was I able to really face my lifetime of doubts. Now, I’m praying for the abilities to “hope”, and “believe” in God’s promises.
I am not fine today… there I said it . For most of my life, I always said “I;m fine” when I really wasn’t. Most people don’t want to hear anything else. I have learned that over the years. I don’t think people really want to hear anything else from you because they are so wrapped up in their own issues. I am trying very hard to look beyond the normal, quick response of “I;m fine,” that most people give to see if they really are fine. It is hard to take the mask off.
Today, I need prayer. I lost my mother just two weeks ago unexpectedly and I have been in shock since leaving the ER that early morning hour. My family and I have been so busy the past weeks with funeral arrangements, closing out her house, writing thank you notes and trying to find normal again. I catch myself calling her on the phone as I did this several times a day when I would get home from teaching school only to remember that she isn’t there to answer. She was a Christian and I know that one day we will be reunited but in the meantime, I am really missing her.
Thank you for praying for me. I really appreciate it.
Kathleen
I am praying for you Kathleen. I lost my Mom unexpectedly also and it will throw you off kilter for a while to say the least. God got me through that time and it is my prayer that you will will know He has you in His hands and loves you and will get you through this. I found Psalm 42 to be helpful during that time and hope you might find encouragement in it too.
Kathleen, I’m praying that God will help you through this time. I pray that this study will help to boost your confidence and able to be open without having to hide your true feelings. I have learned from experience in my own life that healing can only truly take place when we open up to others. I know that it must have been hard to share your story, but think about the wonderful power of prayer. Take comfort in God’s peace and comfort. Blessings!
Hi Ladies,
This is the first online anything I have ever done, and I sometimes wonder if I am missing information because I am not familiar with navigating the web. I have hesitated sharing my thoughts, but I hope they help someone out there. I realized after reading the first chapter, that I have done a lot of growing in my self worth. I used to believe that I was nobody of any importance. I wondered why my husband would ever have wanted me in the first place. I came to see my value and worth and the LOVE the Lord has for me, when I actually digested the true meaning of the sacrifice Jesus gave FOR ME to be with him in Heaven. There is no way I will ever question that I am special again, after completely comprehending the price it cost him to save me. I must be priceless to the LORD, for Jesus to have paid that price for me and asked only for me to love and trust him in return. (I hope I gotten that right!)
I thought I was actually ok, and that perhaps I was a “confident woman” and this online study wasn’t really for me anymore. I started to rejoice in my growth, until I attended a meeting with our financial advisor two nights ago and he gently mentioned, that financially, our struggles could only be lessoned, if I went back to work. WHAT??? I have been home for 13 years with my four children and have always thought about going back to work, but realized this morning after re-reading chapter 2 that I am not finished repairing my hurts yet. I attended a Mental Health Awareness meeting last night for our youth, and I knew that this was one more step down the path the LORD is taking me in helping me get back to the work force, but this morning I also realized, that I have been at home hiding from the truth. The truth is that I do not want to go back to work because I do not feel like I am capable of doing any job. At least at home, I can make mistakes and they remain hidden from the outside world. I do not want to feel the sting of rejection from co-workers, or feel the loneliness of not being able to fit in with the people I work with. I don’t want to feel like the people who hire me, regret their decision because I am just such a screw up. I don’t want to feel the sting of accusations ever again.
I also realize, that most of what I see, is the way I choose to interpret things and not the way it really is. I give the mask of “I’m fine” often, because I think I will lose my friends by telling them of my self doubt and appear like I am whining. The first thing we were told last night at the seminar was to let your children know that we are there to listen to them without judgment and with unconditional love for them. After reading chapter 2, I realized, I also have that unconditional love and can confess my weakness to God without judgment. I can turn to him and share my doubts and then open my heart to allow him to finish the good works he began in me until they are completed at the time of Christ’s coming. I continue to pray that the LORD strengthen my heart and fill it with the love he has for me, so that I may turn and love others in the same way. I pray for strength to listen and follow his path, for his will make my way straight when I follow his will for me.
I can relate to wanting to keep the status quo instead of making a change due to fear. And sometimes, God does keep us at one stage of life because we’re not quite ready to move on to the next one yet. But while we’re here, He is preparing us. I think that for most Christians, even those in the Bible, they spend more time preparing to serve God than actually serving God. So don’t think of your time as “hiding”, rather God is grooming for you something new. And when the time comes, whatever it may be, you will experience His glory and strength. God bless!
I never thought I would see those words written by someone else about working. So many things just flooded my mind. I also have four children and have stayed home for the last 12. I quit my job to “stay home with the kids”, but deep down inside, I quit because I felt I was incapable and eventually someone, everyone, was going to notice. I have every excuse in the book to not go back to work. Again for about the fourth time in just this day’s posting, I have been able to relate. I have so many different, strong and painful struggles going on in my life, so much drama. It is a constant struggle to just hang on for dear life!
I thought I was an open person with the people that are close to me, but I have realized with reading chapter 2 and this blog post that there is a lot of fear and insecurity that I am dealing with. I think when I share I try to put a Pollyanna spin on it so it isn’t too bad. Also, I try to monitor how much sharing of my struggles that I am doing because I don’t want my friends to look at me and say, “You struggle to much, I don’t want to be your friend.” It may sound silly, but I feel like I struggle with something all the time and I grow weary of myself, so I would completely understand if those around me would feel the same. I wish that I could have more “good days” free of panic and anxiety and more of peace and the ability to rest in God…to get my head and my emotions lined up.
Latisha, it does not sound silly to me. I can relate to what you are saying. God gave me a “Pollyanna” temperament, not a bad thing at all. But I can allow it to work with my insecurities against me. It is difficult for me, but I am learning that to walk like I believe, even when I don’t “feel” like I believe is not hypocritical, but faithful. I don’t do it as well today as I will in a year, but I do it better than I did a year ago, or 5 years ago. And I count that as success. I believe that our fears and insecurities today will be His strength in our weakness as we lean on and trust in Him more fully. Praying for more “good days” and His peace.
Thank you Becky!
Why is it never enough? Why are the people that love me never enough? That is a question that I have asked myself. That is what makes me feel “not fine”.
When I was a child, I wanted to keep people happy, or at least not mad at me. When I would get into trouble, I took that to mean that I had to fix it so they would love me again. I had to do something to earn back their love. Even though they never took it away, I thought they did. During adolescence, I got tired of trying to make people happy, I began to rebel from “being good”, at least privately. I rebelled, and then the shame of it told me that if my parents knew they wouldn’t love me anymore. That thought coupled by the frequency of my rebellion caused me to withdraw from my family. I confined myself to my room when I was at home and rarely spoke kindly to anyone in my family. I began to dislike them, see their flaws, be annoyed by them. I think now that this was to make me feel better about my idea of them not loving me.
I continued down this path of private rebellion, but all things will not remain unknown. That is when lying entered in, I denied or made excuses for my sins that I could not deny due to proof. I had sympathy on my side. I could say, “You don’t understand my pain. You have never had to deal with the death of a friend. You don’t know how I feel. Just leave me alone.” And it worked. I was left alone and that was my proof that they didn’t love me. Sure I had told them to leave me alone, but what I really wanted was to tell them everything that I had done wrong and for them to tell me that they loved me anyway.
Following graduation, I went into the military hoping that I could make up for who I had become. While serving, I was sexually harassed and later abused. I stuffed it down, and tried to keep my head up. I fell into a deep depression and tried to kill myself. Even though I studied how to do it, was careful not to send any red flags, and even barricaded myself from rescue, I survived. I was rescued. By only God’s strength and leading, I was able to make it to the door and unlock it when people were sent to find me. But I came home with all that shame that was no longer private. As soon as I could I moved out on my own away from my family again. I could not take their questions or their acting like nothing happened.
When I met my now husband, I decided to tell him everything about me. To dare him to stay after knowing how bad I was. I tried to push him away. Surprisingly, he stayed. All I had told him made him see that I was a person who had bad things happen to me, yes some of them I had made bad choices and there had been consequences, but I was not bad. And definitely worth loving. I did not understand. I could not understand. Why would this man who had everything going for him throw it away for me. I wasn’t worth it. At least that is what I thought. But he said I was. We have been married for 13 years now, and I am a completely different person than the one he met and married. Not because of his love only, but because of God’s love for me shown through Jesus. It took awhile for me to change my behavior. I tried many times to push my husband away, and I almost did. Our marriage almost fell apart a few years ago. You see he had messed up. And our counselor told me one day, as I was saying, “He wants to leave fine, he can leave.” She said he doesn’t want to leave, he needs grace.” I thought, “Oh, no I can’t do that.” But you know what, I did because God gives us grace everyday. I thought it would be hard, that I wouldn’t be able to forgive, and never forget. But it was so freeing. Freeing in not having to remember, not having to remind him or myself of his error. It opened up a whole new level for us. A marriage that I am amazed at what God has done. No, my husband can’t fulfill or fill me. But God has shown Himself through my husband’s love and then I got to show God’s grace to my husband. Due to that, my husband has changed and now follows God. He always believed there was a God, but we saw and experienced Him and His power of redemption. God can love us through people, but we can’t make people God.
Thank you so much for sharing! It’s awesome how God was able to transform you through His blessings as well as your husband’s love. It’s heartbreaking to read that you did not feel like you had unconditional love as a young child. Because you were afraid of being rejected by your family, you rejected them first and distanced yourself as a means of protection. It’s a tactic I’m far too familiar with. And constantly feeling like you have earn everyone’s approval? I can relate all too well. But I’m so grateful that God was able to protect you and rescue so miraculously! Your story is inspiring and God is glorified in your life. And the best part is that you don’t need to earn or work for His love. You can live in freedom today!
I can’t agree with you more! I am so surprised when I think of all the things that God has done in my life. I hope that by sharing my journey it would help others somehow. After I posted it, I really wanted to take it down, but I couldn’t find a way. It is hard to be honest about the hurtful and embarrasing stuff, but God never wastes our pain.
Thank you…I just realized that I just want someone to love me anyway.
I love that song by Sidewalk Prophets, “You love me anyway”
My dad has been struggling with depression. He was hospitalized for a while with it. Our family feels that it is best to get all of this into the open and share with those who are concerned how they can best help at this time. This book has shown me at this time that if we believe God will give us the confidence we need in this life, no matter what we feel. This study is timely for me. Thank you Renee Swope for sharing your story.
This blog really hits home for me, as I’m sure it has many others. As a cancer patient, I am often faced with obstacles that seem insurmountable. When this happens I respond with a tough attitude and push forward. When people ask me how I am, I say, “okay” or “pretty good” because that’s the way I approach the obstacles.
Well, through the last few days, with the video, the book, and now the blog, I finally broke down while praying and cried out to God about how I really feel about my current obstacle I’m facing. I realized at that point, I had never prayed specifically about it – I had prayed during rehab for God to get me through, but I had never prayed about the issue I’m facing.
I finally told God that I want to feel that he knows me the way I read that he knows me in the Bible.
Thank you, Renee, for this study. I believe it is already making a huge difference in my life.
I’m struggling with confusion, loss, hurt and anger. My husband whom I truly love has betrayed me and I thought he would never do something like that. I want to let go of the pain and hurt.
I understand your pain/hurt, even though my situation is different
Please know I am praying for you today Dana
Dana,
I see your pain and can remember my own. I hope you can read my post further down the page. Before posting it today, there were only four people that even knew about the stuggle my husband and I went through. I pray that you and your husband’s hearts will be open to God’s redemptive work in the marriage that is above all His. He created marriage, He is apart of that covenant promise between husbands and wives, three are stronger than two.
His perfect love changes everything because it means I am lovable regardless of my choices. I tried for Yeats to appear good enough to be loved. I never measured up. It left me feeling depressed and worthless much of through time. I was always looking for the next best thing to show that I had it all together when my external and internal life was crumbling, quickly. When my Mind grasped the concept that I was lovable just because my heart did not believe. Coming into a group of people who were supportive and transparent and safe helpedme to begin letting go of the image I thought I had to project. It took years and I still have bad days. However when I stay in God’s word and associate with loving people who will admit to having the same struggles and accept and encourage you through them God’s love becomes more real and my willingness to be vulnerable and reach out becomes possible. I am not scared most of the time to say I do not have this, but God does and he has sent others in my life who are Also pursuing that path of authenticity. So grateful for thisgroup of women. You are a part of the connections I need to get through the journey.
I was thinking about this chapter all day yesterday and found myself wondering how many of us ask the question “How are you doing?” just as a simple formality and deep down in our heart we don’t really want to know, because we are consumed by our own burdens and/or struggles. I have to admit that I am one of those people and throughout this study I realized that it is selfish on my behalf to ask this question fleetingly. I realized that “I am always fine” because I don’t believe people want to hear how I’m really doing. One of the things that has made me so aloof to this is that very presceptive that I mentioned above. OMG, I realized I am one of those people! Many times I share my pain and just got the typical “I’ll pray about it” only to realize that the person was not interested in what was truly going on in my life. I have to say this has made my heart somewhat hard! I am grateful that this study has given me the sensativity that I need to really care how others are doing! I feel that God has softened up my heart and has given me the grace to repent of my owned selfishness, but also to allow others into my heart.
This “I am fine” stuff seems to be Satan’s curse reserved specifically for us women, huh! It’s an easy out not to deal with what’s really going on, for me to convince myself that if I’m feeling bad I’m really just having a pity party and should be able to deal with it on my own. I don’t want to “burden” others with my issues, so I keep them inside, feeling like I should keep it all under control (control is a whole other issue, right)? Renee, thank you so much for opening up this study and inviting this world of ladies in! Thank you God for the reminder that when we share our real hearts and hurts we do have the opportunity to help others by showing we aren’t perfect and don’t expect others to be perfect or “all fine”. Father, I pray we look to You for our confidence and strength in stepping out of our silos and finding other ladies with whom we can share AND support, for Your glory.
Thank you, ladies, for everything you’ve shared. I had maybe my first honest prayer yesterday – not saying what I thought I *should* but crying out to God about a very painful set of situations in my husband’s family that have been going on for years. The Samaritan woman story, I think, helped me to do that – she hinted to Jesus just how bad it was, and he told her that 1) he already knew and 2) it didn’t matter, he cared about her anyway.
As far as being real with friends – please pray for me. My last good friend dropped me without a word almost 20 years ago – last time I saw her was the day I was her Maid of Honor – and she’s my sister-in-law, has been for almost 14 years. Part of all the family stuff that breaks my heart. I keep myself to myself now, but maybe I shouldn’t.
Thanks for the message of today. Its true I always say to people Im fine, wen I know Im not just because people expect me to be fine. Today Ive learnt that saying that Im fine whilst Im not fine is deceiving myself. Thanks and God Bless.
This is so incredibly hard to face. For the past 5 years, I have been Sam at the well every time I entered church. I may as well have had a heavy, large, iron “D” branded on my forehead. It has been so conspicuous that everytime I’ve looked up to see my Saviour, all I can see is the “D”…cold, ugly, heavy, shameful…weighing me down, holding me back, making me unlovable. I was the one to file for divorce after almost 20 years of marriage. The church was involved. It was done with much prayer and countless interventions for a man who rejected me for airbrushed models from our honeymoon on. I never stood a chance. I could never compete. He was an addict who couldn’t get enough but wanted nothing of me. It was a twisted, painful repeat of my childhood. I was the little girl who longed to see her daddy look down on her with love and affection. I spent about 40 years doing all that I knew how to earn my daddy’s. Love. At that point, my Saviour gave me a glimpse into my daddy’s heart that has changed how I relate to him. I nolonger seek to be loved by him. Instead, I seek to pour out the Saviours love to him. The ex is a different. Story. My heart. Breaks for him. But, I can’t. Safely love him. He has stalked me and harrassed me to the point where I have feared for my safety. I. long to be Sam in church…a woman who can look up into my Saviours face and ratherthan
Sorry, it cut off on me. My prayer is that when I face my Saviour in worship that I will see His loving, forgiving eyes and not the ugly “D”. I want to experience “that look” that every little girl should get from her loving daddy. I’ve. Seen it…the precious litter blonde-headed girl runs into the room and seeks out her daddy from the crowd. He turns and stretches out his arms, looks down with adoring eyes and scoops her up in a loving embrace. Every little girl should experience that. I carried that desire into my marriage. Now I was the bride who longed to see her bridegroom look at her with love, desire and passion. I longed for him to reach out his loving arms to hold and embrace me. Instead, I slept alone on my side of the bed. These experiences have made me feel ugly, unlovable and worthless. I’ve. Allowed my divorce to pile more shame upon me. I feel as if I can barely lift my head up in church. I NEED to experience Christ like Sam has. I want to see Jesus look at me…like a loving daddy looks at his little girl…like a loving bridegroom gazes
Shouldn’t try this on a kindle..like a loving bridegroom gazes at his bride on her wedding day…like Jesus at the well…He went out of His way, went to a place where no Jewish man would go to seek out a woman that had been used and abused and tossed aside by man after man…to Jesus, she was worth the effort…she was loved and cherished despite all she’d done. I long for that kind of love. As a bridegroom rejoices over His bride, so will your God rejoice over you. Is 62:5b. Praying this verse for all of us!
Kimby…I pray that you will see God’s beloved child and not the ‘D’ You see. I pray you will find the courage to be confident in His love. I pray for you to be overwhelmed by His grace.
I have lived feeling shame for someone else’s behavior…it’s a lonely place. I once read ‘the same women who judged the divorcee at church very well one day may be that who she judged’…so why not just love on each other? Let Jesus heal your broken heart…it’s a daily or minute by minute struggle…He will sustain you.
Love to you…change your ‘D’ to a ‘G’ for grace…Jesus already did He’s waiting for you to do the same.
Jennyp1973, Thank you so much! I love the visual of the “G” replacing the “D”. I LOVE this! The visuals can be so powerful, in either a positive or negative way. I KNOW that it was me that put the “D” on my forehead. Jesus didn’t. But, in my mind right now, I’m picturing him reaching out and gently taking the “D” away and replacing it with the “G”. Thank you again, Jenny!
Kimby, I too have been divorced 4 times and I know God did not want me to stay in any abusive and dangerous marriage. you have nothing to be ashamed of, you ex should be very ashamed. Hold your head high you did nothing wrong. God wants you to be happy and not to be used by any man or anyone. Just let go and let God He will heal you. Read these from Proverbs 24:19-20. I hope it helps.
God will make you rich enough so that you can always be generous. 2 Cor. 9:11 I think this means more than just giving. it means He will give you what you need to feel safe and loved.
19 Do not be troubled because of evil- doers, or have envy of sinners:20 For there will be no future for the evil man; the light of sinners will be put out.
In Christ love. Amen I will be praying for you.
Angela 2, Thank you for your words of encouragement. Praying that both of us and every other precious lady in this group experiences the unconditional love that I am finding here.
I’m doing much better today than a few years ago, since I have learned to share the ‘real’ me with a couple of trusted girlfriends. There’s nothing like loving, Godly, encouragment from friends who know you, and love you anyway . 🙂 In turn, I can be their trusted, encouraging friend when they need a ‘listening ear’. I pray for all the ladies above who haven’t found that one or two trusted friends that they can share their heart with, and that soon, that will be a reality.
Bless you all – right where you are!
Susan G.
Your post gives me great encouragement Susan! I praise God that he is giving you sweet Christian sisters in the Lord that can walk life with you. Thankful you are doing much better!
I am still searching for that trusted friend that will just sit and listen
There are so many things people don’t know about me
I have worn the mask for a long time. I try to express, but just don’t feel like people understand me.
Blessings, my friend
Emily