I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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This devotional was such a good reminder. As a pastors wife, my husband gets those emails sometimes and if we are not careful it will shake us up and cause some mind wars of who we are and our purpose. Thanks
Amen. And the enemy loves to get us all distracted and discouraged so we lose our focus from what God wants to do in us and through us. Thanks for the reminder Missy!
When I was a child if I brought a school paper home with a 97 score, my mother would ask what happened to the other 3 points. So I always tried to be perfect. In an abusive first marriage, I constantly told myself if I was just thin enough, or pretty enough, or whatever I didn’t feel like I was at that time, he would love me and quit hitting me. Even though I am now loved and adored by my second husband, I keep trying to be “perfect” although I’m the only one demanding that of myself. I’m trying very hard to come to peace with acceptance of God’s love as the gift that it is and reconcile my desire to be perfect for Him with the knowledge that He created me the way I am and loves me for it. As I approach 60, I pray that I’ll get past the intellectual acceptance of this and get to the emotional acceptance! Thank you for your words as I seek this goal.
Patti,
Your story reminds of Chapter 2 of A Confident Heart by Renee. The title of the chapter is “Because God’s Love is Perfect, I Don’t Have to Be.” So perfect for you. So much so that I’m going to pray Renee’s prayer at the end of the chapter for you.
When Patti feels insecure, insignificant, or unloved, remind Patti of Your perfect love that has the power to cast out her fear. Thank you for Your love that is patient, is kind, and keeps no record of wrongs. Teach Patti to trust in the fact that because Your love is perfect, she doesn’t have to be. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
WOW!!! I am so thankful for this right now. I have been doubting myself because of things said or not said to me. I appreciate your truth.
I’m looking forward to reading your book, Renee. Confidence is something I struggle with.
I ditto Marcy P’s comments!! I feel the exact same way. I am constantly reading books like Renee’s and the women of Proverbs 31 ministries & with their words of wisdom & biblical truth I am learning to also lean not on my own understanding. Thank you ladies!
This really speaks to me. Thank God for your blogs and contribution that so many can relate to. Thank you for sharing your gifts and talents.
I am a 100% people pleaser with no confidence in myself. It’s something I have struggled with since even elementary school. I am trying to get out of it with God’s help but it is a moment by moment struggle some days. Sometimes I wonder what God is doing and then I am reminded that we are to trust him and lean not on our own understanding.
I am a wife, a mom (x3), a daughter, and a sister. This really spoke to me today.
Wow! It’s amazing how the Proverbs 31 staff know just what to say in their devotionals. quite a bit has happened over the weekend and a friend is in serious trouble – because she is incommunicado, I can’t reach out to her – and that really hurts because my last words to her were rather harsh. I believe that God knows where my heart is – but speaking from hurt is never right. I continue to pray that she will return to those who love her.
Praying for you and your friend,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
I have never needed to hear these words more than I did today. In the last year my husband was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery, went through radiation and went back to work. We have 4 kids and 1 was born w/ a rare birth defect, she had surgery soon after my husband was recovering. Our 10 year old son has Asperger’s and our 2 other kids have to sit back and watch all this go on. My heart breaks b/c I can’t make anything better. I’m dealing w/ depression and I know God is in control- but these circumstances make me feel useless and numb. Reading all this, being remided that God is pursuing me, he doesn’t want me to walk through this alone. What an amazing feeling! To feel like He sees me, when it’s like no one else does is something I had never considered!
Melissa,
We have to love God’s timing! Praising Him for allowing Renee’s teaching to speak to you when you need it most. May He be glorified in and through you as you minister to your family.
Prayers,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
Thank you for your recent post, “You’ll Never e Perfect”. Your words of your heart being wounded spoke right to my spirit. I was fired, unjustly, yesterday. I am an outgoing person and really enjoyed my fellow employees and the members that belonged to the gym I worked at. I say I was unjustly let go because the owners husband had spewed out lie after lie about my personality and character. The one manager that was present at the meeting is witness to this as she knows me at work and out of work. But because the owners husband wanted me gone, I was let go. I know what he was yelling was not true, but his words caused me to question if I was who I thought I was? I started thinking about what kind of lies will he be telling my fellow employees and members as to why I was fired. I know, as some others will. I was fired because months earlier the same thing happened to another employee and I spoke up that he was wrong. I guess the why doesn’t matter at this point. Even though I know God will bring good out of it, my heart still aches, not only from being wronged but for the feeling of loss that I am experiencing as I considered everyone as my work family. And that is what we were, a family, I am trying to stay focused on Jesus and how much more angst he must have felt when EVERYONE betrayed him and no one came to support him. How those thoughts made my heart ache even more.. While focusing on Christ I am able to be thankful, I catch myself going from thought to thought, ‘thinking of things I wish I’d said to them”. But in all honestly thanking God for keeping a guard at my mouth. My heart still aches but the time between right focus and wrong focus is widening.
Praising God and looking forward to the plans he has for me, one thought at a time.
Thanks for listening, dotty
I have a feeling God wants you in a better place. Praying He will open a new door and you’ll see His protection in what feels like rejection. Praying that others will see the truth and that truth might set them free, too!
Thank you for this post today. Even though I know God is with me sometimes we need to be reminded. I’ve really been feeling down, unappreciated, lonely in this walk, and depressed. I would really like to win this book. I could just really use some more encouragement.
Even when I want to give up on me because of circumstances, etc., the Lord does not! He pursues, runs after, and woos me – he will not let go because He loves me and sees me for who I am – His daughter. We do not have to be perfect for God to accept us and love us. He sees us and loves us through His Son, Jesus. Oh what Love! Oh the Grace!
What you spoke about today really spoke to me. God doesn’t say we need to be perfect. We just need to trust Him, believe in faith that His promises are true and love others with the same love he loves us. Hallelujah!
I have tried to be perfect my entire life! Thank you so very much for this beautiful message! Being told that I am loved in spite of not being perfect is awesome, Just reading that I am not nor ever will be a perfect wife, mom and nana is so freeing!
Your words ring true in my head….now just to get my heart to see it. Doubting my abilities as a Mom and Wife have left me distant and disappointed more than I care to admit.
Renee, how true your words are and such an encouraging reminder we can hold on to!
I have a few friends who need to hold on to these words! Thanks for allowing an opportunity to win your book. Would love to share with those needing words of encouragement.
Blessings to you.
Thank you, Renee. Your posts always speak to my heart. This past year I’ve been recovering from emotional hurts & habits & it’s posts like this that keep me going. Thanks again☺️
Renee, thank you for this reminder. So grateful the Lord loves me and wants to continue on a daily basis to change my heart. Love this that I can share with my daughter about perfect. I have your devotional book through kindle and enjoy reading it. I want to share this book with my sister-in-laws, either as birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. I am one to have the book on hand, so thank you for a chance to win this.
Blessings
I am constantly seeking confidence as I struggle so much with self doubt. Seeking Him always gives me freedom and joy and helps me understand that I’m very loved and accepted by Him!