Ever longed for other’s approval? Does the spin cycle of affirmation-seeking sometimes leave your heart wrung out? Today, I’ve invited my beautiful friend, Jennifer Lee Dukes, author of Love Idol, to sit with us for a while and share how we can live free from our need for approval – knowing we are already preapproved:
My 10-year-old daughter decided a few weeks ago to cut ten inches off of her hair and donate it to an organization that makes children’s wigs.
She didn’t tell me her plan until we were a few minutes away from the hair salon. I had assumed she would be asking for a half-inch trim.
It seemed like a rash decision to me, but Anna assured me that she’d thought it through.
“I’ve had this in mind all summer,” she said resolutely from the back seat of our car. “I want to donate my hair. Because it would mean a lot to me if I lost my hair and someone donated theirs to me.”
But what Anna didn’t tell me was this: She was secretly afraid that she’d hate her new hairstyle. She didn’t share that piece of information with me until after the ten inches had been snipped.
Despite her fears, she went through it. Because, inside her small self, she apparently knew this truth about a life of faith:
if you never risk the scary thing to do the right thing, you’ll miss the chance to be a part of the God Things.
In the end, she told me, she actually does love her new haircut. (And I do, too.) But that wasn’t the point. That was never the point.
The truth is:
Doing the right thing isn’t always the beautiful thing, and it might not be the popular thing. But if we set out in our life, only to be liked or applauded in this life, we will compromise anything, and thus, achieve nothing.
I don’t write these words as a way to publicly pat my daughter on the back.
I tell you this story because her actions have something to teach any of us who have been scared to say “yes” when God calls us to do something that feels scary.
I’m not proud to say that there have been times when I have said “no,” out of fear.
That happened a few months ago, when someone from a large Christian women’s conference asked me to speak at an event. I felt in my spirit that God might be telling me to say “yes,” but I was too terrified to follow through. I had never spoken to a crowd that large before.
So I told the conference organizer, “no.” Out of fear.
You want to know what made my “no” even more absurd? I had written a book called Love Idol a few months earlier, encouraging women to give God their yeses, even when they’re scared!
With my “no,” I had contradicted my own advice.
Thanks be to God, He gently guided me back to the truth. And a few weeks later, I gave my “yes” to another conference planner, despite my trembling heart over whether people would approve of me.
Most days, I know the truth about who I am. I know that I have nothing to prove and that in Christ I am already approved – pre-approved!
When I remember that, I can say yes with more “God-fidence” despite my fears.
Those yeses are important. Because the moment we stop fussing over how it will all turn out, is the moment we start actually living for God. Only then can we fearlessly love our neighbors, lead a Bible study, talk into a microphone, pray out loud, stand up for our beliefs, fight for the underdog, speak truth in love, write a book, or take audacious risks for the Kingdom.
We can give our voice, our story, our love. Our yes!
Even our hair.
His Banner Over You is Love.
The value of your yes isn’t adequately measured by the response of those who are watching. Worth isn’t measured by virality or Facebook shares. It is measured by a God who declares us incalculably worthwhile, and immeasurably loved.
When we know who we really are — approved and loved by Christ — we are no longer held back. We are free. Because we know we are His.
Not because we are viral. Or invited. Or magazine-cover-beautiful. Or applauded at the annual meeting.
But because we are His.
His banner over you doesn’t say, “Prove yourself” or “Try Harder” or “Go Viral.” His banner over you isn’t a sales report or a Facebook share.
His banner over you is simply this –
LOVE.
You don’t have to earn anyone’s love anymore. Believe this: That you are already God’s beloved.
Enter to Win
What resonated with your heart as you read Jennifer’s thoughts about being preapproved?
Share Your Thoughts and ENTER to WIN a signed copy Jennifer’s book, Love Idol, and a custom PreApproved necklace. Jennifer is giving away three book & necklace gift sets.
Jennifer Dukes Lee is a storyteller and grace dweller. She is author of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need For Approval—and Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes. She and her husband are raising crops, pigs and two humans on a farm in Iowa. Read more at JenniferDukesLee.com.
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Oh, how I needed to read this today! Thanks for the opportunity to win!
Beautiful words filled with truth that I so desperately need to remember. Thank you and God bless!
It is so nice to have it said that we are preapproved and that we don’t need anyone else but Jesus. As women we all struggle so very much with being approved – do we have the right clothes on, are we saying the right things, are we acting the right way? I started a new job in July and for the first couple of months, I struggled terribly to be accepted. After quite a few tears, one day after reading a post, it hit me that I didn’t need these women to accept me. I have been accepted and after that, the job was easier. There are still days that I have to remind myself that some of the things that they do don’t bother me, but I remind myself that Jesus does love me wholeheartedly and that is really all I will ever need.
Love this…your sweet girl did something BRAVE. Oh how God is teaching us everyday through the every day moments…so many times through our children.
God’s love for us is greater than we can comprehend. We have to embrace the concept and share His love with those we come in contact with.
Doing what is right even when it may hurt or we may have fear. God is near!
As a woman and it started as a young girl I was always striving for my dad’s approval, which came in the form of “spankings” as I wasn’t good enough. Then when I married I strived again for his acceptance which came in the form of physical abuse that I thought for years was the only way to get his love and attention. It took most of my life to come to Jesus and realize that I didn’t have to strive or do things that I knew in my heart were wrong to get approval from the World – My Lord and Savior loves me just as I am – baggage and wrong choices. I had his acceptance, all I had to do was say Yes to Him and from that point forward I was forever approved and loved by Him and nothing else matters. 🙂 Thank you so much for this post. Love and blessings.
Oh Debbie. My heart aches to hear all that you’ve endured. And it rejoices to hear how God completely transformed your life. Thank you for sharing, sister.
That God helps us through our Yes and No’s. We just have to jump through the fear and accept that He will provide us the way.
I remember the first time I really trusted God to be with me the first time I ever stood in front of my congregation to speak. I was so painfully shy, so introverted. But when we die to self in order to live in Jesus, we are born into a whole new countenance. Praise his ways!
We all have banners hanging over us. For the better part of my life the banner that hang over me was shame…insignificant…damaged. But in 2004 I got saved and I never get tired of being reminded that He has replaced all my other banners with Love. And the “preapproved” message is powerful too. Because I didn’t have to jump through all the hoops anymore….there was no need or any way tomearn. It was simple. Pre-approved. That says it all.
Hi, Leanna. Thank you for the reminder of other banners over our lives being replaced by His banner of love. That calls for some time with God asking what banners need to be removed that should have been removed long ago. Whew! God continue to bless you richly!
When we totally trust and have faith, the real treasure will be found at the end of the road.
What an amazing act of courage of your daughter, and what an example. I know that I say NO a lot out of fear so would love to win your book and learn from it. Thank you!
I loved today’s devotion and what an amazing reminder!! I constantly seek the approval of others and I have to remind myself that I only need the approval of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour. HE loves me and ACCEPTS me unconditionally!!
I wrote the quote, “In Christ, I have nothing to prove, I am PREAPPROVED!!!
God Bless you, and thank you for all you do to enrich His Kingdom
Peggy
Thank you for your encouraging messages! I have really never felt good enough for anything or anyone, but I am learning thru your messages and prayer that God loves me unconditionally and I can do nothing to change that! The necklace says it all, it is beautiful, I would purchase it if it were available to do so.
Thank you for the reminder that each of us need each day.
It’s important to remember whose we are and that we really are playing to an audience of 1! Thank you
Thank you for sharing these truths! I am struggling with my own affirmation of what I can and can’t do. Am I holding myself back from something greater that God has in store for me? Is it because I am scared that I may fail? These are two questions I am constantly asking myself. I need to take that leap of faith and fully trust God and His plans for my life. I would love to read this book and share it with my 3 daughters. Wouldn’t if be wonderful if I started a bible study with my girls?
I really liked how Jennifer reminded us that God’s banner over us is love. His love is the greatest gift of all. I try to remind my children that they have an audience of One. They only need to do things that are pleasing to God, the One. We only should strive for His approval.
Loved this. It’s so easy for me to look to the results, to the glitz and/or approval of others. I so want to read your book! Thank you for this post.
I loved hearing that my banner does not say “try harder”. Try harder is what I tell myself. God’s banner over me says “Loved”.
What peace and joy I find in that.
Thanks for your post!
I like that Amy. 🙂 “…my banner does not say “try harder.” True! Thank you. God continue to bless you richly!
Lots of days I have to struggle with being confident in the Lord it’s on going battle each day.
What a wonderful reminder that we get our worth from God and not from all these other worldly things around us that vie for our attention. It’s taken me years to get there and some days I fall back but it’s reminders like this that help put me back on course.
Can’t wait to read the book!!!