Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was bad but didn’t know how to end it? Whether it is a friend who betrayed us, a boyfriend who ignored us, or a coworker who undermined us, unhealthy relationships are bad for the soul. But there is one relationship that steals potential from all of our ther relationships—including our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God. It’s our relationship with Perfect.
Perfect is a bad friend. No matter what we do or say or give or take or create…it’s never enough. Perfect always demands more, but it’s never satisfied. Never.
My friend Amy Carroll has written a new book I just love!! And she’s on a mission to help us all break up once and for all with our unfaithful friend: Perfection! And today she stopped by to share her heart and her book with us on my blog – plus she’s giving away a copy too.
“As I rummaged through the damaged store, I hurried toward a colorful decoration that caught my eye. A hurricane had ravaged the seaside store’s merchandise, but there were a few treasures left.
My prize that day was a papier-mâché figure of Santa Clause directing a band of animal musicians. Since my husband was a band director, seeing Jolly Old Saint Nick with his conductor’s baton poised made my heart sing even though it was a balmy North Carolina summer outside.
I carefully carried the figurines to the cash register and made them mine.
Nearly skipping with joy down the sidewalk, suddenly I tripped and dropped my fragile treasures. My face fell with dismay as I peeked inside the bag only to see pieces of Santa and his friends lying jagged and free-floating at the bottom.
When I got home, I gently removed the pieces and lay them out on a table. One by one, I drew a thin line of glue on the narrow edges and began to put them back together.
The results weren’t altogether terrible.
Santa’s pedestal is webbed with cracks and the beaver is missing a leg, but unless guests get too close, they’ll never know the trauma Kris Kringle endured. He’s broken but still beautiful, and a smile stretches across my face each Christmas as I unpack him from his protective box.
Why do I struggle to believe that others could see me the same way?
All of us have a level of brokenness from our own sin nature or from sin leveled against us. We all have cracks of insecurity, shards of sin, and flaws of failure, but for most of my life I’ve wanted to hide mine. I’ve wanted to glaze over my brokenness with a façade of perfection.
If I had found only a perfect Santa acceptable, I would have either tossed him after his fall, or I would have hidden him away in the box with the other outdated, worn-out ornaments.
That’s ok with an object, but we’d never do that to an imperfect person. We’re all in the same boat! So why are we afraid others will do it to us? That maybe God will too?
So we keep others at arm’s length, never allowing anyone to get too close, or we hide behind our walls of shame or false perfection. We try to earn acceptance and love with our just-right words and our thought-out actions, feeling more and more lonely all the time, when in truth…
Authenticity is the antidote for isolation.
Jesus doesn’t despise us in our brokenness, tossing us away or hiding the fact that He loves us. He gently takes our pieces and glues them back together with His grace, compassion, and forgiveness. If we’ll only lay down our masks of perfection and surrender to His perfecting work, Jesus lovingly sets us out for the world to see and claims us as His own.
I’ve been on a journey to break up with perfect, and I’m finding my relationships with others are deeper than ever when I’m real about my flaws. In the process, I’m able to point to Jesus as the Perfect One, our ultimate hero, and I’m resting in the lavish love I’m finding in Him.” ~ Amy Carroll, from her new boo: “Breaking Up With Perfect”
ENTER TO WIN
To celebrate the release of her new book “Breaking Up with Perfect” Amy Carroll is giving a copy away!ARE YOU READY to BREAK UP with PERFECT? If so, leave a comment below this post where entries will be gathered and a winner will be chosen. Please CLICK HERE if you’re reading via email. All comments must be shared on my blog to be entered. THANKS!!
It took so long to realize God doesn’t expect us to perfect, but rather humble and repent when necessary. We are far too concerned with our own unrealistic aspirations of being something God didn’t intend or we are more concerned about people pleasing than we should bother to be. Excited to read the book, and even better if I win! God bless all!
I so relate to this: “We try to earn acceptance and love with our just-right words and our thought-out actions, feeling more and more lonely all the time, when in truth…
Authenticity is the antidote for isolation.” If only I could get it in my hard head that it really does lead to isolation. Oh, the perfection infection is so exhausting. Thank you for your encouragement. 🙂
I’ve felt that way too.
It is hard to believe that God would accept me just as I am. My head knows it but my heart always thinks I need to achieve something more for God. Sometimes I need to just pause (Be still and know that He is) and realize that God is in control and He loves me flaws and all.
Thank you for this valuable resource!
I struggle so much with trying to please people and be perfect. I don’t admit it until I hear someone else admit it first then I pray about it, ask for forgiveness, live free from it for awhile…and struggle again. I’m so tired of this fight…so tired of not really being free of it. It’s harder, I’m sure, to work at being perfect then it is to just be me and let others see me as I am – not perfect. So why do I… Thank you sharing, Renee & Amy!
I can give other people the benefit of the doubt but expect so much from myself. I would love to read this book! Thank you for sharing.
Oh my! How appropriate is this book! My professional life demands so much and I love it but it’s taken a toll. I have came along way in my journey! Always need a new resource to assist! Thanks!
Dear Renee
Your shared lessons in life have not ceased to change me. Thank you for sharing your lives lessons with wisdom and grace. Excited to read your new book.
In His Love, Holli
God has graciously been leading me away from perfection for a long time. My motto is “It’s good enough.” Being a passionate quilter and sewer, there are times when perfect is important – making sure all the corners meet in a quilt. When I am cleaning the house or someone is coming over, the “good enough” comes out. Areas that are a little more difficult to deal with are relationships and with God. The measuring and comparing myself to others on the spectrum of perfection has caused me to by-pass some people because I think they are better than I am. Learning to be more real and opening my heart, confessing my imperfections, has brought me more joy in relationships. Accepting that God made me just the way I am and can use even the rough places in me to accomplish His purpose has been so freeing! What some may look at and see as a weakness or annoyance, when surrendered to God can be used by Him. Samson’s eye for the women appeared to be His downfall, but God used it mightily. God made him that way specifically to get the job done. That is the God we worship and serve, nothing is too difficult for Him!
How exciting it is to find someone else have struggled with the same problem that I have, 8 years ago God put me in prison to be a correctional officer .it has definitely been a journey, I realize I can only do the job by gods amazing grace,thanks for writing a book about perfectionist…. I do realize there is one, only one, that is perfect Jesus Christ.
I have battled with perfectionism my entire life! So exhausting and frustrating! Your book sounds wonderful! Thank you for sharing.
I would love to read this book! This totally sounds like me! I’m sure this book will hit home for tons of women! The hardest thing to accept is our own brokenness and imperfections!
I’m learning that I’m enough…I’m broken and imperfect in every way, but I’m enough because Jesus loves me….oh, how I need this book! Thank you for sharing how Jesus loves us when we are broken, just like your Santa Claus…..
Sounds like a great read. I think we all put on a perfect mask and act like it’s all perfect, our life,marriage,kids everything is perfect. But if we are so perfect then we don’t need Jesus in our lives. Perfection is a burden and it keeps us from being who He wants us to be. And as long as we hide behind our mask of perfection then it makes it hard for anyone to know us and relate us and it also makes it hard to grow into who God calls us to be.
Oh man, do I need this book. I ended up with the job a dear, forever friend of mine retired from. She was perfect. I’m not. I’m tired of comparing myself and feeling like Others are comparing my faults to her perfections.
I am so beyond ready to break up with perfect!
Striking comment that settles in your heart.
I am so ready to break up with perfect. The only problem is that I am my own biggest critic!
I also have struggled with ‘perfectionism’ in my life. I am getting somewhat better at recognizing it and am working w/ God to move beyond this. This book sounds like a jewel in the toolkit to keep on that path. Thank you all for your open words…we are not alone!
I need this book. It is easy to love others with their “cracks” but I can’t seem to find that love for myself. I hope I win the book! It sounds fantastic!!
We all struggle with perfection if we’re honest. Would love to read more. Thanks for opening my eyes.
I have never really thought of having a relationship with “Perfectionism”; however, now that I think about it, I am in a horrible relationship with “Perfectionism”. It causes me to take forever to get things accomplished because everything has to be “just so”. A friend of mine always comments on how I “tie everything up with a bow”. In my relationship with “Perfectionism”, I also beat myself up whenever I feel like I have done something wrong or could have done something better. It is definitely time to break up with “Perfectionism”. I would love to read your book and see what you have to say about it! Thanks for sharing!
-Marcy
If only I felt adequate enough to not have to be perfect. I am eagerly anticipating reading this book! I hope I win it!
Why would we think others would require more of us … It is so hard to give the grace we so desperately need to ourselves, to require any less of ourselves than our own high expectations. I’ll try to remember your Santa when I see my own cracks. Thank you, Amy. : )
I have been struggling with perfectionism all my life. I would love to win this book!
Perfect? Definitely not me. For one thing I’m such a clutz that I call myself a “Cracked Pot”. Not a “Crack Pot”, but a “Cracked Pot”. Ha! I am constantly falling or dropping and breaking something. Many of my collectables have been repaired. I thank God for a husband that is good at fixing things. And, Thank God for glue! And not just the kind that glues “things” together but one that can glue people together too. I love people so much and I ask God to put the people He wants to into my path to show His love to them. It’s when I let people know how real I am, and by that I mean imperfect, that it opens up the lines of communication. It’s then that people know you’re real and then is when you can love them in Christ’s name. Everyone can relate on the level of not being perfect. It is then they feel safe. It is then that Christ’s love can shine through. I get excited just thinking about it.
I have recently become handicapped and am in fact going in for surgery tommorrow for a below the knee amputation. And this may sound weird, but I look forward to all the people God will send into my life to love, in HIs name. After all my life is not about me, it’s about Him and sharing His love with others, from one “Cracked Pot” to another.
God’s blessings on all of you!
Nana Diane
PS. My grandson thinks it will be “cool”! Only a boy… But do pray for him and the rest of my family as they worry about me.
I would love to win this book! My daughter and I both have an ongoing battle with
Perfection and always trying to get it right. I have seen more of myself in my daughter than ever
before. She’s 27 and dealing with being a single parent at the moment. I think all of us need to
break up with Perfect.
I would love to have this, would fit majorly in with transforming me and where I am!
What a great visual to remind us that imperfections can be useful and beautiful in the eye of the beholder. And God loves us, flaws and all. Thanks for these reminders and for what sounds like another great book.
I think as a woman I struggle alot with perfectionism, and it is a good reminder for me!
God bless you Amy for writing a book which prayer fully helps set this captive free! Since I can remember perfection was the unattainable goal modeled by my beloved mother. I too was expected, especially by those closest to me who I deeply loved and desired love from, to achieve it. It’s created a hideous monster of self doubts and I insecurities which have eroded my God given purpose in life far too often. I’m beat down, worn thin and tired of doing whatever I can to make others happy. Please understand, it gives me immense joy to bless and do for others. I’ve grown enough in God to understand doing so doesn’t mean giving myself completely away where there’s no more Kimberly left. Perfection has been a vicious circle with no winner. I look forward to reading your new book and finally being set free to fully live as God created me to! Hugs and love to you Amy and all who struggle with the destructive forces of perfectionism <3 (and yes, I re-read this wanting to change and 'perfect' much of what I wrote but forced myself to post it like it is)
Hugs back to you, Kimberly! I love what you wrote. It’s so filled with grace.
I would love to have a copy of this book. I so need it!!!
Soooooooo needed right now!!! It’s long overdue! I’m quitting PERFECT too! So looking forward to delving into this book!
What an awesome message. I think I too need to break up with “Perfect”. Thank you for a chance to win a copy of the book.
I am looking forward to reading this book! I have always struggled with being “perfect” and trying not to do anything wrong. I think this book will help set me on the right course.
Thanks for this! Will continue my escape of ‘perfectionism’ as I read this book! 🙂
It is amazing to me that we all struggle with this. I’ve always felt like the only one that had all this turmoil going on inside—-hidden by the “perfect” outside.
I’d love to win a copy!!! Thanks.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I could definitely use some help in this area and I cannot wait to read your book!
I definitely need to break up with trying to be or appear perfect!
The struggle of trying not to compare or matchup to how everyone else looks along with their accomplishments can take the life out of me. This book would provide a means to help many of us work through the process of recognizing that we are already perfect in God’s eyes and continually accomplish wonderful things every day.
This is the perfect book for me! I try so hard to be perfect, and I’m so hard on myself because of it! I tend to forget about grace so easily… 🙁 I cant wait to read this book! 🙂
Definitely sounds like something I need to read.
I love the connection to the broken figurines being glued back together and how God glues is back together. I am looking forward to reading this book and sharing it with a few friends who desperartly need the message.
My Mom is the perfectionist and at 53 I’ve never measured up to her ideals. I’ve tried to break that cycle as a Mother. It is a balancing act with the desire to have your children become all they can be but allow them to be human and make mistakes.
Laura, I’m recognizing a repeating theme about mothers and daughters in the comments. Lynn Cowell and I are going to put our heads together to do a post or series on her blog in a month or so. Although I see that I’ve passed on so much of my perfectionism to my oldest son, we’re now on a sweet journey to break up with perfect together. We’re going to put a stop to it in this generation!
I would love to read your book.
I would love this book!
I can’t wait to read your book. I struggle daily with the expections I have for myself and feel that others also have for me. Love your writings
Oh, how I would love to win this book because perfectionism is not my middle name but my first name. While I am responsible for my thoughts, there are others, co-workers, family, church family who expect perfection as well. So I always feel like I’m walking on egg shells and if one drops, it’s my fault. I didn’t expect the unexpected, I didn’t try hard enough, I wasn’t good enough as a person or in my walk with the Lord. I’m trying to accept myself as God sees me, knowing that perfection will not be complete until I arrive in heaven, but while in the here and now, it’s very difficult.
I write in the book about my over-developed sense of responsibility. There’s a story about how Renee was one of the forces in helping me to recognize it. I’m so thankful for her!
The daily struggle to be perfect and everything for all those in our lives is tiresome and torture. I’m currently going through this battle in my life so this speaks volumes to me. I’ve trained myself to be perfect and respond accordingly for so many years. I’m just now asking myself if it will make me happy…whatever it is. I know that I’m not alone and to hear this message shared among so many women, while a little sad, is also inspiring. I pray we all find peace, comfort and acceptance in being our true selves.