I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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Thank you for this devotional. As a stay-at-home mom of a toddler, Im constantly trying to match myself against every other mom I meet. So much that it is exhausting! I can totally relate to not remembering ten good comments, and the one negative remark. Im hugely grateful for the reminder that I am made exactly the way I should be. God bless you!
Well, thank you for sharing your thoughtful thoughts, at times if sure feels as if its only you that are going throught that, i can relate to it, however i decide to keep at times things inside, in reality i do not friends, i guess it was a process in understanding what GOD wanted from me, to be alone , well thank you for your time! 🙂 GOD BLESS YOU. the article i feel its a great help to relate, one another.
so glad it encouraged your heart and helped you see that YOU ARE NOT ALONE – at all! 🙂
I have and still going through building my confidence in christ. I had four children out of wedlock, I got saved at the age of 14 i am now 27. you can understand the looks, judgements that i receive from other believers in the church.
I am reminded daily of how i’ve sinned, trying to get out there and using my past for good instead of beating myself with it.. is a trying task.
One day at a time….. I know God will see me through.
You are not your past Sheala. You are not your decisions. You are redeemed and created for a purpose only you can fulfill!! I hope you’ll read the story of Sam in John 4 with fresh yes and a open heart, looking to see how she went back to her hometown with her head held high knowing they all knew everything about her – but Jesus did too and His acceptance and grace had changed everything. She was no longer running from those who judged her, she was running to them.
Those people who look and judge have their own sins, maybe just not as public. Just smile and whisper, “bless their hearts Jesus” and go about living fully in the beautiful redeemed life He’s given you!
I thank God for His grace, He loves me even with my flaws and sin.
Thank you Jesus for today’s post. I suffer from a form of perfectionism, if that’s a word, and it has prevented me from following through on projects that I know God is waiting to bless others through as well as myself. It has caused me to procrastinate and rush the finished product, so consistent reminders placed in strategic places help me to stay out of my head with negative talk and helps me stay focus on the task at hand. Why is it that we block out the positive comments and receive the negative ones? I have to stop with the negative selftalk, thais paralizes me more than any negative comments from others. I thank God that He has gifted you to reach out and share with others that find it hard to either articulate what they are feeling or are to ashamed to admit them for fear of not being perfect. I love your Ministry Renee!
Katrina
I am in alanon which is a program for people affected by alcoholism. We work on ourselves and our own defects of character and this blog post was very relateable for me and to the alanon program and giving “it” all to God. Forgiving ourselves may be one of the hardest things to do.
Thanks
I have been beginning to read A Confident Heart and I feel like I am reading my own journal! I can identify with this book so well! I am definitely wanting to try out the devotional and journal! I allow what others think to cloud my awareness of what my FATHER says about me! I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Thanks for all that you do!
Thank you so much for this timely message for someone learning I don’t have to be perfect.
Boy, have I been walking through this so much in the past two years! I have gone through the loss of a marriage and a complete overhaul of myself in the process as I have laid myself bare before the Lord to let Him work in me through the pain. He has been walking me through becoming free of depending on approval of others. I still struggle…but I am working on depending on Him as my source, my confidence. I want Him to be all I need. I want to see myself as He sees me and to find my value in Him. Your book really helped me quite a bit, and I am hoping to read it again. Thank you for your ministry. I like being real…if I don’t have to be perfect, then those looking at me don’t feel like they have to be either, and it takes a lot of pressure off. We can rely on Him for grace to help us in our weakness.
I was just introduced to your blog today, Renee. I am constantly amazed by how God speaks to us women in our deepest need and then leads us to share our vulnerability with others who need the same hug message. I am that person today (no doubt one of many) who needed to hear this today. I believe wholeheartedly in a God who saves and loves and cares for me, but my fear is overwhelming!! I was recently fired from my job after that job bringing me back to my home town where I desperately want to be and I feel so alone, and so far behind!! In fact I “feel” like a bog fat failure, and then…..I feel guilty for feeling that. I want so many things and I believe they are desires God himself has given me, but there is a wall between me and those things that seems impossible to climb. Will I ever marry? Will I ever be a mother(I just turned 38)? Will I be able to go back to school? Will I find a job? Will I be able to pay my bills between now and then? Lots of questions….and lots of fear…..and I know that is a lack a faith…why is it that I can have unending faith when it comes to others but for me….just fear? I know God is a loving God who wants great things for His children, me included….so how do I truly let go of the fear and trust?
Thank you for providing a place to share…..
Im so glad you found my blog Kimberly, and that God brought you here!! Thank you for sharing your story and your heart! Loving having you here!
My first visit here; I was so moved by the Proverbs 31 Devotional: You are Never Alone! Thank you… I am a wife, mother of 5, homeschooler, tutor, and child of the Living God. I have been surprised by the loneliness I have experienced due to the necessity to remain at home most of the time. I often miss Bible Study or Church due to sick children and recent health issues. I have quite an adventurous spirit and simply did not expect the difficulty of the mundane – it has been one of the most painful tools to holiness, but I (we) am not alone!!!!!! He will never leave me or forsake me – appreciate the reminder! Would benefit from the devotional… God Bless.
Renee just want you to know that God is using your ministry to keep my head above water right now. Thank you for your transparency and willingness to share!
Hello, my name is Hannah. I have recently been through a heart break. Although it would seem miniscule to most, this is my first time. He was my best friend of 7 years and the only boy I knew I could trust. Lately it seems as though my heart is heavy when pain, and rejection. I’ve never felt so unwanted in my entire life. My friend Kaylee has been going through the study of your devotional A Confident Heart, and when I was finally able to talk about all of this with her last week she suggested for the thousandth time that I invest in your book. I must say that I was hesitant and I’m praying so hard right now that God take away some of this pain, but I feel as though your book may be exactly what I need. I know others have it worse than me, and I get that, but it doesnt mean that what I’m going through still isnt hard. I would be more than grateful at a chance to have a copy of your book. Thank you for your time and honesty about life. It seems here lately thats something I look foward to the most, knowing I’m not the only one who is has ever felt this way. Your honesty through out the devotions I have read so far is inspiring to say the least. I dont want to be perfect, I just want to feel whole.
Thank you,
Hannah.
Thank you Renee, a timely word. I am in a hard spot, but it is between “THE ROCK” and a hard place. I too am a people pleaser . In the past 6 week one child came home to spend the time while her sister got married, my son struggle until the end, but succeeded in Graduating from Hi School and get his first job, the one who got married and all the stuff that goes with that project and I have been unemployed and looking for a new adventure in the business world for this empty nester who is turning 55 in August.
I just know that I must trust that GOD is in control of all! I remind myself daily that HE is the only one I am to please and when I fail….HE forgives.
Thank you.
I get up on some days feeling I’ve got the world by the tail ! My husband died and I have spent the last 2 years trying to figure things out that he forgot to tell me before he died. I didn’t even know how to turn on the mower because it was one of those O turn jobbies. I have had to learn to handle the bills because my husband did all that. I have been trying to budget and put back money to no avail. I checked my checking account this morning and sure enough I have gotten overdrawn again! I get paid the first of the month and that is 5 days from now! I don’t know what I am doing half the time. I look forward to going to bed at night so I won’t have to think about it. I know that the Lord does not want me to handle my problems this way and I know he is in control of my life but some days it sure doesn’t feel like it! Any advice?
Ruth
This is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing what a lot of us are afraid to say out loud. Love your posts!
This is something I struggle with daily. Ever since I was a little girl, I have tried to be perfect. Not for myself but for others. I can’t stand to see the people I care about hurting. This has made life so difficult for me. I constantly feel like a failure. At 36 years old, I still seek approval from my parents. I am a mother to 3 amazing daughters. I know I’m a great mom, but everytime they do something wrong, I blame myself. I know I shouldn’t but old habits die hard. Thanks 🙂
Thank you for these words along with the words on the Proverbs 31 website. I am going through a situation right now and needed the reminder that the only opinion that really matters is God’s opinion of me. Thank you for the encouragement!
This really spoke to my heart this morning. Am at a place in my life where I am seeking to be all that God wants me to be. Sometimes I feel that He can’t use me because of my flaws. Trusting God for the TRUTH that He is LORD and that He will perfect those flaws. thank you so much for your devotionals. They help me get through my days.
Thank you for this post. It is so incredibly easy to doubt and just not ‘feel like enough’ in so many areas. I appreciate your reminder that I don’t have to get it all right & I don’t have to be perfect. God’s got this and I need to trust Him completely and live to please Him above all else. I would love to win your book because I could really benefit from or reading it & will be happy to share it with my sister when I’m done with it. Thanks again.