Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
A Video To Encourage You
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Thank you Jennifer for your words, I too am looking forward to reading this book. It’s not what you know or who you try to be, Christ died on the cross for us, and we are loved unconditionally and need no ones approval. It is about being humble and spending time in his presence, Again thank you for your words.
I so need this as well. I want to be affirmed by who God is and not by other people. It is how he sees me and not how I see me. I see myself as a sinner, flawed. God, on the other hand, sees me as unique, gold, a treasure. Oh just writing this at how he views me gives me God bumps. A refreshing place to be.
😀 “God bumps.” Thanks for sharing, Jeanie! Yes, God sees each one of as unique, gold, treasure. So good to be reminded of this. We must keep this truth in mind. God continue to bless you richly!
I feel the body of Christ is desperately in need of a fresh perspective on God’s love. It seems as though our culture’s values are deeply penetrating what is preached and taught in the church. There is a strong emphasis on performance and on how we are doing as believers. This must grieve the heart of God tremendously.
I loved the unconditional, grace filled perspective of the video and the words spoken. As a counselor, I have many broken Christian clients who feel shame and disgrace before God. Imparting how gracious his love is becomes my spirit filled, joyous challenge to all God brings my way.
Thank you – I look forward to hearing and reading more.
As I read though this I realized you were speaking to me! I am what people would label co- dependent! Another’s approval needed for me to function in my life. As I read through the paragraphs I have decided to help my small group here these words that we are Pre-approved! How precious those words are to my ears. And how precious those words wil be when my group hears them and begins to realize that they are also pre-approved. Thank you for you yes to write this article
It took me forever to realize I didn’t need the approval of others. When you read in scripture how God sings over you it brings about a sense of worth and His approval. I have often been overlooked by others; maybe because of how I was dressed or couldn’t do because of lack of money or for whatever reason. But God sees me for who I am and gives me an approval rating that no one else does. There can be no greater feeling than to know we already have His pre-approval! Could there be anything greater than that?
Thanks for sharing, Phyllis! I like the sentence, “But God sees me for who I am and gives me an approval rating that no one else does.” 🙂 Nothing greater than God’s approval and His great and deep love for us! God continue to bless you richly!
I love your word “God-fidence”!!! I definitely need more of that…can’t wait to read your book!!
I think we do forget that the ‘only’ approval we need is our Lord and Savior’s. Yes, I have had that scary feeling, only to realize, that is was not scary after all!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have recently found myself in a culture of “Keeping up with the Jones’s.” I’m having a hard time keeping myself and my children grounded to what is good and right for us. This was what I needed to read – that I am already “pre-approved” by the One that matters.
This went along with our bible study this week – conforming and transforming. Transforming is not always going to be “easy”. Conforming is a lot “easier”. How do you conform?
I loved this email today…it really resonated in my soul. This is an issue that I have struggled with for years! PRE-APPROVED! I loved it…my word for the day-week-month! I just ordered the book and can’t wait to get it and read it…thank you ladies! You are a blessing to all of us!
Would love to buy the pre-approved necklace…where can we purchase them…what great gifts they would be too for my small group ladies! 🙂
Our God is so good! 🙂
Wow! This message deals with the heart of the matter! How much are lives would be transformed if we truly believed this in every part of our being and blessed others with this message… I hope I have the opportunity to do so.
Loved the term “God-fidence.” That is what I need. I also like the concept of His pre-approval trumping what the world thinks. Would love to win a copy of your book Jennifer, but in any case-Good work!:)
Wow! Not too long ago, I wrote a sign that said “Not Enough.” That’s how I was feeling that day. Rejected by loved ones and friends and, sometimes, even my parents. It’s good to know I’m not alone and that it doesn’t matter how I feel. I’m accepted, chosen, and ENOUGH!!! Would love to win this book!
I’m so looking forward to reading this book! It could not have come at a more opportune time in my life!
I was touched by the message! Thank you so much Jennifer for sharing. Reminding us that we are enough in in God-fidence! is something we need to hear and think about and speak out loud all day everyday.
Thank-you!
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
The last part of this paragraph,… “We will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing .”
This really stood out to me! For over a year I had been working out trying to get my body back after having children. During this process a door opened that was a dangerously slippery slope. As in my younger years I felt validated or approved if men found me attractive. As I have been getting back in shape I looked for some signs if other men thought I was attractive. (My husband is great! always encourages me and tells me how good I look, but that wasn’t enough. )The thoughts that came to mind to just know if someone else found me attractive was scary ! Knowing what was in my heart i never went to the gym alone . I promised myself I would never talk or flirt with the idea . Last night God revealed to me this was an idol in my life and very unhealthy. I had been struggling with this for over a year and always wondered what the root of it was. I confessed my sin and I ask that God would help me be completely satisfied in His and my husbands affection and approval.
Thank you for your honesty, Kristy. Praying with, and for you, that you indeed become completely satisfied with God’s great and deep love for you, His and your husband’s approval alone. Praise God your eyes have been opened to this. Praying that Holy Spirit will strengthen you in your inner man to keep your eyes, heart and mind fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith. In Jesus’ Matchless Name, Amen!
I so appreciate your honesty and vulnerability, Kristy.
I immediately thought of my own daughter and the decisions she’s made. Then I thought of myself and my struggles wondering what others would think. How would I feel. I struggle daily with doing the right thing in a secular job. As a Christian I want to stand up for what is morally correct, but in order to be accepted/not rock the boat at work, I sometimes have to keep my mouth shut.
I’d love to read the book.
this used to be me… worried about being the best at my job, popular with my friends, always on the go doing something to look like i was the popular fun cool girl… it took me meeting my husband, praying daily to God, and having faith that i am always good enough for my God…seeing this book reminded me immediately of the song i used to sing as a child – His Banner Over Me is Love… for me it took 45 years to actually understand what that actually means…that God created me in His image and loves me NO MATTER WHAT.. I am PREAPPROVED!! Love the necklaces too… Thanks for sharing both the book and your creativity with all of us…
The first time I saw this video I was in the midst of the hardest times of my life as a pastor’s wife. People were on a mission to point out our “not enoughs” and I was struggling to keep from believing they were right. This video and Jennifer’s blog became a life line for me. I was able to keep the truth of God’s approval of me in my heart and weathered the storm. I am so grateful for Jennifet’s life-giving message that I am pre-approved for the calling God has in my life.
Sending you love across the miles, Statia!
As I think through this, I am reminded how often I strive for acceptance. Always trying to say, do and even write the correct thing. I wear down in communicating with people; so I avoid people at times. Maybe I am tired from trying too hard to be accepted. Thank you for the reminder that I am already accepted by the only One that really matters.