Have you ever been in a relationship you knew was bad but didn’t know how to end it? Whether it is a friend who betrayed us, a boyfriend who ignored us, or a coworker who undermined us, unhealthy relationships are bad for the soul. But there is one relationship that steals potential from all of our ther relationships—including our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God. It’s our relationship with Perfect.
Perfect is a bad friend. No matter what we do or say or give or take or create…it’s never enough. Perfect always demands more, but it’s never satisfied. Never.
My friend Amy Carroll has written a new book I just love!! And she’s on a mission to help us all break up once and for all with our unfaithful friend: Perfection! And today she stopped by to share her heart and her book with us on my blog – plus she’s giving away a copy too.
“As I rummaged through the damaged store, I hurried toward a colorful decoration that caught my eye. A hurricane had ravaged the seaside store’s merchandise, but there were a few treasures left.
My prize that day was a papier-mâché figure of Santa Clause directing a band of animal musicians. Since my husband was a band director, seeing Jolly Old Saint Nick with his conductor’s baton poised made my heart sing even though it was a balmy North Carolina summer outside.
I carefully carried the figurines to the cash register and made them mine.
Nearly skipping with joy down the sidewalk, suddenly I tripped and dropped my fragile treasures. My face fell with dismay as I peeked inside the bag only to see pieces of Santa and his friends lying jagged and free-floating at the bottom.
When I got home, I gently removed the pieces and lay them out on a table. One by one, I drew a thin line of glue on the narrow edges and began to put them back together.
The results weren’t altogether terrible.
Santa’s pedestal is webbed with cracks and the beaver is missing a leg, but unless guests get too close, they’ll never know the trauma Kris Kringle endured. He’s broken but still beautiful, and a smile stretches across my face each Christmas as I unpack him from his protective box.
Why do I struggle to believe that others could see me the same way?
All of us have a level of brokenness from our own sin nature or from sin leveled against us. We all have cracks of insecurity, shards of sin, and flaws of failure, but for most of my life I’ve wanted to hide mine. I’ve wanted to glaze over my brokenness with a façade of perfection.
If I had found only a perfect Santa acceptable, I would have either tossed him after his fall, or I would have hidden him away in the box with the other outdated, worn-out ornaments.
That’s ok with an object, but we’d never do that to an imperfect person. We’re all in the same boat! So why are we afraid others will do it to us? That maybe God will too?
So we keep others at arm’s length, never allowing anyone to get too close, or we hide behind our walls of shame or false perfection. We try to earn acceptance and love with our just-right words and our thought-out actions, feeling more and more lonely all the time, when in truth…
Authenticity is the antidote for isolation.
Jesus doesn’t despise us in our brokenness, tossing us away or hiding the fact that He loves us. He gently takes our pieces and glues them back together with His grace, compassion, and forgiveness. If we’ll only lay down our masks of perfection and surrender to His perfecting work, Jesus lovingly sets us out for the world to see and claims us as His own.
I’ve been on a journey to break up with perfect, and I’m finding my relationships with others are deeper than ever when I’m real about my flaws. In the process, I’m able to point to Jesus as the Perfect One, our ultimate hero, and I’m resting in the lavish love I’m finding in Him.” ~ Amy Carroll, from her new boo: “Breaking Up With Perfect”
ENTER TO WIN
To celebrate the release of her new book “Breaking Up with Perfect” Amy Carroll is giving a copy away!ARE YOU READY to BREAK UP with PERFECT? If so, leave a comment below this post where entries will be gathered and a winner will be chosen. Please CLICK HERE if you’re reading via email. All comments must be shared on my blog to be entered. THANKS!!
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Oh my goodness!! I definitely struggle in this area. I’ve been going through a season of emotional healing in my life right now and this is one of the areas that I’m trying to overcome.
Thank you, Amy. This sounds like a great book. I’m longing to lay down my mask of perfection and surrender to Jesus’ perfecting work.
I have several angels in my yard and garden, and living in Oklahoma, some have been damaged from the wind or hail. They could be replaced but are a good reminder that even with a broken wing an angel still has a purpose in God’s world. It helps to remember these when I too feel a bit broken and useless. God’s garden has grace for us all!
Thank you.
Great post Renee….would love to win this book! Boy, do I need it (just ask my husband haha!)
Perfect is unhealthy, gets in the way of what is really important- taking the time to spend with the people you love and helping others. I have been trying to break out of my prison for years and I am finally making some progress. I could still use all the help I could get. Thank you for this post on the topic that is of utmost importance to me!
Thank you Renee for this post. I loved your words on our relationship with perfect. It was a new angle for me to look at on this subject. I can’t wait to read Amy’s book.
Thank you for this truth that I have stuggled with for years in my perfectionist state of mind. I look forward to reading your book. Such a timely topic for me – it is time to break up with perfect.
Perfection leaves me overwhelmed sometimes!! If I can’t do things perfectly I don’t want to do the task at all!! Which in turn leaves me with more than I can accomplish!! Then when I step back and look I’m happier when I make the smaller accomplishments instead of turning them into huge tasks!!! Proverbs 31 contributors speak right to me daily!! Thanks for the “real” perspective of every day life!!
Man, breaking up with perfect! For me this would be a life saver. I have let this keep me or stop me from doing so many things. That old recording “what if I make a mistake, or what if it doesn’t turn out perfect! Thank you so much for sharing and turning on the lights! God bless.
Would love a copy of this book!
Looks like a great book! Can’t wait to read it!
Yep, perfectionist here… do right or don’t do at all…. both can be bad. Can’t wait to see what is in this book!!
Thanks Renee and Proverbs 31 for all you do in ministering to the saints.
Yes, I struggle with this like so many others and I am in the process of believing God for who He says I am. I am trusting Him to help me hold myself to a standard of grace rather then perfection,
I am thankful for all the Proverbs 31 Ministry Authors. The books you ladies are lead to write are life changers. Thank you so much for your obedience in writing even in the frustrating times of writing.
This hits home!! I am so quick to forgive others, but I hold myself captive. Everything on the outside HAS to be perfect, while my white-washed tomb is filthy inside with thoughts of imperfections and criticism of myself for missing the mark. Sad part is I KNOW this, and yet still fall victim to the unrelenting pursuit of the enemy in this arena. BUT, God!!! Who is the only one who is able to bring victory in this area.
BTW, Amy, I have a printed P31 devotional that a home-schooling mom had sent out to our group over 10 years ago—long before I began receiving P31 daily emails. It was the one you wrote on “Watching Deborah”—it has impacted my life SOOOO much. I have put this into practice since I read it and now I have young women in our church comment on the way I love my hubby and always speak so well of him. I have even been in conversations where other husbands comment to their wives on how lovingly I look at my husband when he speaks. Thanks for the post, it has changed my life (and my husband’s too!!)
Tina,
What you shared about my “Deborah devo” leaves me in awe! I got the joy of calling Deborah several years ago to tell her that the devo had been placed right across from Titus 2 in P31’s NIV Real-Life Devotional Bible. She was stunned! Her story continues to change women’s lives, and it reminds me that I never know who is watching.
I totally understand the struggle. I’ve always been much harder on myself than anyone else. God’s so gentle and kind with His changes, though. We can learn to rest in His grace, but it’s truly a process!
Season, reason and time, what an incredible blog today!
I have a lot of failures. No one is perfect. sounds like a book I would want to read.
I am just starting to admit that I have this flaw that you talked about (Perfection). I think I need to be able to do everything that it is beginning to effect my health. I would love to wing this copy of your new book.
Thank you.
I’m looking forward to reading this one!
Wow am I looking forward to reading this book and learning how to let go of perfect, one of my traits that needs some altering. Thank you Amy for writting the book and Renee for sharing. Blessings, Julie
I struggle with this every single day. Truly. This is the hardest part. And I know if I would just open up and realize no one is perfect and no one expects me to be perfect, things would be so much better. I would cherish this book.