How hard is it for you to let people know how you’re doing? I mean how you’re really doing.
I think most of us tend to keep our guard up and shy away from lettings others in. But, we long to be able to let our guards down and depend on other, especially when we’re in need of help, prayers or encouragement.
As I shared in Chapter 2, “Sometimes I think we tell people we’re fine even when we’re not, because we want to be. Or we hope that by saying we are fine, eventually we will be. Other times we act like we’re fine because others expect us to be. And I love how so many of you admitted you also have days when hormones or grumpy-ness trump all good manners and anyone within ten feet knows you are not fine. In fact, what you really meant in code is that you are Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, and Exhausted!”
Today, I want you to meet and hear from my friend, Melanie from Only a Breath. She’s the one who created our really cute Online Study blog button (see my sidebar if you want one)! Today she challenges us to take off the “I’m Fine” mask and be real with God, each other and especially ourselves about how we’re really doing.
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… She walks the hallway, fighting back tears that threaten to well up again. It’s been a long night, filled with betrayal and disappointment. Her future is uncertain. Back at the office, she tries to maintain normalcy. When eyes met, she is faced with another routine, “How are you?”
“I’m fine”, she answers, with a plastic smile that hides her pain.
… Across town, a young father shakes hands with the fourth interviewer that month. “Thank you for your time.”he says. On the way home, his wife calls to see if there’ s any hope for the job they’ve been praying for…for so long. They have mouths to feed, children to raise, a car on its last miles… “It will be fine”, he assures her. As he hangs up, he hangs his head in despair.
… A young, single mom cuddles her baby on the park bench. She holds her boy close, surrounded by happy couples with smiling children. She never expected to raise her child alone. The pain is sometimes too much to bear. Will she ever feel that she belongs? That she is wanted? Loved? Beautiful?
“We will be fine she whispers into his soft ear, surrounded by whisps of fine, brown hair.
“I’m fine…”
“We’re fine…”
“Doing great…”
In Chapter 2, Renee invites us to take off the “I’m fine” mask. But she also acknowledges just how scary it is to expose the pain that keeps us up, haunts us like nightmares, and threatens each breath of hope.
… but we’re fine.
Or are we?
Could we take off the mask that we, especially as Christians, live the “fairy tale”? We are certainly blessed, in every circumstance guarded by the Father, but honestly, in the deepest parts, we aren’t fine.
I’m not fine.
If I took off the “I’m fine” mask, would you think less of me, or would you think I’m … human?
We don’t have it all under control, and I can’t help but think that when we act like we do, we basically tell God that we don’t need him.
We’ve got this.
By pretending we’re “fine” we tell others something must be wrong with them if they are hurting… because we certainly are not hurting.
We’re fine.
What if we let someone else in? What if we said, “I’m hurting, and the details aren’t important, but would you please pray for me? I would really appreciate that.” Could that help them, in return, reach out to someone else when they are hurting?
Do we need to grant one another permission to not be fine?
Could we come broken before the Father, and cry out for His mercy and strength? He did promise to never leave us or forsake us. Even when we don’t feel it, could we still cling to His promise and claim it?
He knows we’re not fine.
Could the trials be the very thing that break the strings holding on our mask, allowing it to fall to the ground so we cling to Him a little tighter?
The truth is…
We aren’t fine… We are forgiven.
We aren’t in control… We are held by the hands that control our very heartbeat.
We aren’t invincible… We are made to look to the only One who can heal the broken.
As a sisterhood of hearts seeking our confidence in HIM, let’s take off our masks today. At least here with each other. And maybe with just one other person we meet this week. I have a feeling someone needs to see the battle wounds and scars we carry in order for them to stop pretending and seek His help too.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
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Thank you so much Melanie, for reminding me and all of us again today that God’s grace is sufficient. God and His grace can be my sufficiency… if I let HIM be.
Today’s Assignment:
- Continue or finish reading chapter 2 and answer end of chapter questions. Then come back and share with us what God is showing you about how His perfect love changes everything – especially the pressure to be it all, do it all and know it all – all at the same time.
Connect in Community:
- Please “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. (Remember if you are reading this in an email, click here to visit my website and connect with our ACH community!
- If you are on my site, click “Share Your Thoughts” and do just that. (This is such a valuable part of this study. My favorite part!!)
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Elizabeth says
This chapter resonated with me. I am married to a physician and so I cannot share anything with any woman because either she or their husband or their kid is a patient of his. I have tons of surface friends but no REAL friends and I hate it. It would be so nice to be able to be a real person instead of on display all the time…
Trine Feuerborn says
I often say I am fine when I am not. The truth is that with certain aspects of my life right now, particularly my career, I just don’t know what to do and so in order to now sound ungrateful I say that I am fine. I have a good job and make decent money, but I feel like I am withering inside. almost 3 years ago, I agreed to take on a new responsibility in the office, and it turned out far different than I thought. I also have a business at the side that I would like to improve on and be able to run fulltime, but it isn’t always going as I want it too. I love my business and would not give that up. I feel caught. I can’t afford to loose my job until the business turns a profit that we can live on and my job has gotten frustrating to a point where I can hardly take it sometimes. I want to learn to open up and talk to God about this, but how?
Nicole says
I say that i’m fine all the time but the truth is most times i’m not fine. Renee you talked about how empty you felt alot of the time but tried to make yourself busy to fill that emptiness, I do that exact same thing. The weekends are so hard for, especially sundays. I feel like sunday’s are family days and since I live alone and I don’t have a family sunday afternoons/nights are so hard for me. I become so sad and depressed and just angry. The guy I was dating still lived at home and he is really close to his family. They also spent sunday’s together and it was so difficult for me. I was invited over sometimes but I still felt like there was something missing in my life, like I was always missing out on something.
When I start to feel like this I just shutdown instantly. I just shutdown, negative thoughts take over and the empty feeling gets bigger and bigger. I am learning that all I need is God. When I remember that and pray I feel better. It’s hard though to remember that and change my ways.
Angelina says
Pretty much all the subtopics, the I’m fines, the pretending, the walls, the running away, I have been guilty of. I grew up where emotion was a sign of weakness, the abuse, anger, hate, shame, and disdain for everything ruled my life and it was almost self abusive on how bad I felt about myself. I just want to break free of all that negativity and realize that I am a child of God, I am beautiful, that I can be loved and love back. I am just so tired of hurting, I want for once in my life to feel like my past is my past, that I can have a bright, beautiful future and beyond.