I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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Thank you for this beautiful reminder. I’m a working mom, and right now dealing with an absent husband and a hurting relationship. Trying to hold myself together, my household together and my children together has been more than I can bear. Thank you God for having my back and believing in me!
Wow, this is so relevant to my life right now. I play a sport where teammates can put ridiculously high expectations on others and when I fail to meet them, I feel worthless. I know in Jesus eyes that I’m not worthless, but taking that mindset out on to the track is difficult for me to remember. Each day is about trying to live with Jesus at the forefront, so praise God I can begin a new each time I fail. Thank you for sharing your heart with us in your writing. I can’t wait to read the rest of the book.Blessings.
I thought that being perfect was the way to go i was afraid to make mistakes until it dawned on me that i was so insecure and i doubted myself so much..i couldnt believe that i was good enough but reading about a confident heart chapter 2 was like it was me that Jesus was after.Am thankful because the Lord has used you to reach out to women and see the love that chris has for us and that Jesus sees all my pain and He has been there all along.I pray that i would get the chance to read the whole book and to experience more about the love of Jesus and stop feeling like no one really cares but Jesus really does.Am ready to start a new life of appreciatingg myself and loving me.thank you..God bless you
I have raised two children who are now 23 and 20 and had very little difficulty with them. I also have a 13 year old who is making me doubt my mothering skills. I keep telling myself each child is different and most probably I had these same issues with my older ones but it is a struggle every day to know just what to say so that this child won’t go down a road that doesn’t need to be traveled. I am so afraid I won’t do something right and I will lose this one to the evils of this world. I am trusting that God will protect them and He knows they path they will take. I just pray my child will be perceptive to Him! Thanks for allowing us to get this off of our heart and I pray for those others who are struggling with imperfection. God bless!
I doubt myself all the time, where I am, who I am, what I need, what I don’t need, am I good enough, strong enough, woman enough? How pleasing it is to know that God loves me. He just loves me – no matter what. He just loves me. Wow – that’s a thought that I battle to fathom, or understand, but He just does love me. I don’t need to feel it, I just need to know that its true. Because His word tells me that it is.
I am trying, desperately trying to internalize and fully believe that no matter what, God loves me and is there for me, not to criticize me but to encourage me. I have been a Christian for some 37 years now; I thought as I grew older that my walk with the Lord would become easier. Instead it has become so much more difficult with the death of parents, the rejection and estrangement of a daughter, two heart surgeries of my own, multiple heart medications, the pre-mature loss of a career I loved, and now depression. I hold onto the promise that Jesus is there in the midst of my lonely and imperfect life and that I do have worth and purpose, although right now I don’t feel that is the case. Your blog message today helped me to remember once again that I am not alone is my insecurities; that the One who loved me so much He laid down His life for me is present in my life and cares, even when I don’t feel His presence – and so I place my trust in Him once again, secure in the knowledge that He has a plan admidst all my hurt, sorrow, sadness, and chaos, and then I keep putting one foot in front of the other and face another day – together with Him and His perfect love.
I absolutely love your devotion! It blesses my heart and encourages me so much!
I’ve always had confidence issues! HE is building my confidence and walk with him and with other believers!
Living the truth of today’s posting has reolutionized my life and way of thinking/living – that God’s approval and pleasing Him is all that matters. Thanks for sharing this truth today and I hope that others will live in God’s promises and love and have confidence in their relationship with Him that He’s all we need.
I’m definitely a perfectionist and I am starting to see how this has really held me back all my life. If I can’t do something perfectly (and no one can), then I don’t even want to try. Therefore, I never try. I really want to try anyway, even though I am bound to fail. 36 years of this…it’s time to change.
Your message brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat. But you are right….who wants to be perfect if it means being alone! Thank you for the encouragement and I loved the reminder of what God says…
Because My love for
you is perfect, you
don’t have to be.
Phil 1:6
I help depressed women and your book is like a healing balm to cure those negative thoughts they have.
” Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?”
This sentence resonated soo much in my heart because I am my own worst criticizer. And it is the drive to be perfect for others that wraps me in knots. Perfection and people pleasing is a recipe for discouragement and constant failure along with a puffed up view of self that leaves me critical and judgemental of those around me. The more I’m surrounded by Gods love the more I want to give it to those around me. And His love is perfect…the kind that is selfless and heart filling. A heart full of Gods love makes us grateful and humble and we see ourselves for who we are–imperfect–but made perfect by His love which enables us to pour it out on others rather than pour out criticism. I thank the Lord for His love and pray for more and more to love others. This blog post was such a great reminder to me to fill up on His love instead of criticism.
Being perfect is something I’ve been struggling with for over 10 years. When I make a bad choice, I beat myself up about it. Needing to be perfect is causing me a lot of emotional and spiritual pain. I believe this is something I need to let go of and give it to God. In the meantime, I just keep pressing on, reading the word, and praying. Please keep me in your prayers!
God Bless!
How timely! School may be over but the busyness of summer, with visits and camps and visitors coming and going- I feel overwhelmed and those nagging doubts about my mothering skills start to creep into my consciousness. Jesus is pursuing me, little ol’ me. Let me slow.down and take the time to receive Him. Amen!
Thank you so very much. You wrote this for me. I had over come a lot of my self doubt however the past couple years have been hard. A major incident happened that shook all I knew and made me believe I am a failure, no good……I struggle daily to remember who I once was and I needed the reminder that God meets me where I am. He doesn’t want me to be perfect because of Him I am good enough!! God bless you!!
You don’t have to do all that Tiffany. You just be you!! All that crafty homemade stuff doesnt make anyone better or more Godly. It’s what is in your heart, your desire and willingness to love sincerely, that matter to Jesus. I hardly ever cook breakfast from scratch, but Im great at toasting a bagel and putting butter on it for my boys :)! And forget anything crafty. All I do is get stuck together with that hot goo they call glue!
Just seek Jesus in a relationship and ask Him to show you how to love like He does. I bet He’d do less and be more 🙂
I am in a constant state of not feeling adequate enough or not good enough! I always second guess my parenting skills and hoping I am providing my husbands needs too! Life is hard. I am still trying to hold to the faith that God loves me even with my insecurities. I see crafty moms and feel that I fall short because I’m not crafty. I see wives that cook breakfast and dinner by scratch and I feel like I fall short as a wife. I see women at church doing all kinds of things and I don’t do as much as they do and then I feel like I fall short of gods expectations. I’m steadily doing bible studies, joining small groups, and praying throughout the day. I’m starting to get it, but I still feel that I lack a lot.
It’s such a relief to know we can stop trying so hard, huh? Let’s give God our best and trust Him to fill the gaps for us!
Thank you for such an encouraging word today. This is a good reminder that no matter how hard we try we will never be perfect. Thanks for this great reminder it is just what I needed.
I want to be the best Godly woman I can be in God’s eyes. I want to serve Him in whatever capacity He puts me in. I have a heart for teenagers and for the women of the church. I serve right now in both ministries. I am at a place now where I think it might be time to step down from leading the women. It is so hard to let go. Most of all I do not want to be in His way. I am seeking after a closer walk with Him. I so desire that. I know I am not perfect but I desire to be an encourager to other women. I want to be used of God. Please pray for me.
Pam,
Praying for God to show you His desires for not only serving Him but also seeking Him.
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
Be an encourager Pam. That’s the best gift you can give Jesus and others!