I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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Do you ever feel alone or unnoticed? Need a friend to walk with you and help you see how much you are loved, pursued and created for a purpose? If so, A Confident Heart may be just the book for you!
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I so struggle with self confidence. Hard to forgive myself of my past.
I really enjoyed A Confident Heart, It helped me see myself a little more the way God sees me. I enjoyed it so much that I bought a copy for a supervisor who also struggles with self esteem. I am thinking of leading a ladies bible study at my church on this book, I just need to remember to look at myself in God’s way. I would never be able to do it on my own,
This post is such an encouragement. I’ve battled against perfectionism and control for many years and it is such a great reminder that Christ not only knows what I’m going through but He is sticking with me! Thank you for this post!
I loved your devotional and would love to read your book. I am going through a lot right now. I am pregnant (about 10 weeks) and THOUGHT I had bad morning sickness with my first child. I was completely wrong. I haven’t stepped on the scale since my first doctors appointment a few weeks ago. There’s no need. You can tell by one glance that I am past being malnourished. We have tried everything. I’ve been through 3 different medications, tried everything that worked and didn’t work with the first child, and everything in between. My husband, who I know loves me and would do just about anything for me, is really good and loving at times, but then after a while he thinks I should just miraculously get better. I love him, but its at times like that that I really struggle and have to turn to God to keep my head straight. Cause I really want to put the blame on him and say that he can see what I’m going through so he shouldn’t act like that. But then God told me the other day that yes he can see me but he can’t see inside me and I haven’t always told him just what is going on and how it feels. I also haven’t told him the emotional side of what it is doing to me and how I not only feel like a bad mother, but a bad wife as well.
Thank you Renee your a blessing 🙂
I super love it :))
this book really help me so much..not just to stop doubting my self But to also stop doubting our God
I love the weight which can be lifted from my heart and mind knowing I do not need to be perfect. Society would have us put so much pressure to be the best at everything; but you know what, this is impossible. Someone will always appear better. Also, if we strive for perfection, then we become our own god, so when we screw up (which happens daily) we set ourselves up for disaster. This is part of what causes addictions, denials, and for some, death. At church today I was reminded of Romans 5:8~God demonstrated his love for us, in that while we were still sinner, Christ died for us.
Renee, thank you so much for your prayers, transparency and reminders of Gods truths and promises for us. I just spent a weekend away with a few of my best’ees and it always comes up…..Lord help us to see ourselves as you see us and live as daughters of The Most High King!
I got your devotional as a free book of the day and I love it, sometimes I feel we are the same person, your story about locking yourself in the room with the kids when your husband is gone is so me, lol. I like how your devotional is so down to earth and I can so relate to it. I also like how the verse is often repeated a few times that way it really sinks in.
Thank you for the encouraging reminder. I often get discouraged when my husband is negative about what I haven’t accomplished instead of noticing what I have done. Thank you for the encouragement.
But keep moving towards perfection, because perfection is not a place but a journey. God said to Moses “work with me and be thou perfect “(Genesis 17:1) so its a continues work. you must crave to be perfect and working towards it , don’t stop and say after all no matter what , I can’t be perfect , try to be a better person today than yesterday.
Stop by and read our daily devotional at
http://www.everydaydevotional.com/
Thank you for sharing your heart..
Was the perfect day for me to read this devotion…
I was delighted to find your blog today, June 27. I was reading my daily devotionals including the email I received from Proverbs 31. As it happens many times, the readings meshed perfectly for me. Today’s message went straight to my heart and gave me new energy to face the tasks ahead. Thanks for your comforting words. Please enter me in the drawing for your devotional book. I am very much interested in learning more about your ministry.
When i think I have it all together my world is torn apart by thoughts of self- doubt. Your words on criticize stopped me in my tracks and made me realize that I am ok just as I am. Thank you for changing where my thoughts meed to be focused, not on me but on God.
Reading this this morning was so timely. I was praying this on my way to work and wondering what my purpose is and doubting myself. I didn’t read this on the day it came out but it’s just what I needed to read today. If I don’t win I’m still going to get this devotional because it really is speaking to my heart and what I need right now. Thank you and God bless you.
Reading these words about criticsm, made me think about myself and the affect I may have on my loved one when I am talking to him. Sometimes when you’re trying to get your point across and you’re hurt and frustrated, you have to remember not to kill the other person’s spirit with your words just because you are hurting. I also like the way, you explained that Love is kind, patient and not keeping a record of someone’s wrongdoings. You have to move on and try and grow, the constantly beat the other person up for something that may or may not have happened. It’s difficult when your newly married and you have someone you are married to that is not as emotional or affectionate as you are. These words have truly made an imprint on my way of thinking. Thank you
Just in time when I feel like I failed again.
I read your devotional from the Proverbs 31 website this morning. Thank you for letting God use you to speak to me. I seem to be so sensitive to comments of others and often forget that I only need to please God. I don’t know why it is so hard to hold onto that concept. Thank you for the reminder that I don’t need to be perfect especially in the eyes of others. I only need to strive to please God.
I just started looking today for a devotional or book related to self-esteem and I saw a link to a cross post of one of your blog posts on a friend’s facebook. Your book looks like it could be really helpful to me as I work through some deep-seated issues that need to be uprooted. I’m tired of them often rearing their ugly heads!
Oh Evana. I really get it!! That was me when my boys were toddlers. And now they are teenagers and we adopted a baby 4 years ago so I get another chance. And can I just say, Im not going there again! ALl that comparison and mommy guilt is the enemy’s way of stealing your joy and robbing you of sweet memories and messy-beautiful days God wants to give you and your little one in this season of motherhood.
Please, please, please don’t let Satan win. You are exactly the mom God hand-picked for your child. You don’t need to be like any other mom. Just be the best you that you can be. It’s the most awesome gift you can give your little. Trust me. 🙂
Thank you for this devotional. As a stay-at-home mom of a toddler, Im constantly trying to match myself against every other mom I meet. So much that it is exhausting! I can totally relate to not remembering ten good comments, and the one negative remark. Im hugely grateful for the reminder that I am made exactly the way I should be. God bless you!
Well, thank you for sharing your thoughtful thoughts, at times if sure feels as if its only you that are going throught that, i can relate to it, however i decide to keep at times things inside, in reality i do not friends, i guess it was a process in understanding what GOD wanted from me, to be alone , well thank you for your time! 🙂 GOD BLESS YOU. the article i feel its a great help to relate, one another.
so glad it encouraged your heart and helped you see that YOU ARE NOT ALONE – at all! 🙂
I have and still going through building my confidence in christ. I had four children out of wedlock, I got saved at the age of 14 i am now 27. you can understand the looks, judgements that i receive from other believers in the church.
I am reminded daily of how i’ve sinned, trying to get out there and using my past for good instead of beating myself with it.. is a trying task.
One day at a time….. I know God will see me through.
You are not your past Sheala. You are not your decisions. You are redeemed and created for a purpose only you can fulfill!! I hope you’ll read the story of Sam in John 4 with fresh yes and a open heart, looking to see how she went back to her hometown with her head held high knowing they all knew everything about her – but Jesus did too and His acceptance and grace had changed everything. She was no longer running from those who judged her, she was running to them.
Those people who look and judge have their own sins, maybe just not as public. Just smile and whisper, “bless their hearts Jesus” and go about living fully in the beautiful redeemed life He’s given you!
I thank God for His grace, He loves me even with my flaws and sin.
Thank you Jesus for today’s post. I suffer from a form of perfectionism, if that’s a word, and it has prevented me from following through on projects that I know God is waiting to bless others through as well as myself. It has caused me to procrastinate and rush the finished product, so consistent reminders placed in strategic places help me to stay out of my head with negative talk and helps me stay focus on the task at hand. Why is it that we block out the positive comments and receive the negative ones? I have to stop with the negative selftalk, thais paralizes me more than any negative comments from others. I thank God that He has gifted you to reach out and share with others that find it hard to either articulate what they are feeling or are to ashamed to admit them for fear of not being perfect. I love your Ministry Renee!
Katrina
I am in alanon which is a program for people affected by alcoholism. We work on ourselves and our own defects of character and this blog post was very relateable for me and to the alanon program and giving “it” all to God. Forgiving ourselves may be one of the hardest things to do.
Thanks
I have been beginning to read A Confident Heart and I feel like I am reading my own journal! I can identify with this book so well! I am definitely wanting to try out the devotional and journal! I allow what others think to cloud my awareness of what my FATHER says about me! I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Thanks for all that you do!
Thank you so much for this timely message for someone learning I don’t have to be perfect.
Boy, have I been walking through this so much in the past two years! I have gone through the loss of a marriage and a complete overhaul of myself in the process as I have laid myself bare before the Lord to let Him work in me through the pain. He has been walking me through becoming free of depending on approval of others. I still struggle…but I am working on depending on Him as my source, my confidence. I want Him to be all I need. I want to see myself as He sees me and to find my value in Him. Your book really helped me quite a bit, and I am hoping to read it again. Thank you for your ministry. I like being real…if I don’t have to be perfect, then those looking at me don’t feel like they have to be either, and it takes a lot of pressure off. We can rely on Him for grace to help us in our weakness.
I was just introduced to your blog today, Renee. I am constantly amazed by how God speaks to us women in our deepest need and then leads us to share our vulnerability with others who need the same hug message. I am that person today (no doubt one of many) who needed to hear this today. I believe wholeheartedly in a God who saves and loves and cares for me, but my fear is overwhelming!! I was recently fired from my job after that job bringing me back to my home town where I desperately want to be and I feel so alone, and so far behind!! In fact I “feel” like a bog fat failure, and then…..I feel guilty for feeling that. I want so many things and I believe they are desires God himself has given me, but there is a wall between me and those things that seems impossible to climb. Will I ever marry? Will I ever be a mother(I just turned 38)? Will I be able to go back to school? Will I find a job? Will I be able to pay my bills between now and then? Lots of questions….and lots of fear…..and I know that is a lack a faith…why is it that I can have unending faith when it comes to others but for me….just fear? I know God is a loving God who wants great things for His children, me included….so how do I truly let go of the fear and trust?
Thank you for providing a place to share…..
Im so glad you found my blog Kimberly, and that God brought you here!! Thank you for sharing your story and your heart! Loving having you here!
My first visit here; I was so moved by the Proverbs 31 Devotional: You are Never Alone! Thank you… I am a wife, mother of 5, homeschooler, tutor, and child of the Living God. I have been surprised by the loneliness I have experienced due to the necessity to remain at home most of the time. I often miss Bible Study or Church due to sick children and recent health issues. I have quite an adventurous spirit and simply did not expect the difficulty of the mundane – it has been one of the most painful tools to holiness, but I (we) am not alone!!!!!! He will never leave me or forsake me – appreciate the reminder! Would benefit from the devotional… God Bless.
Renee just want you to know that God is using your ministry to keep my head above water right now. Thank you for your transparency and willingness to share!
Hello, my name is Hannah. I have recently been through a heart break. Although it would seem miniscule to most, this is my first time. He was my best friend of 7 years and the only boy I knew I could trust. Lately it seems as though my heart is heavy when pain, and rejection. I’ve never felt so unwanted in my entire life. My friend Kaylee has been going through the study of your devotional A Confident Heart, and when I was finally able to talk about all of this with her last week she suggested for the thousandth time that I invest in your book. I must say that I was hesitant and I’m praying so hard right now that God take away some of this pain, but I feel as though your book may be exactly what I need. I know others have it worse than me, and I get that, but it doesnt mean that what I’m going through still isnt hard. I would be more than grateful at a chance to have a copy of your book. Thank you for your time and honesty about life. It seems here lately thats something I look foward to the most, knowing I’m not the only one who is has ever felt this way. Your honesty through out the devotions I have read so far is inspiring to say the least. I dont want to be perfect, I just want to feel whole.
Thank you,
Hannah.
Thank you Renee, a timely word. I am in a hard spot, but it is between “THE ROCK” and a hard place. I too am a people pleaser . In the past 6 week one child came home to spend the time while her sister got married, my son struggle until the end, but succeeded in Graduating from Hi School and get his first job, the one who got married and all the stuff that goes with that project and I have been unemployed and looking for a new adventure in the business world for this empty nester who is turning 55 in August.
I just know that I must trust that GOD is in control of all! I remind myself daily that HE is the only one I am to please and when I fail….HE forgives.
Thank you.
I get up on some days feeling I’ve got the world by the tail ! My husband died and I have spent the last 2 years trying to figure things out that he forgot to tell me before he died. I didn’t even know how to turn on the mower because it was one of those O turn jobbies. I have had to learn to handle the bills because my husband did all that. I have been trying to budget and put back money to no avail. I checked my checking account this morning and sure enough I have gotten overdrawn again! I get paid the first of the month and that is 5 days from now! I don’t know what I am doing half the time. I look forward to going to bed at night so I won’t have to think about it. I know that the Lord does not want me to handle my problems this way and I know he is in control of my life but some days it sure doesn’t feel like it! Any advice?
Ruth
This is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing what a lot of us are afraid to say out loud. Love your posts!
This is something I struggle with daily. Ever since I was a little girl, I have tried to be perfect. Not for myself but for others. I can’t stand to see the people I care about hurting. This has made life so difficult for me. I constantly feel like a failure. At 36 years old, I still seek approval from my parents. I am a mother to 3 amazing daughters. I know I’m a great mom, but everytime they do something wrong, I blame myself. I know I shouldn’t but old habits die hard. Thanks 🙂
Thank you for these words along with the words on the Proverbs 31 website. I am going through a situation right now and needed the reminder that the only opinion that really matters is God’s opinion of me. Thank you for the encouragement!
This really spoke to my heart this morning. Am at a place in my life where I am seeking to be all that God wants me to be. Sometimes I feel that He can’t use me because of my flaws. Trusting God for the TRUTH that He is LORD and that He will perfect those flaws. thank you so much for your devotionals. They help me get through my days.
Thank you for this post. It is so incredibly easy to doubt and just not ‘feel like enough’ in so many areas. I appreciate your reminder that I don’t have to get it all right & I don’t have to be perfect. God’s got this and I need to trust Him completely and live to please Him above all else. I would love to win your book because I could really benefit from or reading it & will be happy to share it with my sister when I’m done with it. Thanks again.