Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
A Video To Encourage You
The book looks like something that we should all read. The necklaces are so pretty and send a good message!
This article really spoke to my heart when I read “if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.” I have been avoiding taking on roles at our new church out of fear. Fear I might do things differently or not well enough and be rejected. But I have stepped up to the plate and am attempting some things that place me outside my comfort zone. After reading this I feel like with God’s help we can Knock it out of the park so to speak. It doesn’t matter if I do things differently as long as do what God has placed in my heart, His way, then I am a success in the only eyes that matter – His.
Thank you for sharing your story and thank your daughter for having an obedient spirit, she is an inspiration to me and I am sure to many others.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder of God’s love for us – that it is solely based in what Christ did for us and not what we can do for Him or others! Our worth has already been assigned to us through His sacrifice and Christ’s actions. Why is it then that we seek so much approval from others?? A large blog following, approval of our new haircut or new outfit? This world has drilled into us the notion that we have to live up to something. Everything. God’s truth reminds us that these are lies Satan uses to make us feel less than. Looking forward to reading your book and sharing with others!
Your “no” must have been a very difficult admission to make and then to write about, but thank you for doing it. We would all be braver, I think, if we were reminded of the grace that is ours when we fail.
First, kudos to your daughter…what courage that took!!! Second, kudos to you for the obvious virtues you are teaching her. Finally, thank you for sharing her and your story with us.
It is so much easier sometimes to say ‘no’ than it is to face our fear. Facing those fears is not only scary due to the thing we are afraid of, but it also brings to the forefront our fear in our relationship with God…and that’s even scarier.
At times, we all need little reminder that we are ‘pre-approved’ and you did a great job filling that order today…keep it coming!
I am afraid of failure…failing my children, my husband…because I feel like a failure…I am afraid of not measuring up to being smart enough for my husband…that someone will come along and snatch him away because she is smarter, prettier, etc…that my children still blame me for the divorce, especially since I was the one that left their dad…those insecurities are hard to reign in sometimes…I know this sounds absurd for someone who is 49, and remarried now for almost 16 years, but I feel that way…and there is a long story behind this feeling of course as there is with each of us…we all have a story of where we came from, of things we have endured in life, just things…and I guess that goes into not being good enough for God either…failing Him when I need to be doing what He wants me to do or setting the example He wants me to set…with that being said, and not really necessary, the book sounds like it could be a help for many, myself included…
We all are pre-approved, created in His image…this reminder I needed…
Hi, Deborah: I pray that you will be able to find total, complete rest in God, who He says you are, and what He requires of you. Always be reminded His love for you is great and deep, and as we are being reminded, in Him we are enough! Let’s look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, and cling tightly to Him!
Deborah … Your comment touched a tender place in my heart this morning, and I want you to know that you are being prayed for today, by this farm wife in northwester Iowa. Praying that you can rest in the sure hands of Jesus, and the God who gives you your identity. Preapproved, friend, Preapproved. Keep preachin’ that Gospel truth to your own precious heart!
Ah! This is awesome! Approve PHOBIA ! Everyone goes through this. But our God overlooks this PHOBIA and frees us from this by approving us as we are though e go to HIM without going to a beauty parlor to make ourselves very presentable. Love this thought you have shared.
I want every single person to know this & understand our AWESOME GOD!
I like this thought you shared: “…go to Him …to make ourselves very presentable.” Selah! Stop and think of that! What more could we want to be presentable as our God defines presentable? Thank you for sharing this. Never thought of it as “Approve PHOBIA!” 🙂
Fantastic article. God’s love for us encourages me to love more.
The Spirit moves in so many ways, so encouraging to see that he moves us & our kids also:) Book souds great, always working on not obsessing about what others may or may not think about me:)
Thank you so much, I’ve always struggled with wanting approval from others. I’d LOVE to win this book!
It’s a huge blessing to know that I don’t have to ‘do’ anything to earn God’s love, because we can never be or do enough to earn it anyway. This sounds like a great book! I’d love to be able to read it & share it with others.
I also struggle with doing the right thing even when it’s scary, but I want to model the way for my 16-year-old daughter so she can see me exhibiting the “God-fidence”, and can hopefully have it too.
Its so awesome to know HIs Banner over Me Is Love!!!
As I read through Jennifer’s statements about being preapproved, I realized that I had never thought of God’ love in that way. This is such a liberating feeling for me to know that I only need to know of His approval for me and to not need affirmation from anyone else. God’s preapproval is like being surrounded and protected, and as long as I know that He approves of me, no one else can come against me.
It is wonderful to think that the God who created the heavens and the earth loves me and that I matter to Him! I love the thought of being PRE-approved! Thank you for this devotional and the beautiful reminders that we are loved. The necklace is a lovely sentiment.
Thank you dear friend. His banner over me is love. I need the reminder I don’t need others approval because I have Jesus:). Please enter me in the drawing!
I so wish I knew HIM then….now that I know about My Savior, I do not need anyone’s approval. And that is what I am trying to teach my kids.
Just to have Jesus in their lives and that HIS love is sufficient!!
I don’t know where to begin. He is my rock and my salvation yet I try to make others happy and ensure that I am approved by them. Why? I know he loves me, I know he died for my sins – why can’t I get my heart to let go and know that he is all I need – I need to realize that I am preapproved by him, for him and because of him! Thank you for that!
Wow, what a question, Tonyia! “…why can’t I get my heart to let go and know that He is all I need. . . ” i ask that. I know in my head, but it seems my heart is not totally convinced. “get my heart to let go” is a good thought. May God help to totally let of go in our hearts of what is not of our loving Heavenly Father, and cling tightly to Him, His truth, and His great and deep love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
From the very start of my life… as far back as I can remember… I was trying to get people to approve of me… And it never was any good… because I was always hurting, not pleasing… somebody… but mostly me… I have had a real bad struggle trusting God… well something has came up this week that I have to learn to love and trust him more and more… Not look at the world.. but keep my focus on the one who created me.. He knows what is going on… He is already there.. Please just keep me and my health situations…. in your prayers… Thanks you so much
Thank you so much for this reminder. We are going through a tough time financially right now and it is easy to focus on the negative. The good thing is that I have a Father that loves me and has a plan for us. I will keep praying and expecting good things to happen. 🙂 Can’t wait to read this book!
I know in my head that I’m preapproved. I want to know it in my heart & live life out of that fact.
The word ‘audacious’ stuck with me. I’ve done things that are very audacious for furthering the Kingdom and then gone back and kicked myself that I stepped out wrongly and made big time mistakes that are going to be bad news. It was helpful to realize that I am not stepping out audaciously for the approval of others. I’m pre-approved by God!
I felt the same way the author did when I was asked to teach our Sunday School class at church. Even though our church is small and I knew everyone; I was still scared and nervous about whether or not they would like my lessons. I prayed over the decision until God finally made me realize it wasn’t about me at all. Everyone was just glad I did it and they all thanked me every week after class. I can do anything with God!
What struck me was the banner over me is NOT “Try Harder” or “Prove Yourself”. I have struggled with this most of my life and an emotionally/mentally abusive marriage and toxic, destructive divorce process has only reinforced my so-called unworthiness to me. Just love seems such a radical proposition! Just as I am. Preapproved. I will need some time to have this message sink in. Thank you so much for this post today!
Sounds like a wonderful book. I know what it is to be scared but still say YES to God and the blessings that come with it. But sometimes still allow my fears to get the best of me. Hope to grow in this area and be more God minded and less intimidated and fear minded.
“Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. ” Boom!! That speaks volumes into this woman’s heart!! Wow!! Shared on my FB page 🙂 Not sure how to post the actual link, but here’s my page.
https://www.facebook.com/patricia.kettellcordell
What a beautiful and wonderful reminder!
I really need to hear this! I will liking to buy this book if I don’t win it
Sometimes when a thought pops into my mind, which is most likely the Holy Spirit, it’s easy to dismiss it because I am too fearful or I think it’s not a good idea. This quote of Jennifer’s spoke to me…”if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.”
I never thought of that this way! It made perfect sense. I am pre-approved. So now when I’m doubting anything that may come my way then I need to remember that He who loves me says that I am ok! I really needed to hear this today!
“if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.”
This. I was just telling God how “no” feels so much safer than “yes”. Even though I know the opposite is true: nothing is safer than my yes to God. Perfectly nestled in His arms & walking His will is my safest place.
I want to win ☺️
I always feel fearful when I have to speak in front of my peers. But I have stepped out of my comfort zone over the last couple of years. God has called me to be a small group leader for my church. Each week I feel less than qualified to share with the wonderful ladies that God has brought to the group. But He has been so faithful. He helped me to find a wonderful friend to co-lead with me, and has given me words to help and encourage and teach. He has also taught me so much. It’s hard to step out in fear, but the rewards are so wroth it!!
Sometimes its just so hard to realize i am HIS. The world has told me i am worthless and no good, yet God tells me he loves me. Thank You Lord!
Wow…I thank you for convicting me! I am not a very outgoing person but my life and the life of my family has been and continues to be a story that needs to be told…not because I want fame (believe me I run from the thought), but because I may have something that speaks to the hearts of others. Often asked…usually quiet… Forgive my fear … let me feel the unconditional “pre-approved” review of my Father.
Thank you for speaking truth
Pre-approved….not always easy to wrap your head around that one!! Not ‘perfect’ or ‘finished’ just approved, chosen, loved, accepted as we are…..knowing we can be so much more and tenderly leading us in that direction!
I love the reminder that our search for significance does not depend on accomplishments or opinions of others! Only that I am a daughter of the KING and my self-worth is found only in the love, acceptance, and forgiveness of Christ. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that or feel that way in daily life.
I have signed up for these blogs as I way to reconnect with God. I grew up in a Christian home and ran far away when I turned 17. I am now 34 and trying to get my stuff together for my daughters. I feel that I am struggling with unwillingness to follow his commands due to addictions, habits, and my controlling ways. I have been forcing myself to read all of these blogs and emails, hoping that I will feel connected again. I thank you very much for this post! It is very encouraging and helpful!
When I take my eyes off of me and them and focus on Christ and His finished work I can have “God-fidence”. I don’t have to do the toiling (work harder, do better, missed the mark, etc). Believe what God has said about me.
Thank you for your words of truth and encouragement
“When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.”
This resonates with me so deeply because it is something I am struggling with right now. I have put myself in between a rock and a hard place paralyzed by the decision on whether to quit my job where I am not fulfilled and pursuing my passions and purpose full time and letting go of the “security” I think I have in my job. I really need a breakthrough…. I don’t know what it’s going to take… I am so afraid of making the wrong decision I haven’t made one at all…
Such a great reminder! I need this everyday!
What resonated the most with me is I too feel like if I say Yes, God may have wanted it but people might not. I let my fear of being approved of or not affect my obedience to God. I pretend to not care what others think about me but I actually care a whole lot. I think every one does. The difference between us all is whether or not we are brave and say yes anyway.
Because I am His, I am approved, loved, and valued. This truth means the world to me. Daily I have to cling to this truth and its implications for me. Thank you for sharing these encouraging words.
I loved this line, “the moment we stop fussing about how it will all turn out, is the moment we start living for God” (sorry if this wasn’t totally correct, it was from memory as I write). This is so true, when we finally learn to trust God to get it all right, we fix our eyes on Him and not the problem. Then and only then, can we rest in Him.
I so love that we are “pre-approved”!
Blessings!
Yes Lord I hear you, loud and clear!!! I need this book!
Thank you for these beautiful words and video. So beautiful and powerful. Over three years ago, I endeavored to share with women their worth in Christ through a powerful biblical study, such as this. I was heeded by “a friend” that if I proceeded, I would fail. That person instilled fear in me…fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of looking foolish. I prayed long and hard. I said “yes” because of words like that was shared with me to trust God and His approval. It was a moment I started living for God and God started living through me. I have seen lives transformed as a result. It would be my honor and joy to share this material and testimony with others.
Thank you so very much for sharing this today.. I have had and still have a hard time with thinking people don’t like me or don’t approve of the things I do. It even happens with church things. I help with our youth and sometimes I feel like I am being judged because I don’t do things their way. In love these words, ” I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!”. These are words I need to speak daily.
what an encouraging word-thank you! so much of my life has been wasted trying to gain approval by others. when you sit and ponder that the fact of the matter is, my only audience in the Living God it sure makes life less stressful and exhausting and my heart wants that much more to please Him with my life. I realize my walk of faith is not determined by my works but when God gives me a word, i need to give Him my very best. Your daughter’s testimony speaks so clearly to me, what a great example for all of us to pattern after. Thank you for sharing. This will be a great illustration to share with the preteens at church. thank you again! <3
Thanks so much for a much needed reminder! 🙂
I am complete in Christ! I need to remind myself of the Truths that are in God’s Word on how I am one with Christ! I am preapproved!
Yes, Ma’am, Sherri! I need to remind myself of those things, too. Let’s Cling to Jesus, God’s great and deep love for us, and Their precious promises/truths for us. Thank you for sharing.
Sorry I misspelled your name. I should have looked a little more closely. 🙂
I need to daily, no minute by minute!nto,keep my eyeshot Jesus!! Trusting what HE says about me!!