I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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I so struggle with self confidence. Hard to forgive myself of my past.
I really enjoyed A Confident Heart, It helped me see myself a little more the way God sees me. I enjoyed it so much that I bought a copy for a supervisor who also struggles with self esteem. I am thinking of leading a ladies bible study at my church on this book, I just need to remember to look at myself in God’s way. I would never be able to do it on my own,
This post is such an encouragement. I’ve battled against perfectionism and control for many years and it is such a great reminder that Christ not only knows what I’m going through but He is sticking with me! Thank you for this post!
I loved your devotional and would love to read your book. I am going through a lot right now. I am pregnant (about 10 weeks) and THOUGHT I had bad morning sickness with my first child. I was completely wrong. I haven’t stepped on the scale since my first doctors appointment a few weeks ago. There’s no need. You can tell by one glance that I am past being malnourished. We have tried everything. I’ve been through 3 different medications, tried everything that worked and didn’t work with the first child, and everything in between. My husband, who I know loves me and would do just about anything for me, is really good and loving at times, but then after a while he thinks I should just miraculously get better. I love him, but its at times like that that I really struggle and have to turn to God to keep my head straight. Cause I really want to put the blame on him and say that he can see what I’m going through so he shouldn’t act like that. But then God told me the other day that yes he can see me but he can’t see inside me and I haven’t always told him just what is going on and how it feels. I also haven’t told him the emotional side of what it is doing to me and how I not only feel like a bad mother, but a bad wife as well.
Thank you Renee your a blessing 🙂
I super love it :))
this book really help me so much..not just to stop doubting my self But to also stop doubting our God
I love the weight which can be lifted from my heart and mind knowing I do not need to be perfect. Society would have us put so much pressure to be the best at everything; but you know what, this is impossible. Someone will always appear better. Also, if we strive for perfection, then we become our own god, so when we screw up (which happens daily) we set ourselves up for disaster. This is part of what causes addictions, denials, and for some, death. At church today I was reminded of Romans 5:8~God demonstrated his love for us, in that while we were still sinner, Christ died for us.
Renee, thank you so much for your prayers, transparency and reminders of Gods truths and promises for us. I just spent a weekend away with a few of my best’ees and it always comes up…..Lord help us to see ourselves as you see us and live as daughters of The Most High King!
I got your devotional as a free book of the day and I love it, sometimes I feel we are the same person, your story about locking yourself in the room with the kids when your husband is gone is so me, lol. I like how your devotional is so down to earth and I can so relate to it. I also like how the verse is often repeated a few times that way it really sinks in.
Thank you for the encouraging reminder. I often get discouraged when my husband is negative about what I haven’t accomplished instead of noticing what I have done. Thank you for the encouragement.
But keep moving towards perfection, because perfection is not a place but a journey. God said to Moses “work with me and be thou perfect “(Genesis 17:1) so its a continues work. you must crave to be perfect and working towards it , don’t stop and say after all no matter what , I can’t be perfect , try to be a better person today than yesterday.
Stop by and read our daily devotional at
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Thank you for sharing your heart..
Was the perfect day for me to read this devotion…
I was delighted to find your blog today, June 27. I was reading my daily devotionals including the email I received from Proverbs 31. As it happens many times, the readings meshed perfectly for me. Today’s message went straight to my heart and gave me new energy to face the tasks ahead. Thanks for your comforting words. Please enter me in the drawing for your devotional book. I am very much interested in learning more about your ministry.
When i think I have it all together my world is torn apart by thoughts of self- doubt. Your words on criticize stopped me in my tracks and made me realize that I am ok just as I am. Thank you for changing where my thoughts meed to be focused, not on me but on God.
Reading this this morning was so timely. I was praying this on my way to work and wondering what my purpose is and doubting myself. I didn’t read this on the day it came out but it’s just what I needed to read today. If I don’t win I’m still going to get this devotional because it really is speaking to my heart and what I need right now. Thank you and God bless you.
Reading these words about criticsm, made me think about myself and the affect I may have on my loved one when I am talking to him. Sometimes when you’re trying to get your point across and you’re hurt and frustrated, you have to remember not to kill the other person’s spirit with your words just because you are hurting. I also like the way, you explained that Love is kind, patient and not keeping a record of someone’s wrongdoings. You have to move on and try and grow, the constantly beat the other person up for something that may or may not have happened. It’s difficult when your newly married and you have someone you are married to that is not as emotional or affectionate as you are. These words have truly made an imprint on my way of thinking. Thank you
Just in time when I feel like I failed again.
I read your devotional from the Proverbs 31 website this morning. Thank you for letting God use you to speak to me. I seem to be so sensitive to comments of others and often forget that I only need to please God. I don’t know why it is so hard to hold onto that concept. Thank you for the reminder that I don’t need to be perfect especially in the eyes of others. I only need to strive to please God.
I just started looking today for a devotional or book related to self-esteem and I saw a link to a cross post of one of your blog posts on a friend’s facebook. Your book looks like it could be really helpful to me as I work through some deep-seated issues that need to be uprooted. I’m tired of them often rearing their ugly heads!
Oh Evana. I really get it!! That was me when my boys were toddlers. And now they are teenagers and we adopted a baby 4 years ago so I get another chance. And can I just say, Im not going there again! ALl that comparison and mommy guilt is the enemy’s way of stealing your joy and robbing you of sweet memories and messy-beautiful days God wants to give you and your little one in this season of motherhood.
Please, please, please don’t let Satan win. You are exactly the mom God hand-picked for your child. You don’t need to be like any other mom. Just be the best you that you can be. It’s the most awesome gift you can give your little. Trust me. 🙂